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No More Sex??? Please Help...Confused!!! Full-Version (Edit)

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Well let's start from the beginning, I have never in my life decided to get into a relationship, well because I live in NYC and when I hear girls that I know speak, it makes it seem as if they are immature and not relationship material, if you know what I mean "(PROFANITY DELETED BY MODERATOR)"...Well anyways, I met a girl about 2 years ago and she was different and we started talking and well, we ended up in a relationship.


Ok...so everything's going great we fall in love and we're engaging in sexual activities as I like to call it, by the way she took my virginity and i'm not ashamed to let everyone know. Well to the present...she stopped having sex with me after a year and would always give me different excuses, like you don't have a job, your not in school, i'm on my period...and not even for my Birthday or Valentine's Day...even Christmas, i tried to give her a hint, she didn't have money for a gift and I said all I want is you and she said ok, when it came down to it, the answer was no.


So, I am a guy and the first thing I think is she's cheating on me...fast forward...yesterday I asked if we could have sex cuz I couldn't take it anymore, I said to her to give me the complete honest answer on why, ok here we go...she tells me that I promised to lose weight and learn how to dance....then here's the killer the stretch marks on my shoulders are disusting and un-bearable, then she tells me that i'm not that fat, which i'm not, I even lost 15 pounds already and the stretch marks are from having really broad shoulders and from growing really fast and the dancing...they don't offer Bachata in dance classes(we are both spanish)and no one has time to teach me.


She wants to go clubbing with me but she does't have the patience to teach me how to dance. She says that we are like an old couple, going to dinner and a movie, but yet I offer to go ice skating(indoor), bowling, play pool, but she says it's boring by ourselves, which is somewhat true, but she never came up with anything. Well back to the subject... She then tells me to go have sex with another woman if she is holding me back, that if she doesn't know it won't hurt her, but if she finds out it'll hurt her??? What the hell...I said that I would never do that, eventhough I wanted to say ok to see her reaction...then she tells me to use my hand, oh come on now!!


Then she tells me that we shoudn't be together, because i'm young and she's holding me back, to me it seems af she doesn't even care about me when she says this. My self esteem right now is at it's lowest, it' was low from the beginning, eventhough people will tell me I am good looking, I still don't believe it...and i'm not talking about coming from my mother. lol. Well I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore, I have long hard days of working full time and going to school full time...this is too much stress for a 20 year old and on top of that NYC is expensive so I am barely making it. I think I should at least get sex. Also I treat this girl like a queen, she tells me i am the best boyfriend a girl could have but yet she's cold towards me.


I just don't understand, on top of that I buy everything for her...not cuz I feel sorry cuz she's poor, but because I love her and I try to give her the best in life, she gets mad at me and tells me i'm not Superman, and whenever I talk to her about serious things she calls me Oprah, I know it's funny but it bothers the hell out of me. She has never bought me a damn thing and I don't complain, I just want to be with her, not for what she can get me.


On top of that I found out her password to her voice-mail, and I also pay our cell phone bills, which I know is wrong, but can you blame me if all this is goin on. Well she gets a alot from this one guy, I don't know him and I can't get his number so anyways, he's always calling her sweetheart and honey, and in even one message he says I LOVE YOU before he hangs up, i'm not gonna jump to conclusions until i'm 100% sure she's cheating on me, plus he sounds like he's gay but how would I know, or maybe a close friend, not too close I hope. Well I started to call her sweetheart which is something I never say, but she never caught on so I stopped.


Well I don't know what to do anymore, I really love this girl, and I seriously don't know what to do or think. I would greatly appreciate some feedback and some help. Thank You in advance. I'm loosing my mind here. By the way she told me one time that it feels good when she hurts people because people have hurt her so much in her life...she has gone through alot, but why me??? She has even said things like for instance if I mumble something she would tell me on the phone that if I put the cheeseburger down she could hear me, then a couple of days later she'll apologize and say that she only does it cuz she cares about my health and doesn't want me to get like her mother and sister, well that kind of stuff hurts me, sometimes I don't even eat because of this...well just to let you know she's mean to everyone.


I don't give up because I try to show her that her life can get better than what she is going through at home and stuff (too much to get into...she also has ulcers and had a leukemia scare, and I still stayed by her, even if she was gonna loose her hair, plus I buy all her medicine)


I've done so much for her, I feel extremely un-appreciated. I do feel like giving up at this point and i'm never one to do so, should I set her free or should I keep trying to make her life better, but remember i'm not "Superman"...well I can go on, but i'll stop now, this is my first post and I really don't talk to anyone much so I thought i'd give this a try. This feedback I get from this post can probably change my life.

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Hi MysteryMan,

Oh boy! This is a tough one... I'm going to tell it to you straight. I think that if you stay with this girl your self-esteem (what is left of it) is going to go down to zero. It sounds to me like she is using you. You pay for alot of these expenses that are hers, I understand that you love her, but she is treating you like basura. Don't let her.


I really fear that if you stay with her any longer you will lose all faith in women. Nobody has a right to mistreat you, but it is up to YOU to put a stop to it.


All of the things she has told you have been meant to make YOU feel unworthy, as if you can't do anything right. Maybe your self-esteem is already damaged to the point that you don't see what she is doing. I do hope you will love yourself enough to stand back and take a good look at this situation.


You deserve so much better. A girl who loves you would never make you feel inadequate. She would treat you with respect.


I hope things work out for you friend.

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Wow, is all I can say. This girl is a piece of work. Ok, let me tell you something...you know how some girls end up with physically abusive guys? Well, you have ended up with a verbally and emotionally abusive girl.


