Importance of the SMILE.

[tiredofvampires]

Agent's right.

 

What the dynamic now is, is basically an unspoken "deal": it's a "cash for insults/criticism" arrangement. You are definitely the one down on this one, because it's not your preference to enter into this deal, but by virtue of need, you've had to accept the terms and now participate in it. Their part of the handshake is, "Since we're giving you money, we can disrespect you" and your part of the handshake is, "Since I have to put up with your disrespect, I'll take what I need." I've actually been there in my life. And I'm telling you now, it's not just unideal. It's TOXIC. And it will infiltrate every aspect of your interactions with others.

 

You will always feel that your end of the deal is to give up your soul for whatever you want or need. So you'll be an emotional beggar until you proactively change things.

 

The problem is, this dynamic existed since you were younger, too, no doubt -- it just didn't involve situations where money was involved. It takes a long time for these patterns to get solidified, but once they are, they will take any form. Now that you're an adult, these are the terms of the same emotional transaction that happened earlier in your life, I'd reckon. This is a self-esteem killer, but even more than that, it makes you almost frozen in your childhood self that can't walk away from a bad situation. You're tethered by your needs to others, which keeps their puppeteering alive. This is playing out in the kinds of attitudes you display about women and your relations with them.

 

Given this is the undercurrent in your life, I strongly feel that your #1 priority in life right now, Dougie, should be to free yourself -- and I mean, physically -- from the immediate influence of your parents. That means doing things you'd prefer not to do, if need be. You gaining independence from them is the first step to changing your prospects, and that includes with women. You don't have any sense of power, and apart from it being hard to date when you're jobless just because at your age that really raises red flags for the majority of women (unless it's temporary and can be explained by some occurrence out of your control) -- it's the confidence that women look for in your vibe that is missing.

 

So I am back to suggesting therapy, because therapy will start to take each piece of the obstacles puzzle you face in becoming independent and work with them practically and emotionally. Therapy will help you to sort and identify all the roadblocks you have to becoming self-sufficient. This board is too limited to provide you with the in-depth effort and sorting out this will require, issue by issue, as well as the specific strategies you can learn to deal with these negative encounters. I don't know if you have a health plan that includes mental health services, but there are low-budget options in the community.

 

But you have to keep your eye on the priority here. Nothing can really progress here until and unless you extricate yourself from that web that keeps you stuck. I'm not saying that a person can't ever pursue a relationship while having either unemployment or family problems. But in your case, the way you see yourself is so tied up in this family dynamic, and it's so hindering to you as a social being, there really is no solution but first to tackle this and get out.

 

I know there are no quick answers, but I could not create my own identity until I severed the puppet strings by LEAVING.

 

While you're there, you'll just have to do damage control, and part of that would be in my post above, about tuning them out. It's almost impossible when there's a subtle layer of emotional blackmail going on (as per this "deal"), but at least stand aside from it. You should be able to say, either to your dad or to yourself, "Here's more criticism. Into the trash can it goes." And then minimize it everywhere else in your life until you can walk out that door.

 

That should be your concern, not women. That will come later.

 

One thing's for damn sure, all these surface concerns you lay out (like the topic of this thread) are only symptomatic of these much deeper issues, and as they are only surface layer, trying to seek any relief on this level is a dead-end.

[Dougie_D]

To be honest, coming out to LA has been one better step for me. I've actual have been trying to VALUE money a lot more. My parents can stop giving me money anytime. We have it set up where a certain amount of money comes in my account every month. It covers my bills plus a few spending money.

 

Bottom line, I just have to get a JOB that is more or about the same of how much I am given. When I was working in TN, everything was cheaper so I was able to actually save money and my parents weren't giving me AS much.

 

They don't want me to feel like I am struggling. When I had my job in TN I was average about 11,000 per year. And I worked about 36-38 hours when I was part-time. Started off 6.34 an hour.

