Importance of the SMILE.

[Dougie_D]

Many girls have said they want a guy with a nice smile? What if this guy SMILES a lot ,but it's not the PERFECT one?

 

I know that when you smile, you have to show teeth. For me, I PHYSICALLY can't smile and show teeth at the same time, unless I slightly open my mouth and slightly smile.

 

Is this a dealbreaker? Not having a normal looking smile?

[Snowy]

Don't change your behaviour to try to suit other people.

 

Look, no one is going to decide if they're going to be with you or not by judging your smile.

 

It's more "I like his smile because he is my boyfriend" than "He is my boyfriend because I like his smile".

 

Be yourself and yourself only.

 

Haters gonna hate, judges gonna judge, potatoes gonna potate.

[lonelyheart2]

well I have a crooked tooth but my ex said he loved it and hoped I would never get it fixed!!! I get a lot of people saying they like my smile. I think if you smile a lot it shows you are a happy person and your character shines through. Often people like the imperfections because it shows character

[laura40]

I don't judge men on their smiles! I have dated men who have smiled but not shown teeth before, it's fine.

 

Even though a nice smile is always a bonus, it's not the be-all-end-all.

[happpybear]

I know a guy who had to learn how to smile properly for his wedding pictures. This guy never smiled with teeth, yet he still managed to attract, date and marry a girl.

[Generation]

A smile involves your entire face, especially the eyes.

[bulletproof]

I think you are hyper-focusing on minutiae at this point. While smiling is important, I don't know that I'd classify it in the dealbreaker category.

[SpiritofFire]

"Is this a dealbreaker? Not having a normal looking smile? " Of course not. I am assuming when they said "good smile" they are referring to well kept teeth and good hygiene? Learn to smile with your eyes and you'll be golden.

[epsilon2x]

Many girls have said they want a guy with a nice smile? What if this guy SMILES a lot ,but it's not the PERFECT one?

 

I know that when you smile, you have to show teeth. For me, I PHYSICALLY can't smile and show teeth at the same time, unless I slightly open my mouth and slightly smile.

 

Is this a dealbreaker? Not having a normal looking smile?

 

It depends on who you're asking. You can't please everyone and personally you shouldn't sweat things that are out of your control.

 

Don't focus so much on the small things. Go to the gym, dress nice, groom appropriately, and you'll be fine in the dating world.

[MikNomis]

A smile involves your entire face, especially the eyes.

 

This. It's all in the eyes. Have you ever seen someone smile without their eyes changing? Totally not genuine.

[shotinthedark]

You're smile is the least of your problems... I've read your posts.

 

But you can continue picking out things you don't like about yourself to rationalize why women don't like you. I guarantee you that your smile has nothing to do with it.

[Polis]

You're smile is the least of your problems... I've read your posts.

 

+1

 

As long as you have lips you should be fine. You do have lips, don't you Dougie_D? Or is that something else you don't possess that women despise you because of?

 

Stop focusing on women, focus on yourself.

[Fudgie]

I think you are hyperfocusing on small details too. I agree with what others' have said. I'd worry more about making yourself a happy person and changing your direction so that you're happy and independent in your own life. That is infinitely more important and what is NEEDED to have a healthy relationship, not the smile.

[ProtestTheHero]

Dougie, you can make these threads until 2050 and not make any real progress. You can't dissect your problem by taking random features and placing them in a vacuum to try to gauge their relative value. It's a complete waste of time because human interaction is far more organic than that. We don't walk up to random people and tell them to inspect whether a specific feature we share is acceptable enough for them to date us.

 

If you want to be successful with women you have to first be comfortable with who you are. You are obviously not comfortable with yourself because on a semi-frequent basis you throw yourself up here for evaluation. You will not succeed here until you accept who you are and where you're at and learn to make the best of the hand you're working with.

 

You would be far better off being viewed as interesting, funny, and fun to be around and if you can mix those qualities with a bit of confidence you will find yourself in a much better situation. It's impossible for most women to be attracted to a guy that they don't respect, and it's hard to respect a guy who doesn't really have much respect for himself. The only thing you should be worrying about if you want genuine improvement in this area is how to change that aspect.

 

This is coming from someone who isn't attractive enough to simply walk into places (regardless of how superficial) and just be hot enough to get away with whatever I feel like doing. I understand the importance of feeling like you're viable but these questions and these threads will not lead you to a path to progress. You're spinning your wheels right now and you'll continue to do that until your focus shifts.

[Capricorn3]

^^ THIS entire post is worth repeating and covers the core of the issue. I would even go so far as to say you should print it and stick it all over the walls of your entire house/apartment where you can see it and READ it every single day until the message finally sinks in.

 

Excellent post PTH!

[MikNomis]

What a legendary post, that was fricking amazing.

[The_Seeker]

Don't change your behaviour to try to suit other people.

 

Look, no one is going to decide if they're going to be with you or not by judging your smile.

 

It's more "I like his smile because he is my boyfriend" than "He is my boyfriend because I like his smile".

Be yourself and yourself only.

 

Haters gonna hate, judges gonna judge, potatoes gonna potate.

 

Unless you're modeling agent.

 

So true. Thanks for the quote Snowy! Saving that in my notebook.

[Alezia]

Dougie, I challenge you not to make posts based on your 'appearance'. If you must know, I usually look for the wrinkle in someone's eyes more than their teeth. Sure, it can also be attractive to have a guy with white and perfectly straight teeth, but if their dental hygiene is ok and their teeth are not rotting it's fine.

