Men over 30.

[Coolstorybro]

'Be someone you're not' seems to be a popular suggestion on these forums. Not surprising then that divorce is so common.

[blueidealist24]

Btw, I've said this before and I disagree that your occupational status is your problem with relationships. It seems that a lot of people on this forum are obsessed with money and occupational status. I know tons of guys who are on WELFARE and have partners (I feel like I posted this before, but whatever..). And you're right about your friend on unemployment, I have a friend who bounces from job to job and they're all minimum wage and he gets dates. He also lives with his mother. I think that your initial approach with women is probably very awkward, although I don't know how because I've never seen you, but in real life it's all about the initial approach. If a guy came off as a total cad in his initial approach to hit on me or talk to me or whatever, I wouldn't care if he then told me that he made 40k, 60k or whatever and had a house. OTOH if a guy made a good first impression, came off attractive and friendly, and then he told me he worked at McDonald's or an unpaid internship I would be likely not to care since he seemed so friendly/attractive. I don't know, maybe I'm just different from other women but most of my friends don't care about a person's occupational status when they start to date them either. I know girls with good jobs who date guys with crappy jobs. But anyway, I guess my point is that your initial approach to women, BEFORE they even know anything about you, like job, school or whatever, is likely bad and it's hard to reverse that. I'd almost suggest recording yourself when you approach a woman and then playing it back, that might give you some cues.. but I totally don't think it's because you don't make a lot of money!

[calichick007]

Answer is the same as always.

 

Most men who are 32 are stable and settled in their careers. Those are the men you are competing against for dates, and you are not currently in a position to compete because you are neither stable nor settled.

[Angler]

The title of the thread is Men over 30, not Boys over 30.

 

Get it together, or be prepared to settle for the girls that are willing to settle for you.

[Huntress0527]

I think it's your negative attitude which causes your desperation are your downfalls. Every thread is the same theme. Stop caring so much about dating, relationships, and women and just enjoy life. Everything will fall into place as it should. If you keep stressing so much about it, it'll never happen.

[pl3asehelp]

Do single guys over 30 still go to the bars? Or is that lame?

 

I think by the time you're this age, it's about confidence, which means YOU decide what's lame and what you do with your time. Do you like bars and the kinds of women you meet there? If so, go to bars. Personally, yeah, I think it's lame to be picking up women this age in bars or to spend much time in bars, but that's just me. There are social circles that still do that and maybe that's more you.

[Coily]

Egads, one of the most depressing threads I've read in a while.

 

Dougie, I think you need to just put yourself in situations where there are more women about. Since you are just looking for dates, I think you need to look at the date as less of a goal and more of a hobby. Take a risk on a sub par woman once in a blue moon, or on the absolute hotty you walk past in the grocery store.

[Blue Spiral]

When I was under thirty, it was a lot easier for me to meet women who just wanted to have fun. It was nice. Now that I'm over thirty, I end up meeting women that want something serious. It's annoying. But the flipside is that I have more "hand," now, to steal a term from Seinfeld. (i.e. upper hand) I have zero debt, I'm not paying anything to ex-wives or kids, I'm not on parole, etc. That puts me significantly ahead of many other men. I may not be making much money, but I've accumulated savings over the years, and that makes me attractive to women that are struggling with slim pickings (usually not their own fault, for the most part). Mind you, these are the same women that ignored me when I was in my twenties (thirty or forty pounds ago, for them).

 

Though they use words like "stability" and "settled," women are obviously talking about money. Two types of women are extremely concerned about a man's ability to earn money. The first type would be family-minded women. Pregnancy and childbirth can medically sideline women, in terms of keeping them out of the workforce, so they need someone that can provide if things get rough. The second type would be economically-elite women. They want someone who's their equal in terms of success, education, and ambition. Both of those types of women are absolutely justified in being concerned about money, but, thankfully, neither type is relevant to my life. I scare them off by being honest about my lack of interest in breeding and by wearing clothes and engaging in habits that make me look less stable/"wealthy" than I actually am. (I haven't owned a tie in a decade and a half, for instance.)

 

OP, my main advice would be not to rely on other people to make you happy. Your bitterness is justified and understandable, but there's no use in getting upset over other people. They're not worth it.

