The most humilating experience of my life :(

[dark angel9]

I need to vent and I could use some advice.

 

I met this guy a month ago and we started dating. He seemed interested, but not overly so.

 

Tonight (date 5), I invited him over to my place. I knew sex would happen and he seemed to want it. After watching some movies, he made a move and kissed me. We made out and he suggested we go to the bedroom. From there, we had sex for at least an hour. I tried lots of different things and he wasn't able to finish. Eventually, he told me to stop trying. Few minutes later he started getting dressed (he was supposed to sleep over and had an overnight bag)...I asked him where he is going, he said home. He said the sex was awkward and that he wasn't able to relax. He also said that he won't get much sleep in a new bed (yet that was the plan). He just bolted out of there. I tried to stop him but didn't work.

 

I think it's very selfish and insensitive that he just left after the first time sex. I also feel hurt that he wasn't able to cum...

 

I definitely don't want to see him again and I doubt that he would want to either.

 

Any words of wisdom? Felling really low right now

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you're disappointed and yes it wasn't thoughtful of him to leave right away. Since you two don't know each other very well he probably wasn't sure how to handle things. Of course he could have handled it better. Did you decide to invite him over and have sex with him because you thought it would increase his interest level?

[Lostndazed]

Wow well it looks like he has sum issues

[dark angel9]

I'm sorry you're disappointed and yes it wasn't thoughtful of him to leave right away. Since you two don't know each other very well he probably wasn't sure how to handle things. Of course he could have handled it better. Did you decide to invite him over and have sex with him because you thought it would increase his interest level?

 

No. He wanted to come over. His sister is staying at his place and I live alone. He actually wanted to have sex on the 3rd date but I said it's too early. So he was the one pushing for sex.

 

The fact that he couldn't cum, does that mean that I am really unattractive ?

[Tom1990]

It couldn't hurt to give him the benefit of the doubt right now. There are many reasons for performance anxiety. I've been there myself, loved the woman, she loved me, we'd known each other for years, trusted each other, and damn, were we hot for each other. I never came after hours of sex. To this day, I don't know why, but it had been a while for me, so that may have been it.

[thegirl_00]

No. He wanted to come over. His sister is staying at his place and I live alone. He actually wanted to have sex on the 3rd date but I said it's too early. So he was the one pushing for sex.

 

The fact that he couldn't cum, does that mean that I am really unattractive ?

 

Nope. HE is the one who is himiliated here. Don't get confused about who couldn't cum! its him!! ahaha. I have to laugh. But really... he wanted to have sex with you on date three. So you ARE attractive. He just has problems down there...

[luminousone]

He might have left because he was so embarrassed about everything. Maybe his thread title would have been the same.

 

Don't rule out seeing him again just to see. You don't know the cause of the performance issues- it may not have anything to do with you at all. On the other hand, maybe you guys just don't have the right chemistry.

 

Alcohol and or medications can have that side effect.

 

So if he contacts you again (if he has the courage) then give him another chance to see if there is chemistry...

[Patrick974]

Ah, you're asking on a precise sexual point. Maybe he has masturbated before the date ? Any sane man cum during sex unless he has some issues. Leaving your place was definitely not a good thing but he might have been really embarassed himself. Try to ask him about it when you see him again.

[DN]

Cut him some slack, he was humiliated and embarrassed. He may not contact you again so if you want to try again you may need to contact him.

[metrogirl]

No. He wanted to come over. His sister is staying at his place and I live alone. He actually wanted to have sex on the 3rd date but I said it's too early. So he was the one pushing for sex.

 

The fact that he couldn't cum, does that mean that I am really unattractive ?

 

No it' doesn't mean you are unattractive, it means that for whatever reason he couldn't finish. He may have underlying heath issues which make it difficult if not impossible, he may have had some sort of anxiety problem (men get nervous too when having sex for the first time with someone new), it could be drugs or alcohol.

[Genivive]

The best advice I have ever received is to not have sex with a man until there is commitment and continuity in a relationship. You were treated in a very rude manner which is not at all your fault, nor does it suggest that you are unattractive! If you wish to have longevity with a man, the best thing to do is to wait to have sex until you have both agreed to be exclusively committed to one another. This will secure you from painful, empty situations while also earning you the respect from a man you so deserve! Feel better soon, try to turn this into learning opportunity instead of blaming yourself.

[happpybear]

my bet is he was just embarrassed. however, him leaving without explaining that is not cool. Think about what that means for the long term...he's a runner

[Heather Dawn]

Sometimes medication can cause a man to have a hard time reaching orgasm - anti-depressants and the like. But what was inexcusable was him bailing right after, though that very well may have been his own embarrassment.

