Well let's start from the beginning, I have never in my life decided to get into a relationship, well because I live in NYC and when I hear girls that I know speak, it makes it seem as if they are immature and not relationship material, if you know what I mean "(PROFANITY DELETED BY MODERATOR)"...Well anyways, I met a girl about 2 years ago and she was different and we started talking and well, we ended up in a relationship.
Ok...so everything's going great we fall in love and we're engaging in sexual activities as I like to call it, by the way she took my virginity and i'm not ashamed to let everyone know. Well to the present...she stopped having sex with me after a year and would always give me different excuses, like you don't have a job, your not in school, i'm on my period...and not even for my Birthday or Valentine's Day...even Christmas, i tried to give her a hint, she didn't have money for a gift and I said all I want is you and she said ok, when it came down to it, the answer was no.
So, I am a guy and the first thing I think is she's cheating on me...fast forward...yesterday I asked if we could have sex cuz I couldn't take it anymore, I said to her to give me the complete honest answer on why, ok here we go...she tells me that I promised to lose weight and learn how to dance....then here's the killer the stretch marks on my shoulders are disusting and un-bearable, then she tells me that i'm not that fat, which i'm not, I even lost 15 pounds already and the stretch marks are from having really broad shoulders and from growing really fast and the dancing...they don't offer Bachata in dance classes(we are both spanish)and no one has time to teach me.
She wants to go clubbing with me but she does't have the patience to teach me how to dance. She says that we are like an old couple, going to dinner and a movie, but yet I offer to go ice skating(indoor), bowling, play pool, but she says it's boring by ourselves, which is somewhat true, but she never came up with anything. Well back to the subject... She then tells me to go have sex with another woman if she is holding me back, that if she doesn't know it won't hurt her, but if she finds out it'll hurt her??? What the hell...I said that I would never do that, eventhough I wanted to say ok to see her reaction...then she tells me to use my hand, oh come on now!!
Then she tells me that we shoudn't be together, because i'm young and she's holding me back, to me it seems af she doesn't even care about me when she says this. My self esteem right now is at it's lowest, it' was low from the beginning, eventhough people will tell me I am good looking, I still don't believe it...and i'm not talking about coming from my mother. lol. Well I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore, I have long hard days of working full time and going to school full time...this is too much stress for a 20 year old and on top of that NYC is expensive so I am barely making it. I think I should at least get sex. Also I treat this girl like a queen, she tells me i am the best boyfriend a girl could have but yet she's cold towards me.
I just don't understand, on top of that I buy everything for her...not cuz I feel sorry cuz she's poor, but because I love her and I try to give her the best in life, she gets mad at me and tells me i'm not Superman, and whenever I talk to her about serious things she calls me Oprah, I know it's funny but it bothers the hell out of me. She has never bought me a damn thing and I don't complain, I just want to be with her, not for what she can get me.
On top of that I found out her password to her voice-mail, and I also pay our cell phone bills, which I know is wrong, but can you blame me if all this is goin on. Well she gets a alot from this one guy, I don't know him and I can't get his number so anyways, he's always calling her sweetheart and honey, and in even one message he says I LOVE YOU before he hangs up, i'm not gonna jump to conclusions until i'm 100% sure she's cheating on me, plus he sounds like he's gay but how would I know, or maybe a close friend, not too close I hope. Well I started to call her sweetheart which is something I never say, but she never caught on so I stopped.
Well I don't know what to do anymore, I really love this girl, and I seriously don't know what to do or think. I would greatly appreciate some feedback and some help. Thank You in advance. I'm loosing my mind here. By the way she told me one time that it feels good when she hurts people because people have hurt her so much in her life...she has gone through alot, but why me??? She has even said things like for instance if I mumble something she would tell me on the phone that if I put the cheeseburger down she could hear me, then a couple of days later she'll apologize and say that she only does it cuz she cares about my health and doesn't want me to get like her mother and sister, well that kind of stuff hurts me, sometimes I don't even eat because of this...well just to let you know she's mean to everyone.
I don't give up because I try to show her that her life can get better than what she is going through at home and stuff (too much to get into...she also has ulcers and had a leukemia scare, and I still stayed by her, even if she was gonna loose her hair, plus I buy all her medicine)
I've done so much for her, I feel extremely un-appreciated. I do feel like giving up at this point and i'm never one to do so, should I set her free or should I keep trying to make her life better, but remember i'm not "Superman"...well I can go on, but i'll stop now, this is my first post and I really don't talk to anyone much so I thought i'd give this a try. This feedback I get from this post can probably change my life.
