JT4266 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 I've been dealing with some anxiety recently and as a result I discussed starting Prozac with my doctor. I went ahead and got an Rx a few weeks ago and began taking it. At the same time I never said anything to my girlfriend of 4 months - I suppose I wasn't sure if I would really begin taking them as I don't want to be on medication and I was embarrassed about it. About a week after a began taking it she talked about how she would take it for her PMS and how it helped her and I still remained silent. I have told her I took anti-depressants in the past. Fast forward to today and we were having a discussion about something and about honestly and I came out and told her about my taking them. Needless to say she is hurt. She feels lied to and deceived. Hurting matters is that she has been through an abusive relationship where her ex hid his use of drugs from her. Making the situation worse is that in a previous relationship I had cheated on my ex in a long term relationship. I told my gf this a month in to our relationship to be honest with her. She is really upset. And I can understand why - I wasn't honest. It brings up both of our past situations and where I know that I would never put myself or my significant other in a situation like I went through in the past its the kind of thing that where if I lied to her about this how can she trust me. She doesn't want to get hurt and has trouble trusting and letting people in and now I've made what was a good situation into one where she is questioning our relationship. I have apologized and explained myself but I don't know if it matters. I don't think this should be something that is a major hurdle but I can see her side. Any thoughts are appreciated for perspective. Link to comment
camus154 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Tell your girlfriend to get over herself. You don't owe it to her to inform her immediately that you began taking a prescription drug, and she should be understanding about why you didn't want to say anything at first. She's making it all about her. Don't let her. Link to comment
El0t Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 It's not like you're addicted to them and have been on them for months hiding it behind her back. If she has a problem with it, just let her know that you didn't know if you were going to stay on them. Not necessary to tell her right away. Link to comment
Centi Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 ^^ This. Did you explicitly say you weren't taking any? If not, then there was an omission, but at 4 months, that isn't necessarily something that HAS to be brought up. It's a personal matter. That being said, I don't know how close you two actually are. Either way, she should be happy that you were finally comfortable enough to share. Her reacting like this really only reinforces you not wanting to share with her. Just my .02 Link to comment
allielynn Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Wow. seriously? This isn't about "her". it's about you and your need to handle your anxiety. She isn't your wife, and she isn't your master. She has no control of your body. You shouldn't need her approval to begin prescription meds. Tell her that you didn't lie to her, and you weren't sure how taking the medication was going to make you feel. Tell her that when you were comfy you let her know what was going on. And tell her that it isn't about her--and she needs to grow up and back off. Link to comment
ApocalypseDreams Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Agree with all of the above. Especially this... Either way, she should be happy that you were finally comfortable enough to share. Her reacting like this really only reinforces you not wanting to share with her. Link to comment
JT4266 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Share Posted December 10, 2012 Its not about the fact that I'm taking them at all - just that we had a discussion about that type of stuff and I didn't tell her. She is having a severe reaction to this, feeling I lied by omission and questioning our relationship. We were supposed to go see a concert tonight and she is saying she wants to not go and be on her own. Link to comment
camus154 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Its not about the fact that I'm taking them at all - just that we had a discussion about that type of stuff and I didn't tell her. She is having a severe reaction to this, feeling I lied by omission and questioning our relationship. We were supposed to go see a concert tonight and she is saying she wants to not go and be on her own. Seriously? She's acting like a child. This should be a red flag for YOU. Maybe you're better off not being with a woman who acts like this. I say invite a friend for the concert tonight and let her go pout on her own. Link to comment
stingray885 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 I agree with all of the above comments, but the bigger question to ask is- If you have told her you have taken them in the past for your condition, and SHE has taken them for a thing like PMS herself, then why is she making such a big deal about it? Lets all be honest here- The USA is the most anti-depressant medicated in the country- bar none. Its that big a deal anymore. If you have an anxiety issue and you need to take them. Its not a stigma, and she shouldnt give you a hard time about it. not to mention its your health thats at stake. I used to take zoloft for a spell when it was thought i was diagnosed with depression, until it turned out it was thyroid issue making me feel depressed. For a while I kept that to myself, but i really dont think its a big deal anymore. Just set her straight and dont let that issue get in the way. Be assertive about it and dont feed into her objections. Squash it immediately and move on to more important things. If she is a rational caring person, shell get the point. Link to comment
allielynn Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 BUT SHE'S STILL MAKING IT ABOUT HER. It's not. Do you also have to tell her every time you use the restroom, or it will be a lie of omission? How about what you were wearing that day? This is a seriously controlling attitude... she has no right to ask you,a fter 4 months, to disclose those kinds of details. I'm sorry... tell her you aren't lying to her, but it didn't come up in conversation before now, and you told her when you felt ready. If she can't accept that, she isn't adult enough for a relationship. Link to comment
ApocalypseDreams Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Wow. Camus is right. She's acting like a child. You didn't tell her you were taking an antidepressant? So what! It's none of her business! They aren't illegal drugs and they are a private matter. Link to comment
