Girls: What does this Text mean?

[Dougie_D]

I'm going to give you the dialogue between this girl and I.

 

The Night Before--

 

Me: Going to a concert tomorrow night. Would you like to go to the show?

 

Her: I get out of work at 10 is that 2 late?

 

Me: Not for the entire show. I don't know when the band I have to see is playing though.

 

Her: I'll txt u tomorrow about the show. I want 2 go.

 

Next night at 10:18 P.M.. ---

 

Her: How's the show?

 

Me: Watching the band...they are alright (bla-bla-bla)

 

The show gets over and I text her again ---

 

Me: Going to leave in a bit. If you're out drinking, I'll swing by and pound a few w/you. I gotta keep myself busy until I fall asleep. My bedroom light is out.

 

About and hour or so passes by ---

 

Her: Just saw ur txt. I'm at home, just got done doing dishes lol so cool.

 

Me: Cool as in you want to go drink somwhere? Or cool as I grab a sixpack and I swing at your place? I just wanna be cool somewhere **cheesy**

 

Her: Yeah we can get a drink somewhere lol but I have 2 get up early 4 school

 

Me: I'm driving now. Tell me the place and I'm there...hahaha! Pull an all nighter!

 

Her: I'm in sweats so I need 2 get dressed. Just tell me where u end up and I'll meet you there.

 

Me: 90's west or sports Harbor. It's closer to you

 

Her: 90's west is cool, I'll c u there.

 

I get to the bar first, but realized it was closed.

 

Me: It's closed. Un-cool. Sorry to drag u out.

 

Her: Really on at thurs?? So sad. I haven't left home yet sorry. I'm just gonna stay home, I have class at 8. I owe u.

 

Me: No prob. Just gonna hit the local bar now. It's bumpin. Have a good nite. Hope you have sweet "castle rock" dreams!

 

 

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN LADIES???? Anything??? Did I screw up???

[Generation]

There's nothing in there to indicate anything you screwed on severely. It was getting late and you didn't have a plan B. You're over-analyzing. Besides that, girls love to take their time before they head out too so if you're bummed about that, all girls are like that - especially if they're showering and need to dry their hair.

[lavenderdove]

It soundslike you need to try to make more firm plans with her rather than last minute 'meet ya somewhere'... and if she's working late and can't really get to a show, then perhaps plan for another night when she's not working. and most people don't want to go on late night dates on days they have to get up early the next day, so i think she was trying to let you know it wasn't the best time and too 'last minute' but you kept pushing to go somewhere rather than offering a time on another day that was better for her...

 

So just call her up and ask her on a date on a night when you're both free... ask her what night she can go on a date with you at a 'normal' house rather than late at night. Personally i'm a bit wary when a guy try to suggest late night dates because that smacks of being a booty call rather than someone who is really interested in getting to know me.

[sadchick83]

I know you probably meant well, but here is my take:

- I would not ask a woman to go to a concert the night before, especially if the person you are asking is a student- good chance she will not be able to attend.

-dont use words like "pound." You are chatting with a woman after all

-dont tell her you have to hang out because your bedroom light is out? * * * ?

-Grab a 6pack...is this for real?

 

Too bad the bar you suggested was closed. It sounds like this woman is actually interested in you, but lack of plan, you demonstrating it was "all about you" that night, and here role was to morph herself every time the plans changed was simply not sexy.

 

It you like this girl, ask her on a date and to not just tag along. WOmen like men who can make one solid plan and something you both will enjoy.

[jumper11]

Second lavenderdove.

 

If she pulls a 'it's too late' 'Im just going to stay home' one or two more times, she's not interested IF after making concrete plans with advance notice.

