Ex gf already talking marriage within 2 weeks of dumping me!

[whattheheck]

I found out the other day that my ex gf of over 4 years already fell "in love" with her new man within a week or two of dumping me. She dumped me the beginning of August, and was talking marriage with her new man in the middle of August. WOW!!! What the heck happened?

 

Obviously, she must have been going out with him behind my back when we were still together, but still, THAT WAS AWFUL QUICK!!! They were already talking about spending the rest of their lives together!!

 

What a crazy world!!

[if only]

I have spoken to a few people about this as my cousin is one of these people.

 

I really feel that when you come out of a relationship no matter if you are the dumper or dumpee you have both been use to giving and receiving love and you cant just stop...can you?

 

My opinion is when you get into a new relationship too soon after the break, the love you have to give automatically transfers to the new relationship with the added bonus of it being new and exciting. You don't see all the bad bits (love is blind) until in some cases it is too late...this also happens, I feel in rebound relationships, which is why when ending a rebound, can sometimes make the emotions even worse than when ending the previous relationship were the love was true.

 

I on the other hand have used the time from my split to focus the love back onto myself which in return has made me a happier person than my ex, who jumped into a new relationship and has carried the same issues throughout all three of his LT relationship (our's was 5 years and most resent).

 

These people can be happy on the outside but I feel they are insecure and can not be alone because of this. I do not feel they can truly be happy with themselves until they resolve the issues and learn to love themselves, like I am now. But they will never know what true happiness is as they have never experienced it and this is the norm.

 

We are better of without them

 

[shes2smart]

Obviously, she must have been going out with him behind my back when we were still together, but still, THAT WAS AWFUL QUICK!!! They were already talking about spending the rest of their lives together!!

 

Maybe she was seeing him behind your back, maybe she wasn't.

 

If she was ready to make that kind of commitment, and met someone else who was also ready...well, it CAN happen that fast.

 

I broke up with someone in June 2001. I started meeting/dating new people immediately...I saw no need to go through the bitter, man-hatin' phase I had gone through after previous break-ups. In the equestrian world this known as "getting back on the horse that threw you."

 

Anyway, I chatted with a guy online in late August 2001, met him for a date in September 2001, he proposed a week after we met for the first time, we got married July 2002, and it's been amazing.

 

Seriously...when the time is right and the person is right, you just know.

 

And, on the other hand, she could also be rushing into things and making a huge mistake.

 

Only time will tell....if things made sense all the time, it'd take the mystery out of life.

[Scout]

Yeah, that is awful quick. Sounds like you were definitely the level-headed one in the relationship. I know it hurts right now, but the truth is, her new fling probably won't last, and then she'll be back trying to get emotional support from you.

 

And being the sensible guy you are, I'm sure you won't allow yourself to be used.

 

Keep focusing on yourself, circulate socially, keep yourself out there. It gets better. I promise.

[_Ramirez_]

I saw it happen. One month after I was out of my ex life she had another guy moved in my place.

 

Its an awful feeling. Being replaced so fast really hurt. She did put everything into her relationship with him that she was holding with me, they got engaged, got a joined bank account, talked about having kids together, etc... The guy dumped her after a 3 year relationship. I know she suffered like hell and I was kinda sad for her as I had moved on with my life and I was happy.

 

Chances are your ex can't live alone and the mere tough of suffering like you suffer right now made her want to "secure" a guy in her life. That way she won't have to fear to be dumped like she dumped you. The guy fell in for that, but thats his trouble and he's the one that will have to pay the support.

 

Move on and forget about her, thats the only thing you can do about it.

[Scout]

The fact is, some women cannot be without a man. And some men cannot be without a woman. It's a good practice to start learning how to spot these types of people in the beginning.

[trishcollins]

As someone who was very likely the "victim" of a rebound or transistional situation, I warn you all now -- stay away from anyone who is recently out of a relationship, regardless of whether they were the dumper or the dumpee. My "ex's" wife had only passed away three months before he was out dating again. It was a sudden and unexpected situation -- she went in the hosptial for a routine operation and it went very wrong and she never came home. She was only 40.

 

Granted, he convinced me that he was ready to move on and that he explained to his kids that lives goes on, and they all seemed to be ready to handle it on the outside. But I knew at some point things would come back that would have to be dealt with. He was the one that first declared his love for me, that once he sees something he wants, there's no stopping him, and we make an unbeatable team. I was reluctant at first, but he was very convincing and soon I fell hard for him.

 

Well, here I am two years later, and three months ago he decided to call it quits. Although he won't admit it, I know that there were things he never faced and never dealt with that are finally surfacing now. His daughter (17 then, 20 now), REFUSED to accept me in her father's life, making it impossible for us to be together. All my "ex" did for the last year of our relationship was try and keep the peace. I had a lot of empathy for her and went out my way to be nice to her, and tried to get him to understand that it wasn't me, it was the situation that she didn't like, and they needed to have a heart-to-heart and get some counselling. But my suggestions fell on deaf ears, and I think the guilt was too much for him to take.