 

BUT --- RIGHT NOW --- I am going back on the ROAD for about 2 months starting in March.

 

Oh..you have to factor in the part that my parents feel like they "HAVE to give me/help me" because of my sister. My parents gave my sister a lot TOO. And I believe they still help her but she is MARRIED! Also, she didn't have a job either. She didn't get a job until my parents started * * * * * ing, and she didn't MOVE out until she basically got engaged. My brother-in law lived with them for about 2 months too.

 

Comparisons

 

Me/Sister

 

Public/Private Highschool

 

In-state/Out of state College

 

Community In-state college/Graduate school in Vermont (top 10 graduate schools) both about 2 years

 

LA (about 2 years)/Lived in Paris, France (1 year)

[Fudgie]

Dougie,

 

True, moving to LA and being forced to stay within the limits of a stipend given to you by your parents does teach you to value money more than if you were just at home and living off them. However, you still don't value money nearly enough as most people because you are not independent in your financial situation. It means more when you have a job that earns you money, and you know that if you get fired or don't do your job correctly, you can't pay your bills and will be homeless. Your parents provide you with a good safety net so you never have to fall but this is NOT realistic and it does NOT make you value money more when you're not actually paying your bills yourself.

 

Everyone struggles when they start out, everyone. I'll be done with college soon and I'm planning to move into a very cheap, slightly rundown place with my boyfriend as I work full-time in a minimum wage job at a hospital to get experience. Am I going to struggle? I sure am! But this is just a step toward independence. I will learn to appreciate money a LOT more than I do now.

 

The fact that your parents WANT to help does not factor in, no. You are not required to take their money. You do not have to give them access to your account. You refuse. If they ask again, you refuse again. You do have control in this situation and the fact of the matter is that you DO have the ability to be independent if you want, but you are choosing not to at the moment. This is the choice you are making. No one is making it for you. No one is forcing you to take your parents' money.

 

I think your parents have done both you and your sister a great disservice. You may see it as help but I don't. They are basically enabling you to be dependent and not make it on your own. They are really screwing over your chances of being successful in the future. In a way, I would say that they have largely failed as parents. She's married, graduated from a top 10 grad school, and they still give her money for bills because she's unemployed? That is just beyond messed up.

 

Your parents would love to have you suckle at the teat until you're 50. You can argue that you are helpless but they aren't holding your head there. At some point, you have to say, "I'm an adult, I want to be independent, I NEED to be independent", stop suckling, stand up, and walk away from the toxic cycle.

[tiredofvampires]

There is no point in you comparing yourself to your sister. What's the good of that? It's not going to get you one inch farther, is it?

 

I think parents and family in general should be there (if it's possible for them, financially) for when you fall on hard times and simply NEED a hand. But that should be a last resort, not a default. It sounds to me like you're using it as a default, and that means your motivation to get out of this vicious cycle might not be up to the challenge.

 

So you're going to have to decide whether this trade-off is worth it.

 

This handshake is you allowing the past to continue to define yourself and your future. So you're going to continue to get more of the same, until it matters enough for you to break free. More of the same. More of the same. More of the samemoreofthesamemoreofthesame. It's going to be up to you.

 

Just don't kid yourself about what the true issues are: they are not any physical feature or characteristic, any particular mannerism, anything you can get guy tips on. It's all the things in these last few posts, which are still ruling your life. So just be very clear and honest with yourself -- see that for what it is.

[Dougie_D]

She's married, graduated from a top 10 grad school, and they still give her money for bills because she's unemployed

 

No, she has a decent job. My parents help out with baby stuff. And probably still her some gas money.

