Silverbirch Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Heeyyy I just thouught some people who know me or even some who don't (maybe ones who are still hanging out for the ex to contact them) might be interested. About 10 days ago, I got a happy birthday text from the ex. I waited a couple of days and just texted back a brief thanks. Last night, he sent me another text to say he is thinking of me. I haven't answered it and don't know if I will bother. There was a time I would have danced cartwheels, but "Frankly My Dear, I don't give a damn." I am SOOOO over him. I'm under the impression now that he dumped me for his skanky hairdresser. Maybe it didn't work out as well as he thought it would and he is feeling a little lonely now. Boo Hoo Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 how long were you guys in nc for? Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Silverbirch, He must have smelled your new man. Guys have a way of doing this telepathically. Obviously he realized he lost a good thing, and I'm so glad you are healed and have the upper hand now. His loss!!! Will you even bother to text back? Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 Hi LonelyHeart, I lost track of how long NC was. In the beginning it was LC for a while. To be honest, I can't be bothered re-hashing all the pathetic BS of it. There was a significant period of NC - months - and I still have some stuff (just kitchenware) at his place which I will get back some time. I last saw him a couple of months ago when I went to get the last of my stuff, but couldn't fit it in my car. He said something then about how we should go out for dinner and coffee as he did at the break - yeah, he wanted to keep me in reserve in case it didn't work out with the skanky hairdresser and another woman he worked with. LOL Sadchick, thanks. Well, I would like to see the dog as it's very old and doesn't have a lot of life left in her anymore. She won't last out the year. The dog I wanna see - him, I couldn't care less. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 There was a time I would have danced cartwheels, but "Frankly My Dear, I don't give a damn." I am SOOOO over him. I'm under the impression now that he dumped me for his skanky hairdresser. Maybe it didn't work out as well as he thought it would and he is feeling a little lonely now.:sorrow: Boo Hoo Ha ha love it!!! They always come sniffing back. loulou x Link to comment
6yeardumped Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Congrats Silverbirch! (congrats on moving on and being able to dismiss your ex's breadcrumbs...) Well, 2 to 4 months if there is no 3rd party in the picture, 6 to 8 months if we're talking about GIGS or rebound after a viable meaningful LTR - thats's the timeline mentioned by some relationship therapists for the ex's to pop their heads out... some psycological analysis of break ups tend to hit it right on the spot, dont they? Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 Hugs LouLou. Hi 6YD! I only have to think about how he went about the breakup and how callous he was to know that I will never even be a friend with him because he certainly didn't show me the dignity and respect genuine people show towards each other. NC was great because it gave me the time to take off the rose-colored glassesand I've certainly come to see things in a different light. Speaking of psychologists, my ex IS a clinical psychologist. I was told later after the breakup by another psychologist that they were sort of surprised my ex did not to go to an "relationship exit counselling session with me", that as a psychologist, he would have been familiar with that practice. Seems like he only believes in that sort of thing for his clients. The way I see hiim now, he would never offer such a thing because of the risk that others from his own profession might find out how fake and shallow he is. At the time of the breakup, one of oldest and dearest girlfriends passed away after a long battle with lymphoma. I was spending as much time as I could at the hospital which really wasn't long enough. He knew she was dying and didn't have long, and he didn't even ring me or contact me in any way to find out how either my girlfriend or I were going. He was too busy seeing other women., and as his children were by then grown-up (daughter hasn't spoken to him now for 2 years), he had no use for me anymore. Well, like I have said several times over the last couple of months, him dumping me turned out to be the best thing he ever did for me. Link to comment
6yeardumped Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Well, that's usually the case...break ups occur for a reason... He sounds rather immature for someone with children and all that...on top of things, being a psyciologist he should know better how to handle breakups... Well, most importantly your life is now in a much better place and you sound extremely happy with this turn of events...it only shows that what goes around comes around...and now he is the one "missing you" and probably realising the mistake he made...! Congrats again! Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 Thanks 6YD. I don't know that he would genuinely be missing me at all. Maybe he is a bit bored and lonely. Who knows. I'm just so glad that I am finally over him. Link to comment
Robin2904 Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Thanks for this post Silver! It just proves to me that moving on can and does happen! He sounds similar to what my ex was doing to me- trying to keep me around as a back up....I'm just so happy that you have moved on and you don't even care about him and this contact at all! Gives me hope to get there. Seems like your doing great and are obviously SOO much better off with out him!! Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 Hugs Robin, If I can do it, you very definitely can. As you probably remember, the way I was in the first few months was just terrible. I was beside myself, hurting so badly. I really KNOW you can do it Robin. Maybe I'm mistaken, but there is one thing I seem to recall that we might have in common - that neither of our exes were anything to write home about - but I thought mine was such a GREAT guy - and he wasn't. I guess this basically means, as mean as it sounds, that he really doesn't have much if anything going for him. At the time of the BU, my mum - who was furious - said to me: "He'll be back - because nobody will want him." I was shocked by my mum who then went on to say "I would rather you were with another woman (assuming she means one who would treat me well) than ever go back to him. My mother is 75, had a devout catholic upbringing and coming from her, that is really something. I'll be honest and say that at times, things are a little scarey with the new guy - we have both been hurt in the past. It seems that we go through a stage where everything is just so great, then either one or both of us get a bit scared and either one or both of us back off a bit. In my eyes at least, he is beautiful in the looks department - definitely the best looking man I have ever been with, and although he's at times a very stubborn and proud man, which can be a bit of a pain, there are some really beautiful aspects to his personality that make connection very easy. He's not manipulative,which is how I now see my ex. David rang me tonight, and you might know we have had a bit of a difficult time with him having had a sudden illness which was quite serious and took a toll on both of us. These last couple of days, we managed to spend some quality time together and speak very honestly and intimately, and I'm feeling like we've come closer because of that. (We have been friends maybe 2 years and together since almost the beginning of this thread whenever that was). David is a much better match for me in every way and I am happy in a way I never even thought of with the ex. You hang in there Robin because all of this is definitely going to happen for you. Link to comment
