Men over 30.

[Blue Spiral]

Lol he's not a kid anymore though, he's bloody turning 32. It's time for him sort his sh out.

 

I'm not talking about him, I'm talking about what you said. You said that people need to be stable before they start dating. That would seem to imply that people in high school/college shouldn't date, nor should anyone who hasn't reached a certain successful point in their life.

 

And, replying to what you said to me upthread: I wasn't generalizing at all. "stability" and "settled" are clearly codewords for money. I realize that a lot of men are willing to pretend that the empress is wearing clothes so they can keep getting laid, but I'm not one of them. And I didn't say that all women cared about money, I just mentioned two types that care, and I listed the perfectly logical reasons why they do.

[HeatherB]

Everyone gets rejected. There is no way to become rejectionproof. It's way worse for guys because the future of the human race depends on your gender doing most of the asking out. So you guys get rejected constantly regardless of how great you are. Sorry, and you have my thanks for taking that on.

 

It's not how you look. It's your vibe. Are you fun to be around? Do you make women feel safe yet sexy? Do you have a mission in life? Something bigger than you that you are shooting for? Do you flirt? Do you give more than you get? Are you generally positive and interesting to talk to?

 

Get all that sorted, and it doesn't matter where you live or how much you make or what you look like. A cool girl will want you. Don't get that stuff sorted, and nothing will get you dates.

 

If you already do have all that sorted, then just keep asking women out. Tweaking your approach as you go. Use online avenues and your social contacts. Put out the word that you're looking for a great girl, and get others to help. You'll find one if you keep going.

[ejd]

I agree with Heather.

 

However, wouldn't you agree that guys who are better looking than most of their peers have a clear advantage?

[lalalollipops]

Uh, I didn't say that, somebody else did.

 

And you're not a female so 'clearly' you need to stop assuming things, it really gets you nowhere.

I'm not talking about him, I'm talking about what you said. You said that people need to be stable before they start dating. That would seem to imply that people in high school/college shouldn't date, nor should anyone who hasn't reached a certain successful point in their life.

 

And, replying to what you said to me upthread: I wasn't generalizing at all. "stability" and "settled" are clearly codewords for money. I realize that a lot of men are willing to pretend that the empress is wearing clothes so they can keep getting laid, but I'm not one of them. And I didn't say that all women cared about money, I just mentioned two types that care, and I listed the perfectly logical reasons why they do.

[lalalollipops]

It must be your personality then. I've seen enough bums that look ugly who have gfs (some hot ones). It's all confidence really. Laid back+some kind of confidence+ humor = date.

[SilverFactory]

Thanks Heather. But honestly its one rejection after another after another.... I am talking about a period of close to 10 years. Yes, that's correct, 10 years.

 

It's not how you look. It's your vibe. Are you fun to be around? Do you make women feel safe yet sexy? Do you have a mission in life? Something bigger than you that you are shooting for? Do you flirt? Do you give more than you get? Are you generally positive and interesting to talk to?

 

I would say yes for all the things you have mentioned EXCEPT for the flirting part. May be that's where I have some trouble. When you meet a woman for the first time how exactly do you flirt? what do you say?

[agent1607307371]

Mod Note: Hi Redwood, can you start a thread of your own or I can move these post into one if you prefer.

[HeatherB]

I agree with Heather.

 

However, wouldn't you agree that guys who are better looking than most of their peers have a clear advantage?

 

Sure. But that's like saying a woman with a naturally giant bosom has a clear advantage. Maybe so. But it only matters to me personally if I have one. If I don't, there's no point in dwelling on it. And it certainly isn't the main factor that would get me dates--quality ones with more than a couple brain cells to rub together, that is.

 

A hot car is kinda attractive. A chateau in Provence is too. So are razor sharp cheekbones and doelike eyes and thighs of steel. So what? Work with what you have, don't use what you don't have as an excuse to talk yourself out of doing the work of being devastatingly emotionally and intellectually attractive. (Not you personally, I mean everyone.)