 

I've done what she's done before if A) I'm just tired B) or I feel like I have a lot to catch up on at home or C) just not 100% feeling it, or perhaps the plans were just too last notice that I'm getting stressed out or sadly I have to note that D) Just not into it but I only do this when someone has pushed me into going out repeatedly, and after me saying no a lot . It was a combination of tired and not wanting more than a friend and feeling pressured by a persistent guy. And add to the fact I said no and they just aren't a priority in my life. I stopped doing this after high school lol so don't judge me please. I shouldn't admit it but we all make certain people a priority. This is not your case , since I've read some of your threads. Just wanted to point it out regardless

 

Because she's done this only once it could be this or many things. I'm just saying that I've done what she's done because 90% of the time I'm either super tired usually. When I'm tired and stressed sleep is so important, lol. But if she does this once or twice more, remember that people who want to see others will scrap up some strength to see the other. BUT and BUT please make a date where she isn't working and no class at 8am, thats your best chance at success Only then will you know if she's actually interested.

 

And until you make better plans with her, I can't tell you what it means. She could be tired or worst case scenario, because reading what you wrote it could be either. But don't think negatively , like I said she sounds busy working and school so I'm cutting her slack, give her at least a few days notice for a date and see how it goes

[LoveSoDeep]

How old is this girl if she has class at 8? You're 30 right? I'm guessing she's in college.

 

One thing you totally missed she said: "Her: Just saw ur txt. I'm at home, just got done doing dishes lol so cool."

 

To me that reads as sarcasam..."I just did some dishes when everyone else is out drinking haha I'm such a dork"....not "Hey I'm over here doing dishes so yeah I'm totally ready to go out drinking". Add to that the fact she was already in sweats she just wasn't feeling like going out that night, but she went along with it so not harm done.

 

I agree withthe other though try making more concrete plans next time.

[blueidealist24]

I think she just wanted to stay home but since you wanted to go out and she might be a bit interested or just wants to be a good friend, she was willing to halfheartedly make some plans/didn't want to let you down that night. Since she has school at 8 am I wouldn't automatically assume she's not at all interested. Like others said I'd try to make the plans more in advance.. I know you did but she kind of was indecisive about the show, so that's not really your fault there.. also like others said, you used language that might get you friendzoned, like pound back a six pack and stuff. If you're romantically interested in her don't talk to her like she's one of your buddies. Maybe if you use non-buddy language and see how she responds you'll get more of a clue if she's actually interested or if you are in fact friendzoned. I wouldn't write her off completely, just try again another night, not so late.

[Huntress0527]

The text means that she didn't really want to go out but was going to in order to join you. Don't overanalyze so much, it'll only drive you nuts. Just ask her to go with a few days in advance.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

Is this the same girl you’ve been stressing over this whole time? If so, nothing in there indicates she sees you any differently than before. It still smacks of friend zone.

[Dougie_D]

Maybe if you use non-buddy language and see how she responds you'll get more of a clue if she's actually interested or if you are in fact friendzoned.

 

I'm starting to think that's my problem in general when dealing with girls. Maybe that's the only language I know? The non-buddy language, and instead of the girl putting me in the friendzone, I may give the impression that's what I want from her.

 

Is this the same girl you’ve been stressing over this whole time? If so, nothing in there indicates she sees you any differently than before. It still smacks of friend zone.

 

Yes. This is the same girl.

 

Let me ask the GIRLS a question: What scenarios are considered the FRIENDZONE? This is the first girl where I've hung out and it's just the 2 of us. All my past female friends, when we go out, there are usually 3 or more of us. I took a FEMALE friend to a basketball game (2 of us)BUT she was with a mutual BOYFRIEND.

 

Also, I've been doing what people have said. STOP paying for things. We went out for a BEER. I did not pay. Then went out to the movies AGAIN. I did not pay. Next time, I see her, I won't pay either. So, I guess she likes my company enough to NOT use me...that's a good thing, right??

[Dougie_D]

I meant that I only know the "buddy language"

[jumper11]

What is friend zone? It's what she did that night That scenario. Now that I know its the same girl as before, I know shes not interested and I'm sorry.

 

If you're fine having that kind of friend, go in expecting nothing and don't pay a dime. She wants just a friend or someone to just talk to here and there. If she wanted to go out she would've tried. My friends who became interested in me, I told them upfront my intentions and I never invested too much - didn't want them to get the wrong impression - but my ex, man I'll jump through hoops. Always did.

