Thinking about it

[surething]

I'm not planning to kill myself, but lately it doesn't sound as crazy as it used to. I can't get anything going in my life, so a lot of times i think dying would make it less painful. I don't have a horrible life. My family isn't great, but there's families out there that are much worse. I've lived my whole life thinking i have a great family, but lately i'm seeing how things really are and i don't care about anything anymore. They won't let me grow up, yet they always criticize me for not being as mature as i should be. I constantly fight with my brother and i haven't spoken to him in over a month, and its always my fault. I'm not much of anything to my dad - we have no relationship at all. My mom is okay, but she just doesn't understand anything and i can't talk to her. I feel like a stranger in my own family. I'm usually by myself in the house, like i don't exist. And this is the only place i have to go.

 

I'm alone and i'm scared. I don't have too many friends. I don't really hang out with anyone. Occasionally i talk to "friends" but not everyday. They're always busy with their real friends, and that makes me feel ten times worse. It hurts so bad i've cried countless times. Everyday i asked a friend to hang out during the summer. She'd always say we should, but never did. One night in particular she said she was too busy to talk to me because she was making plans to hang out with some other guy, like i didn't exist. My whole life has been this way, ever since i was 6 or 7. No one ever let me be a part of anything. The thing is i don't know why. It feels like i'm excluded from life in general to this day. I hate people saying i'm their friend when i never see them or do anything but talk every few weeks. I don't know why people don't like me enough to want me around. They used to like me at school but NEVER cared to see me outside and i have no clue as to why.

 

Now i'm in college and i hate it. Everyday i'm reminded of the fact that i'm alone. Walking into school i see guys with their girlfriends, people having fun and talking with their friends... while i'm by myself, and everyone around just ignores me. I can't explain how horrible that makes me feel. Everyone else has what i want, and they get it so easily! I've never been happy. I've never had anyone to be with - ever. I always told myself i was happy and things are looking up, but thats all a joke and it took me this long to see it. I constantly hope things will get better, but i just end up hurting myself.

 

I can't get a girlfriend for the life of me. The one person i care about and i might be in love with, has a boyfriend. She likes me too but i blew it by not asking her out. I think about that all the time and it makes me so angry because its my fault. I ruin every chance i have with anything. Every single girl i've met has turned out this way. Girls have liked me, one even asked ME out, but i always mess it up. This girl now is the best thing in my life, yet i'm just a friend, which is what every girl sees me as. I know i'm not bad looking. My family is wealthy and i have a lot to offer - yet no girls show interest in me. No one (with the exception of this girl) notices me. And she gave up on me to be with an unactractive younger guy. She never gave me a chance and just found someone else, like i'm nothing. The exact same thing happened with another girl soon after. I could've gone out with her, but she just ignored me and found someone else on purpose for whatever reason.

 

I feel like a loser. I lose at everything and can't take it much longer if things don't change. I hate being left out. And i've tried, tried so hard to be accepted, tried hard to make friends but it always turns out the same way. I'm still alone and i can't change it. I'm affraid i'll be alone my whole life. How am i going to find someone to marry one day when i can't even get a date with a girl who likes me?? I know i probably sound like i'm whining or feeling sorry for myself, but i really need help. It hurts really bad. All of my friends have someone to be with, and i'm by myself while they're out having fun. Killing myself would put an end to the constant failure i endure everyday. Whats the point of living when in the 19 years i've been around, nothing has changed? Nothing gets better and i end up losing whatever little hope i had. It'd be dumb to keep living a life that isn't worth anything. I can't stand it anymore. I'd literally give anything to have things go right for a change, just for a day. I just want to be with this girl, but that probably will never happen. She means the world to me. But right now i'd take anyone at all.

 

Thanks for listening, i know its long. I've never told anyone about this stuff so its not easy for me, i hope i wrote it clearly.

[DBL]

I think about death on a dailiy basis. If I died tomorrow it wouldn't be soon enough.

 

I don't know what to take your story as. Is this all about a girl or you want to talk about you family probelms?

 

It starts off about how unhappy you realized your family life is, then at the end it is about a girl you like.

 

DBL

[Eidan]

A lot of people think like this! You're not alone. I'm not too happy with college, either. I pursued the girl that already had a boyfriend...and felt like a loser for not asking her out sooner.

