Men over 30.

[Dougie_D]

Ok. I'm about to turn 32 pretty soon. I have a hard time just meeting women and going on dates.

 

Where have you guys had your luck? Where do you guys go? Do single guys over 30 still go to the bars? Or is that lame?

 

Most all my guy friends have been on dates though ONLINE dating. I have been very unsuccessful. Not one single date!

[abitbroken]

Dougie, the story is the same the last time you stopped by. There is no secret, magical place to meet women. In order to meet a quality woman who wants a relationship, you will need to get comfortable with yourself and stop relying on your parent's money. When you have your stuff together, you will be surprised to meet women at the coffee shop, through mutual friends, just around town, and in groups related to your hobbies. Having your parents pay all of your expenses is not an obstacle to dating when you are 19, but at 32 it is. Women want to meet a man who knows who they are and is independent. He doesn't have to be a millionaire, but put food on the table for himself and have some direction.

 

When you get that all settled out, you too will meet women online or offline.

 

Bars are not lame as a meeting place to have a beer with a buddy but yes, they are a lame place to go to troll for women these days if it is not a college campus bar and you are older than 22.

[zep]

People over 30 definitely still go to bars/clubs to meet people, but only the more expensive classier ones, or the ones dedicated to enjoying an activity, like swing dancing or hearing live music.

[Dougie_D]

Ok...first off, I never said I wanted to have a relationship. I just want to have some dates. And if a girl asks where I get the majority of my income, I'm going to think she is shallow. I will tell her what I do. Right now I get PAID to review music. My friend doesn't tell girls that he is a waiter. He tells them he does acting.

 

You also said that I would be surprised to meet:

 

Women at the coffee shop -- ok. I'll have to start going to get coffee then. But isn't that a Library? Everyone is on their computer. I was on tour with a band and I went to Starbucks almost everyday because we didn't have Wifi on the bus. I never once struck a conversation with a girl. I don't know how that even works.

 

Through Mutual Friends --- Ok. I'm in my 30's. What mutual friends have single lady friends? My mutual friends don't have large circle of friends because most are married or in a serious relationship.

 

Just around town --- what does that mean?

 

Groups related to my hobbies --- I only see these people during our "group" activities. The age group are usually older and not many women involved.

 

Am I basically DOOMED?

[Dougie_D]

This question was for men by the way. NOT females.

[Vaglar]

The world is your playing ground! There are girls everywhere, so it's up to you and your personality to choose how to meet them. For example, some people can pick up girls in the street. I know I can't, so I adapt. I take cooking lessons, I go to international parties in my city, I attend meetups I'm interested in and I always try to make friends during those events. You never know how a friendship can evolve. If the girls has a bf, she won't be interested in you but she may invite you to some home parties, bday evenings, introduce you to her friends, etc. Keep developping relationships with people you have a good connection with and your circle of friend will eventually expand.

 

I never liked bars, too cliché, too many shallow people IMO. I like international parties better, people go there to make friends and find partners, so everyone is pretty open about chatting to people they don't know.

 

What's your occupation? is one of the first questions I'm being asked (and I ask that too). That tells a lot about someone because I want a woman who is able to take care of herself financially. You can lie about this if you want, but in the long run, it will backfire.

[pippy longstocking]

People over 30 definitely still go to bars/clubs to meet people, but only the more expensive classier ones, or the ones dedicated to enjoying an activity, like swing dancing or hearing live music.

 

I dont 100% agree with the going to more expensive places just because you have gotten over 30 , but I do agree

with the more dedicated nights out , and also there are usually places that you know is going to be full of late teen / early 20's and those that will aim towards 30 plus ...

 

 

and dougie you cant really insist only men answer this thread

[BritterSweet]

This question was for men by the way. NOT females.

 

It doesn't matter the gender of who is answering you on this one. The answer is the same, whether it's from guys or gals. You need to have your life together and attain stability first. When someone asks you about your occupation, it's about more than just money. It's about where you are or where you're going in life.

[Dougie_D]

So what you ladies are saying is...

 

once I have my "career" I will end up being with women? Really? I'm working towards my career.

 

Most people have to have a part-time job while working towards their career. I have the luxury of not needing a part-time job.

 

Everyone assumes I am not looking for a career job.

 

What about those people that have to have a part-time job? Do they have their life together and stability?

[pippy longstocking]

well I am not saying that ..

[BritterSweet]

So what you ladies are saying is...

 

once I have my "career" I will end up being with women? Really? I'm working towards my career.

 

Most people have to have a part-time job while working towards their career. I have the luxury of not needing a part-time job.

 

Everyone assumes I am not looking for a career job.

 

What about those people that have to have a part-time job? Do they have their life together and stability?

 

Should I even be answering...? I get the feeling that only more arguments will come from this...

 

Career will not guarantee success with women, but it's important to at least be able to live on your own. As for the last question, they at least have it more than you did earlier. You were homeless (or at least in danger of being homeless) at one point. If you don't have your act together, dating should be lower on your list of priorities.

[Dougie_D]

I'm not homeless. Explain what getting my act together is? What if I did have a part-time job that AMMOUNTED the same as what I get from my parents? Would that change my lifestyle?