[blueidealist24]

I guess I don't care that much about a man's money since I have absolutely zero desire to have kids, ever.

[blueidealist24]

What if I lost my job and my parents are helping on my feet again while I hunt for another job. Technically I didn't lose my job, but that's pretty much the feeling/mutual agreement.

 

What would that mean to a woman?

 

According to most people on here, it would mean you're undateable, which sucks because those would be the same women who would maybe abandon you if you were already together and you lost your job. But it seems that most people I come accross in real life do NOT think the same way as a lot of the people on here.

[agent1607307371]

Dougie, you work around music right? And you go to gigs right? Do you never meet girls there?

 

 

Also, do you even like women? Because the way you speak about us sometimes really gives off the opposite impression.

[Dougie_D]

Dougie, you work around music right? And you go to gigs right? Do you never meet girls there?

 

 

Also, do you even like women? Because the way you speak about us sometimes really gives off the opposite impression.

 

Yes, I go to a lot of gigs. It depends on the show. Bigger shows, it's really hard because it's a bigger crowd, but other shows it's more of a lounge bar with a stage.

 

What does "meet" mean? When I feel like there is an opportunity to talk to girls, they are usually in a group anyways, I always ask "So, is there any particular band you are here to see?" But then I get stuck on where to go after they answer. When I was on TOUR, I can use that line easy because I was able to hype up the band and let the girl know I was with band. Now, I don't have that route.

 

I am very much attractive to women. Yes, I like them. I DON'T like shallow women. If I get the impression that they wouldn't date me because I'm overweight, lack of money, etc...that bothers me. I used to live with a girl and she would imply that if I lost 20 pounds that I would be" more attractive towards her". That always make me angry. Guys don't tell girls "you'd be more attractive if didn't wear that much make-up" I've gotten rejected A LOT. I always get the feeling that something is wrong with me but to make myself feel better, I'll just tell myself that they are too harsh on me and shallow.

 

I LOVE girls that give me a fair chance. Girls that write me off immediately, I'm not a big fan of.

[ejd]

Hi Doug,

 

I'm a 33 year old male and I've also struggled to meet women. But, after some life coaching from friends who are successful with women - I decided

 

to change my approach. I make a decent amount of money (130k or so) and i'm a good-looking guy, but I could never get out of my own

 

way and actually progress things. I'd sit home and overanalyze everything, or never actually muster the courage to persue the women I wanted.

 

I'd end up going after the women who were right in front of me, or were clearly into me. Beyond that, I felt lost and unable to get what I felt I deserved.

 

I'd have a lame internal dialogue that went something like this:

 

"I'm a better looking, and more successful guy than the dude she's dating. She clearly has bad taste. "

 

Despite my advantages over the vast majority of the male population, I still wasn't truly confident. My self worth was dictated by

 

a women's reaction to me: Cute girl at the register smiles at me - positive self esteem; The blond leaving the bar didn't even look my way - i must

 

be a loser.

 

Anyways, i had to seriously think about changing my personality and my approach to women and open my eyes to how many beautiful women

 

are all around me. My friends often tried to fix me up - but i was hardly impressed by their "choices" for me. My advice to you:

 

1. start working out a little bit

 

2. Say Hi to every person you meet until it become second nature

 

3. Have some nice clothes that fit you well

 

4. Keep up on your hygiene and teeth

 

5. Approach women confidently and ask them out if YOU decide you'd like to get to know them

 

Trust me, you do these things and you'll realize how many women are already in your world that have dating potential.

[BritterSweet]

Go ahead and call me materialistic and shallow because I mentioned stability in life (your translation: MOOLAH!SUGADADDY!!) If you find me unattractive because of it then yay!

 

I remember you having a previous thread where you argued against everyone's advice to get a job, even a menial one because it is "below you" or something. This makes it glaringly obvious that you are unwilling to make any compromises in life (something EVERYBODY has to do at some time in their lives) even for practical purposes. Instead of actually being responsible, you make everything everyone else's fault.

 

And if you're giving off a negative and combative vibe like that, it's not that no one gave you a fair chance. You just blew your chance at record speed.

[BritterSweet]

PS: I repeat a key word from a previous post of mine: priorities.

