Unusual mother/son relationship???

[chelle86]

I don't know if he was sheltered as a child, I know he recently spent a year living away from home. His parents split when he was 10, step dad has been in his life a long while by the sounds of it. He doesn't display any odd personality characteristics other than what I've written about. He has a lot of friends, and some very close friends, who I have met. On the outside he appears fine.

[chelle86]

I agree some of the little things I will put aside as being normal and try to forget them. I've met the step dad once for a few minutes, he seemed ok. But perhaps he really isn't ..

[chelle86]

And yes, what do I have to lose? Though it's getting on now and I assume he will txt at some point this evening so I'm thinking I may as well wait. If he doesn't, then that makes the whole 'keeping me on a string feeling' a whole lot worse than what it is, and I will definitely, without a doubt text.

[OrangeMoon]

This thread made me thing about this one...better read it.

 

 

 

I dont know him..but it doesnt seem healthy to me. I say run for the hills. Chances are huge the mom already poisoned his mind about you. Because you can bet she knows about everything that has happened between you..

[lanaa]

This thread made me thing about this one...better read it.

 

 

 

I dont know him..but it doesnt seem healthy to me. I say run for the hills. Chances are huge the mom already poisoned his mind about you. Because you can bet she knows about everything that has happened between you..

 

 

hehe it also reminded me about that case

 

weird!

[Deejmonster]

I don't know if he was sheltered as a child, I know he recently spent a year living away from home. His parents split when he was 10, step dad has been in his life a long while by the sounds of it. He doesn't display any odd personality characteristics other than what I've written about. He has a lot of friends, and some very close friends, who I have met. On the outside he appears fine.

 

Maybe its just a realllllllyyyyy strange quirk... I mean.. everyone has some things that make them stand out... It probably is nothing, just make sure it doesn't become something more damaging down the road..

[Thorshammer]

It could be possible that he switches his mindset to that of a child around his mom. I did this before (embarrassing to admit), but i lay down and dont want to do anything, i change my tone of voice, and get upset when i dont get my way (though now not so much, as i got older i detached a bit, i guess it took longer for me to mature). So while you are making assumptions, he is just over-acting being a child under his moms protection and care, sort of like switching into that mode (though he does seem to be at an extreme case, but he is 21). I dont lay down with my mom, but i wont think a guy is doing something weird if he does it.

 

Personally, my mom is my everything, and i had some girls that were threatened by her, one even got upset when i said i put my mom above anyone. My recent ex said she had bad experiences with men who are close to their mothers. I thought it was all stupid because I barely mention my mom, its like they were threatened by every woman in my life.

[chelle86]

Ok, I've been reading about this stuff alllll day. He still hasn't txt, he is a night person so he's possibly asleep, but I'm pretty put off that he isn't making an effort when he knows I'm confused. I realised of myself also, that in a way, if I txt him then I am doing the chasing. This doesn't suit me, when someone has hurt me, which is why I left their house when it happened even though he then offered to stay in the room with me. I want to know his story but I'm afraid I'll blow up and bring out all the layers; why did you find this normal/why have you kept me hanging/ why feel the need to put the pic of your mum on/ why do you not care etc It's way too early in the relationship for all this. The more I read, the more I think his mum may be clingy and he thinks it's normal. And the longer time goes on the more I understand he's not that committed. I'm not sure whether to be angered by this, as like I said I've literally known him 2 weeks. I aint half kicking myself in the teeth for sleeping with him. What an idiot, I've made things much worse for myself

[hers]

Read the thread called "future mother in law issues" by user baker843. It's very similar to what you're going through. She ended up breaking up with him not bc it made her uncomfortable but bc it just progressed from bad to terrible.

 

It's an issue of boundaries here. Presumably, since you were there late at night and he does the whole shoe outside the door bit, he talks to her about his sex life. That to me would be a huge dealbreaker. It's already strange that he left you to go to her after you were intimate with him. She probably knows what you were doing. It seems like they have no secrets from each other which could be a problem.

 

Also considering he lied about his age, I'm gonna go with thorshammer on tbis one and guess that he's overacting being a child and wants to grow up but can't bc "something" is in his way.

[chelle86]

I'm liking the 'switching his mindset to a childs' option, it would be a lot easier for me to grasp that, and more chance he'll grow out of it. I need to chill, I'm driving myself up the wall. I'm thinking distancing myself is probably the best option for me right now.