 

It's all the things in these last few posts, which are still ruling your life

 

Yeah..It's called not having my own money. Well, how do I get that? I don't have much of my own money, I technically don't have a job. I have to get a job. Who's going to hire someone who barely has any WORK experience? I don't really want to work in an area where I'm not happy. I was MORE depressed when I was making my own money while working in retail. My friends and family saw that. I was a jerk. There is NO way I'm going to be a happy person if I don't have a job I like. Who would want to be around someone who NEGATIVE all the time? The fact that I have some type of money/security is the ONLY reason why I'm even happy. Less money, means less of a SOCIAL life. I'm grateful for having enough flexibility to keep on SEARCHING for the JOB I would like. I would be POSTING more DEPRESSED stuff! I just need a Job I like that pays me!

[agent1607307371]

I don't really want to work in an area where I'm not happy. I was MORE depressed when I was making my own money while working in retail. My friends and family saw that. I was a jerk. There is NO way I'm going to be a happy person if I don't have a job I like. Who would want to be around someone who NEGATIVE all the time? The fact that I have some type of money/security is the ONLY reason why I'm even happy. Less money, means less of a SOCIAL life. I'm grateful for having enough flexibility to keep on SEARCHING for the JOB I would like. I would be POSTING more DEPRESSED stuff! I just need a Job I like that pays me!

 

A- Loads of people work jobs they don't like. The trade off is being able to pay their way and feel good about that. Plus it gives them experience to get the job they do want.

 

B- Dougie - you're very negative now.

 

C- You have no money security. You have no savings and no property. Your parents can decide to stop funding you any minute they want.

 

You just need a job and to stop mooching. Nobody likes negative people true, but people dislike people who scrounge even more.

[Generation]

There is NO way I'm going to be a happy person if I don't have a job I like. Who would want to be around someone who NEGATIVE all the time?

 

Dude, you're already negative all the time. Who would want to be around you anyway? Stop thinking ahead of yourself and look at the situation you're in right now. Real talk.

Who cares if no one wants to be around someone negative all the time, you're in no position to think that way because for one, you haven't the experience to know that for a fact (that after getting a job and being negative people won't wanna be around you), and secondly, that's a much smaller issue.

 

I know tons of people who are with people who are not happy about their jobs. We can get a consensus. Raise of hands, how many of you are dating somebody who hates their job? I'm willing to bet a lot of people are, and I'm willing to bet a lot of them aren't happy about their job either. It's a fact of life. But you know what? They have the responsibility to work each and every day.

 

I think it's pompous of you to look at the situation as if you're greater than it right now, that you won't get a job just cause you don't like it. Yeah, I'm aware of your lack of experience too but did you ever ask yourself that it was cause you're not willing to take a job that might suck? It's really showing to me what kind of a person you are. You don't want it bad enough. The vibe I'm getting from you right now is you're a quitter, which is ironic cause you don't have a job.

 

I'm telling you straight up right now, you do not have what it takes to get a woman. You can get mad at me all you want, but a real man knows how to take responsibility. A real man has work ethic. Ask yourself, do you have that?

 

What kind of a woman would want to be with a man who can't even support himself? My mom told me that when I was lazy one summer, she kept dissing me and I was telling her there ain't no way I was gonna work some crappy job that pays peanuts. I got a job that seemed pretty chill with a friend and it was cool, but then I learned, it was hard work. As time progressed, I hated my job, I complained to my girlfriend and I was Mr. Negativity. But you know what? It's preferable that I have a job, than no job.

 

Just get a job. Just get one. Doesn't matter what. There's a reason why you're inexperienced. Get some experience. You will have the time and flexibility to search for a job, trust that.

[Fudgie]

If she has a decent job, why are they giving her baby stuff and paying for her gas? Why? That just seems so weird to me.

 

Everyone's first job kinda sucks. You don't just go from having NO experience to going into a job that pays well and you love it. You have to work your way up. Many of my friends' first jobs are at the college, pushing papers. My boyfriend works at a gas station. I am not currently working but the jobs I've had before were rather boring but I did it because money is money.

