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Should I give up the love of my life for kids, wife and "doing the right thing"?

Ron1

By Ron1
in Divorce Advice

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The_Seeker Enthusiast

The_Seeker

Posted
Posted
What you said above makes perfect sense, this would be the way to try to recover our marriage... if I manage to give up on, you know... the love of my life (sounds stupid, I know)

 

I'm still learning. I'm only 24 and not wise enough yet.

 

You know the lot of your life or "the one" is totally already JET LI. That's why he created that movie so everyone knows he's "THE ONE."

 

Now go to your wife and talk to her alone. ASK HER QUESTIONS.

 

You're just bored and want something fun. MIGHT WANT TO ADDRESS THAT TO YOUR WIFE.

 

She might feel the same about you. LET HER ADDRESS THAT TO YOU how YOU could make the relationship better as well.

 

Gosh, what happened to teamwork.

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The_Seeker Enthusiast

The_Seeker

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That's the thing... I DON'T WANT ANYTHING out of the options that I have. So focusing on what I want does not help... I'm trying to focus on what is the right thing to do... what I would regret less in a few years... does not work so far though...

 

Yea you do.

 

You want to DATE ANOTHER WOMAN.

 

Didn't you say that?

 

You know what is the right thing to do and know the consequences. But your mind keeps on thinking the "WHAT-IFS."

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Ron1 Newbie

Ron1

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But now your 40, you decided you make your decision without letting your partner what you need and want from her.

It is correct that we had very different ideas on leisure, etc, but this is not why I consider leaving. The problem is not what I want from her, the problem is that I don't want her.

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The_Seeker Enthusiast

The_Seeker

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It is correct that we had very different ideas on leisure, etc, but this is not why I consider leaving. The problem is not what I want from her, the problem is that I don't want her.

 

FINALLY AN ANSWER.

 

Now, go tell that to your wife!

 

Instead of waiting for people to validate your decisions.

 

You already decided you don't want your wife.

 

You are ABSOLUTELY wasting her time.

 

You are ABSOLUTELY wasting your time.

 

I 'm not EVEN sure you spoke to each other about your wants and needs.

 

So get off the computer and tell her. Not that difficult. You already know the consequences.

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The_Seeker Enthusiast

The_Seeker

Posted
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OP, have you dated anyone other than your wife and your girlfriend? I know you say she is the "Love of your Life" but I wonder what experience you have that lets you make that call.

 

He said this

 

"Different leisure activities."

 

I just think this guy wants romance and adventure, something is lacking in this relationship.

 

But all he continues to state is "I don't want her."

 

If you don't want her, why the hell are you staying? Don't take it on the kids.

 

Heck, I even wonder if he states anything his wife who happens to be clueless at the moment.

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journeynow Grand Master

journeynow

Posted
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Ron, I respect that you are considering the consequences to everyone involved regarding your decisions, and can imagine the pressure and confusion this has on you. Would you say you are a people-pleaser, in general? I mean, personality-wise, are you more likely to go with the flow than rock the boat?

 

Is anyone other than you putting pressure on you to figure this out right now?

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Ron1 Newbie

Ron1

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I mean, personality-wise, are you more likely to go with the flow than rock the boat?

Is anyone other than you putting pressure on you to figure this out right now?

 

I always thought that I prefer to "rock the boat" as you said.

 

Regarding figuring out this right now... it is funny, but I've been under pressure (from both women, some friends I told the story to, but mostly myself) for a few months... so looking back it turns out that the pressure was not that urgent, but... I still think it is. Both women are going through hell as we speak...

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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I know the consequences (much harder life for her and hard to estimate negative impact on my kids) and I'm trying to figure out whether I can leave with them.

 

I don't think you get "to leave WITH" your kids. The court decides what is best for children not what is best for you. At the most you will get 50/50 depending on where you will live. If she is a good mother don't count on getting to leave WITH your kids. A court may decide it is not best for the kids to live with dad and the mistress.

This just gets more cruel, you want to take her happy life from her and now her KIDS too. Wow. I seriously do not think you care about what is good for your children in the least. Not at all.

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Moontiger Community Regular

Moontiger

Posted
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Yes, this just must be so hard for you. Having two woman fighting to be with you, having an awesome wife who thinks all the time you two have put in is worth trying save. What a terrible, hard time you must be having with this. (Read:Sarcasm)

 

I agree with Victoria. You don't care about your kids or you would have already made the choice that is best for THEM. Instead you just worried about how to not come off like the bad guy and how you and your mistress and skip jollily away into the sun set.

 

List the following people in order of importance to you: Kids, wife, yourself, mistress. Whoever is number one for you tells you exactly what you will do in this situation (not what you SHOULD do mind you, just what you WILL end up doing. Its the person(s) we care about most the people make there decisions around.)

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Lonewing Enthusiast

Lonewing

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You need to take a step back and remember what love itself is.

 

Love is a Commitment. That requires no emotion, but rather discipline instilled only through the character of your own internal core.

 

GIGS may be strong with you, but I assure you, this road you are looking at is like the Hotel California.

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