 

It's hard to respond to a post like this. But think on this...you're how old? 19, was it? (Bad short term memory here). Play your cards right, you've got anoher 60 or 70 years to tackle. And if it's this bad now, it can only get better!

 

If you've got a good family, rest assured they love you. Talk to them! It's hard to do, I know....but it works.

[Lily04]

I have been frustrated with school as well, and I'm also 19. Thinking that life may still have a few things going for me helps..I've had suicidal thoughts in the past & am still very anxious about the future, but still trying to learn to calm my nerves. Life is full of obstacles; what helps for me is knowing that, in some way (despite how little), I can still control the outcome. (i.e. a deterministic view of the world isn't as comforting for me..I'm a very rational person.) I don't know if this helps at all, but I've felt the same way, and am just hoping that I won't commit suicide in the future. I've had thoughts, and it seems too drastic for me to seriously consider, but I've felt very desperate at times..if it ever gets very bad though, there's always help. Friends, family, professional counsellors are always there. And of course, us. So there's always someone that cares. That thought is comforting..I know my family, for one, would be in hysterics if I ever committed suicide, as well as my boyfriend which sorta keeps me going.

[thisisnotanexit]

hey man i'm 19 and in college too. and i agree with everyone else, you're certainly not alone. but i like what someone said earlier..you're only 19. i know it seems like your whole life things don't seem to go your way, but really, wouldn't you like to stick around and see how it would feel when they do start to go your way? and they will i promise you. you're not cursed or anything. nice guys just finish last sometimes. one day you'll find someone perfect for you and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. it just takes a little time. you're at the age right now, especially in college, when girls are j/ looking for a party and want a guy who treats them like crap. one day very soon a girl will realize what a great guy you are. and hey, i know what its like to not really blend in socially in college. a lot of these people just aren't like me and it hurts sometimes to be alone. but you know, just kinda talk to your classmates, or join an organization on campus, or talk to people on your hall or whatever. just like a girl, one day soon you'll be surrounded by people who treat you the way you deserve to be treated. i promise you, these things are temporary and you must try not to convince yourself that this is the rest of your life, because it's not. things will happen for you. just be strong and do everything you can to change the situations in your life that you're unhappy with. death is permanent, but the things you're facing in life right now aren't. one day thigns will change and i promise you'll be happy you stuck around to enjoy them. take it from me, i've been there. i'm also a 19 year old male college student so i feel you. we all care about you here and i know many many more people in your life do. you sound like an awesome person and i'm glad you've come here to seek help. if you ever wanna chat, feel free to message me. you can do it man, just try and keep your head up. take care

 

oh yes, check this site out if you ever wanna talk to someone online, it helped me

link removed

 

see ya

[Boromir]

I'm not planning to kill myself, but lately it doesn't sound as crazy as it used to.

 

Well all it take is for a seed to get planted in your head and suddenly it becomes an option. Don't think this is an alternative.

 

I can't get anything going in my life, so a lot of times i think dying would make it less painful

 

True, it would be, but you'd be DEAD. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

 

I don't have a horrible life. My family isn't great, but there's families out there that are much worse.

 

Someone always has it worse, and someone always handles things better. We all seem to evaluate how well we are doing by comparing how we feel to how we felt at a different time, so that's why sometimes we forget how good we really got it.

 

I've lived my whole life thinking i have a great family, but lately i'm seeing how things really are and i don't care about anything anymore. They won't let me grow up, yet they always criticize me for not being as mature as i should be. I constantly fight with my brother and i haven't spoken to him in over a month, and its always my fault. I'm not much of anything to my dad - we have no relationship at all. My mom is okay, but she just doesn't understand anything and i can't talk to her. I feel like a stranger in my own family. I'm usually by myself in the house, like i don't exist. And this is the only place i have to go.

 

There have been times where I was distant with my family too. It is a crappy feeling but half of this seems that you are relying on them to make you happy.

 

I'm alone and i'm scared.

 

This is shared by more people than you realize. It's okay, and it will pass.

 

I don't have too many friends. I don't really hang out with anyone. Occasionally i talk to "friends" but not everyday. They're always busy with their real friends, and that makes me feel ten times worse.

 

I have been in this situation too. I have had some great friends, but was disappointed that I wasn't closer to other people that I met and liked. For some reason I didn't have what they were looking for I guess.

