Is he interested or not? What to do?

[dark angel9]

I met this guy via online dating 6 months ago. We had one date and it went really well. He called me the following day to ask me out for dinner later in the week. Date/place for dinner were set.

 

However, I got out of a long term relationship recently and wasn't feeling ready. I did like him so I was on the fence. Of course, I didn't communicate that to him given that I barely knew him. I ended up canceling and re-scheduling our dinner date twice, only to cancel without offer for a reschedule the third time.

 

A month went by and he texted me to see how I was. We exchanged few texts and he asked me to catch up to which I didn't reply.

 

Another few months went by. He sends me a Facebook message and we chat for a bit. We talk about catching up but didn't set the final date/time and it was kind of left hanging. We chat again a week later and I apologize for being busy and we finally agree to have that dinner.

 

I didn't cancel this time and I had a great time. I was surprised how attracted to him I felt how 4 hours just flew by. I realized that I really like him and am now keen to see him again. But he seems to have cooled off! This date was few days ago. Here is what happened since:

 

I texted him after the date to tell him that I had nice time. He texted back that we should do it again sometime. I texted for sure. That was it. The next day I sent him a text to ask him what he was up to, he responded - that was it. Yesterday, I text him again to ask him when he is free to catch up. He responds that "he thinks he is available on Friday." I responded with "Cool!" I haven't heard back from him since.

 

Note that since our dinner, I was the one initiating all text exchanges. Normally, I would not be that forward, but given how flaky I was in the past I wanted to put in more effort. I am unsure what to do now.

 

Should I let him get back in touch about Friday and leave the ball in his court? Or should I text him again and suggest a concrete plan (like a movie I wanted to see) for Friday?

 

He seemed really keen when he met me 6 months ago, but could he have possibly lost interest since then? Met someone else?

 

Please advise

[camus154]

Stop texting him. You've already reached out and now the ball's in his court. It's certainly possible that he's cooled off due to the past circumstances, but then again--he did reach out to you again, right?

 

Relax and let him contact you. If he doesn't, it's water under the bridge.

[MJWasHere]

Sounds like you have plans for Friday, so just chill and let him contact you. You've made it clear you are interested.

[buddha55]

yipes! you really blew him off! yes, I would stop texting because either hes either interested or not but texting more will not help.

[dark angel9]

Thanks guys, I just deleted his number so I am not tempted to text again.

 

I keep thinking maybe I did something to turn him off during the last date. Appearance wise, I have only changed for the better. I joined a gym few months ago and and lost about 10lbs (I wasn't overweight to begin with, just wanted to tone up). My hair etc looks the same as 6 months ago, only longer.. Conversation seemed easy and natural. I guess you never know..

 

And yes, I went over-board with the texting, how embarrassing!

 

It just seems weird that he was so persistent in getting the second date with me and then.....nothing. WTH.

[Gilson]

He was interested at some point, maybe still is.

 

He might be unsure about you, ie why you brushed him off for so long and then suddenly coming on strong.

 

I foresee you stepping back a few days and the whole thing turning around the other way until it fizzles out completely.

[camus154]

It just seems weird that he was so persistent in getting the second date with me and then.....nothing. WTH.

 

What do you mean "nothing"? You keep texting him, he keeps replying. You're not giving him a chance to initiate contact on his own initiative! It's been a whopping day since you talked about getting together.

[MJWasHere]

Thanks guys, I just deleted his number so I am not tempted to text again.

 

 

Why would you delete his #? I mean, you should have enough self-control to avoid texting him without having to delete his number.

 

I think you're way to "in" with this after only 2 dates (really only 1 date, since the first one was many months ago).

 

It also sounds like you might be overly needy in that you say "Poof...nothing" because he hasnt texted you every day.

 

I think if you do go out again, I predict you may have problems becasue you are needing or pushing for too much too fast.

[minorissues]

Why would you delete his #? I mean, you should have enough self-control to avoid texting him without having to delete his number.

 

I think you're way to "in" with this after only 2 dates (really only 1 date, since the first one was many months ago).

 

It also sounds like you might be overly needy in that you say "Poof...nothing" because he hasnt texted you every day.

 

I think if you do go out again, I predict you may have problems becasue you are needing or pushing for too much too fast.

 

Agree with this. I'm always amazed how over-analytical people will get about a person after a first or second date. I find it difficult to really care one way or another so early on.

 

That said, I do think he seems interested, but a bit wary because of what he could have seen as disinterest on your part 6 months ago. Either that or he's somewhat interested but on the fence due to some external factor (maybe was dating someone during your time apart and dealing with a BU; maybe dating someone else casually right now as well and tying up loose ends, or trying to figure out where it's going before he goes all in with you.)

 

I would try super hard not to distract yourself in the meantime and not get too invested in him (or the idea of him) or as MJ says, I think you may get even more over-analytical if he sticks around and things go farther.

[dark angel9]

I do agree, I tend to go in "too fast". That said, I am so rarely interested in someone that it seems like I should hold on to them when I feel the connection.

 

Whatever will be will be, and I will only need to wait few days to find out about Friday.

