Confused, boyfriend unsure about my kids

[607rst]

I started dating my boyfriend a year and a half ago. He was a 40 year old man who had never been married and did not have any children. I have 2 children ages 5 and 8, and on our first date he stated in conversation that he didnt have kids because he did not want any kids and wasnt really a kid person. I had just recently got out of a 15 year marriage and wasnt interested in involving my kids in any dating so the statement did not bother me and i continued to date this man. We continued to date for a year and spent 3 evenings a week together when my children were with their father. It started to concern me after the first year that he had no intentions and had never even met my children. He didnt ever discuss the future with me. After 14 months i confronted him and told him to choo

se to either be willing to involve my kids in our relationship or break up with me. He told me i knew his feelings from day one and broke up with me. Niether one of us was happy with this as we loved each other so after about a week we chose to continue to see each other as "friends". The next 4 months we continued to have a relationship exactly as it was before i confronted him except he no longer said i love you and did not refer to me as his girlfriend. I was very confused and did not know where i stood. About a month ago, i came into contact with an old boyfriend from years ago, he asked me out and i didnt know what to say as i wasnt sure what i currently had. Over the next week i asked my friend/boyfriend things about our future, if he ever saw us living together/ if he ever intended on meeting my kids? was i even his girlfriend? i was given responses like you know better and it sounds like you need to find someone who can meet all your needs. after this i got frustrated and decided to go on a date with this old boyfriend. I felt bad and told him i did, he was very upset,we talked and he still stated he wasnt interested in being involved with my kids or living with me because i had kids. Over the last few weeks things have been very emotional i went on 2 more dates with this other man and my ex has been very upset we have spent many many hours talking, crying, he told me literally over 100 times he didnt want toget to know my kids but that he loved me so much, etc etc etc. Now he most recently decided that maybe he might be willing to be meet my kids and be involved and eventually live with me. i told this man i dated a few times, i wanted to give my ex a chance as a was very much in love with him and wasnt going to talk to him anymore. Then when i sat down to talk to my ex he proceded to tell me that he wanted to have us spend two weeks completely apart from each other, no dating anyone else becuase he felt he was becomeing extemely posessive of me and wanted to see what his feelings were after spending 2 weeks apart, after that he would decide whether he wanted to move forward with involving my kids or not. i am very frustrated an dont know what to do or think, i know this man genuinely loves me and is not intending to hurt me but he wont even give me a feeling of where he is at with us moving forward. i dont know whether i should wait, it has been extreemly emotional waiting and the unknown, or just work torward getting over him.

[annie24]

I would forget the guy who is so wishy washy about your kids. They deserve better, so do you. Best to cut ties, and date men who want to be a stepfather.

[Justme3]

Don't wait for him to make a decision about your life. You make the decision for yourself and your kids. You tell him your expectations of him, and if he can't meet your expectations then he needs to go. You need to do what's best for you and your kids.

[Fudgie]

He made his feelings known from the start. I don't know why you're surprised.

 

I'm sorry but you could have prevented this yourself.

 

If you want a stepfather for your kids, then only date men who want to be stepfathers.

[DN]

I agree with Fudgie, I am afraid that you have brought this situation on yourself. He was very cler from the first and seems to be happy with the state of the relationship as it was before you started pushing about your children.

 

Clearly you want more than he will give but I don't see him as a bad guy here.

[Unreasonable]

I dunno. As soon as a deal breaker like that showed up, I'd stop seeing a person immediately, or else why waste your energy? I'd feel bait and switched if I were him honestly.

 

I'm not a prophet or anything, but my gut says he may try to involve your kids in order to placate you, but will harbor some deep-seated resentment over the long haul. I'd advise cutting him loose and find someone that likes kids.

[Ms Darcy]

He made his feelings clear from the get-go. Time to let him go.