BF birthday this weekend, worried about pot smoking.

[buddha55]

chitown- she then brought in a new "conflict" about the exes of her bf and contact.

 

jewelcat pretty much summed it up for me. both with the pot and girlfriends.

[Moontiger]

To JewelCat: I did not give him an ultimatum. I told him my feelings and asked how he saw his future so we could both make an informed decision about whether we wanted to continue with the relationship. We came out the discussion positively so really for anyone to bring that up now is moot.

 

And I don’t expect just him to make changes for the relationship. I never said that and I don’t believe this would be fair on any level. If he has a problem with something, talks to me about it, and it is a reasonable adjustment then I would do it. This is all I am asking from him. My level of not wanted drugs around me (scale 1 to 10) is probably an 8.5 to 9. His want for drugs in his life is much lower (I would guess a 1 to 2), affects him less, and is a reasonable adjustment.

 

Cynder and Chitown, thank you so much for the support and actually hearing what I am saying.

 

We were out to breakfast today and as we were eating he starting staring at this girl. After a minuet he turn back to me and said, “Sorry I thought I knew her. I swear I wasn’t checking her out!” I gave him a funny look and he said, “Oh, that’s right. You’re not crazy.”

 

So to Buddha I say, my BF finds me very laid back with regard to other women. I asked very respectfully that this thread not be made into a debate, I explained calmly that no one here was going to change my mind about pot, I asked that this thread stay on topic. You did not respect anything these things I asked for. The only thing you have accomplished here is giving me a worse impression of pot then I had before. Congrats.

 

I’m going to let this thread die now. I ask that everyone do the same.

[Batya33]

I think it's going to get irritating very soon if he keeps reacting defensively and negatively each time he sees that you saw him looking at another woman (it's fine that he notices other people -I'm referring to his "I'm not cheating I swear!" reactions). The walking on eggshells and reacting this way hopefully will fade out soon.

[lostandhurt]

You have been open and honest with him so there isn't much more to be said.

 

As far as him being a little jumpy about getting busted checking out some other girl. He probably had a jealous girlfriend in the past that would ream him for what he did. Doesn't sound like you are like that.

 

Time will tell how this works out but you have handled this very well. In fact I don't think you could have done any better if you tried. His understanding and actions are very promising as well.

 

I wish you both the very best

Lost

[buddha55]

I dont know why you keep bringing up pot when that hasnt been the subject of my posts. I dont know why you bother asking for advice or an outsiders perspective when you clearly only want to hear positive reinforcement.

[JewelCat]

Then I'm not really sure what you want from him then. You've told him drug use is a huge deal breaker for you and can't handle it in a relationship, and in another post, you told us you may walk away from the relationship if he continues to smoke. You may not have flat out said, "it's me or pot," but you seem to be guilting him into taking a side. I don't see how its not an ultimatum, no matter how you word it. But since you seemed to reach an agreement of some sort for now, I guess just see how things work out in the long run.

[HeartGoesOn]

Thread closed per user request.