The most humilating experience of my life :(

[pippy longstocking]

your very welcome x

 

you did right ..put him and the whole experience behind you

[Natasha24]

I think he probably left because he was embarrassed about not being able to get off. It was probably just first time nerves. But the way he left was kind of rude, and to tell you "The sex was awkward" is super inappropriate. My guess is, he was trying to make you feel as uncomfortable/embarrassed as he did.

 

If it was just because of the sex, I wouldn't rule out seeing him again. First time sex in a new relationship can be awkward. I don't blame either of you for that happening.

 

BUT the way he left and what he said was inappropriate. I don't know if I would want to date him again based on that.

[cdb1204]

No. I was once with a woman I was very attracted to, and I couldn't cum the first time we had sex and I possibly had anxiety issues about my performance (I wasn't as sexually experienced as I am now). Trust me, I was hard as a rock, regardless. I attributed the lack of cumming to masturbating too much during the week. I stopped masturbating every day as I had been, and I let the desire build up. I was able to cum the second time we had sex and every time thereafter.

 

If he had an erection then, rest assured, he is attracted to you. It sometimes happens with guys, especially if they masturbate too much. I've never been able to cum while receiving oral sex, btw.

[bulletproof]

Maybe our sexual chemistry was just off. I dunno....

 

Well, did you enjoy the sex? Minus his running out towards the end?

 

I ask because you seem hyper-focused on what he thought, what he experienced, etc. What about you? If you didn't enjoy yourself, either, then it just seems like there wasn't an intimate connection, for whatever reason. Could be that it was too soon, or maybe you would never have had that intimacy with each other.

 

There's nothing to be embarrassed about, really.

[Silverbirch]

OP, I wouldn't have read the situation the way you have at all. I am a mature-aged woman. I wouldn't say I have had a million partners or anything like, but I suppose I'm experienced as far as sex goes. Do you realise that a man not achieving orgasm/ejaculation the first time is not something freakish, and that men are generally very sensitive about such matters.

 

I agree that he likely felt embarrassed, humiliated. You don't actually say what you said to him just prior to him leaving. I wouldn't be having sex with anyone I wasn't interested in having a relationship with - I'd have to care about them enough. If they weren't able to achieve orgasm the first time - and that has happened with 2 men who I have ended up in long-term relationships with - I personally would attempt to be reassuring, understanding and if he stayed, I would be affectionate and hopefully fun-loving. I think that deleting him from Facebook (I haven't been able to access page 2 of this thread) was a bit over-the-top unless there is something I have missed.

[xyzzzz]

the guy im currently seeing...we had sex 3 times and he never cum...

[dark angel9]

It wasn't just not cuming - it was the way he left afterwards.

 

Anyhow, it looks like he is not interested. He texted me today that he had a nice night and even though things got a bit awkward he hopes that I am not stressing. It sounded more like a polite text good bye. I said that it's cool. Later, I saw him online so I tried to start a convo....just hi how are you. He brushed me off and said that he has to go watch something that he downloaded (which he can do at any time). Didn't seem like he was interested.

 

I guess he just felt bad to just f-k and run so he texted but he doesn't want to see me again,, moving on.

[Ms Darcy]

I think if there is no substantive connection and commitment, there is a high-risk that it will just be sex and running.

 

I am sorry.

[dark angel9]

I think if there is no substantive connection and commitment, there is a high-risk that it will just be sex and running.

 

I am sorry.

 

This is the first time I tried sex without commitment and will probably be the last. There is still a chance he will booty call me when he is bored - but I am not going to stoop that low.

[Nherz]

It was probably you. A guy who is attracted to a woman can get rock hard and cum in seconds if he wants to. If a guy can't cum it's probably because the sex sucked. I've been with girls before where I've had no trouble having sex and ejaculating, but I've also been with girls who I wasn't all that into and couldn't even keep a rod.

 

I'm also sick of women blaming all their sexual problems on men. If a guy can't get a woman off, it's his fault. But if a woman can't get a guy off, it's his fault, too. We can't win.

[dark angel9]

It could be me. I could be him. It could be lack of chemistry. I never had this problem with any other guys.

 

Oh well, I am now ready to move on....

[xyzzzz]

It was probably you. A guy who is attracted to a woman can get rock hard and cum in seconds if he wants to. If a guy can't cum it's probably because the sex sucked. I've been with girls before where I've had no trouble having sex and ejaculating, but I've also been with girls who I wasn't all that into and couldn't even keep a rod.

 

I'm also sick of women blaming all their sexual problems on men. If a guy can't get a woman off, it's his fault. But if a woman can't get a guy off, it's his fault, too. We can't win.

 

The guy who had sex with me three times but never cum is still asking to see me but according to you i must suck to hell..so what is going on here?

[Nherz]

The guy who had sex with me three times but never cum is still asking to see me but according to you i must suck to hell..so what is going on here?