[Justpin]

Pah I have a hard time cumming, it can take 20-30 minutes for me to get off. For a while I didn't get off at all, I didn't really mind as I still had some fun.

 

It could be a number of things, like jerking off too much or using a death grip when jerking off. Or just tiredness.

 

There is also the psychological problem of overstimulation.

 

There is so much porn out there that normal and real sex can't satisfy the twisted things you see online. Forgetting that porn isn't real.

 

There is a cure however you just lay off the porn for a month or so, except the problem goes the other way! Wham bam ooooooooohhh!

[dark angel9]

Thanks so much guys. My first thought was that I am unattractive so thanks for saying that's not always the case. And BTW, we drank a lot of alcohol because he seemed really nervous and was pouring down drinks like there is no tomorrow. He had no problems getting hard and staying rock hard though.....

 

Having said that, I decided that I don't want to see him again. Not because he didn't cum but because he left rudely.

[Lambert]

 

Having said that, I decided that I don't want to see him again. Not because he didn't cum but because he left rudely.

 

Good for you on this note.... There are plenty of reasons things don't go as planned but he didn't have to be rude. Maybe he just panicked. I would try not to dwell on it.... chalk it up to experience and if he contacts you, decide from there. I think as women, we don't always understand when I guy can't cum. And tend to take it personal. But really when you think about it, if he liked you enough to go on 5 dates, it wasn't you. It was something in him.

[Batya33]

I am sure it didn't have to do with your level of attractiveness or anything you did or didn't do!! Please please don't feel that way. I read in your first post that you invited him over knowing sex would happen so I don't think it much matters who pursued who -you both wanted to have sex and he was all pouty and awkward because it didn't work out as he expected. If I were you I wouldn't contact him because you probably don't need to deal with someone who deals with embarrassment in this way but if he calls you and sincerely apologizes then I would probably give him another chance. And stay sober.

[brokenbyhim]

it seems like he just wanted to have sex. if he couldn't stay, i say let him go and give him space all the way to China. i would never talk to a man like that again. next time wait a little longer before getting intimate.

[dark angel9]

it seems like he just wanted to have sex. if he couldn't stay, i say let him go and give him space all the way to China. i would never talk to a man like that again. next time wait a little longer before getting intimate.

 

I dunno, since he brought the overnight bag and change of clothes. He also asked beforehand if he can sleep over. I think bad sex made him leave.

 

I still cringe thinking about it all. This is the single worst sexual experience of my life.

[pippy longstocking]

I dunno, since he brought the overnight bag and change of clothes. He also asked beforehand if he can sleep over. I think bad sex made him leave.

 

I still cringe thinking about it all. This is the single worst sexual experience of my life.

 

try to just put it away somewhere ...honest it wasnt you ...he is probably cringing as well ...it was very bad taste to run

off like that , but , he most likely felt like a right let down , and just wanted to be in the safety of his own surroundings.

[dark angel9]

Maybe our sexual chemistry was just off. I dunno....

[dark angel9]

I am really hoping my bad feelings will fade in time. All day today, I feel like I want to throw up.

 

Am I blowing this out of proportion? Would other women on here feel this horrible if it happened to them?

 

It's not even a loss of this guy in particular...just the blow to myself-esteem after this miserable experience..

[Tom1990]

And BTW, we drank a lot of alcohol because he seemed really nervous and was pouring down drinks like there is no tomorrow. He had no problems getting hard and staying rock hard though.....

 

After a couple drinks, it can be almost impossible for a male to orgasm. And it sounds like you had more than a couple.

 

Chances are he's just as hurt as you are, if not more so. I guess it's up to you if you want to keep trying, or let this one go. You know you're hot because you got him hard. But if you want the guy you're with to orgasm, lay off the sauce.

[pippy longstocking]

I am really hoping my bad feelings will fade in time. All day today, I feel like I want to throw up.

 

Am I blowing this out of proportion? Would other women on here feel this horrible if it happened to them?

 

It's not even a loss of this guy in particular...just the blow to myself-esteem after this miserable experience..

 

I think you need to just now mentally tell yourself this is not as big as your making it darling ...

 

every one if us ladies would feel a tadge insecure you know ..

 

one of my pals has just had a really bad similar experience ..they started to fool around for the first time and he suddenly

announced he wasnt over his ex ..

 

my pal got up told him to get dressed and she drove him home there and then .

 

there will be a million stories like these ...a man not cumming should not be taken by us ladies as a huge bad thing ...honest darling ...it happens , please dont let this affect you so bad .

 

look at your replies ...none of us think it is as huge as you do .

[dark angel9]

Shooting Star, thanks for your kind words

 

I have deleted him off Facebook.