[Slimpee]

Quit trying to take the easy way out. There is a reason why every one of the threads you start contains the same answers about being comfortable with yourself.

 

(as for appearance, i have a huge nose but i've had attractive women like me because of it (or at least in spite of it). Appearance may seem like everything to you because you think that's the easiest thing you can change that will result in you getting women, but it's simply not true)

[Dougie_D]

Can people tell my parents this? My father * * * * * es about how I don't smile right and I need to show some teeth. Then I have jerks that tell me I look mentally challenged whenever I yawn, open my mouth, or even try to smile.

 

I know I shouldn't care about my smile or physical things...but AGAIN, I don't question things about myself until other people around me start to POINT them out in a NEGATIVE matter.

 

I mean, people don't question themselves when they are constantly being praised. It's hard to do what you want to do, feel the way you want to feel, look and act how you want to, etc...when people constantly criticize you. I feel like society hates me. Not that I hate myself. I just want to feel accepted.

[Generation]

Always cover your mouth when you yawn.

[tiredofvampires]

Can people tell my parents this? My father * * * * * es about how I don't smile right and I need to show some teeth. Then I have jerks that tell me I look mentally challenged whenever I yawn, open my mouth, or even try to smile.

 

I know I shouldn't care about my smile or physical things...but AGAIN, I don't question things about myself until other people around me start to POINT them out in a NEGATIVE matter.

 

What I would question is the company you keep.

 

These people are only playing into a tune that is well-worn in your head that you're willing to keep playing with them -- even if you're sick of the song.

 

I think you need a higher standard of who you spend your time with. If people are jerks and don't even know you, and you don't even circulate with them, there's nothing they can say that should even matter. If they're jerks and they DO know you, why continue to associate with them?

 

I've seen your videos, and I don't mean to diss your friends, but I don't think the sorts of people you're hanging with seem mature, respectful or likely to be sensitive about much. I don't know who the people are who tell you these critical things, but they're pretty mean-spirited and nasty. That's hard to avoid when you're in high school and tossed into the crowd of your peers, but at 31, you can learn to pick out people who you get within 50 yards of and who you steer clear of, including all their homies.

 

I don't know what to suggest as alternatives, since in the past, you haven't responded favorably to advice about how to get into better social circles. But I think it's pretty important to pick and choose those you spend your time with. I haven't encountered many total strangers who will shout out obscenities about your facial features, so if you can align yourself with people who aren't likely to pull those kinds of stunts, you'll be doing yourself a big favor. If that means being more of a loner until you find a niche, then so be it. It's better to be alone than in the midst of people who might disrespect and insult you.

 

As for your father, well, that's a bit more of a concerted effort to remove yourself from. That goes way back and I suspect if he talks like that to you now, he's talked like that to you your whole life. Your parents give you your first impressions of yourself, as a mirror of the world. That can stick for a lifetime if you don't address those early messages head-on. Ultimately, you have to physically and mentally put space between you and your parents, because hypercritical parents are toxic. There's no way around it.

 

You're at a stage in life where you have to make decisions about which messages you will take on board and which ones you want to reject -- instead of just sponging up everything you hear or see, indiscriminately. First, you have to decide that you are not just going to be putty in the hands of whomever happens to cross your path, giving you input. Then, you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of person you should even be listening to in the first place. If someone is rude, negative in their criticism, superficial, etc. -- these are people you have to start tuning out, as a policy. There is absolutely no reason in the world for you to listen or pay attention to people who do not know a second thing about constructive criticism and couldn't care less if they are hurting you in the process. Those should be your glaring RED FLAGS of who to avoid and put up a mental shield against.

 

I just think your selection process of where you seek companionship, women, socializing really needs some re-tooling. If you socialize in places where disrespect and shallow, inane behavior are rampant, these are the kinds of interactions you can expect. It's sort of a "garbage in, garbage out" situation. If you start putting yourself in better situations and walking away from those that don't feel good, rather than just internalizing everything or acting as though you're powerless against these occurrances, you'll feel a lot more command of yourself and your life. Right now, you're just letting everyone play you like a puppet on strings.

 

You're going to have to cut those strings and move yourself on your own.

 

The hardest part will be cutting the strings of your dad/parents. He's sort of the master puppeteer here, and that's not just about your smile. That's about everything that runs behind and propels these threads you make.

[Dougie_D]

The hardest part will be cutting the strings of your dad/parents. He's sort of the master puppeteer here, and that's not just about your smile. That's about everything that runs behind and propels these threads you make.

 

Especially since they help me financially. I think they know how hypercritical they can be and they somehow try to compromise by giving me money. That's another reason why I sometimes don't feel guilty about taking it. I would love to have enough money to take care of myself independently but even when I did have a job, they made me feel like the job wasn't good enough for me. That was good and all, but they weren't very supportive (AT FIRST) of the field or job I really wanted.

[agent1607307371]

Or, maybe they think that because they are funding the way you live, they have a right to criticise you.

 

Fact is, when you take their money, you put yourself in a position where they feel justified in being negative towards you.

[Fudgie]

Or, maybe they think that because they are funding the way you live, they have a right to criticise you.

 

Fact is, when you take their money, you put yourself in a position where they feel justified in being negative towards you.

 

Agent summed it up the best.

 

Dougie, if you don't want to be criticized by them, you need to get out of this crappy situation and make it on your own. I think it's imperative to your happiness and development as a person, actually.