 

I didn't say you need to be rich to date. I meant this: If you are unstable, you are not ready to date. You have to be able to live your own life first.

 

That's as clear as I can word it. And if you again interpret this as "women are gold diggers," then I'm giving up.

[lalalollipops]

You need to stop generalising -_- don't talk as if you know how females think, when clearly you don't. Just cos some women rely heavily on money does not mean every female does. Stability literally means stability, we don't want a guy who's confused or have no direction. No, they don't need to be rich, they just need to be able to put their pride aside, be able to work hard and have the ambition to BE successful. Your posts are always so biased; we women are not the superficial monsters you perceive us to be hun. =="

[lalalollipops]

PS: I repeat a key word from a previous post of mine: priorities.

I didn't say you need to be rich to date. I meant this: If you are unstable, you are not ready to date. You have to be able to live your own life first.

That's as clear as I can word it. And if you again interpret this as "women are gold diggers," then I'm giving up.

Yea I know right? Independence is so important, we don't exactly find guys who rely on their parents pass the age of 24 attractive. I remember I once went out a few times with this guy who was 25, worked in this dead end job and lived at home. I was turned off bc most of the guys I have recently been dating were either studying well or had a good job, they didn't depend on their parents for hand outs, and would have rather worked 2 jobs than do that. And since I really admire work ethic, it just makes any guy much more attractive. Sort out where you want your life to go first.

[Blue Spiral]

I didn't say you need to be rich to date. I meant this: If you are unstable, you are not ready to date. You have to be able to live your own life first.

 

So, by that logic, any man or woman that hasn't yet graduated college and/or gotten a good-paying job shouldn't date, right? I look forward to you telling in-demand nineteen-year-old hotties that they have no business dating.

[lalalollipops]

Lol he's not a kid anymore though, he's bloody turning 32. It's time for him sort his sh out.

[Dougie_D]

Yea I know right? Independence is so important, we don't exactly find guys who rely on their parents pass the age of 24 attractive. I remember I once went out a few times with this guy who was 25, worked in this dead end job and lived at home. I was turned off bc most of the guys I have recently been dating were either studying well or had a good job, they didn't depend on their parents for hand outs, and would have rather worked 2 jobs than do that. And since I really admire work ethic, it just makes any guy much more attractive. Sort out where you want your life to go first.

 

You obviously didn't care at the "few times" you went out with that guy who was 25, worked at a "dead end job" and lived at home.

 

Why did you go out with this guy then?

[pl3asehelp]

You obviously didn't care at the "few times" you went out with that guy who was 25, worked at a "dead end job" and lived at home.

 

Why did you go out with this guy then?

 

Real answer - when guy is hot or has a charming personality that fools them, they will date him no matter how much of a loser he is for as long as they can tolerate it before throwing in the towel. Loserness is overlookable.

[lalalollipops]

Hahaha yeah damn straight. *rolls eyes*

[Angler]

You obviously didn't care at the "few times" you went out with that guy who was 25, worked at a "dead end job" and lived at home.

 

Why did you go out with this guy then?

 

Maybe he didn't share that information until their last date?

[lalalollipops]

You obviously didn't care at the "few times" you went out with that guy who was 25, worked at a "dead end job" and lived at home.

 

Why did you go out with this guy then?

 

Cos he seemed relatively normal the first two times, and he lied.

I found out the truth on the 4th date, it was then bye bye loser.

 

He literally hounded me for over a year after, it was so pathetic.

[SilverFactory]

I also very badly need help on this.... and in my personal opinion I really doubt if career or a stable job has got something to do with the rejections. Not to toot my own horn but I have a Master's degree and make 100K a year. Its not that much but I am just saying that I have a good job and a stable income. It does NOT make any difference whatsoever! I still get rejected!! For the life of me I am unable to understand why I am not getting even a single chance.. not even a first date. I believe I am ok personality wise as well...

 

Doug, I will be dead honest with you. In my humble opinion, to get dates you need to be 1) young and 2) look good. If you are not young but are good-looking then women will date you. I am sure some people here will say that looks don't matter to them but when a woman meets you for the first time she has no clue about your personality or career.. she has to agree for that first date based on your LOOKS. Once the first date happens then other things such as your job, income, personality etc come in. That's another story though....