 

In general, I am over-analytical with everything.

[lalalollipops]

You were such a flake to him, it's pretty surprising he kept contacting you, obviously he's ver interested. Just give him a chance to text you back. Lol chill.

[JA0371]

Actually it makes sense to me that you're into him now..more than before, because you have admitted to flaking on him and yet he still remembered you and contacted you. So on some level this endeared him to you, even on a subconscious level, but you must remember this is still technically only your second date. He's still a stranger to you, even if you've had sporadic contact. Just go with the flow and see how it goes

[MJWasHere]

I am so rarely interested in someone that it seems like I should hold on to them when I feel the connection.

 

Well you can't "hold on to them". He is a free man to do what he wishes, regardless of how bad you want him. And by trying to "hold on to him", by trying to control his actions, or force the date -- you will in fact do the opposite!

[Ms Darcy]

Hi Dark,

 

I remember you and all the drama with your ex. I remember telling you not to cling to one guy even if there are red or yellow flags. But you have to be confident enough to step back and look for them. In terms of this new guy ... for your part, you showed him a lot of flakiness. Let him come to you and let things flow normally.

 

Have cautious optimism and be willing to walk if it isn't working.

[Day_Walker]

As others have mentioned just be patient and let this one play out. You are very knowledgeable about your history with this guy but act surprised that he isnt chasing you like he did 6 months ago when you initially blew him off. Friday is still a ways away so just calm down.

[dark angel9]

Still nothing. I just don't get men. I am sick of all this dating ****.

[Ms Darcy]

To be fair you did flake. On him a lot. Maybe he built you up in his mind because of the rejections and then saw reality when you had the date. It happens.

[MJWasHere]

Still nothing. I just don't get men. I am sick of all this dating ****.

 

Its TUESDAY a.m. You are overracting and being impatient. You are not at the stage of "contact everyday" with him. It sounds like you basically have plans for Friday. You asked him when he was available, he said Friday, you said Cool. In guy world, thats a "plan". If you want more concrete plans, then move the communication off text and onto phone.

 

If you havent heard by Thurs a.m. it would probably be okay to text him something light and friendly, like Hey still wanting to get together Friday?

 

But getting all pissy b/c you havent heard from him is not doing you any favors!

[dark angel9]

Just want to update this thread. The guy ended up totally ditching me.

 

I didn't contact him again and I got text from him on Wednesday night asking me how my week is going and what did I have in mind for our Friday's date.

I responded that I wanted to see a particular movie and asked him if he has seen it. His response was simple "No, I haven't". So I suggested some times the movies is showing and told him what suits him best or to let me know if he would rather do something else. He responded that he needs "to think about it get back to me".

 

Thursday comes and no word from him. Thursday night I text him "Did you have a think?" he responds that he is coming down with something and won't be able to do anything on Friday. I honestly didn't believe it for a second but what can you do.

 

As my last ditch attempt, I e-mailed him the next day to explain that I was flaky when we first met because I just got out of a long term relationship and wasn't ready to date at all, even casually - but that I am over it now and that I would want to slowly get to know him better. He responded that he has been on his own for so long (5 years single) that he is content like that and hasn't even had a date for months. That he truly doesn't know what he wants in his future. I took it as a brush of responded something like "you have to do what's best for you, good luck for the future".

 

Do you guys think that I did something wrong on our last date and he has cooled down? I really can't think of anything, we just had normal conversation that seemed to flow naturally. Or maybe I didn't look as good as he remembered? I have actually lost some weight since we first met and if anything I think I look better.

 

I am kind of stumped why he would pursue me so hard and then completely lose interest like that.

 

Any thoughts/ideas as to why would be appreciated.

[dark angel9]

I know how obsessive this sounds but I am an over-analyzer by nature so my thoughts are:

 

1. I did something/said something/looked like something that he didn't like and was turned off on the last date

2. He enjoyed thrill of the chase and enjoyed pursuing me, only to lose interest once he has caught me

3. He has genuine emotional issues of his own that are little to do with me

 

I actually believe that he is not dating anyone else. He seems to have fri/sat nights free, he hasn't been logging on to dating sites for months and he hasn't added anyone on Facebook for months (he is a heavy Facebook user and asked to add me after our first date). There are also no girls liking/commenting his statuses and pictures.

[dark angel9]

So he now wants to see me next Sat but to leave things "undefined" as to what we are. I have never asked for a definition or a relationship (way too early for that) - but he somehow wanted to get that point accross -that he just "doesn't know what he wants". It seems that this is at least partly genuine because he does want to see me again.

 

I used to avoid those casual situations like a plague before but I am lonely and now wonder if I should give this a go.

[JA0371]

Honestly I wouldn't see him again. His interest is lukewarm at best. If he is really truly interested he'll make MUCH more of an effort. I would just chalk this up to bad timing. There are far too many other men to deal with this...JMO.

[camus154]

If you settle for less, that's exactly what you're going to get.

[dark angel9]

Yeah, thanks guys. I don't think he would be telling me such BS if he was truly interested. There was none of that first time around. I will get out now, before I am more emotionally invested.