 

Youll fine someone... its hard as hell for anyone.

[alertstatusred]

Maybe she was just tired, but personally, if I like a guy, nothing will stop me from seeing him...even if the bar we were planning to meet at was closed or even if I had class at 8. When I have a crush, I'll make time for them even if i'm tired.

 

I don't know your story but I see that people here are telling you that you're in the friendzone. Personally, I think that if a girl likes you back, you'll be able to tell. There's just a gut feeling. If you don't have that feeling and this has been going on for a while, it's probably best just to accept her as a friend and nothing more.

[blueidealist24]

I'm not sure what to say about the buddy language since I'm not a guy and honestly I'm not the greatest 'flirter' either..

 

I'm glad you didn't pay for the last few hangouts though. That at least shows she likes your company as a friend even when you're not paying, yes. If you really want to find out if you're in the friendzone, you should ask her if she has any attractive friends she could introduce you to. The way she reacts will give away what she really thinks of you. If she seems enthusiastic about the idea you're probably in the friendzone, but if she seems unenthusiastic or uncomfortable, maybe not. My gut feeling here is that you are in the friendzone (I read your old post about her too), but maybe she actually really does have hot girl friends.

[Alezia]

The flow of the conversation makes it seem like it was two friends hanging out. You could probably replace "Her" by "Guy #2", and it would still be logical.

 

A girl who has a serious crush on you wouldn't waste an opportunity at seeing you. She didn't really even seem all that responsive by the length of time passed between the text messages. You do seem rather pushy and insistent on her to go out, so just try to scale that back.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think you need to stop communicating by text. This last minute planning with anybody usually ends up with a lot of waiting around to do things and a lot of "idk, we'll see what happens", which leads to a lot of wasted time. You can't tell if she's trying to blow you off or is genuinely excited. There is no tone cues or anything.

[Dougie_D]

O.k... Cool. So it's probably OBVIOUS that I'm in the friend zone.

 

But here is my question: Who put WHO in the friendzone? Because of my lack of experience w/ women and me being afraid that I won't see them, maybe I come off a little friendlier. Maybe I did things to make her feel like we are just friends.

 

She did make the note about her SEX-buddy. I acted like it was no big deal and stuff. I didn't let it bother me too much and plus I really didn't know what to say.

Also, LAST time I saw her, she made a point to tell me that HER friend was trying to explain that her and her sex-buddy were boyfriend/girlfriend because they go out in public. But SHE tells me and tries to explain that "just because I have sex with him and go out with him in public doesn't make us boyfriend/girlfriend."

 

What did that mean? Was she trying to tell me that the boy she is having sex with would not be considered a boyfriend to her? And was she trying to give me the hint that We are just friends? Or was there an opportunity for me to also be a "sex buddy?""

 

I get really confused.

[Dougie_D]

you should ask her if she has any attractive friends she could introduce you to. The way she reacts will give away what she really thinks of you.

 

Good idea. How's the best way to ask her? and What exactly should I ask? She has told me in the past that she doesn't have many female friends. She can easily say that again or say, none of them are single. What would that mean? If she said those things?

 

Or what about this? Maybe asking her what she thought is the best ONLINE dating sites? Maybe ask her if I should do it or not??

[Shudder]

man have some respect for yourself and walk away serious. its clear that you like this girl, and all she's doing is treating you as a friend. there was no opportunity for you at all. theres no hints. she's just telling you about stuff that is bothering her, like another friend. if you still want to hang with her and the whole topic about sex buddy stuff irks you, tell her to stop. I'm sure it does if you have to come on here and ask about it.

[blueidealist24]

As for who put who in the friendzone, I'm not sure. She maybe wasn't physically attracted to you right off the bat, but it could have also been YOUR 'buddy language' friendzoning her. It's hard to say.

 

As for the talk about the other guy.. I think she might be trying to hint that you guys are just friends even if you guys go out in public together too.. she MAY have been proposing the idea of FWB, but that's also hard to say.