 

It is hard establishing good friends, and you'll go through a lot of social friends before you find really good ones. The best thing I can say is to be patient and try to expose yourself to as many situations where there are people. Play sports, join clubs, etc etc. When my ex and I broke up, I had lost contact with a lot of my old friends. I had to pretty much start all over again. I joined some sport teams, socialized with those 'social friends' until I found the friends I liked. I still wish I had more so I could keep myself occupied, but I have done pretty well for myself.

 

Just remember that there are a lot of people who probably wish they had a friend like you. Some of the people you may feel you have nothing in common with, or aren't cool enough to other people turn out to be great friends. Just be nice to everyone. WHo knows who'll turn up as a best friend?

 

It hurts so bad i've cried countless times. Everyday i asked a friend to hang out during the summer. She'd always say we should, but never did. One night in particular she said she was too busy to talk to me because she was making plans to hang out with some other guy, like i didn't exist.

 

Then screw this b***h. She's not a friend. I know this hurt but this is for the best. If she isn't considerate enough to ask you to come along or respect your friendship, she ain't worth keeping around. She's part of the reason you feel like crap because you feel she doesn't think you are good enough. You should be thinking that I am raising my standards so I don't waste my time with idiots like this.

 

My whole life has been this way, ever since i was 6 or 7. No one ever let me be a part of anything.

 

Then just kick your way in. Be assertive.

 

The thing is i don't know why. It feels like i'm excluded from life in general to this day. I hate people saying i'm their friend when i never see them or do anything but talk every few weeks. I don't know why people don't like me enough to want me around. They used to like me at school but NEVER cared to see me outside and i have no clue as to why.

 

Believe me, there are plenty at your school that felt like you did, but you probably missed them.

 

Now i'm in college and i hate it. Everyday i'm reminded of the fact that i'm alone. Walking into school i see guys with their girlfriends, people having fun and talking with their friends... while i'm by myself, and everyone around just ignores me. I can't explain how horrible that makes me feel. Everyone else has what i want, and they get it so easily! I've never been happy. I've never had anyone to be with - ever. I always told myself i was happy and things are looking up, but thats all a joke and it took me this long to see it. I constantly hope things will get better, but i just end up hurting myself.

 

College is supposed to be the best time of your life. I hated the first school I went to, but loved the second. I felt a lone at my first college and I think it hurt my grades and ended up being part of the reason I dropped out.

 

The second time I did things differently. I made sure I was active, and making friends just turned out easier. I don't know what you are doing for a job, but I recommend getting a job as a waiter. Wait staff can be a pain in the *ss sometimes, but they are always up for going out and drinking after and I've always made friends that way. Some jobs don't force you to deal with people, or require the teamwork that waiting tables needs, so it is a unique environment and I think that will help you.

 

I can't get a girlfriend for the life of me. The one person i care about and i might be in love with, has a boyfriend. She likes me too but i blew it by not asking her out. I think about that all the time and it makes me so angry because its my fault. I ruin every chance i have with anything. Every single girl i've met has turned out this way. Girls have liked me, one even asked ME out, but i always mess it up. This girl now is the best thing in my life, yet i'm just a friend, which is what every girl sees me as. I know i'm not bad looking. My family is wealthy and i have a lot to offer - yet no girls show interest in me.

 

Believe me, ditch the money thing. You want a girl to like you for who you are, not for the money you are going to spend on her. Let that be the bonus part.

 

I've gone through some dry spells too. I have some friends who will ask out every girl they talk to without shame because they play the averages game, betting that 2-3 out of a hundred will say yes. Guess what? They are usually getting laid when I am not. In your case you are drowning yourself in the few that you 'blown' and you are forgetting that there are so many other women around that you aren't even paying attention to.

 

No one (with the exception of this girl) notices me. And she gave up on me to be with an unactractive younger guy. She never gave me a chance and just found someone else, like i'm nothing. The exact same thing happened with another girl soon after. I could've gone out with her, but she just ignored me and found someone else on purpose for whatever reason.

 

Timing does have a lot to do with relationships.

 

I feel like a loser. I lose at everything and can't take it much longer if things don't change. I hate being left out. And i've tried, tried so hard to be accepted, tried hard to make friends but it always turns out the same way. I'm still alone and i can't change it. I'm affraid i'll be alone my whole life. How am i going to find someone to marry one day when i can't even get a date with a girl who likes me?? I know i probably sound like i'm whining or feeling sorry for myself, but i really need help. It hurts really bad. All of my friends have someone to be with, and i'm by myself while they're out having fun. Killing myself would put an end to the constant failure i endure everyday. Whats the point of living when in the 19 years i've been around, nothing has changed? Nothing gets better and i end up losing whatever little hope i had. It'd be dumb to keep living a life that isn't worth anything. I can't stand it anymore. I'd literally give anything to have things go right for a change, just for a day. I just want to be with this girl, but that probably will never happen. She means the world to me. But right now i'd take anyone at all.

