CountryHGirl Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Hey all, its been a while since ive posted. been doing some new and exciting things in preparation for my friends extremely sudden wedding! Right now, i need some much needed insight and advice. My bf and i have been dating for a little over two years. At the beginning of our relationship, we had crazy, loving, passionate, wild sex. The sky was the limit. Anytime, anywhere. We had dry spells on and off after the 5th month, but maintained a pretty regular sex life. Lately ive been feeling bored with our sex. We havent been doing it that often now, i think for that reason. I know im extremely stresed with work and other things. I mean, we still have sex. But for me, its almost like im thinking, ok lets get this over with, im tired. What can i do to spice things up or get me into 'the mood' more? We do use toys occasionally, edible body cream, blindfolds etc. Anything else i can try to do?? Link to comment
LBP Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 What's the specific problem? What was different early on? Link to comment
Moontiger Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Hi CountryHGirl, I think you have a number of option for spicing up your sex life. The best advice I ever got on this was when someone told me "A blindfold plus a pair of handcuffs equal endless possibilities." Try some role playing. Sometimes you would be amazed what will spark. For example, my BF and I recently discovered that we enjoy role-playing "jealous sex". Its pretty fun to play out he will "catch me" flirting with someone else (side note: I never actually flirt with another guy, we just say that!) and we have wild sex off of that. Or, if you are into it, you can try dominating him. Some leather boots, make him get on his knees and beg, ask him why he is so naughty. Again with me and my BF, I "caught" him in my room without permission and had to give him a spanking. I hope this helps! Link to comment
CountryHGirl Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 What's the specific problem? What was different early on? to be honest, im not exactly sure. i DO know that now i have extreme stress alot of time, i even have to take a muscle relaxer at night because as a result of my stress, my back and neck tense up to the point where i cant move. i know the 'in lust' period fades, but even after that, we were still having regular, satisfying sex. i also think my weight might be an issue. i have gained roughly 20 lbs since weve been together, and really dont feel attractive anymore. deep down i know he loves me, and even with the added lbs, he seems to still find me incredibly attractive. for me, its a different story. Link to comment
CountryHGirl Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 ill definitely have to try that! sounds fun, which is what im looking for! Link to comment
LBP Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 i also think my weight might be an issue. i have gained roughly 20 lbs since weve been together, and really dont feel attractive anymore. deep down i know he loves me, and even with the added lbs, he seems to still find me incredibly attractive. for me, its a different story. Yeah, that sounds like the heart of it. Likely a combination of your increased weight and stress creating equal parts lack of interest between both you and your BF. The obvious solution is to address each of these problems. Perhaps the BF performing a massage or something to help relieve your stress in addition to a shared workout regimen? These are just suggestions. Link to comment
CountryHGirl Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 LBP, sounds like good advice, will definitely try! Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I am pretty sure that stress is a libido killer and you can't really 'spice up' your sex life if stress hormones and cortisols are pumping through your blood stream on a regular basis. I normally have a very high sex drive, but lately I've been stressed and even thinking about sex when I'm under so much stress sometimes grosses me out.. much less trying to make it fun and enjoyable! My advice.. don't spend your time trying to make your sex life more fun. Make your life more fun. Find out the stressors in your life, and then either eliminate them or develop proper techniques for dealing with them. Link to comment
BlueEagle Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Stress can definitely be a killjoy. Just communicate with him with what you're feeling. Have a constructive, healthy dialogue where you both can brainstorm what can be done to improve this area in your relationship. If there are lingering resentments from problems within your relationship, it can cause a drop in libido, too. If everything is fine and there are seemingly no problems underneath the surface then it may be a matter of new techniques, positions, toys, ideas, etc. Maybe you desire more romance to kick it into overdrive. Good luck! Link to comment
Alpine Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I know exactly how you feel. For me, it's the stress levels that sometimes kill our sex life. I was on a 4 week break from work, and my boyfriend and I had amazing, passionate sex and were all over each other during those weeks. As soon as I had to return to work, I became stressed again, and my libido dropped Is there anything you can do to combat the stress you're experiencing first? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Connect with you partner more. Relying on props like blindfolds and stuff are just band aids. If you're 100% connected with the right person, you would never have any reason to be bored, it would feel like the first time every time. Figure out why you're not in the mood - why doesn't you bf turn you on like he used to? If it's stress - remove the stress or figure out a way to deal with it that doesn't cause your relationship to suffer if your relationship is your priority. Link to comment
Fantanos Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Do you think your BF is having these issues too? Do you two do things like date nights? Just the two of you go out for a nice date... like once a week? Do you do little things for each other that makes the other feel good? Does he complain about not having sex enough? Do you turn him down a lot, does he turn you down? For me stress is the opposite, my job is extremely stressful at times... I have a lot of responsibilities. When I come home stressed I want a nice evening and nice sex, it helps me get my mind off work and helps to relieve stress. If I come home stressed and my GF has no interest I would get worse, it would add to my stress. My past relationship was like that... I was stressed at home and work.. I think we need some more details of where the issues are and how you two act as a couple. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 This is probably your whole problem If your boyfriend's alcohol use is bringing you to doubt the relationship going on and you feel broken and battered and stressed, you will not be having much sex. When there is a sexual active relationship and the sex goes in the dumper, aside from reasons such as temporarily no sex due to recent childbirth or illness, it is just merely a symptom of a troubled relationship. I think lack of fun sex is the least of your worries right now. I suggest becoming acquainted with your vibrator and not think so much about spicing up your sex life otherwise but focusing on whether this relationship is healthy for you. Your sex life will return to healthy when you either abstain from having sex from people who don't really care, the relationship improves or you take time for yourself and then meet someone new who is capable of being in a relationship with you equally. Sometimes, having a "good sex life" is not just about frequency and flexibility level but the healthiness of that sex life, even if you are having infrequent sex or having sex for one. Or abstaining when necessary. Link to comment
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