 

I think it might be a good idea to ask about online dating sites, like if she's had any experience with them and which ones you should try, as long as she doesn't know you already use them. Or, you could ask her what type of girl SHE thinks would be attracted to you since you're looking. That would put it out there that you're actually LOOKING, if she hasn't realized.

[Alezia]

I doubt someone needs to point out they are just friends, and not 'exclusive', because they are seen together in public. Seriously, I don't lock mine away in the basement.

She might just be using it as conversational topic, as I don't think I would talk about FWBs with someone I am seriously interested in dating.

[shotinthedark]

I wouldn't say walk away just yet. If she wasn't interested AT ALL, she'd probably just blow your texts off and then text you in the morning saying she missed them... or not at all.

 

But you seriously have to change your whole approach with this scenario. Striking up a text conversation when you're supposed to be out at a concert and trying to set up numerous places to meet comes off as needy. I would've replied "The concert is great! Too bad you couldn't make it... maybe next time. Talk to you soon." and left if at that. Keeps her thinking she missed out on a great time.

 

Also, I'd take this girl out on a DATE. Not "pounding a 6 pack".... that's a trainwreck with girls. Take her somewhere nice even for drinks, maybe a little dancing if that's your thing, and grab the bill saying it's you're treat. And for god's sake give her a kiss after. On the lips.... You either come out knowing where you stand, or can walk away without wondering.

 

The last thing a girl is attracted to is a needy guy that doesn't have his own excitement in his life. Show her you don't need her to have a good time.

 

Good luck buddy.... but you gotta switch it up abit here.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

What did that mean? Was she trying to tell me that the boy she is having sex with would not be considered a boyfriend to her? And was she trying to give me the hint that We are just friends? Or was there an opportunity for me to also be a "sex buddy?""

 

I get really confused.

 

Do you want to be a sex buddy? Are you satisfied with having a relationship with her that is purely sexual, but one where she is still free to see other guys, sleep with other guys, and one day dump you for a guy she actually gets serious with? Personally, I’m not an FB kind of guy. I prefer being with someone who has feelings for me and I have feelings for her. That usually entails commitment and all that stuff too. But if you’d be happy with being nothing but another FB for her…

 

I really just think you need to give up on this girl because it really looks like she sees you as just a friend, but you clearly want it to be a whole lot more but aren’t making any real moves because you don’t want her to tell you what deep down you already know (that you are just a friend). Be friends if you can stand it. If not, pull away and save yourself from what you are doing right now.

 

You are just torturing yourself and running around in circles trying to analyze every little thing she says or does hoping that buried deep down there is some small sign of attraction on her part, and all of this frustration over a girl who isn’t making any moves to indicate she even wants you. Either make a move so you can get this over with, or give up and move on. I’ve been there and had to do it, so I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to do it because in the long run it’s a lot more emotionally healthy for you.

 

Also, the fact that she is even bringing up the topic of having a FWB (especially the 'just because we have sex and hang out in public doesn't mean we're together' bit - translation, just because YOU and she hang out in public and do stuff together doesn't mean she wants to be together beyond friendship) is a huge red flag that she is driving home the point that you two are just friends, but you are hoping it means she is trying to tell you she is still available because she wants you to make a move. It’s a turn off maneuver that she could be using to try and preempt you before you make a move and she actually has to reject you, at least that’s what it looks like. You should really take heed and save yourself from that experience if you can.

 

As I think I said before, a lot of girls in my experience will either complain about their bf (and certainly won't talk about who their screwing) or they won't even tell you that they have have a bf if they are interested in you. Even then, it may not always mean they are, but it makes more sense than talking to you about screwing another guy. That whole mental image is a turn off and I'm sure she knows it. Most guys don't get excited at the thought of the girl they want giving herself to someone else. Girls know this and may use it as a way of letting a guy know it's not going to happen.

[agent1607307371]

Honestly, from those txts she sounds quite lukewarm about you.

[Capricorn3]

I may be the only one to say this, but to me she seemed rather "wishy-washy" and vague, which indicates to me that there's not much interest on her side. I get the impression she just makes "polite conversation".