Men assume that I am interested in them when I am just trying to be friendly

[im_the_undead]

AMEN sister!! I'm right there with you. As flattering as it is, it does get old. Because like you said you can't build a friendship. When the guy makes it obvious that he is interested, my strategy is to just pull away and not talk to them as much(now I didn't say that's the greatest strategy Another thing I do is start calling them names like "dude" "bro" "buddy!" Just making it obvious that they are nothing more than a friend!

 

lol i do that too ! i always emphasize on the word BRO................. or "foo", "fool", "daw"... we use a lot of slang down here but i make sure to emphasize when i say BRO. doesn't always work for me, though -_-

[carra]

To the OP: Just to have some reference, what signals do you give when you are ACTUALLY flirting with someone, and how different is it from your "normal" nice behavior?

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

I think LDRohnos hit the nail on the head, and I loled at that first post. But yes, if you are pretty then men are going to notice. If you are trying to talk to him he’s probably going to think you like him. If you are being flirty, he’s almost definitely going to think you like him and probably going to fall head over heels for you. And if he’s trying to ignore you (due to shyness or trying to protect his fragile ego and what’s left of his self esteem by not setting himself up for yet another disappointment and ultimately another rejection), and you keep trying harder to break through his shell and defenses and get to know him, then it is going to look like you REALLY like him. After all, why else would you care that much about getting to know a complete stranger or someone you really don’t know especially if he’s trying to avoid you or isn’t showing much interest in getting to know you? There really isn’t any other explanation that makes sense.

 

You say you aren’t flirting, but are you sure you’re not? I’ve been around women who are very flirtatious and some will try to say they are just very “friendly”. But I’m sorry, friends don’t act like that with men, talk like that to men or allow the situation to “go that far” with men they don’t like. What’s more, I don’t believe for one second that these women don’t realize they are misleading these guys. But suddenly, they’re “clueless” where any guy could have gotten “that impression”.

 

I’m not saying you’re like that because I don’t know. I am saying you should maybe reflect a bit more on your behavior and see if maybe you are sending out that vibe. A chance encounter probably won’t mean much. Dragging it on for a long period of time could really get ugly though.

 

I also agree with a lot of people that have mentioned blurred lines and mixed signals. It’s really hard to read some girls, actually I’d personally say like 98% of them. When you ignore because you think it’s nothing, you find out later she was really into you and you had a chance but now you missed it. If you end up making a move, she tells you that you “got the wrong impression” or whatever.

 

What’s even worse is when you’ve had girls flirt for months on end (so much so that even other people comment on it and thinks she likes you), give every possible signal that they like you and are interested, show actual interest in your life, whether you have a girlfriend, etc, get jealous if someone mentions another girl and they think you might like her, start commenting on your appearance and even call you pet names, and yet after everything they’ve done to steal your attention, they have the audacity to tell you that you misinterpreted everything, built it all up in your head, came to your own conclusions or just plain tell you they are not and never were actually interested in you. Yeah, let that happen a couple of times and you’re radar is basically nuked and possibly beyond repair. Honestly, I just don’t bother anymore. I’m not even that friendly with women I don’t already know because I just don’t want anymore mixed up issues like that.

[carra]

What’s even worse is when you’ve had girls flirt for months on end (so much so that even other people comment on it and thinks she likes you), give every possible signal that they like you and are interested, show actual interest in your life, whether you have a girlfriend, etc, get jealous if someone mentions another girl and they think you might like her, start commenting on your appearance and even call you pet names, and yet after everything they’ve done to steal your attention, they have the audacity to tell you that you misinterpreted everything, built it all up in your head, came to your own conclusions or just plain tell you they are not and never were actually interested in you.

THIS. Women, please take good note of this and never let it happen again.

[xyzzzz]

i dont even think men and women need to be that good of a friend if one or both of them are taken. im never a close friend with any guy who has a gf (that just creats endless drama) cuz 9 out of 10 times the "friend" has not so innocent intention. there is 1 left probably real platonic.

[Allyo]

Wow! I was happy to see so many responses!

 

I think the whole talking to people in the check out line was a bit exaggerated - whoops! I mean I don't go around talking to strangers like a lunatic, but I guess I try to be open and friendly.

 

I really just meant that sometimes the smallest friendly gesture, like saying hi to a man, helping out with something, or even just asking a simple question has often in my case been interpreted as me being interested in something more.

 

It seems like so many of my friendships with men have been false, and most of them have ended when they finally figured out that I wasn't interested. So it is really true that men and women can't be "just friends"? I definitely think that real friendships with men take a long time to develop and under maybe extraordinary circumstances. I also think that a lot of men wouldn't invest time and energy in a woman they saw as just a friend.

 

Although to be fair I do think women often inadvertently seek out attention from men, even those who are just friends, to feel like they are attractive. This sort of attention made me feel good when I was like a teenager, but now it just has sort of the opposite effect.

[Allyo]

And as far as the whole being flirty without knowing it thing... I think that a lot of women are flirty and then pretend to be shocked when men show interest. I am in no way like that! Haha... no really, I don't think I have a very flirty personality. I actually have to feel a certain level of comfort with a guy to let loose and feel like I can flirt with him naturally.

[guynextdoor]

Ok Ally I'll try to help you see things from a guys POV.. Its not often a woman says hi, offers to help, smiles or make small conversations. So when something that rarely happens such as the above it triggers our senses that maybe she shows interests in me. Men sometimes does the following things above to show a woman he is interested in her, see how it could cloud our vision? Again its the grey area that can and sometimes will be taken the wrong way.

[frree]

Haha no i'm saying people say guys only want to be friends with girl to sleep with them while girls on the other hands want guy friends. I am trying to be friends with this guy, yet it seems he's not trying to be friends with me since he doesn't initiate anything. You would think he would try since I have shown interest (friendly) in him. but he's shy...

 

Maybe he's not interested in being your friend.

[notafraid]

In regards to men and women being friends, I have only this to say: Over the years I have had the fortune of developing three wonderful true friendships with three wonderful men. They are all three gay. Kapish?

[Philos]

You know maybe I felt differently about this when I was a younger, more boy crazed teenager... but I guess I am trying to get beyond that whole women/men polarity. Whatever happened to two human beings relating to each other as human beings? Women still have a long way to go!

 

Perhaps in 40 years when you age and become vastly less attractive, you'll enjoy relating to people in this fashion without being bothered.

[SometimesShy]

Single men and women can only be friends if there is no attraction from either side.

 

I have very few single female friends, mostly because the single women I know get upset when they realize that I ONLY want to be friends with them, when they were hoping for a lot more.

 

Women do this to guys all the time ( men are used to being "friend-zoned" ), but boy do they get mad when it's a guy doing it to them.

[Day_Walker]

Generally men are looking for indications that a girl is interest and apparently what the OP defines as being nice gives some men the appearance of the OP being interested in them.

[Dubb]

Don't worry OP.. you will be friend zoned one day by a guy that you would rather date;-) I feel like anything over being polite is her possibly showing interest..SO instead of me regretting doing nothing I normally do something. If I misread her signals, my bad but I would rather that than the What if?