[HeatherB]

Thanks Heather. But honestly its one rejection after another after another.... I am talking about a period of close to 10 years. Yes, that's correct, 10 years.

 

 

 

I would say yes for all the things you have mentioned EXCEPT for the flirting part. May be that's where I have some trouble. When you meet a woman for the first time how exactly do you flirt? what do you say?

 

Flirting is basically the adult version of a combination of two things: 1. Teasing and goofing around and looking for adventure like an 8 year old playing hooky for the first time plus 2. Using that same look and attitude you gave mom when you wanted a cookie before dinnertime when you were in kindergarten. Smirk and play and refuse to not have fun, no matter what your date does. She can join in or not. That's her problem. You're just there to amuse yourself.

[SilverFactory]

Mod Note: Hi Redwood, can you start a thread of your own or I can move these post into one if you prefer.

 

sorry for going off-track.

 

yes, you can move the posts into one.

[calichick007]

I'm not talking about him, I'm talking about what you said. You said that people need to be stable before they start dating. That would seem to imply that people in high school/college shouldn't date, nor should anyone who hasn't reached a certain successful point in their life.

 

And, replying to what you said to me upthread: I wasn't generalizing at all. "stability" and "settled" are clearly codewords for money. I realize that a lot of men are willing to pretend that the empress is wearing clothes so they can keep getting laid, but I'm not one of them. And I didn't say that all women cared about money, I just mentioned two types that care, and I listed the perfectly logical reasons why they do.

 

I'm the one who used the words "stable" and "settled."

 

Let's be real. OP is 32. The vast majority of women AND men in his age range are settled in their careers and support themselves without relying on their parents for a handout. And sure, maybe it sounds great to say, "Money doesn't matter at all!" or "I'd date someone on welfare!" when you are in your late teens/very early 20s. But the women in his age range are likely not looking to date casually. Most will be looking for someone with attributes that would make them a good long-term partner, and that includes the ability to at least contribute to a household. That doesn't mean that the man needs to make a boatload of money, or even that he needs to make more than the woman does. But no woman in that age range is going to be looking for a man who has to call home and get money from his parents to take care of his basic needs.

 

I'm not at all saying that you shouldn't date if you aren't stable/self-sufficient. Who am I to tell someone not to date? But what I AM saying is that if you're 30+ years old and still living off your parents, you have to accept that successful dating will be very difficult. It sucks, but dating is a game of competition. Assuming all other things are equal, a man who does not independently support himself cannot compete with one who is financially stable and has clear direction in life.

[Blue Spiral]

Uh, I didn't say that, somebody else did.

 

Actually, I was referring to your "you need to stop generalizing" post. I tend to get women all blurred together.

 

And you're not a female so 'clearly' you need to stop assuming things, it really gets you nowhere.

 

I'm not saying this to get anywhere; I'm saying it because I believe it's true.

[Blue Spiral]

But the women in his age range are likely not looking to date casually. Most will be looking for someone with attributes that would make them a good long-term partner, and that includes the ability to at least contribute to a household.

 

Strangely, that hasn't stopped many of them from getting knocked up by skeevy jobless guys that often end up in jail.

[calichick007]

Strangely, that hasn't stopped many of them from getting knocked up by skeevy jobless guys that often end up in jail.

 

I personally don't know any successful 30+ women who are pregnant for jobless, incarcerated men. Perhaps you should change your surroundings.

[blueidealist24]

 

Doug, I will be dead honest with you. In my humble opinion, to get dates you need to be 1) young and 2) look good. If you are not young but are good-looking then women will date you. I am sure some people here will say that looks don't matter to them but when a woman meets you for the first time she has no clue about your personality or career.. she has to agree for that first date based on your LOOKS. Once the first date happens then other things such as your job, income, personality etc come in. That's another story though....

 

Yeah, that's what I was trying to say with my post.