 

Although he ended it, and I am heartbroken, it's him I feel more sorry for. If he keeps his head buried in the sand, he will never be able to have a fulfilling relationship, and his daughter has only learnt that if she doesn't like something, she can just throw a temper tantrum and get her own way. The sad part is, his son and I got along famously and I miss him very much. I doubt he would move so quickly into another relationship, but unless he sees clearly why our relationship ended, there is a good possibility he will be out there again soon.

 

Anyway, all that to say is that I can see if happening that people do transfer the feelings of love they had for someone they recently lost (either by ending a relationship or being dumped) and that it more often than not, it doesn't work in the end.

[chai714]

Whattheheck - You're a victim of a girl whose in a rebound relationship - only this chick is taking it a step further thinking she wants marriage, when in reality, it's INFATUATION, NOT LOVE. I feel bad for her in a way, because once she comes off this high, she's gonna be married, and probably say ..."what the heck?!"

[rosalind24]

i don't know if my friend counts too.. but I have this friend who's always in and out of relationships. She'd find a "perfect" and amazing guy with no flaws what-so-ever, date him for 2 weeks, beginning to see everything wrong in him, they get tired of each other, fight, etc, and they'll break up, a week later, guess what, she found another perfect and amazing guy... and the cycle continues. =( She wants to marry every single one of her past boyfriends too, she's ready for engagement 1 week into all of her relationships.

[detroitlove]

I have a strong suspicion that my ex is already dating some other guy. We were together for 3 years and for over a year we would talk with certainty about marriage and our kids, about where we were going to live/do etc. In 1 weeks time, she said it was over. As most of you, this completely caught me off guard.

Following about a week of intense pain, I began to accept a few things. You know, she made the mistake, her loss, etc. But then I began to really look forward to the call or email from her saying she made a mistake and was sorry, I thought she would come crawling back to me. I thought I would get great satisfaction telling her, "nope, sorry, you had your chance", which would give her some of the pain she so brutally gave to me.

However, now I have a strong suspicion that she has already found some other guy in her life, making her fall head over heels in his love. This is merely one, 1!, week after the most intense relationship of both of our lives. A couple days after she broke up with me, because I supposedly didn't suit her needs, many needs that is, I sent her email kind of telling her off, but in a very nice way, and at the end I included things like, 'I don't want to lose my best friend' kind of stuff. So, she emailed me back angirly telling me that I never gave her the things she needed in life, and how she's met people in the last 3 weeks that have given her more than me in the last 3 years, ouch, I know. So after reading this, I called her and said, "answer me this one question, is there someone else, like specifically that has given you all this stuff I never did?" And she said, "yes...but not in the way that you think". (Hmmm, what am I supposed to think?). She went on to say (lie) that there was many people, not one, that made her realize what I didn't give her. At the end of the call I kind of believed her, yet, I couldn't pull myself away from my gut feeling that she wasn't being totally honest with me. I also suspect this from those stupid "away messages" on AOL instant messengers, which she always puts up. I have a screen name that she doesn't have, and block the one that she does, so she thinks that I'm not online and not reading them. I know it sounds "stalkerish" to do this, but I guess I'm just so lonely, and have a need to know how she's "feeling" from those away messages. I'm kind of hoping that she's depressed, I mean, at least give me that. Her away message last night said, "…is it possible to fall in love so quickly, with baseball? (wink)", you know, like she's joking about the baseball thing, yet serious about the love part (the wink). So I read this and automatically presumed that she was watching the baseball game last night with some guy that she finds (PROFANITY DELETED BY MODERATOR) charming, and questioning how she can fall so quickly in "love" with him. It's worth noting that this girl has absolutely no interest in sports. I know, it's not smart to check up on your ex like I've been doing, but I am just so damn confused about everything that I need something, anything, to fully understand why she did this to me, and maybe, have that hope of not having to let go. I must remind you that this has all happened in a matter of one week after ending a relationship where this girl absolutely loved and adored me.

What I suspect my ex of doing is a complete slap in my face. It's like kicking me when I'm already down on the ground, telling me not to get up. I mean seriously, this girl expressed so much love for me in 3 years, and now I suspect she's already "falling in love" with some guy she's probably known for 2-3 weeks!? At least give me the dignity of being hurt because you dumped someone you loved. At least be moderately unhappy for "having to" end a great relationship. At least think about our love we shared for 3 years. At least think about me. I think I deserve at least a crossing thought, not one that says "he (me) never used to do this/that and this one does", kind of stuff, but one that misses at least a small part of Me.