[hers]

Actually I don't think he will grow out of it, especially if he has a mom who stunts his growth.

[chelle86]

You're probably right. I've just noticed on facebook he has now changed his profile to one NOT of his mum. I know he's awake now anyway. I feel sooo nervous.

[tattoobunnie]

Well...I married into this type of situation just this month! Though, I knew him and the mom when he and I were teens. She was married for a very very brief moment (more drama).

 

10 years ago after the mom lost her mom, she became a reclouse, a hoarder, and obese. And that's when she pretty much turned my now husband into her mini-husband. Over a year ago, my hubby and I reconnect, start dating...I do see how she completely tries to act like a child who needs him. Then we get engaged, I get pregnant, he moves out after living with her essentially most of his life, and boy, her behaviour was beyond psycho to 4000 word emails, 20 daily 4 minute long messages to anyone she could make herself sound like a victim...guilt-trip after guilt-trip, crying wolf, bad-mouthing him constantly, and me...yet everyone, including her practioner knew she was out of her mind. She didn't come to the wedding. (Thank God!) And I have police records against her in case she tries to claim rights with my child. And after being with me...my husband stopped falling for her emotionally abuse months ago. And instead of blaming himself, he sees what a jerk she really was.

 

So the lesson here...you just started dated...and you don't really know if he's worth it. I mean, my husband was hands down. But you're young, and he's very young, and there will be an uphill battle. The reason being...does he know what life is like without her (college dorming, plans to move away, starting his own career)? I don't think he realizes how creepy it is for him to leave in the middle of the night to watch TV with her, and her barging in, and needing to leave shoes outside the door. I don't think he's ready to cut the cord yet.

[chelle86]

Yeah he did move away for 1 year, then moved back a couple of months ago. It really is way too early to know if he's worth it or not. On the outside he is worth it, though he still hasn't contacted me. I'm not sure if perhaps he does understand what he's done and doesn't know how to talk to me, it doesn't explain the pic of his mum, but then he has changed it so maybe he's realised that was wrong? It could be that I'm looking way too much into it all, but then who wouldn't? We're not 'in love' we're not committed as bf/gf, but I do demand some respect for my feelings and right now he isn't living up to that. But I accept that I have to understand that if all is normal and innocent, he may not feel the need to comfort me because it's so early and he's not yet inclined to do that (Not that he ever will be) Even though I still feel hurt.

[tattoobunnie]

Don't take it personally. If a person didn't know any other way or any better before, they wouldn't know any better. When he asked if you were pissed, and you said you were fine...why did you lie? I'd talk to him about things.

[chelle86]

No offence taken. I lied because I felt on the spot, I was in shock at what had happened and didn't know how to react. I know of myself that if i had of reacted and told the truth, i would not of been able to do so in a calm way. I did text the next afternoon, yesterday, that I am uncomfortable with it, he said we'll speak soon. He still hasn't contacted.

[lostandhurt]

I read every word of this thread and I still can't wrap my mind around what he is thinking.

 

I do think he hasn't talked to you yet because he doesn't know what to say.

 

I keep imagining what their conversation was like when he went to watch tv in her room. She had to know you had sex. "Hi Mommy" " Hi baby, how did it go? did wear a condom? did she have an orgasm" Ewwww

 

The facts are he lied to you about his age, has for all accounts a very unusual relationship with his mother, has an older woman fetish and hasn't grown up yet. The question is: is he worth the time and effort knowing what you know.

 

Good luck is all I can say

 

Lost

[chelle86]

What I believe is that the text he was eager to read before he left, was his mum. I can't imagine that he'd just walk strait into her room unannounced. I can't begin to imagine what the text was. I thought it odd as he'd told her to let him know when she's finished watching tv (his xbox messes with her signal in her room) yet the text was obviously not that. As time goes on I realise more and more that perhaps he is not worth it. I'm so strung up it's unbelievable. And thanks

[Guest]

i think you should sit him down, give him a chance to give his side of things and then , if he sees nothing wrong with it and isnt willing to adapt towards the norm, you should probably leave that threesome and be glad you dodged that bullet. imagine his mum breast feeding your child? kidding

 

kudos to that, just let him do some explaining. because this is weird!

[DylanNotorious]

I got shudders down my spine reading this...............it's pretty sick if that's what's going on.

