Men assume that I am interested in them when I am just trying to be friendly

[Allyo]

Why do men assume that I am interested in them when I am just trying to be friendly?

 

So sometimes I just wake up in a good mood and like to be friendly with people - men and women. I chit chat with other people wainting in line. Or maybe I talk to people I don't know very well. Or sometimes I just have simple conversations with acquaintances from work.

 

Yet sometimes I get frustrated because I feel like there is a good percentage of men that mistake me being friendly as flirting with them. I do often try to be nice or ask lots of questions to get to know them on simply a friendly basis or as colleagues, and that's it. I sometimes make a joke or two, but I am not flirtatious. Never do I even hint at anything romantic or sexual between the two of us. Even so I feel like I am constantly misinterpreted.

 

I am increasingly annoyed at the fact that I simply can't be on a friendly basis with most men, and sometimes I find myself morphing into a meaner woman. I become that serious, straight-forward, one-word answer kind of girl just because I don't want men to disrespect or misinterpret me.

 

Do any other women have trouble with this?

[LDRohnos]

I can tell you as a man, 9 out of the 10 women I know in life I want to have sex with. The other one is my sister.

[LDRohnos]

Anyway what I'm trying to get at is: Most of the men you meet are going to be interested in you for one thing only. I'm talking about single men. Not necessarily sex but a relationship and/or sex. Get used to it, especially if you aren't bad to look at.

[Allyo]

Anyway what I'm trying to get at is: Most of the men you meet are going to be interested in you for one thing only. I'm talking about single men. Not necessarily sex but a relationship and/or sex. Get used to it, especially if you aren't bad to look at.

 

You know maybe I felt differently about this when I was a younger, more boy crazed teenager... but I guess I am trying to get beyond that whole women/men polarity. Whatever happened to two human beings relating to each other as human beings? Women still have a long way to go!

[abitbroken]

People standing in line at the grocery store or attending to other personal business are sort of in their own personal space, mentally. Talking to people "oh, is this your bag, did you forget this?" or something necessary or relevant and smiling is being considerate and friendly. Chatting someone up about how much you love or continuing to ask them questions after the one second normal exchnage is above and beynnd normal chat and is considered "interest". I would pay attention to what level of conversation seems to be expected/accepted in each scenario as your guide. There are other scenarios where lengthy conversation is normal or expected.

[BrianH46]

How do you know they are flirting with you and not being friendly? : P

[Tuffly]

That's like asking why a dog comes and wags his tail when you wave a bit of steak around.

 

how do you know they assume you're interested? It's just natural for men to be attracted and want the attention of friendly smiling woman.

[LaKings55]

Or you could just do what most people do now.. complete neutral, impersonal interaction. "Hi, how are you?" "Fine, you?" "Fine, thanks." End. No questions, no compliments. As a man, I've had bad experiences with doing "nice" gestures for people. Even holding the door for people behind me. I've had several women tell me "I can open the door myself!" Normally I just walk away, but the last one I actually told "A. I figured I'd be nice to everyone and not let a door slam in their face. B. The first person behind me was a man. I just held the door for everyone behind me, not just you." I won't discourage people from being kind or friendly, but my own experiences lead me to lean towards ignoring people around me.

[guynextdoor]

Being friendly can sometimes mean you are showing interests in them. Its a grey area and it could be taken the wrong way. I've been in your shoes before and also I've been on the receiving end.

[In the Dark]

You know maybe I felt differently about this when I was a younger, more boy crazed teenager... but I guess I am trying to get beyond that whole women/men polarity. Whatever happened to two human beings relating to each other as human beings? Women still have a long way to go!

 

Some men are doing the same.

 

As a man line between being friendly whether they are friendly or flirting gets extremely blurred.

My experiences with women who I thought were just friendly ended up having interest in me.

Some of which I regret not noticing.

Then they tell me once they have a boyfriend, move on and permanently friend zone me.