[blueidealist24]

 

I'm not at all saying that you shouldn't date if you aren't stable/self-sufficient. Who am I to tell someone not to date? But what I AM saying is that if you're 30+ years old and still living off your parents, you have to accept that successful dating will be very difficult. It sucks, but dating is a game of competition. Assuming all other things are equal, a man who does not independently support himself cannot compete with one who is financially stable and has clear direction in life.

 

Sometimes all other things aren't equal. For example, I find a lot of guys my age (26) who have good jobs (like in the financial sector), the most arrogant, rude guys I've ever met, totally high on themselves because they got better jobs than most of their peers, while guys who work retail, data entry or something like that are often nicer and more humble. Granted, it might be different at 32 than 26 since more people have good jobs by then, so the people who do have them don't see themselves as such a wonderful anomaly.

 

Calichick007, if you remember the 'cam guy' I had problems with last year, the one you and everyone kept telling me to ditch? He is a junior manager at a bank, drives an SUV, and owns a townhouse. He's the only guy my age I know well who has all those things, yet he was and is a huge turd. He uses his financial status to rope women in and take advantage of them (although I wasn't roped by that, I was roped by my previous friendship with him in high school).

[lalalollipops]

If it's really all about looks explain to me why there are players who look average at best, lack height and aren't rich who have no problems getting girls?

 

Confidence and positivity is more important than looks, always has been.

[Dougie_D]

Wow! I am not asking WHY this girl stopped dating me.

 

I'm asking what's the best approach to getting a date! Seriously people! Did you find out everything they did right off a first conversation? Maybe when you get to the second date, you'll know more about them.

 

Most people will know --- where they are from, personal tastes, and what their field of occupation is. If I ask a girl do you do?" and she goes, I'm an actress. I'm going to say cool, that's fascinating, bla, bla, bla. I'm NOT going to ask how much money does she make. That's just plain rude.

[lalalollipops]

DUde of course you don't ask income related questions. The only reason I know about that guy I mentioned was bc he was an ex, and I guess he wanted to tell me about his plans for the future.

[HeatherB]

Wow! I am not asking WHY this girl stopped dating me.

 

I'm asking what's the best approach to getting a date! Seriously people! Did you find out everything they did right off a first conversation? Maybe when you get to the second date, you'll know more about them.

 

Most people will know --- where they are from, personal tastes, and what their field of occupation is. If I ask a girl do you do?" and she goes, I'm an actress. I'm going to say cool, that's fascinating, bla, bla, bla. I'm NOT going to ask how much money does she make. That's just plain rude.

 

My impression of you from this thread is: crotchety and difficult to please. If I were single, I would not want to date you. I'd try to stay out of your yard and try not to walk on your lawn.

[lalalollipops]

Yeah, you don't seem like a nice guy. Work on cultivating attractive attributes, and leave the demanding attitude behind you.

[SilverFactory]

Doug you seem to be missing on the point that is being conveyed to you by many posters. You are taking things literally and arguing.

 

If you have a nice job with a stable income then that will have a huge impact on your mindset... and it will show when you approach women. I am not saying that a job will get you a date but it will definitely change your confidence and that in turn has potential to get a date. As I mentioned before I have big trouble even with a job and a reasonable income but at least I know that that is not turning women off from me. I can look at other things to work/improve on.

[Dougie_D]

Yes, if you get on my bad side..I will definitely be hard to please. When people give me some run around answer then I will be disappointed and annoyed. If I had never told people here about my financial status then they would have never known. They would just assume.

 

I'm just looking to find a date. A simple answer like this could have worked: Maybe it's the vibe you are giving off. Be up lifting.

 

But NO... My first answers were more like this : Get a job. Don't rely on your parents. Have some stability in your life, etc...

[lalalollipops]

Lol, but that's what you need to do though. Stop depending on your folks and be independent. That's the first step.

[Dougie_D]

If you have a nice job with a stable income then that will have a huge impact on your mindset... and it will show when you approach women

 

Wow! That's the BEST answer! Thanks.

 

There was nothing that had to do with my parents. I took it as : If you have the career you want then that will make your life happier by default which will show confidence when approaching women.