Too much time together ruined us

[giraffeprint]

Sooo... we're both 20 year old ladies. We dated in high school, broke up our sophomore year of college, and recently brought each other back in our lives.

 

I love this girl with all my heart, and I know she does too. Unfortunately when we decided to rekindle , it was a very hectic time in both of our lives. We both hate our jobs , just got over the stress of finals, and are dealing with just family and friend stress. she also gets is easily overwhelmed so everything just seems worse than it is to her. I realized our main problem is that we too easily fall into the comfort stage where we kind of just lay around watch tv, order delivery, and just bull * * * * for lack of a better word. I knew in the back of my mind this wouldnt be healthy. We spent pretty much every single day together for the past 2 months not really doing anything. It was just so much easier to spend the time together than apart. We live about 15 minutes away from each other, i have a car she has her own apartment, it was kind of expected. Neither one of us were happy , just kind of going along with it. I know that we can be a successful couple its just the want/desire factor is non existent. I am confident this is only because of our lack of time apart. we literally spent no time alone nor time with other ppl for the past 2 months. The only time we were apart was going to work and we both hate our jobs.

 

 

she expressed to me thats shes not excited about this, and neither am i. when we broke up apparently she didnt really date, and she tells me she wants to experience other things. I want her to as well, i dont want her to feel like she cant be herself and I actually just want her to see the real assholes out there so she can appreciate me more. I am willing to give her space, because i need it too. I kept thinking about how when we first broke up and i finally got over it and was just in the awesome happy stage. I was completely confident, having fun with friends and family, and just doing the things i wanted to do. I remember wanting her to be apart of that and i told myself that i wouldnt let myself get so consumed in her (one of the reasons why we broke up before - we both have this bad habit of just completely losing ourselves in each other). but if you've ever been in the comfort stage, its really hard to be strict with yourself.

 

i think that if i can take the space to get myself back to when i was my best, and she'll have the time to do the same, we'll be able to experience each other at our best. I want to do my best with limiting our time and contact. Its super annoying because when we did decide to meet after our break up i told myself to not have any expectations and make her want me. I did for a while be she seduced me and i caved, and i feel like it went down hill from there. i shouldve stood my ground and made myself less available. We never built the friendship back we just fell into this vicious cycle imitating a live in relationship.

 

i dont want to lose her but i realized ive just been pushing her away by trying to convince her this will work, it needs to just work so she can see it. i want to make a proper approach in the near future to hopefully set the foundation for a successful relationship but she hit me with the friend card.

 

i took it but i dont plan on contacting her for at least a month or two. i just want to know is this logical or am i reaching? we both agreed that we didnt want to lose each other but i honestly feel that it was just really bad timing right now. what would be the best steps to take from here?

[Deejmonster]

I dont know if you have said this already but did you guys have a mutal break up? or just a break? As a person who has been in a relationship like this before... don't get the mindset that the next relationship should be like this... When I broke it off with my ex, at first I realized that too much time together was one of the big reasons why we ended... and now, I am having trouble keeping space to those I date, I sorta blame it on having both exes want to be with me all the time.. I never learned to be independent in a relationship... If you haven't broken up officially, maybe a break is needed.. a few months with limited contact, live your lives and see what its like, if you two still think you have what it takes to be together... then try again, but learn that being on top of each other all the time is definitely not healthy...

[giraffeprint]

YEAH ive definitely learned the importance of time apart. I noticed being so involved with her i lost sight of myself, and im sure she'd agree the same happened to her. we didnt officially break up because we didnt decide to officially date, we were just kind of trying it out. we both despereately need the time apart but i just dont want her to put me in the friend zone. I understand the pressure that comes along with trying to date, and i kind of just want to keep it platonic until its ready to move forward. I dont want to be cut off completely as an option, just because of our bad timing and terrible approach to the situation. we both know that spending everyday together is unhealthy yet we still did it. we kind of put ourselves in this unhappy enviornment and ruined ourselves.

 

i guess i want her to understand that how we were the past few weeks wasnt us to our full potential.