I never thought I could hurt as much as I have been, but knowing that she is as happy as ever and "in love" with some other guy she probably doesn't even know, is hurting me even more.

It hurts because she is completely disregarding what we had for 3 years in a matter of mere weeks, and won't even give me the dignity and respect of thinking of me.

[fridolyn]

Detroitlove: Your ex may not love him at all. She may not have as much fun as you think. How would you know that anyway? Because she's told you? Nah that's crap. My ex always appears happy and everything but I know how she feels "inside". You may not know how your "ex" feels inside but upon reading your story. I really dont think she's having the time of her life. I just dont believe it. And what If Im wrong? Well there's nothing you can do and, believe me, you wont give a damn in a few months because what really matters in your life is you and you only...

 

***English is my second language***

[zveric]

Detroitlove:

I am beginning to think, from my own experience, and reading these boards, that there is a biologically driven hormone cycle to love, especially in females, that lasts like, exactly 3 years. The number of guys on here who were dropped suddenly and with no warning, after exactly 3 years, (myself included) is too much to be a coincidence. I am beginning to think that their body begins to tell them that if they haven't gotten pregnant by this man after 3 yrs, then he is probably sterile. I think this happens whether they want to have children or not, or whether they are on the pill or not. around the 2 and a half year mark, my girlfriend lost interest in me sexually, then blamed me for our lack of passion, then started an affair with another man, then, within weeks of the 3 year anniversary of us hooking up, boom.

He moved into OUR appartment exactly ONE DAY after I moved out.

I think they have a biological egg timer built in, and without kids, it kills whatever love they felt after an unknown amount of time. The thing is, we both wanted to have kids, and we talked about it, and we even were kind of trying. Not trying the way married couples try to have kids, with thermometers and the like, but we weren't being careful. That sure doesn't smell like commitment phobia to me, but all of a sudden, that's all she wrote babe.

All the girls and women on this forum are now free to trash me.

I'm ready.

[fridolyn]

Zveric: that was an interesting post. My ex left after 3,5 years. She wanted to have kids too. At the beginning I didnt really want to but she convinced me. We were not very careful either... Today, Im glad it didnt work because we would have had kids raised in different homes...

 

 

***ENglish is my second language***

[zveric]

See!?!

What the heck?!

Can some females share a little insight here? Is this, like, something you all know about?

 

Check out my new signature.

[blushes]

Well my story here (and im female)

 

i was dumped just over 6 weeks ago from the guy i love with all my heart and soul, we were together 11 months and a few days, LDR, we were still so in love when his first ever g/f turned up outta the blue and needed a friend, ( they hadnt contacted each other in 18 years) they hadnt split up all the years ago as her family had just moved away and she went with them and when he saw he again he had feelings for her which he didnt understand cuz he loved me with everything, (he wrote me an email after vanishing for 3 days of her turning up cuz he felt guilty that he had a feeling for her again.

 

He promised to come online and talk to me the next day but never arrived, when i called him, he cried that he loved me so much, he was confused with her arriving, after another 2 days of not seeing him i called again and he came online for me, we saw each other on the webcams as we always had every day for all the 11 months together, i was a mess i was crying, he seemed calmer, he said he was sorry and answered the questions i asked truthfully, they had slept together in the 2 days since id last seen him and he said that if he cared for her that much then he couldnt love me and i didnt deserve him.

 

I am close to his family and heard less than a week later that he was planning on moving her in, i heard more about her and she has 3 kids, one takes nothing to do with her and one is only 5 MONTHS old,

 

We had talked about kids and marriage, we both loved kids but he had been (fixed) and couldnt have anymore and i didnt want anymore neither, we were happy with the 3 boys we had between us,

 

10 days ago he married her, so I know what some of you are going through and live in hope that things go wrong for them and they realise it was a rebound thing, maybe trying to get back what they had when they were just sweet sixteen

 

How could he have told me all the things he did like i was his one and only real love, this only comes to most people once in a lifetime, and we had shared that for real when he flew over here last May to spend time with me, his family all think he has been brainwashed by this woman who has taken over his life in the space of a few weeks

 

Being a female Id like to say its not always neccisarily the biological clock thingy with us women,

 

I feel so empty now and there is nothing we can do but see what happens to them in the future

[idontgetit]

zveric,

 

i completely and whole heartedly disagree. i was with my ex almost 9 years and i never had that whole biological clock thing going. heck, i thought 32 or 34 would be a good time to have kids, which would have extended our relationship a lot longer than 3 years let me tell ya!! it has nothing to do with a biological clock..some people are just stupid, and don't see a good thing when it's in front of them. he dumped me, so would the reverse be "well, if i can't get her pregnant in 9 years, i'll find someone who I can...?" now that's just silly.