butterflyburn Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Heeyyy I just thouught some people who know me or even some who don't (maybe ones who are still hanging out for the ex to contact them) might be interested. About 10 days ago, I got a happy birthday text from the ex. I waited a couple of days and just texted back a brief thanks. Last night, he sent me another text to say he is thinking of me. I haven't answered it and don't know if I will bother. There was a time I would have danced cartwheels, but "Frankly My Dear, I don't give a damn." I am SOOOO over him. I'm under the impression now that he dumped me for his skanky hairdresser. Maybe it didn't work out as well as he thought it would and he is feeling a little lonely now. Boo Hoo I would reply to be polite and then ignore the rest Link to comment
butterflyburn Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Have read the rest of your posts, what a douche bag Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 Hi BFB and all, Well, just thought I'd let you know I deleted all of my messages from my cell phone, especially I wanted any from him to be gone forever. He knows, as it was pre-arranged ages ago, that I will collect the very last of my things - a small amount of kitchenware and take the dog with me for a visit in a couple of weeks time. Then, I don't ever want to see him again. Things are going great with the new man too. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Silver, you know that you are so over your ex and you also know that you would just be fine if you were just on your own also. Having David in your life is just an added bonus, and if your new relationship survives the test of time it will be just all that much better. You are definely in a better place in your life now, and for that I am happy for you..... Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 Thanks Chi. Yes, I am so much better off without the ex and all my grieving for him is done. In the beginning, felt like it would last forever, and nobody is more surprised than me that it took less than a year. Course I'm hoping things with David are going to go well. I will be very sad if they don't, but I'll just have to accept it if it doesn't. I'm feeling quite optimistic atm. David says I've seen him at his very worst right in the beginning of the relationship, and he said he has been amazed that I've stood by him as a friend during that time, and I suppose there is now a deeper intimacy and trust between us. Feels like so much has happened in such a short time. I'm glad things are settling down now. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted May 20, 2012 Author Share Posted May 20, 2012 LOL, just thought I'd bring this back as I got another text from the ex last night suggesting I could have a coffee with him. I haven't bothered to reply. His ego is that big, he probably thinks I'm still pining for him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Silver - does the ex know that you are serious with D? Is that what is prompting the contact do you think? Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted May 20, 2012 Author Share Posted May 20, 2012 Bataya, I have not discussed David or anything about my life which is personal. I have been civil and polite with him and that is all, and I never initiate contact with him. I'd say he is just lonely as it was a Saturday night and he was probably sitting at home watching telly and bit bored. He does know "of" David prior to the breakup as David was my farrier and after a while of David coming out to the horses, I thought he was a nice guy and remember commenting about that. My relationship with David though was totally above-board and there was never reason to doubt that - not by him or anyone else. I recall that my ex used to talk about a woman who he dated for around 5 months a year prior to meeting me. He was convinced that woman never got over him and wasn't likely to attract anyone else. He used to talk about her being very overweight, but when I found out more, she was actually just voluptuous, attractive and intelligent. . . . . he was the overweight one. Ugh, what did I eve see in him??????? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Ahh - the timing just seemed interesting that's all. You're handling it perfectly. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted May 20, 2012 Author Share Posted May 20, 2012 Thanks. It does give me a good chuckle though. Hell, I never thought I could be here, laughing about him texting me for coffee and have no intention of EVER going. Life moves on. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted May 20, 2012 Author Share Posted May 20, 2012 For anyone new to this thread, it is now actually 14 months since the breakup. He began texting me at the end of last year. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Thanks. It does give me a good chuckle though. Hell, I never thought I could be here, laughing about him texting me for coffee and have no intention of EVER going. Life moves on. You made life move on. You get a lot of credit for your reaction and the ease in which you reacted. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 You made life move on. You get a lot of credit for your reaction and the ease in which you reacted. Thank you Bataya. I did end up txting him back a couple of days later telling him. I was too busy to meet up with him. I kept it very polite, wishing him and his family well. I asked him if he wouldn't mind forwarding onto me photos of mine he has on his computer, and he says he will do this. It feels sort of weird,but good, that I feel absolutely NOTHING for him now. He doesn't even feel like a real person who exists - well someone who blew in and out of my life. With everything I went through emotionally over the dumping and how he did it, there is nothing left for me to feel towards him. I'm glad. Link to comment
OneSadPuppy Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Enjoyed reading this thread Silver. You've come so far. It must feel great! I've been through this before, just not lately OSP Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.