whattheheck

Thanks for responding again. I have been thinking a lot about this subject the last week or so. And I truly feel I have a problem - I will NEVER EVER ask her these things, but I am always curious about what she has tried, where she has tried it, how "kinky" she may have been in the past, etc... I know it is a problem I have - it just gives me a sick feeling thinking of her and her past experiences. SO....Do you (or anyone else) have any ideas how to get over thinking about her past?

good question - I guess that's why i should not have asked in the first place.

YOKEYDOKEY - You didn't tell her? Why not? When my SO asks me, I never had a problem with telling my number? Why do you have to hide your number? Also, I agree with you - I aint no saint (as far as my past goes)

BTW, aren't most people curious about their bf/gf past? Or is it that most of you are curious and just don't ask? Just wondering, thanks.

what would you constitute as dirty or sleazy?? To some, her number might be really dirty and sleazy!!! And to some, my number might be extra dirty and sleazy!!! I guess it is all relative. But thank you for responding - I know this was a touchy subject. But most of you are correct - I really didn't solve a darn thing by asking her.

fnlyfrei - you seem a little sarcastic again. Let me clear this up - It is not exactly what I wanted to hear - I wasn't even sure what I wanted to hear. I didn't have a number in mind - i just wanted to know. And btw, she wanted to know too, and I answered. My whole point of the original thread was that I was curious, but did not want to ask - that is why it too kme so long to ask - because I' not sure if it was appropriate - that's all I was saying last week. And yes, it is important to me to know, but that is an issue of mine - wether good or bad - it's an issue I always had. anyway - I will never bring it up again.

You must have misread my post - I said she has lied about other unimportant things before - not about this subject. that is why I am wondering if she is telling the truth - I never said I was certain that she was lying. No, I didn't lie to her.

Well, thanks to all who responded last week to my thread. Anyway, I finally asked - and a lot of you wanted to know why I waited so long to ask - the reason is - I didn't want to ask, but I started wondering lately. That's just the way I am - when I fall for someone, I get curious about their past - it's an issue I always had. Anyway, we started talking a bit about our pasts, and I asked - she said she has been with 8 people, and a 4-5 more just oral. Well, she asked me too, and I told her the truth - 15 people, 4-5 more just oral. At first, she said that she was uncomfortable talking about it because she said she was afraid that her number would be way lower than mine, and she would get a little jealous of me and my past experiences. Anyway... To me, someone who is in mid to late 30's, and never been married, only two serious bf, would have had a higher number than 8, so I 'm not sure if I believe her, but I will never bring it up again - i just hope she is telling the truth, because she has told little white lies about other unimportant things before. So that is why I'm not sure if she is honest. BTW, I was non judgemental, and she wasn't either. She even said she wondered about my past, too. Anyway, that subject is over, but i just hope she is telling the truth. Any more input greatly appreciated.

fnlyfrei - You talk about trust - Then how come you say it's none of your SO business if he asks? You call that TRUST? Gimme a break!!!!

Lady - you are right

fnlyfrei - why are you so bitter? My whole point in this thread is that I DON"T want to ask her. But I am curious of her number, and would want to know if she has been with many, many guys.

why did you do oral so you didn't have to go all the way with them?

I agree with andyg. Countless oral???? Wow, that would definitley be a dealbreaker for me.

First of all, the only reason why I said in my first post that she would probably lie about the number of people she has been with , is because MOST WOMAN LIE about that. In fact, I know of a large number of females on this forum who DID lie to their Bf about their "number." So that is why I might not believe her. Anyway, I know she has been with others before me, and so have I, but I was just curious as to her "number."

Whew - you all are rough - I am just curious, and want to know. I feel I have a right to know. No, there is no magic number, but if a woman has been with 30-40 men before me, YES, that would be a dealbreaker. ANd it's so ridiculous how a lot of you women out there always say how "the past is the past" and how it is not important. I think those of you who do say it, are ASHAMED of your past, so it's easier to say that it isn't important. To all guys out there - would you want to marry a girl who has been with 50, 75, 100 guys? I SURE WOULD NOT!! Sex is special, so if there are too many partners, it is just not good - but that's is just MY opinion.

I care because i just want to know. They say the past doesn't matter, but it does. I don't want to get really serious with a woman who has been with a lot of guys.

