This no contact in between dates is driving me crazy! Is he really interested?

[Madison12]

My point is you should have kept dating other people instead of putting all your eggs in one basket with this one. I've heard the rule that "a man doesn't exist until after 5 dates". This is typically the point where you know what direction things are headed. And, as you found out, HE was dating other people. Always keep your options open and your dance card full. It really does help as far as not getting too attached to just one esp if he isn't making the effort that you deserve.

[Zebrelle]

Wow, he actually asked me out!!! As I mentioned earlier, he sent me a message around noon. He said: "Hi! How was your Halloween contest at work? I hope you enjoyed it." I answered that it was great, but I didn't win. I asked how he was doing. He said: "I'm tired. I can't wait to go to bed at 9:30 PM tonight." I said: "That's early. How come your so tired?" He said: "I didn't sleep too well last night." I said: "Is there anything wrong?" He said: "I'm free tomorrow. Do you want to do something?" I said: "What did you have in mind?" He said: "Play pool, lol!" I said: "Ahaha! Yes, let's do that. Do you want to pick me up or do you want me to meet you at your place?" He said: "I'll come to you. You've come to my place the last few time we saw each other. It's my turn. We could meet at x place." I said: "Well, I live 5 minutes from x. Do you mind picking me up instead?" He said: "Sure, I don't mind." I said: "Ok, great. At what time will you be at my place? My address is ###." He said: "I could be there at 6:30 or 7:00. Let me know what you prefer." I said: "I prefer 6:30. Thanks by the way. I really appreciate it. And that's the last thing we exchanged.

 

So... He asked me out and we will spend time outside and, on top of that, he will come and pick me up at my place. Wow... He's taking initiative AND making efforts. BUT... I'm keeping my distance. Until I know for sure what his intentions are, I'll keep my distance. Well, at least, there is some progress. Now I'll really be able to see how he behaves with me in public.

[Batya33]

That's nice that he asked you to do something tomorrow- I would treat it as a potentially fun date (it should be fun, sounds like a fun plan) and that's it. I wouldn't see it as progress towards a more serious relationship unless and until he tells you his intentions, as you wrote.

[Zebrelle]

That's nice that he asked you to do something tomorrow- I would treat it as a potentially fun date (it should be fun, sounds like a fun plan) and that's it. I wouldn't see it as progress towards a more serious relationship unless and until he tells you his intentions, as you wrote.

 

Absolutely. I should see him as a friend for now.

[CMS]

You are learning, good. Take him down form that pedestal you have placed him on and just have fun, no expectation.

[DylanNotorious]

Well at least he's making an effort. And dating can take a while to get off the ground and get a rhythm happening. So go for it.

[Zebrelle]

Yes! Let's just have fun and get to know each other better tomorrow. For now, I'll concentrate on my coffee date tonight. I'm a little stressed. I hope it'll be pleasantly surprised. Otherwise, well, it doesn't really matter.

[Zebrelle]

I'm leaving in about 10 minutes for my coffee date. I must admit I'm not super enthusiastic about it. I didn't exchange a lot of messages with this guy. So, I don't know really know him. Plus, I have a feeling I'll think about Joel a lot. But I don't want to wait for him and I must not wait for him. I need to keep meeting people.

[superfox]

Hope you have a great night tonight - let us know!

And no sex after pool tomorrow!

[Zebrelle]

Oh, boy... I just came back from my date and it didn't click at all! I couldn't wait to get out of there. He didn't look at all like the pictures. I have to admit I've been really fortunate with the last few men I've had a date with. They were all men I wanted to see again. It's been awhile since I met someone with whom I just want to end the date after 5 minutes. Oh, well...

 

Back to Joel... I know I'm over thinking again and that's why I come here: because I need people to tell me I'm over thinking again), but he didn't answer my last message, the one in which I said: "I prefer 6:30. Thanks by the way. I really appreciate it. " That doesn't mean anything, right? The insecure girl in mean is like: "Why didn't he answer my last message? Why didn't he confirm he would be at my place at 6:30?" I need to stop doing that!!!

[Ariel85]

Honestly, though I think you're a very sweet girl, I want to shake you for even giving this guy another go-around. After all the miserable things you had to say about him, his behavior and his character, it makes me very sad for you that he asked you to jump, and you responded by asking, "how high?"

 

One thing I've learned is that when someone shows you who they are, you pay attention.

 

I'm not impressed that he asked you to go shoot pool. This means nothing, because at the end of the day, he's still going to be a douchebag, and you can't undo what he's said and how he's treated you. Sure, you can ignore it, as you are, and you can kid yourself that he's making some grandiose effort (he's not), but I really think you're going to be right back here in a day with the same complaints.

[lalalollipops]

I agree. If it were me, I would have ignored him. He texted you, why did you need to text him back? I think going out again with him is just a waste of time. We know what kind of person he is.

[Zebrelle]

He's making some efforts. You have to give him that. Things could still be the same afterward, but how will I know if I don't take the chance?

[Batya33]

Absolutely. I should see him as a friend for now.

 

Why do you want this person as a friend? Does he have the kind of character, integrity and values you want in a friend? If you truly just want friendship then wait until you're over him romantically.

[calichick007]

I agree. If it were me, I would have ignored him. He texted you, why did you need to text him back? I think going out again with him is just a waste of time. We know what kind of person he is.

 

Looooooooooow standards. He'll have to get into a relationship with someone else for her to let this go.

[Cadence44]

He's making some efforts. You have to give him that. Things could still be the same afterward, but how will I know if I don't take the chance?

