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Uni goings on else there will be a LOT of threads...


ButterflyWrists

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So my last official exam of second year is tomorrow... How scary is that? That means my last year is nearly here! I'm so nervous!! I need to figure out a plan on what to do after university! (and incase I fail ) Done all my revision for tomorrows exam, going to go over it all again today, and have a walk. Stayed out monday night, needed to destress, but meant I went to sleep really early last night, and didnt wake up until some early time this morning, which is ace! so all caught up, feeling good. Tired, but thats mainly because of the time (6:40am! haha)

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And the good sleep didn't last, nightmares last night boo Ah well, positive about todays exam, get moneys today too AND I AM FREEEEE!!! in 7 hours 20mins wooo!! Gonna have a nice cold pint of cider in the SU after the exam, and partying hard tomorrow night!

 

Anyone who follows/reads my journal... I hope seeing the struggles I face going through uni as someone not overly intelligent gives you some help in going through uni/employment and helps you try to achieve your goals

 

Butters!!! WOOOOO 7hours and I am FREEEEEEE! yeah am excited

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  • 2 weeks later...

Soo, results are apparently published on the 7th of June, this means I wont find out until the 10th/11th of June because I am away... Unless I get my mum to text me my results or someone else I trust with my password, hmm... Well download will be an amazing way to either celebrate or drown my sorrows.... xD We shall see... OHMYGEEZ I really cant believe I am A 21, and B finished second year at university (minus my resits)... Someone please tell me that this actually is real life, and it is all happening and that this isn't just about the most amazing dream I have and will ever have? Thank youu!

 

Oh, as a side note, I have new hair colour xD.. No longer blonde, scary xD... Enjoy whoever reads this xD

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You did indeed! Best years of my life! Don't ever want to leave.. Guess I have to grow up at some point though lol.

Back home at my mums, woo free food and washing xD.

I'm proud of me too, it's been a long journey, but it is worth every minute and penny that it's costing

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I still haven't processed your passing my beautiful little pricess its been over 8 months now. I said after uni I would, well uni has been over for over 2 weeks now and I'm still putting it off. Festival on weds so that comes first.. I know how I'll react though, I think.. So I cant process this.. I love you my beautiful sulky face

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Well I am off soon to celebrate the end of exams and end of second year by partying hard at download festival! So I shall either see you next week, die in a moshpit or die of hypothermia... Hopefully you shall see me back next week though! Have a great week eNA!

 

Butters

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  • 2 weeks later...

Download was seriously amazing! Didn't get hurt in any mosh pits, had great fun in them though! The mud nearly caught me a few times, Mudload is the new name for it. It rained all the week before download, and the first three days at download, which was a bummer, luckily only for one day of the music though. The camps were seriously flooded, , loads of people left, but it was still utterly packed. Some tents got flooded with mud... Not good!!! Was so much fun though. Metallica and Black Sabbath (origional line up minus Bill Ward) were absolutley amazing!!

 

I've lost a friend, I hadn't known him very long, but alas, I hope he is well. No idea what happened, but I'm not going to stress over it.

 

Butters

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Missing solstice a lot today. shes been gone nearly 9 months now. I'm only just beginning to process it, but I've got so much stuff I need to do, I cant yet, I dont want to accept it. I'm also scared I will react similarly to how I reacted to Sams death. I don't know what to do, I am not strong enough for all this

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Sooo.. The first university related update I've had for a while...

I PASSED AN EXAM! so now I'm waiting for 4 exam results and 2 essay results to get back. Such a great feeling! I'll update when I get more results, need to make a post about my plan to help advance me towards the career I want and hopefully it will inspire others

 

Whew so so happy!!!!!

 

Got a holiday booked for in 2 weeks with my brother, now thats a shock, but it'll be fun

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Briliant, ignore my last post please.

