Did I do the right thing?

[citylove]

My boyfriend of three years broke up with me about 2.5 months ago. I love him and miss him terribly, but I've been trying to stick to NC.

 

Tonight, he came to a concert in the city where I attend college. While I was eating dinner a couple of hours back, I got a text from him. It says, "I'm in (city name). It's weird that I'm not gonna visit you."

 

I haven't replied... am I doing the right thing? Thoughts? Am I just overanalyzing everything, as usual?

[Tomuch2hope]

IMO, yep a good thing. Text him back tomorrow if you want. Tell him you were out and had left phone at home.

[iBroken]

Yep - very good thing.

 

Not much substance to that message. Hes trying to get you to respond with a suggestion to meet up to which he will likely decline. The typical power struggle.

 

Leave it as is.......

[citylove]

Well, he'll only be here for tonight. I think they're driving home after the concert.

 

Ugh, my brain is telling me that I am going to make him mad or confirm in his head that I don't want to talk to him, even though that's the furthest thing from the truth... but I will try to stick to what you guys are telling me.

[hidden_kitten]

You should stick with NC, he might be fishing for an ego boost, and he may have eventually offered to meet up if that's what you were hoping for, but you'd be wasting so much energy on it.

 

My ex and I were kind of playing 'cat and mouse' until recently, where one of us would try to get the other talking again and maybe meet up then would go completely cold again. This break up was last May!! So don't be where I am in a year, lol.

[citylove]

So you guys don't think I sabotaged any kind of hope for reconciliation by not taking his "bait" this time?

[iBroken]

So you guys don't think I sabotaged any kind of hope for reconciliation by not taking his "bait" this time?

 

Definitely not. Think of it this way - guys like a challenge and always go for the hard to get girl.

[lady00]

That's kind of an obnoxious message for him to send, IMO. Best option was definitely to ignore. That is not really the kind of text that requires an answer. It's just poking and prodding to see if he can get some sort of response.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So you guys don't think I sabotaged any kind of hope for reconciliation by not taking his "bait" this time?

 

No you didn't. He broke up with you and you had to deal with it...so now he has to deal with the fact that he doesn't call the shots with you and you can make the decision not to talk to someone who chose not to be with you.

[dallasdaisy]

Yes and I am so hoping I can stick with the NC myself. Why is it easier to see the answer for others but not yourself?

[citylove]

Thanks, guys. That's the mindset I was in when I decided not to respond, but it's hard not to over-think these sorts of things. Especially when I miss him so much and any kind of contact makes my heart explode. I know that continuing conversation would just have made me upset in the end, though.

[sadchick83]

If he really wanted to see you he would have made a date with you earlier this week. I would not be surprised if his friends are also waiting to see how you will respond.

 

Dont respond. You will be proud of yourself.

[chitown9]

This is what is known as "breadcrumbs." NC is the best course of action....

[Ms Darcy]

So you guys don't think I sabotaged any kind of hope for reconciliation by not taking his "bait" this time?

 

When he breaks up with you, he loses rights to your responsiveness. Do not respond at all. Stay the course.

[Tomuch2hope]

I'd probably respond to a second or third message. But that would depend upon the nature of timing of the message.

[meowmix88]

I agree with everyone here. He made a statement, but did not ask if you were free or wanted to hang out. There was nothing for you to reply to. You did the right thing!