Been dating my gf (she is 36) for 8 months or so. We are doing fine. I just want to know if there is a way to tell if she has had a promiscuous past or not. She has never been married. I don't want to bring this up to her, and if I did, she would probably lie about the "number" anyway. But I really want to know if she has been around or not. If I asked, do most women lie about the number of partners they have been with? Also, what is probably a ballpark number for her? - 36, never married?

DN - that might be a good idea.

Chai714 - Good idea, but a friend of mine said she moved to a different apartment. I'm not sure where she lives. Also, I'm not sure who she lives with (For all I know, she may be living with her bf) Oh well, what to do!!!! I guess I'll see what happens. By the way - I know she has other things on her mind (certainly not me) but whatever happened to common courtesy? When we first broke up I was very cooperative with her in giving her things back, I packed them up nicely for her, and made sure she got everything. Common courtesy would go a long way. I guess I don't understand her actions. If it were me, I would have sent it right away. She found it in June - what the heck is so hard about dropping it in the mail?? In fact, she works about a block from the post office!!!!! I mean, I'm not losing sleep over this or anything like that, but I just want it back.

just to explain more - the item is small enough to mail (very small piece of jewelery), and it is something that I had since the 8th grade.

To make a long story short - ex gf broke up with me a little over a year ago (august 2004). she got engaged at Christmas to her new man. I emailed her in April 2005 because after looking for an item of mine, i remmbered that she must have it. I emailed her (in april) to ask her to look for it and send it to me. she waits til June to email me and she told me she found it. I emailed her back saying thanks. Still did not get the item yet? I emailed her again 3-4 weeks ago and reminded her about it again. I know she doesn't care a thing about me, but why the heck can't she just give the item back to me? what's the big deal? I know she has other things on her mind (I heard she is getting married next month already) but what is so hard about getting my item back to me. By the way - she knows how important it is to me - very sentimental. All she has to do is mail it. What the heck????

I met a girl at a sports bar Saturday night. I was with my friends, and she was with hers. I know one of her friends that she was with so I started talking to them. Anyway, the other women she was with told me that "Jen" thought I was cute, etc... So I started talking to "Jen" and we really seemed to hit it off. We went back to one of her friends house and just talked until about 4:00 am. We got along really well, and I was really happy too get her number. So I called Tuesday night, but she was not home, so I left a message. I left her my number and told her that I hope we can get together and do something sometime. Well, she did not call me back. Should I just count this as a "strike out" or should I give her more time to call me, or should I call her again? I do not really want to call her again, because I do not want to be a nuisance to her. Usually, I wouldn't even think twice about this, but I really like this woman, but do not know what to do. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated!!! thanks

I was just wondering. Putting my feelings aside, and not worrying about my healing process, which option will provide me with the best chance on getting the ex back in the long run. It's been 4 months, but I just wish she would call or something. I think she still has her new bf, but.... Which option has the best chance in getting her back someday - Option 1 - Strictly No Contact? (Which I have been doing) Option 2 - A casual email every month or so just to say hi, etc.. Option 3 - An email every month or so telling her I still love her, miss her, etc... Or - any other ideas? Thanks.

My ex gf broke up with me (4 year relationship) at the end of July (around July 25) and I found out shortly after that - August 5 - that she loved him. Don't ask how I found out, but I know that she said she loved him that soon!! Well, she is still with him!!! Well, to all of you in my situation - move on WITHOUT ANY HOPE OF GETTING YOUR EX BACK. Because if you sit around waiting for your ex's new realtionship to fail, you may be waiting too long, or forever! I am doing better now, but I still hope that her relationship fails. My point is, I should be worrying about myself, and NOT her situation. This has prevented me from being totally healed by now. I still have hope that her rebound will fail, and I wish i could quit worrying about it. To all of you in this situation - MOVE ON. Don't have any hope!!! It will slow down your healing process way too much.

hockeyboy - I agree in that I would be willing to go through the pain to learn a lesson. If she does not respond, or responds negatively, then I will have NO doubts at all that I should move on. In fact, it may help me to move on even more - it would be like a kick in the butt to get myself moving forward. Although I will probably not send her the email, it would also make me the better person in that I am trying to be civil, no hard feelings, etc.