 

Emotional blue balls. I was in a similar situation and couldn't cum with the girl, but still wanted to see her to see if the next time would be the right time. I learned that if you're with someone and you can't get excited enough to cum, then you're not excited enough to be with them.

[Lostndazed]

Nherz, No way! if he wanted to have sex with the OP on the 3rd date, he was definitely attracted to her. Now she tried for an hour and he could not cum. Then he leaves her while she tried to get him to stay.... Embarrassing for him because he couldn't cum, he made it worst by forcing his way out and being inconsiderate of the OP's feelings and last he tried to make amends for it later by saying he had a 'nice night.'

 

This guy is a total douche and to the OP, you should be happy that you found out sooner than later.

[dark angel9]

Well, him saying that he had a nice night was a way not to come accross as a total jerk. I found that most guys for some reason don't really want to be viewed as douches, even by people that they will never see again. Again, selfish motives.

[sbeezii]

don't be too hard on yourself.. if it had anything to do with you, he wouldn't have gotten it up.. lol.. but all jokes aside, he was probably embarassed. that's probably why he left so fast. maybe he does have some kind of medical issue, or maybe he was hella nervous.. also he could have used "time in a bottle" and that is specifically for prolonging the experience. just thought i'd through that out there.. lol

[christianguy10]

The fact that he couldn't cum, does that mean that I am really unattractive ?

 

That line scares me and it is what puts pressure on many people on a first date. Common your different from other girls so why put that pressure on the guy. Its not like a girl where you just rub and your done a guy has to do so much more and feel so much more and making it an all or nothing is unfair.

 

Him having an Orgasm is different from weather or not he had an errection. If he didnt get one then its safe to say you didnt sexually attract him but if he just didnt cum I would say no biggie. But I really wish women would stop staying that crap.

[DN]

I think people are really over-reacting to the way he left. Most people who are embarrassed want nothing more than to get over that embarrassment alone and do so as soon as humanly possible. It wasn't the best behaviour but it doesn't deserve the opprobrium being heaped on his head.

 

It's also wrong to say that if he didn't orgasm it must be because he wasn't attracted enough. Where that thinking comes from is best left to a professional, I will confine myself to saying it's very convenient.

[dark angel9]

I keep humiliating myself more and more with this guy. I asked him if we can hang out again and he responded that we can but without the sex. Then I asked him if he thinks we lack physical chemistry. He responded that it's hard to say, he truly doesn't doesn't know what it was. I left a day without msging him and have now sent him the most humilaing message yet: "Do you think we should keep hanging out with no pressure of sex or do you think this situation is hopeless?" He hasn't responded yet but I already know the answer will be no. I am just coming accross as obsessive and desperate right now. Rejection triggers that in me. In between, he ignores me on IM and everything points out to him moving on.

 

Can someone tell me that it's going to be OK I dunno why couldn't I just let go and why I am now hassling him so much. I will need to delete his number.

[Ms Darcy]

It's inexplicable why you would have contacted him. I think you should sit in the feeling of rejection when you feel triggered. Literally sit down. Don't text him ... just journal your thoughts and feelings every time you feel that way. You should also journal a response (e.g. "I know this is not a rational thought. I know this is not a 'rejection' but just a wrong fit. I am a loveable person.)

 

We get triggered and respond poorly until we learned to deal with the triggers more effectively.

[dark angel9]

Yeah, I have really poor impulse control. I know that I shouldn't be doing this. I ignore any rational thought. The truth is, I don't even want to see him again. On these grounds, where I am forcing him into seeing me, just no. Yet why am I sending those texts? I wish I just walked way with my head held high. Too late now. At least we have no friends in common and I never have to see him again. Hopefully the embarrassment will fade in time. He probably thinks I am a stalker by now

 

I have repeated this pattern with all men that rejected me in the past. I literally go crazy and feel incredibly unattractive when faced with rejection.

[DylanNotorious]

I do not think he was embarrassed, i think that the because the sex was bad there was no point sticking around. He's a jerk who was only looking for a root.

[dark angel9]

I do not think he was embarrassed, i think that the because the sex was bad there was no point sticking around. He's a jerk who was only looking for a root.

 

Yep, I 100% agree with you. He didn't really seem embarrassed at all in later contact. He was basically trying to let me down easy without actually saying that he doesn't want to see me again, hence all my questions.

[DN]

Why are you continuing to contact this man? Don't just plead poor impulse control, nor is it relevant how he behaved. What is important is where do these impulses come from within you? Until you know that, you are not going to be able to control yourself.

[dark angel9]

I am feeling really low about the whole situation so I think I am hoping that if I keep contacting him, he will say something to make me feel better. In reality, I only keep feeling worse.

 

I ended up blocking his number so that I never received his text reply to my last question - it gave me back feeling of control a bit.