She is not right in the head, ok? Something is really wrong with her character. She enjoys being cruel.


Get out and let her be someone else's problem. If you stay with this girl, your opinion of women is going to be ruined.

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You deserve to be appreciated... and stop buying everything for your girlfriend, that's the job of a sugar daddy, not a boyfriend. Gifts to be romantice once in a while, gifts to make her happy once in a while, buying dinner when you're out, paying for gas... sure. Paying for her medicine and her living expenses? NO!


Hmm... I can't help but be curious though... how heavy are you that your girlfriend will insult you with her cheeseburger comment? I have a standard of obesity I want my boyfriend to never reach too. I know he'll likely pass that in the future. >_

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THATS WACK...have u read over ur story and actually think about why u still with her? i think anyone who reads your post is going to agree when i say leave her before you lose all your money, your self worth, and your future...


btw the girls cheatin on u...ur just blinded by love

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I am sorry to say, I also think she is just using you. She has told you that she enjoys watching other people get hurt... that is not right. She probably needs a lot of help.


I think you should get out of this relationship before you loose your self-esteem completely. It's already starting to go... why else would you put up with that cheeseburger comment? Don't let her enjoy being cruel to you anymore. You deserve to be appreciated, and I'm sure there are plenty of other women out there who would jump at the chance to be with a guy as loving as you.

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I have a couple of questions to help me understand your situation completely, so that I can really 'get' the whole story before I give complete advice.


1. Didn't you start to wonder about her after even a couple of months of her not wanting to have sex with you anymore?


2. Is she affectionate at all? Or is she usually critical and pushes away affection as well?


3. Does she leave your apartment frequently or overnight? Is she secretive about where she goes and who she associates with?


4. You've said that you're both Spanish. Does her or your family live in New York? Do you guys share an apartment, just the two of you, together? If so, how did you come to live with her in the first place?


5. You've mentioned that you lost some weight. Did you do it because of her comments and criticism?


I really feel for you. You sound like a genuinely nice guy who is trying to give her the benefit of the doubt despite the abuse that she seems to be dishing out.


The phone message that you heard probably devastated you, but you've said that the guy sounded gay. Nobody here can tell you whether or not your girlfriend is cheating on you, it's something that you'll have to discover yourself by a bit of investigation.


There is only one thing I can give absolute advice about in this case. If your girlfriend hasn't wanted to have sex with you for over a year, there is probably no way that she'll ever want to have regular sex with you again. It's been my experience that after someone is totally turned off by sex with you, that it's almost impossible to get that 'chemistry' back.


She sounds like a rude, selfish, and ungrateful girl. The way that she insults you and calls you down about your appearance is sickening to me - there is no excuse to ever do this to someone else. If she has no desire to remain in a relationship with you, she should have the integrity, or at a very bare minimum, some common human decency/ respect to let you go rather than treating you like a piece of garbage.


I can tell that you've done everything to make her happy and to try and make things work, but I honestly don't think that your energy is worth it. Work towards something that you can be proud of, not a person who is taking you for granted and giving you nothing in return. It does sound like she is using you, sorry to say. I hope that you can see this and give her the boot (save your pride man!) before it's too late.


I know that you care for her, but I don't think she feels the same way. I had to learn this the hard way; never put more energy into another person than they put into you. She's taking everything that you give her and giving nothing back except for abuse and selfishness. Is this really a girl that you can see yourself with in the future? You're working your butt off to support someone who will probably leave you if she had the chance. It's got to hurt to hear that, but I think that it's pretty clear that she made up her mind to fall out of love with you over a year ago. Let her go and save your mind, your pride, and your money!!

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You are probably dying to hear someone say something good about your situation but I am sorry..


I think she is using you as well.... I cant believe you pay for her cell phone and her medicine... etc....


Im so sorry she said those mean things to you.. you should just get rid of her.. no one deserves to be called names like that.... I know its easier said then done... my bf calls me names and makes me feel like a piece of junk and I cant get myself to break up with him either....

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Sorry to say, I agree with everyone else. She is using you and you deserve a lot better. She doesn't seem like she loves you or cares about you, she's just out for herself. Staying with her is only going to make you feel worse. Get out as soon as you can and before you go let her know she can't be going around hurting and using other people like that.

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I had to reread your post dude....you got problems.


If a guy is calling and leaving messages on her phone saying he loves her, then she is mostly likely playing hide the salami with someone else. All those excuses for not having sex is BS.


I think it is time you stood up like man and take a stand. This is what I would do. I would wait until she went out and pack all her stop and throw it on her mothers lawn. Then come back change the locks, cancel her cell phone. Loose the contact with her, don't give her no answers or excuses. Just act like she don't exist. Get a good night sleep...and start new the following day. I know you are probably all crazy in the head, I probably would be too if I was treated that way. When it is all said and done a few months down the road...you will be like "why did I let her take adavantage of me like that? Man I was whooped!". We will all be here in the mean tme when you need to vent.


Good luck and slap her in the head for me.


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Wow, man. This kind of story makes me glad that I broke it off with a girl who started acting a little like this. I'm sorry to hear this happen to you. It's got to be hard, man. But it won't get any better. Like everyone else said, lose this girl and find someone better. From your post, it does sound like that you need someone to talk to... to sort out your issues... and I mean, in person. I'm kind of hesitant to say because you might react negatively to this, but have you considered seeing a councelor? (I am currently seeing one at my school.. so you're not the only one!)

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