"I'll always be there for you"

[Robin2904]

You know, I think my ex would be there for me if I called with a problem or emergency and I had said the same thing to her and really meant it. But without the stability of the relationship behind it, it just would bring more pain for me.

 

THIS!!! 1000% this for me!! I'm almost positive if I ever needed my ex, at this point now he would be there for me (with in reason)- and vise versa because I have so much love for him, but honestly what's the point? Especially for him, so many times he has reaffirmed this to me and it just leaves me hurting. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if we just broke things off completely, were out of each others lives 100 percent. To still feel like he cares and would be there for me is just a painful reminder of the fact that I don't have him in the way I want....

[Benville]

When said from the dumper to the dumpee, it's something said to reduce their own feeling of guilt and nothing more. My own ex said to me "you'll always be my Ben, even when you end up with someone else I'll think of you as my Ben". Such statements are actually incredibly spiteful, and while said with some ****** up sense of good-intent, all they do is cause pain and misery in the long run. If they really felt that strongly about you they wouldn't be walking out the sodding door.

[jooj]

my ex hasnt said it me but instead he told me "I will always love you" that's just bull * * * * , if it were true and he will always love me why did he leave me, I guess he just said it to soften the blow as Eocsor mentioned

[AvonRepus]

I've heard that before,just plain words,no actions.I needed him and he ignored me. I was in a such bad place because of him and something he did and he ran away like a pussay. Soo..yeah.

 

I "love" that line. Also "You will be always in my heart". Yada yada.

 

On the other hand,whatever I said-I always meant. I was always there for him,even though he didn't deserve it but it was never the other way around. But that's just me,I am a big softee.

[BlueRose66]

And the best friend line. Here is my experience with that one. My ex is still friends with her ex, she was the "Best Friend" and my ex threw her crumbs ex: I still use your birthday as some of my codes. (codes meaning codes for bank accounts etc ) Nice too while she was with me, uggghhh.

 

So all is fine until my ex meets me. Then she bails on the ex who is supposedly her best friend. The friend gets sick while my ex was busy doing me. I remember the fight they had and how mad the ex was that my ex wasnt there for her. I am sure she used that line on her too. LOL

 

So my experience and advice is to take all these sayings as the totaly lame crumbs they are. Needless to say, I will not be the "New" best friend for my ex, nor will or would I call her if my life was falling down around me.

 

I am not a big believer in ex's being friends and after my current relationship, I really dont see much good coming out of it.

[gluestick]

I've heard that before,just plain words,no actions.I needed him and he ignored me. I was in a such bad place because of him and something he did and he ran away like a pussay. Soo..yeah.

 

I "love" that line. Also "You will be always in my heart". Yada yada.

 

On the other hand,whatever I said-I always meant. I was always there for him,even though he didn't deserve it but it was never the other way around. But that's just me,I am a big softee.

 

When dumpers say that to the dumpees, usually it's to ease their own guilt and soften the blow of the BU.

 

My ex said the same things to me. "You'll always hold a special place in my heart." "We'll always be friends forever." "I'll always be there for you if you need anything."

 

When I really needed him, he wasn't there b/c he's too busy for me. But whenever he needed me, I was always there for him. In retrospect, I realized just how selfish he was during our 4 years together.

[journeynow]

I was reminded of this recently. And how meaningless it is.

[okiedokiestomp]

Always best to assume a person's words, actions, feelings apply only to the time they are expressed and not forever b/c they said/did/felt that way once. If they apply today the will act in such a way that makes it clear.

[Twidom]

The only time I've said that was to the woman I was certain I would not abandon or fall out of love. Turns out she did. I know myself and I know that when I love, I LOVE. It's not meaningless when the person actually means it.

[itsallgrand]

I've experienced it having been said, and I've experienced it not having been said - even outright refusal to bend and say things that would 'soften the blow' after a break up. That was my first real love. We broke up for some good reasons, but it wasn't because of his lack of honesty and integrity. Perhaps too blunt for some people, but I respected his backbone.

 

Because you either know someone has loved you or you know they really don't. The words after the fact of parting don't need to be said to know it. And only time will really tell how things will unfold afterwards.

 

So I have preferred it not being said.

[Ms Darcy]

I have said it ... and meant it at that moment. But in that moment, you can't see into the future - all the hurts and disappointments and change.

 

Definitely best to limit saying it.

[Silverbirch]

Well I still think that about my sons father when I left 20 years ago, and if he did need me for anything, I would help how I could. He has been there for me at times, but it hasn't been all clear sailing.

 

My ex who got me to ENA said similar I think. He definitely said that I would always be a significant person in his life and that would be crap. I haven't wanted him to do anything for me though - except let me see the dog until she died and he did do that. I think there ARE people who definitely mean it and are capable of it, and mostly you would now by how they were when they were with you and what you saw of their nature when they were together. I don't think my sons father and I are typical of most divorced people. My son used to tell us that we got on better than most his friends parents who were still married.

[browneyedgirl36]

Yep -- I was told this too, by my most recent ex. Where is he now? Well, we still work together, but we never speak outside of work, and any relationship we had, even friendship, is non-existent. So much for "always being there." It's for the best, though.

[Brotherhood67]

To be fair, I told this to my ex when she dumped me. I meant it at the time because for me, unconditional love never fades away.

 

Or so I thought.

 

Then I realized all her lies, deceitful actions, lack of empathy, narcissistic ways of handling things.

 

And I realized that there would be no way in Hell that I could invest anymore in this empty soul of a woman.

 

So, maybe, I lied. But to be honest, if she calls one day (which will not happen - her lies need to go on, especially the ones where I'm the big bad guy and she's the poor victim - typical narcissist stuff), I won't answer. There is one person I truly hate on this planet, and she is the one.

 

Ah, yes, and she used this line with me also. And when I phoned her in order to ask for help, she did answer. 2 months later. After "forgetting" my birthday and "forgetting" to listen to my voicemail message sent 2 months earlier. I think a rat would have had more attention coming from her.

[klambert918]

I have to say, I have experience with this actually being reality. I'm sure it's rare, but my ex helped me through an incredibly difficult breakup recently. Granted, we have a child together, which makes our dynamic a bit different, the point is he was someone I could turn to when I was in pain. Well, still is. He is seeing someone, so I'm confident he wasn't "there for me" hoping to get me back. It was genuine concern over how I felt and he truly was and is there for me.

[patterned]

I've said it and backed it up plenty of times. If someone was continually disrespectful toward me however, I don't think I would follow through.