All of a sudden I notice the typical fun conversations we used to have now have this aura of being no go topics.

 

This is also why I don't make any advances.

 

The line is far too blurred.

 

It's not your fault by being friendly and it's not their fault they assume you are flirting with them.

 

It's the women who are so vague with showing their interest which clouds these guys judgement that these uncomfortable situations happen.

[im_the_undead]

From my personal experience with ex guy friends turned scary stalkers.......you can't be nice to or show interest in a guy's life. As genuinely friendly and innocent as you may be, they take it to that NEXT level for some reason. Not every man, but desperate ones....... most of the time we don't know they're desperate until they start doing weird things thanks to our friendliness. When your creep radar goes up, that's when you know it's time to run ! lol

[Thorshammer]

If you start asking me questions about myself, then start teasing me, i would make a move like a shark smelling blood, rrararaaaaaaaaghhhh... wait, sharks dont roar...

 

When I talk to a female I am trying to build a comfortable and loose environment so they can ask me questions, and they can be free to tease without judgement. But there are other signs that i look for to see if they are attracted, like constant eye contact, or her looking down with certain questions and answers I give. Just try to avoid all these things if you still want to be social.

[jonny15]

It's because it's hard to read singnals.

 

Alot of us have little to no clue what is what when it comes to knowing if a woman is interested in us.

 

So if one is acting really nice with me and smiling alot, that might make me think she likes me a little.

 

Not that, that happens, but I would take it that way if it did.

[Michele32]

AMEN sister!! I'm right there with you. As flattering as it is, it does get old. Because like you said you can't build a friendship. When the guy makes it obvious that he is interested, my strategy is to just pull away and not talk to them as much(now I didn't say that's the greatest strategy Another thing I do is start calling them names like "dude" "bro" "buddy!" Just making it obvious that they are nothing more than a friend!

[jello2610]

I'm having the same problem now. I'm just trying to be friends with a guy I workout with and I'm afraid he thinks I like him! Also he's not really putting in any effort to be friends because he is shy and so far I have initiated everything! Why doesn't he want to try to be my friend if he thinks there is a chance he could get me in bed (there isn't lol) but still ?

[Blue Spiral]

Women generally ignore me. If one pays attention to me, it's a shocking event, and I tend to assume that it's for sexual reasons--as the only reason I'd pay attention to a woman is for sexual reasons. I have to keep reminding myself that women are more social and often non-sex-obsessed.

 

Ladies: many men (myself included) are woefully backwards in terms of reading social cues. If you don't want to sleep with us, please, just ignore us. I know you're trying to be friendly, but it just makes things confusing.

[Blazr]

I worked somewhere briefly and became close with a female coworker. She used to drive me crazy because I never knew if she was flirting with me or just being friendly. Still have no idea now that I'm gone. I guess men are clueless about these things and we hope a woman's interest is sexually based if we find her at all attractive. Even if we don't plan on acting on it, it's good for our egos and self esteem.

[Thorshammer]

I'm having the same problem now. I'm just trying to be friends with a guy I workout with and I'm afraid he thinks I like him! Also he's not really putting in any effort to be friends because he is shy and so far I have initiated everything! Why doesn't he want to try to be my friend if he thinks there is a chance he could get me in bed (there isn't lol) but still ?

 

Huh....?

 

You are afraid that someone you know likes you... but he doesnt initiate anything... you do... and you are asking why he isnt trying to be your friend as a preparatory step to sleeping with you?

[rocio]

You have two choices - you can turn into a cold * * * * * or you can keep being you. I always opted for the latter.

 

Remember, any guy who is only interested in knowing you if he's going to "get some" isn't worth changing your behavior for.

[TheVP]

Huh....?

 

You are afraid that someone you know likes you... but he doesnt initiate anything... you do... and you are asking why he isnt trying to be your friend as a preparatory step to sleeping with you?

 

I didn't get it either. You're saying if he were to show attraction to you he might earn the prize of a false hope of sleeping with you?