 

You need to learn how to handle a full-time job (35-40 hours a week) because in the future, REGARDLESS of the field you're in, that's what you're going to have to work. I can understand not wanting to do 50-80 hr weeks (I wouldn't want to either!) but you need to get used to 35-40. You say it makes you miserable and negative. Well, fix that! What is your alternative, rely on your parents forever? That is not an option. A 40 hr week is usually about 8 hours a day, like 9-5 for example. You may have evenings off, or mornings off, and you'll always have a couple days off, so why not see friends then and have a social life? It's not like people who work full-time don't have a social life.

 

You have money now, but it's not really *YOURS*. You did not make it, you were given it by your parents. The only way I can see you being happy with yourself and getting a girlfriend is if you break off from them. Will it be hard? yes. Will your first job kinda suck? Probably. But I think deep down, you don't like being a mooch. And no woman is going to date a guy in his 30s who is still relying on his parents on major support because he doesn't have a job. You're essentially still living in their house, since their money goes to pay for all your bills and whatnot.

 

C'mon Dougie, it's time to change this.

[tiredofvampires]

The less experience you seek, the less experienced you will become; which will make you feel less hirable. Rinse and repeat. You can change this now by rolling up your sleeves and starting SOMEWHERE and then, like everyone else, building up from there. Nothing to say you can't build your own buisiness, train for something else, etc. along the way. One sure-fire way to make sure that never happens is to sit here waiting for the right situation, because by the time you're 41 and partially unemployed with almost no work history, the hole you've dug yourself will be 10 years deeper.

 

But the problem here is not explaining clearly what you need to know to get unstuck and pointing the way for you.

 

The problem is that you will make every excuse to justify why you are stuck, saying it's better than all the other alternatives, and then continue to deflect the issue. You'll continue to feel miserable and make threads about how your life is sucking -- how people are mean to you, don't respect you, criticize you, have you under their thumb, how they lord it over you, how they lead you on, how they don't accept you, how you feel lonely. Then when it's pointed out what you can do to break this cycle, you'll go back to saying life ain't too bad. And so it goes.

 

There are things you can change, Dougie, and things you can't.

 

The things you can change:

 

1. Being negative. No one ever is required to turn into a negative person because of a situation. Lots of people have lots of negative experiences and situations and still maintain a positive attitude.

 

2. Changing your priorities so that you value independence over anything else, as a means to an end; and therefore you will keep your eye on the long-range prize, using such things as unskilled labor which you don't like as a means to those ends

 

3. Thinking that your mood and your happiness have to depend on all the stars lining up in just the perfect configuration, which you will wait for

 

4. Letting others have the keys to your life, giving up your power

 

5. Wanting the short cut and the easy way out to meeting your desired goals when the fact is that pretty much everyone has to put in effort in this life to get the things they want

 

Things you can't change:

 

1. How your face moves when you smile

 

2. Having a sloped forehead

 

3. Any number of things that you keep making threads about as details of your personal physical make-up

 

See, there's a lot more that you can change than things you can't!

 

So that's the good news.

 

The bad news is that that's not good news to you. The bad news is that the things you CAN change will take WORK -- and that is one thing, I take it from your posts, you aren't prepared to do.

 

So you'll keep blaming the things you can't change.

 

It's easy to blame the things you can't change because then you're left with nothing and no means to make life better. "Oh well, just happens to suck to be me." By fixating on the things you can't change, you basically release yourself from taking responsibility for your life.

 

I can tell you that without exception women will find this attitude a dealbreaker. That's not meant to goad you into change. You have to want to change in order to make the quality of your life better. But from the point of view of women, which is what your threads always revolve around, this is something for you to take into consideration.

 

What you CAN change -- what you CAN'T. Which are you going to spend your time and energy on? Think about it. Like I said above, it may just not be bad enough yet. You've got to get to the point where life makes you say, "uncle."

[Dougie_D]

Again, I know what MY PROBLEM is..I don't have my own independence because I don't have MY OWN money. I constantly check job postings but they all require a certain amount of experience! I don't even have the opportunity to post my resume!