[chelle86]

He still hasn't contacted me. It's now 20.00. It's been a day and half since I aired I'm uncomfortable. I'm still waiting for him to make the time to 'chat' as he said he would.

[chelle86]

Ok, he text at 21.30, do I wanna meet tomorro for the chat. I replied great, little disappointed it's so late but be grand to see him, lunchtime is best for as as may be traveling in the afternoon (I also wrote this as I feel he will put me off until eve and I don't wanna wait much longer) He replied he's busy until 3pm, maybe meet tonight. My thoughts on this - I know he sleeps through the day & he's working tomorro night, 99% sure then that he's busy as he's sleeping, fine except that I as a day person, have been willing so far to fit around his sleeping pattern. Comes down to lack of commitment I guess. Also annoyed as he hasn't text all day, yet has been on facebook. I replied not really I'm tired. He said k let me know when you're free, I said you're more than welcome to ring, which he did.

I stayed calm, he said he's sorry he didn't txt today as been sleeping (yet has been on facebook) told him I found the situation odd. To sum it up he said - he's close to his mum, there's nowt untoward, they don't hold hands, or lay together in the bed. He's not willing to change this, he won't do it again whilst I'm there, but will whilst I'm not, if it's too odd for me then I've to say so (to end it now) He said to think about it and let him know.

I'm at a loss. I guess I may be able to accept this situation, from what I've read a few people seem to think this is normal. But with it being so early, we are not even bf/gf how can I tell if he is worth this, at this stage????

 

[chelle86]

Oh, I also mentioned to him that he hadn't knocked on his mums door, he said because she had txt asking him to switch his xbox off. I replied that she had already asked that a few hours earlier. He said that she text saying she couldn't sleep and wanted to watch tv so could he turn the xbox off, i replied 'your xbox wasn't on' he said she didn't know that. I left it at that, but come onnnnnnnn! She fell asleep knowing it was off, did she not think to try her tv first before txting him????

[HeartGoesOn]

I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping at that house, especially since he lives with his Mother.

[chelle86]

Okay lets wrap this up. This was done via facebook.

Me - I'm sure we'll both agree that we don't know each other much at all. Because of this I can not realistically make a decision of what you have told me to think about.

I am willing to see what becomes of us. However -

I ask that your mum try to avoid disturbing us, if she can. We, or even just I, could after all be sleeping, having sex, or snogging. (As we were when you grabbed the phone to read the text) If there is a way to check if the xbox is on before txting, I would appreciate it.

I can see you have no commitment of me at this stage, but i do still expect my feelings to be heard. I do not want to get into fights about your mother, I would like to get to know her, respect her and likewise.

Please reply and let me know what your thoughts are xx

 

Him - You're right we definitely don't know each other too well at this stage. I don't think we're quite at the stage where we should discuss my relationship with my mum as that is a little far into my personal life, and if im honest I don't like your implications about it... as if there's something wrong or illegal going on.

I respect that your feelings need to be heard, mine do too.

This has all risen out of something that I gave less than 1 second's thought too and I think if such an issue can grow out of something (to me) so insignificant I don't know how well we're realistically gonna get on together.

I've been honest here, and I hope you can respect my feelings too

Sorry this probably wasn't the reply you hoped for x

 

Me -Ok, I'm really not trying to imply anything, I pointed out I felt uncomfortable, I don't think this is unreasonable. I've accepted what you have said, if I hadn't I wouldn't be speaking to you. I'm willing to accept your relationship with your mother, I've simply asked that we have our own space. I mean to cause no offence x

 

Him - I don't really know right now Michelle maybe we just don't go well together or we wouldn't be having this discussion in the first place.

I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable, I'm just not sure how similar we are as people.

Ok you werent trying to imply anything but it was like being interrogated over the phone, you said you 'didn't hear me knock on the door' when I went into the other room and that 'i got the txt ages ago' so why did i go when i did? I dunno It's too much stress over so very little and I cant do with it x

 

Me -I asked a few questions, because I wanted to understand. I accepted your answer. I asked for space when we are together. I can see this is too much for you. Perhaps we should call it quits? Maybe we are better suited as friends x

 

Him Yeah that must be too much for me, I'm seeing that we wouldn't work as a couple so quits seems best but it would be nice to stay friends. You seem to get along well with all my mates (well your mates too now) and I wouldn't want to stand in the way of that either so if were both ok with it, your right we are better suited as friends x

 

PS: It was lovely being close to you

 

 

 

THE END