[jello2610]

Haha no i'm saying people say guys only want to be friends with girl to sleep with them while girls on the other hands want guy friends. I am trying to be friends with this guy, yet it seems he's not trying to be friends with me since he doesn't initiate anything. You would think he would try since I have shown interest (friendly) in him. but he's shy...

[In the Dark]

Haha no i'm saying people say guys only want to be friends with girl to sleep with them while girls on the other hands want guy friends. I am trying to be friends with this guy, yet it seems he's not trying to be friends with me since he doesn't initiate anything. You would think he would try since I have shown interest (friendly) in him. but he's shy...

 

Not necessarily.

I have come accross more women who will only make friends with men who they deem dateable so that IF the guy has a more than friends interest then it's ok.

These same women show subtle disliking to men who they do not wish to be acquainted with even though the guy was not hitting on them.

 

It's quite funny to watch.

For example (extreme and real example), a girl and friendly guy sit on the same side of the desk, the girl sits so that her chair is off to the side enough do she can cross her legs away and to the side of the desk (not under the desk), the guy offers a helping hand and it is refused only moments later for the girl to do the exact same thing herself or ask for help from a another acquaintance to help do the same thing.

[pl3asehelp]

People standing in line at the grocery store or attending to other personal business are sort of in their own personal space, mentally. Talking to people "oh, is this your bag, did you forget this?" or something necessary or relevant and smiling is being considerate and friendly. Chatting someone up about how much you love or continuing to ask them questions after the one second normal exchnage is above and beynnd normal chat and is considered "interest". I would pay attention to what level of conversation seems to be expected/accepted in each scenario as your guide. There are other scenarios where lengthy conversation is normal or expected.

 

Exactly. Chatting up strangers in line? It's unusual. I'd certainly interpret it as flirting. Like another poster said, men expect to be ignored in public, so when they're not, it's a huge shock and they figure they're being hit on. I can certainly see how a female would have trouble understanding this as they aren't ignored in public. They are constantly hit on by men, though some may misunderstand and just think the man is being friendly. This leads women to think strangers are friendly to one another in a platonic way. Nope.

[abitbroken]

Haha no i'm saying people say guys only want to be friends with girl to sleep with them while girls on the other hands want guy friends. I am trying to be friends with this guy, yet it seems he's not trying to be friends with me since he doesn't initiate anything. You would think he would try since I have shown interest (friendly) in him. but he's shy...

 

There is a difference between having a guy friend who you meet because you have ended up being activity partners, classmates, on the same committee - it grows over time into a natural platonic friendship - whether they are a "professional friend" who you are friendly with in the course of business or a personal friend. Meeting new guy friends by going up and introducing yourself to a stranger is the sure way to have them think you are interested in dating them or sleeping with them. I mean, who chats a stranger up with the intent on "I want to be your friend!" Its just more than a little odd. No kidding there's mixed messages.

 

Also, you have to let a friendship with a guy evolve naturally. If he is very shy and your communication styles naturally don't click as a friendship, don't pursue it. You aren't out to "collect" guy friends to say you have them. He is clearly someone who may not be interested in being your bff. So what if he's not? Be thankful for the friendships you naturally have.

[In the Dark]

Been grocery shopping about a hours or so ago and this is what I experienced.

 

T]he checkout lady was really nice to me which is great, puts me in a good mood.

Noticed she did not behave in such a nice manner towards the 40+ year old woman in front of me.

 

Eh....

 

Noticed a woman in their late 30's who appeared to be following me around the supermarket.

General assumption as she could have also forgotten something over the other side of the supermarket, but there was enough eye contact to notice that she was noticing me.

 

I just carried on picking my avocados.

 

If anything I believe male and female use the supermarket as a potential ground to find someone on chance.

 

One of the guys who I know works at the same supermarket gets hit on by an old guy who invites him back to his house for tea.

Unfortunately the guy I know is not into older men.