 

I can't DO anything right now since I'll be out on the ROAD for 2 months. I am not sure if I'll be getting paid because the band won't be making much. Musicians are poor on the road.

[Fudgie]

So apply to McDonald's or a gas station or something, even if it's just part-time for now. Not ALL jobs require experience. If that were true, then no one could ever get a job because they wouldn't be able to in the first place!

 

What sort of jobs are you looking for?

 

I would plan to start getting a job when you come back in 2 months. Musicians are poor, you're right. Unless you make it big, you're going to be poor. That's my boyfriend isn't going into music anymore. He decided to keep it as a hobby while he works to get money elsewhere because he wants to have a roof over his head, clean water, and food.

[Dougie_D]

Well, I've applied to grocery stores and stuff. Those are not really the jobs I REALLY want. I posted my resume to the corporate career pages. Such as Time Warner, Viacom, Sony, etc...

 

When I was told I was OVERQUALIFIED to be an Intern at a Record Label, that's when I got confused. Were they suggesting that I had qualified skills and experience? Then they CALLED me two weeks later to ask me to be an A&R Intern. I'm not going to lie, but the President and I were on the same page as far what bands we liked. I always thought they were going to offer me something, but it never happened. I realized I needed to have Management skills so I ended up getting an internship at a management company. Problem was, the management company STILL barely makes any money.

 

Anyways, that doesn't matter. I just need to FIND a job. The one thing that I regret is: When I was working at Sam's Club before I didn't know much about music business or how to go about it. Now, since I have a gained small experience and I know how things work better, I wish I still had a part time job. I've realized that the part-time job CAN be just temporarily. My parents kept on PUSHING me into management or to "climb the ladder" in the retail industry. My parents are STATUS people. Espeically my dad. He works with high-end people and sometimes they like to BRAG or whatever what their son or daughter was doing. My dad told me he "had to lie" when I was a cart guy at Sam's.That wasn't me. It's not until now that my parents see that I'm happy because I'm doing stuff with music. Now, it seems like my parents are "paying me off" to live in LA so they can brag to people.

 

It makes me feel terrible when I want to try to live on my own...If meaning I have to start at a low paying crappy job...and my parents tell me "you are better than that, why waste your value?" "Is that the BEST you can get?", etc..

 

It's like they want me to have a certain STATUS or certain amount of INCOME. and they give me money so they feel like I have achieved it.

[Fudgie]

Some jobs may think that you are overqualified, esp since you are in your early 30s and have some unpaid experience in the industry, so I can understand why they would say that for you being an intern at a record label.

Part-time jobs, on other hand, in retail or service industries, don't seem to care about that as much. It can be temporary, and you will get money and experience.

 

You are a grown man. If you don't want to be pushed into something by your parents, you don't have to. You have control in this situation. Honestly, let your parents b___ when you go into a part-time job. How they will explain it to others and their concern over "status" is something they can worry about by themselves. This is your life here. It's sad that they are willing to keep supporting you as you get older with no experience and feel bad about yourself, just so they can brag to others. You ARE being used as a pawn by them, but the good news is that you do have control. You can get out of this situation. You need a part-time job and you need to tell them to shove off. They can lie again to friends if they feel like it.

 

You definitely haven't achieved the income/status but just having it given to you is not an achievement or accomplishment. You will feel so much better when you ultimately can make your own way and support yourself. But you're gonna start small, probably in a job that isn't your favourite.

[Alezia]

Usually they reserve internships to students or very recent graduates, as they know they will be willing to accept no money in order to get their foot in the door in the industry. In your case, you already have some experience to put on that CV, so what they are offering to you isn't all that great - and even if they accept you, they are aware that it may be very easy to accept something which is paid for elsewhere. Anything on the more professional side, likes to at least retain their employees for 6-12 months. Anything low-end retail or service is used to temporary, part-time and high turn over rates - they are more prepared to deal with small employment time.