 

Thanks for listening, i know its long. I've never told anyone about this stuff so its not easy for me, i hope i wrote it clearly.

 

Something just occurred to me. If your family is well off, maybe your friend's families are too. My family had money too when I was young, and I always hated the kids who had money. I never liked how they acted and couldn't care less what they thought of me.

 

I preferred people who were more down to earth and real. Maybe you are missing some of those people. You'll have to get active. I don't think you've really found yourself, or what kind of person you want to be, because I don't see any confidence in your post. A great girl could come along but you won't have all the pieces within yourself to keep her around.

 

My advice is to say f*** to anyone who doesn't give back to you what you give them, and make sure you let them know what you want from them. Next, join some clubs, sports, or whatever even if you suck. Look to meet one or two people out of a group at a time. Believe me, if you try to go after everything at once you wont get it. Get a job where the people working look like they are having fun. I don't even want to here you don't need to work or your scedule doesn't allow for it. I went through college working 35 hours a week so that bullsh*t wont fly with me.

 

Good luck! And keep your chin up!

[Hannibal]

While I can't offer the abundance of advice posted above. I can offer some advice speaking from experience on this subject.

 

I had frequent thoughts of suicide a while ago and then a breakup sent me over the edge. I planned out my death to the minute and came very close to going through with my plan. until someone essentially saved me from going through with it.

Before this all happened I never really thought about the possible emotional after effects of planning my own death.

It still brings me to tears to think about how close I came and all the things I would have missed out on (even in these past few months) and remembering when my mom found out and I talked to her and she was crying on the phone.

 

So just remember this, no matter how bad life is things always get better.

 

Someone once told me a story when I was in the depths of despair.

 

Life is like a mountain range, with peaks and valleys.

When you're at a good point in your life you're up at the top of the mountain, its very beautiful but there isn't really much to do or learn up at the top.

When you're at a low point in your life you're in one of the valleys, you feel like you'll never make it up the next mountain. However down in the valleys is where all the life is and where you learn about yourself and discover new things.

[DBL]

Personally I think there are just some people that are just not cut out for this world. They just don't know how to survive in it. I once had to talk a guy out of killing himself. Wasn't my first choice, a girl I was friends with asked me to go talk to him. I said I didn't like him anyway...let him let him kill himself. I didn't know that she was his sister, and she started crying hysterically. The guy was real trash and a trouble maker, and back then I wasn't as sensitive as I am today. Anyway I talk to this guy, his girlfriend dumped him and was doing someone else. I was friends with his x girlfriend and knew she was a ho. In fact her whole family were hos ...mother and sisters, etc. Even though they were hos, they were always loyal friends to me. Later his x girlfriend told me I should of just let him kill himself, that he was stalking her and stuff. The guy is still a dirtbag. The guy even drove me to the cliff he was going to drive off of.

 

Anyway...they say every time you think of attempting suicide you are getting closer to actually doing it.

 

DBL

[surething]

Thanks everyone, i feel a little better now. I'm just not used to feeling this way. I've always kept everything inside because i try to think it'll get better. The thing is, it never does. I find it hard to get into social groups when i feel this way. I usually come out of these periods of feeling down, but this one's not as easy.

 

I hate knowing "one day" things will get better and all of that. I've waited this long and it hasn't changed, its just gotten worse. Why should things be different in my future? Why do most people get to enjoy their lives NOW?

 

I've always heard nice guys finish last, and i just realized i'm living it. And "one day girls will want someone who's nice..." Why do i have to wait? Its not fair that other people get everything and i can't even get anything close.

[VeryShyGuy]

Don't hold anything in. Do what I did and vent it ALL on this forum.

[thisisnotanexit]

believe me, all those guys you see out there with these typical girls, you don't want those girls. those are dead end, meaningless relationships. itll happen for you, just try and keep a little hope. these seem enticing now, but really, you're better off until the day you're with a girl and with friends who are truly right for you. it'll happen. take care man