 

After one person has been given all the power in a relationship it's almost impossible to get it back on an even keel. He's been calling the shots and you've been letting him do it. When he did step up to the plate, you jumped and then thanked him for his minimal effort which shows him that he's still calling the shots. You shouldn't be thanking this guy. He's lucky that you'll spend time with him.

 

Girl, you are gorgeous and you can find someone so much better than this guy. You're settling because you've decided that you see something so special in him. But it's hormones and psychology - you're chasing what you think you can't have and you have this overwhelming desire to prove yourself worthy. Get some distance from this guy and I guarantee that you'll see that he never deserved you.

 

I wish you wouldn't, but I understand if you want to give him another chance. Please keep your wits about you and shift your attitude and your actions to assess whether he's worthy of you.

 

And do yourself a favor and get that book that has been mentioned several times in this thread. Your dating life will never be the same.

[Ariel85]

You're settling because you've decided that you see something so special in him.

 

Nooo...she's settling and chasing him because he's rejected her. This is how players get women to stick around when they mistreat them. They find women with very low self-esteem, because they know that the woman's need to feel worthwhile is directly tied to how he treats her. As long as she's willing to accept his crumbs, he'll be willing to have sex with her, and then tell her about the other women in his life, and generally treat her like "lesser than". But, because the OP doesn't genuinely believe she's worth more, she'll continue to take whatever he dishes out, even if it means kidding herself that him texted to meet her at a bar means something serious and wonderful.

[CMS]

Nooo...she's settling and chasing him because he's rejected her. This is how players get women to stick around when they mistreat them. They find women with very low self-esteem, because they know that the woman's need to feel worthwhile is directly tied to how he treats her. As long as she's willing to accept his crumbs, he'll be willing to have sex with her, and then tell her about the other women in his life, and generally treat her like "lesser than". But, because the OP doesn't genuinely believe she's worth more, she'll continue to take whatever he dishes out, even if it means kidding herself that him texted to meet her at a bar means something serious and wonderful.

 

Unfortunately, thats true, taken straight from the playbook

[Ms Darcy]

Let him make most of the effort, don't think for him or do any work for him. I have faith in you.

[superfox]

The bottom line is, all this analysing means he's always in your thoughts, do you think he thinks of you that much? No. Or he'd reply to texts and make an effort. When you do go and shoot pool with him play it cool, even mention your coffee date - but NOT that you didn't click. But re-read your text exchange here, he suggests a date, you ask where, when, how you get there, what to wear (almost!). He's gauging your interest and you bit big time! You are worth so much more than this.

 

I wouldn't date a guy fresh out of a relationship let alone one who is flaunting other dates and possibilities in my face. I don't like competition. It doesn't make me 'up my game' it makes me retire gracefully. And I am not a strong person! Low self esteem makes me back out before I get hurt, not a bad way to be.

[Zebrelle]

I understand what you guys are saying, but is it really too late to turn the tables? Isn't there a way to start fresh if I change my attitude with him? It was difficult for me to not control the situation when he contacted me yesterday afternoon. It wasn't perfect, I'm still learning, but I'm relatively proud that I at least asked him to pick me up. Believe or not, I felt bad to ask him this!!! But I did it anyway. Slow progress for me. I don't like the fact that he's seeing someone else. I don't like competition either and it makes me want to definitely stay careful now that I know what's going on.

[Ms Darcy]

I understand what you guys are saying, but is it really too late to turn the tables? Isn't there a way to start fresh if I change my attitude with him? It was difficult for me to not control the situation when he contacted me yesterday afternoon. It wasn't perfect, I'm still learning, but I'm relatively proud that I at least asked him to pick me up. Believe or not, I felt bad to ask him this!!! But I did it anyway. Slow progress for me. I don't like the fact that he's seeing someone else. I don't like competition either and it makes me want to definitely stay careful now that I know what's going on.

 

If you want a different result, you have to act differently and see how he reacts. If there is no change, then walk away.

 

I think if you are struggling with not accomodating him, you might not be in the right mindset to really deal with him. He needs a woman with clear boundaries who does not chase him under any circumstances.

[Batya33]

Once again the real problem isn't that he's not ready to be exclusive it's that he is making all these rude/tactless comments about his dating life which a man trying to impress a special lady would never dare to do. He hasn't apologized for his comments so now he knows that you're fine with this kind of treatment and in fact continue to jump through hoops (perhaps smaller, but still hoops nonetheless) just to see him to shoot pool on 24 hours notice.

[Madison12]

Zebrelle before you go on any more dates please please please go get "Why Men Love Mitches" replace M with a B. You will have so many AHA moments when reading it. You need a lesson in knowing your worth and this book will give it to you. I read it in one day and my dating life has skyrocketed. You will be empowered, I promise you. You'll learn how not to ever get in a situation like this again.

 

Think of all of the thought and worry you've put into a situation with this guy who isn't even your boyfriend. Please don't do this to yourself.

[Zebrelle]

Are you guys saying I should never go out with him again because of all the comments he made to me about his dating life? Remember that I'm the one who asked him about it. I wanted to know if he was seeing someone else. Well... I didn't ask him the question directly, but I subtly said I wasn't interested in seeing other people because I wanted to know if it was the same for him. He share the information with me because I wanted to know. So, am I supposed to ignore him or forget about him whatever he does from now on?

 

How should I act with him tonight then? I definitely won't sleep with him. We won't be able to anyway. I live with my parents still and I have my periods right now. So, it won't happen for sure. But in general, how should I behave with him tonight?