[tiredofvampires]

I find it strange that your parents would feel any more "honest" now. Here's how I picture a conversation running:

 

Friend of Dougie’s parents: So what’s Dougie up to these days?

Dougie’s parents: He’s gone out to L.A.! Starting a new career!

Friend: Really? What’s he doing out there?

Parents: He’s in the music business!

Friend: Oh, that’s great! It’s so hard to make it over there, especially in this economy -- good for him! Who’s he working for?

Parents: HONESTLY? NOBODY AT THE MOMENT.

 

There’s a convo that dies pretty fast.

 

How does this work for them, if honesty is their concern? I'm not mocking you, I'm just showing you the absurdity of living a charade like this, and you participating willingly.

 

Sooner or later, what people think doesn’t matter a hoot. Whoever you’re trying to impress, whoever they’re trying to impress.

 

So they’ll pay you off so they can continue some version of the truth that doesn’t reflect reality, and you’ll continue to not meet your own goals because there’s no incentive either externally or internally to do so.

 

You can decide this is your life and it’s not for sale, or you can take the money and run. Which in this case would be sitting right where you are.

[blueidealist24]

I don't know if you will necessarily be an unhappy person if you get a job in retail, fast food, or whatever. I have a BA degree and I still work at a Dairy Queen because I can't find anything else in this current economy. But it's not all bad, I've developed a lot of friendships with my coworkers.. without them I would be a lot more lonely since I don't get to talk to/hang out with my friends from school as much as I used to. Plus, if you work retail, fast food or something of that sort you could come accross potential dates while on the job. It would be kind of someplace to meet people, even friends to widen your social circle, besides the bars.

 

I get that your parents are ashamed if you're working a low level job that doesn't have status, but they were the ones who actually put you in that position by not encouraging you to become independent earlier on. Now they're trying to build up a fake image of you as what they consider a successful person, but if it's not real it doesn't mean anything to anybody besides them, and at this point it's gotta be about you and your feelings, not what they want or what impression they want to convey to others.

[Dougie_D]

How does this work for them, if honesty is their concern? I'm not mocking you, I'm just showing you the absurdity of living a charade like this, and you participating willingly.

 

I don't remember saying that my parents were honest people. Oh, and my dad would explain to them that I left to do my own business (which is the truth...I'm working on finding clients to work with. To develop them, help book shows, etc. I've booked shows but it's like 10 dollars per show. And it takes about week to confirm the show and then I have to wait MONTHS to even get paid.)

 

My father is a salesman. He overexagerates the truth on anything. It annoys me when he starts to people what I do. I tell them the reality. Not what people "assume."

 

I'm the total opposite. I'm very modest. I don't play like that. It's not real. I absolutely hate it when I see bands mention that they opened up for BIGGER acts. Yeah, and also about 10 more bands. It's usually a festival and you probably played 10 hours beforehand. Ego's don't go to well in this biz and those type of bands get laughed at.

[Dougie_D]

I just need a job. I get really down about myself for not getting a job in the field. It makes me feel stupid. I've "pitched" bands ALL day to labels and in a note asking if they have any opportunities in their A&R department. They say "no" but you can always pitch bands to us. I'm still dumb enough to tip these artists...Oh, and then what do I see? A couple of months later the Same band gets signed and someone else will get the credit. I'm constantly being used and it's very difficult for me knowing that the label wouldn't had known about the artist unless it was me. It's incredibly hard to convince an artist to work with you when you don't have credibility. That's what I have to have. I need actually find a band that is willing to be on MY SIDE and stick with me. But, eventually a bigger fish will come around and snag them away. It's a NASTY NASTY biz.