 

I worked at Sam's Club for 4 years. My parents only paid for gas. Everything else was me. I never had any luck then. Did I not have my act together then? My rent was 1/3 cheaper than it is now.

[lalalollipops]

Your parents pay for your gas...?

 

 

Can't you pay your own expenses? You're not 18 anymore.

Women like men with plans and who actually work towards goals. We like men who have their sh together, not boys who think it's some accomplishment that their parents 'only' pay for their gas. My ex from last year was a straight A scholarship student, who graduated and is now earning 60k in his first year. He plans on buying a house before he's 30, and he sends money to his parents every month to support their expenses lol. The guy is turning 24 in December.

 

Just find a stable job and start jotting down some short term goals, it's mandatory for success.

[soloman9]

I will hesitate a guess that the reason you are struggling to find a date is because you are aggressive, rude and unwilling to accept the advice you ask for! I would certainly avoid you if you presented yourself how you have in a few short posts!

[Dougie_D]

Wait! So now I have to have job that makes 60k a year and buy a house?! That's called "getting my sh-t together?"

 

I would perfectly be HAPPY having a job that makes 20k a year living in a studio apt. If I got into a "relationship" then I would expect both of our incomes would be good enough to get something where we would both be HAPPY with.

 

My sister was living with my parents at the time she met her husband...who ALSO lived with my them for 6 months before they rented a house together. Then 2 years later my parents help then BUY my sister's dream house. They both make the same income.

[lalalollipops]

No getting your sh together is having proper goals and taking steps towards them, not whinging and being defensive when people tell you the same things repetitively, all to help you out.

-_- there is no magic pill for success you know. You only get out what you put in.

[Dougie_D]

I don't think that trying to find a "date" should reflect on my career status. My friend was on unemployment and he had NO problem getting dates on Okcupid. Also he hooked up with a 19 year old and he is in his early 30's.

 

Why does he get all these dates?

 

Is it just because he's "hot"?

[lalalollipops]

Seriously I thought Solomon9 was being too blunt, but now I actually concur with him/her.

[Dougie_D]

I guess I don't understand. What does it take to get my stuff together?

[lalalollipops]

Even if you were off your face gorgeous, I'd never go out with somebody with your attitude. You seem quite self entitled, combative and very negative.

[Dougie_D]

Oh..wait. So it's my PERSONALITY that doesn't get me dates? I would say FALSE. I've been on a few dates before. Even PRACTICE dates. I got an A plus! I'm actually very kind. Probably overly too nice. I think girls have take advantage of me because of it.

And how will they know my personality if they have never met or talked to me before? I can be pretty shy. But I will get into an argument if I really want to.

 

Of course I'm *****ing..because you people are "slamming" me for not having a "career" job at my stage in life.

[lalalollipops]

...

 

 

Your posts and threads are telling enough.

[Dougie_D]

What if I lost my job and my parents are helping on my feet again while I hunt for another job. Technically I didn't lose my job, but that's pretty much the feeling/mutual agreement.

 

What would that mean to a woman?

[soloman9]

Oh..wait. So it's my PERSONALITY that doesn't get me dates? I would say FALSE. I've been on a few dates before. Even PRACTICE dates. I got an A plus! I'm actually very kind. Probably overly too nice. I think girls have take advantage of me because of it.

And how will they know my personality if they have never met or talked to me before? I can be pretty shy. But I will get into an argument if I really want to.

 

Of course I'm *****ing..because you people are "slamming" me for not having a "career" job at my stage in life.

 

Personality does tend to help in relationships and dating. Obviously you can't have have got an A Plus or you'd be in a relationship with those people?!

 

'Career' doesn't mean earning lots of money it simply symbolises a mindset, and it's important for any woman looking for anything serious to be with a guy who at least symbolises having his life in order. Whether he earns 20k, 60k or 100k, it doesn't matter.

 

I wasn't here to attack you but I think you don't need to look at where to go on dates, but evaluate how you're going out going to get one. It's very self-entitled, a bit like "Why aren't these women falling at my feet? I am so great."

 

I'm a girl btw lalalollipops haha.

[Dougie_D]

I mean, I'll be honest. I'm not happy with my current situation. I am having problems getting the job I want. I am working towards it though. I've been doing a lot of thing the job requires but not getting paid for it. I am doing other things around the biz where I do get paid, but it's very little income. My family helps me financially. I don't have to tell women this either. I can simply say I have a part-time job while pursing a job in my field.

 

I don't feel like I have to hold off on going on dates until I get my career job. That's basically what I'm saying. I feel like these posters are telling me to "wait". Why can't I do two things at once?

 

I'm just bummed that I'm in my early 30's and I have no relationship wise to show for. Never kissed, etc.. I just don't think I get a fair chance. Is it looks? Who knows. Online Dating is not a solution. Bars are not a solution either. I don't have huge circle of friends that are SINGLE. All my friends are COUPLES or are constantly on a date.

 

So, what's the best way to find a date? Also, those girls I went on practice dates had boyfriends already. I treated them with a dinner. It was basically gaining experience having a ONE on ONE with a girl.