JT4266 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Share Posted December 10, 2012 Well a few things....we've both made an effort to be open and up front with each other. Even though its 4 months we've been incredibly close. And she says that I told her specifically I wasn't on them and that I lied to her. I don't remember it exactly that way. Its about the lie, not about the taking the medication. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Well a few things....we've both made an effort to be open and up front with each other. Even though its 4 months we've been incredibly close. And she says that I told her specifically I wasn't on them and that I lied to her. I don't remember it exactly that way. Its about the lie, not about the taking the medication. I can understand her perspective. If I were in her shoes, I'd feel like we aren't as close as I thought we were. Maybe her expectations were too high for a 4 month relationship. Link to comment
Centi Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Well, did you or did you not say you were on them? If you said you weren't, then you were lying, outright. Bad If you were just talking about AD's in general, and you weren't asked if you were currently on them, then what's the issue? She really is being childish. I'm assuming that she is of an age with you (32) She should be WELL beyond this type of controlling behavior. Link to comment
stingray885 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Dude- 4 months into it and shes doing this stuff? Red Flag. Think of the stuff shell do a few years down the road. Grow a pair and stand your ground and make your point known. Sorry for the candor, but sometimes its a good thing. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 To me, I would want to know if someone i was dating was on antidepressants and had been on them in the past. At 1-6 months, I am deciding if this person is someone I can and want to be with for the long term, or at least if this person has potential and is an appropriate person for me if things should continue. If someone has a history of depression, it might not be known within the first month or so because everyone is at their best or I met them during an up time, as how otherwise would they have been interested in meeting someone. Based on past dating and the history of someone in my family, if I knew someone has a history of depression, I might make the choice that the person is not someone I want to date in the longterm, or I would cautiously take note of how they cope with things. But that is just my personal choice. Also, as far as Prozac goes, that is not just a mild anti anxiety medication that people take for the short term. There is a lot of negative press and a lot of different side effects that some people may wonder is this the real you, or what are you like without the meds. I understand she took it short term for PMS, but there is a bigger stigma about taking it for depression. I do think what is being overlooked is sometimes women have a communication style that is more about "sharing". A man will talk about his experience and another guy will chime in sort of to one up, but many women will not ask someone directly about their experience but open up about theirs and assume others will share if it relates to them. It is not a "strategy" on her part, but just a communication style and I admit I notice I do it sometimes too. I would not completely crucify her for having a problem with this. SHe could have thought she went out on a limb and shared something private or you withheld, or is not sure how she feels about dating someone with depression. Link to comment
Natasha24 Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Well a few things....we've both made an effort to be open and up front with each other. Even though its 4 months we've been incredibly close. And she says that I told her specifically I wasn't on them and that I lied to her. I don't remember it exactly that way. Its about the lie, not about the taking the medication. She's right, lying is wrong - but she is super overreacting. Most mature adults would say "I don't like that you weren't honest with me, but I can understand that this is a private matter." Anti-depressants/depression in general are incredibly personal issues to deal with, and you shouldn't feel bad for keeping them to yourself. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 It is something that should have been discussed with her. SSRI's have bad sexual side effects. My husband has taken them for 15 years for severe anxiety. Prozac had the worst sexual side effects for him. It also made him very lethargic in general. The side effects though depend upon your dose. My husband took. 80 mg per day. Now he takes Zoloft for anxiety and that has the least side effects of all those that he has tried. If you have a sexual relationship that should've been discussed with her I think. She is going a bit overboard though because this is a prescription medication for a medical condition. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Well a few things....we've both made an effort to be open and up front with each other. Even though its 4 months we've been incredibly close. And she says that I told her specifically I wasn't on them and that I lied to her. I don't remember it exactly that way. Its about the lie, not about the taking the medication. Come on, you know what you told her. Link to comment
stingray885 Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 She's right, lying is wrong - but she is super overreacting. Most mature adults would say "I don't like that you weren't honest with me, but I can understand that this is a private matter." Anti-depressants/depression in general are incredibly personal issues to deal with, and you shouldn't feel bad for keeping them to yourself. Totally agree with this. Link to comment
Moneypenny Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 ....And she says that I told her specifically I wasn't on them and that I lied to her. I don't remember it exactly that way. Its about the lie, not about the taking the medication. It sounds like she is more focused on your ommission as being a lie (in VERY general terms), rather than taking your personal circumstances into account. That speaks of a rather selfish attitude, and an immature one, if you don't mind me saying. No one starts taking anti-depressants without careful consideration, and no one shouts it out from the roof tops either. It's an extremly personal thing, and one that you yourself have to adjust to, psychologically. So, not letting her know straight away, is not even an ommission to tell the truth, since you were still coming to terms with it yourself, and you felt embarressed to tell her. ~It's pretty normal to feel that way...I say this as a woman, and it'd be even harder as a bloke, I would imagine. Yes, she needs to get over herself...life is NOT always about her. As a side note - if she continues to throw this in your face...then she is not the person you should be investing more time on. Link to comment
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