[Fudgie]

I honestly think it's not you - it's just the nature of the field. I think the biz is nasty nasty and yeah, it sounds like you're getting used. But what are you going to do? You are 31 and have been in this field for a long time and you still (to them) have no credibility and no one wants to pay you for your work. How long are you going to keep this up and be unhappy? You're not getting any younger Dougie...at some point, you have to make a choice.

[Dougie_D]

Actually, I've only been in the field for about a year and half. Actually working for other bands and understanding the business side of things.

 

I've been around music for a long time, but never really did the business stuff. I was just in bands for awhile.

 

I've been e-mailing labels bands I liked or I thought that had talent for a couple of years, but I never actually had contact with the bands.

 

Now, I'm actually starting to talk to bands. Trying to get them as clients.

 

I'm not going to say bands...but if this one band announces that they got signed to "specific" label. I'm 100% positive it was me that tipped them. I just have to wait and see how big these bands come. If the band flops, then my credibility goes down. If they succeed, my trust value goes up.

[tiredofvampires]

And like all of us who are in the arts --

 

In the meantime, until you're big enough to make it your mainstay, you get a day job.

[Fudgie]

And like all of us who are in the arts --

 

In the meantime, until you're big enough to make it your mainstay, you get a day job.

 

I have to agree with this.

 

Dougie, you're 31. How long will this go on for? You keep saying "well not yet...not yet" but what if that chance doesn't come? What are you going to do then?

 

A lot of people in the arts don't do it for their main job. I have a good friend of mine who goes to college far away from me, studying to be a writer. She is writing romance novels in her spare time as she works. My boyfriend works minimum wage and plays in a band on the side, practices a couple times a week. Heck, even for me, I love classical languages but that is something that I do on my own time, while I am working toward being in a field that I am also passionate about but I know will help people.

 

How much longer are you going to drag this out?

[Dougie_D]

I am having a HARD time getting even a job at a GROCERY store. That sucks! I am starting to feel like a complete idiot!!!

 

I'd rather have a job in the music field but I don't really know where to start!

[shotinthedark]

Grow up. You're 31 and you still care what Daddy thinks of you? If my parents didn't support the choices I made in my own life, it'd be water off a ducks back to me. You're still a child in a man's body. Constantly seeking approval from your parents, living off allowance, dwelling in depression.

 

As for doing a job you don't like.... welcome to the real world. Do you think everyone has some job they absolutely love to go to? I worked alot of jobs I hated, gaining experience and looking for something I could see myself doing everyday and building a career out of. People go to work to pay their bills, be independent, and support themselves.... THREE THINGS YOU DON'T DO.

 

Dude, you're not 21 anymore... you're 31. Grow theup. Every time you post crying about your physical attributes it comes back around to Daddy's acceptance. It's pretty sad, bro.

 

You wanna be in the music business? Yeah, you and about 5 million other people, too. Thing is, most people realize they have to pay their bills and survive, so sometimes you've got to learn to take care of yourself. I'm not saying don't chase your dream.... but you've got to figure out how to stop living like a spoiled teenager and be an independent MAN.

 

Seriously.... it's not normal.

[Dougie_D]

Where is a good place to find a decent job and it doesn't have to be in my field? This is what I have a hard time finding. I can't even find a part-time job!

 

I am really feeling like I'll be backtracking in LIFE if I don't get a DECENT JOB. I'll be 31 with 2 degrees working with highschool kids. Yeah, try telling that to girl you are trying to impress.

 

I feel like I will be a FAILURE. Yes, having my own income will help, but people around me will think I'm an idiot. That's NOT attractive.

 

I can see it now, if I get a INTERVIEW at the grocery store:

 

EMPLOYER --- Why do you need this job? You have 2 degrees. Why were you not working for about 2 years years?

 

ME --- Because I had an opportunity here in LA, and now the business slowing down and I need a part-time job.

 

EMPLOYER --- Oh, so you are not planning on being here long term?

 

ME --- Yes, I will still be looking at other jobs in the music field.

 

EMPLOYER --- hmmm......