I have to resit the exam even though I passed it, because I did not sit the first exam for the module in January due to illness. Takes the . I really feel like giving up now, as I will have to resit 2 peices of coursework also and most likely another 2 exams. FML

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Im at a friends for a few days, so nice to chill and try and clear my head, been doing a litte revision for the exam I passed but still have to resit, I barely passed so its good to read through. Going to uni library on tuesday to get out neccesary books, holiday is on 5th, may get mum to drive us to uni before airport so I can get journal articles for my essays and some more books. I cant believe I allowed things to get so out of control, ok it is health related, but I knew why I kept getting ill, cold house and stress. Ive fixed one issue, may try councelling just for stress management. Feeling pretty down in the dumps today, need to get my head back in the game. I am smart enough to achieve this, there is no reason I shouldnt so I just need to concentrate. I know where I went wrong in the only thing I actually failed, which I realised half way through the exam. Must try and memorize names and dates to aid with exams and better results. I get my essay q's july 1st, plan to have a first draft for one essay done before holiday so mum can have a look. May take my little laptop with me so when im up at 6am I can still do work and revision. Planning this and deciding is making me feel much better thankfully.

 

Sorry for any spelling mistakes on my phone

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Im at a friends for a few days, so nice to chill and try and clear my head, been doing a litte revision for the exam I passed but still have to resit, I barely passed so its good to read through. Going to uni library on tuesday to get out neccesary books, holiday is on 5th, may get mum to drive us to uni before airport so I can get journal articles for my essays and some more books. I cant believe I allowed things to get so out of control, ok it is health related, but I knew why I kept getting ill, cold house and stress. Ive fixed one issue, may try councelling just for stress management. Feeling pretty down in the dumps today, need to get my head back in the game. I am smart enough to achieve this, there is no reason I shouldnt so I just need to concentrate. I know where I went wrong in the only thing I actually failed, which I realised half way through the exam. Must try and memorize names and dates to aid with exams and better results. I get my essay q's july 1st, plan to have a first draft for one essay done before holiday so mum can have a look. May take my little laptop with me so when im up at 6am I can still do work and revision. Planning this and deciding is making me feel much better thankfully.

 

Sorry for any spelling mistakes on my phone

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So, from life is over - very annoyed - just bad.

6 resits - my sergon up my operation 7 years ago, so I have to have the operation re done, and it has taken 7 years of complaining about ear infections and pain for anyone to take me seriously, so more stress on top of my re-sit stress and final year stress, yippy lucky me - running out of petrol on my way home from a friends Grr!.

 

/end rant

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Not feeling very positive today, my ears hurting, have a slight infection but I don't want more meds, it isn't bleeding so theres no point, I have ear drops so I'll just use those. Really worried about my re-sits, if I fail these then I might as well just give up on life. Silly way to think, but I really really don't know what else to do. I'm working hard, well trying to. I can remember a lot of stuff, but then I panic, I'm not sleeping right, not eating right, punishing myself now, not allowing myself food because I've over eaten lol. well, 5 galaxy cake bars, a salad sammich and healthy cerial. Ugh.. I don't like the days where I feel down, I need someone to talk to about everything, but my mums putting preasure on me (un-intentionally) by saying if it wasn't for me going to uni, my brother wouldn't consider it, my friends tire of it, or don't understand whats going on really. I can't give up, I nearly gave up on life before, several times, those times are what got me here, now I just have to channel this negative energy to achieving again. I can do it, I should not allow myself to make excuses. But its too hard, my emotional stability wont allow me tokeep trying, because if i fail. Too many excuses that I can come up with.

 

I have to achieve.

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why do I miss a guy who I was only seeing for about a month and he just stopped talking to me.. grr!

LOL I moved out of my old place, and the day my ex (who I lived with) got home, he deleted me off facebook xD makes me chuckle so glad I never have to speak to him again

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I'm just getting more and more down about things at the moment, no idea how to pull myself back up. The prospect of another operation (5th for my ears and 6th 7th operation in general) is stressing me out, I have another ear infection and I'm flying away tomorrow for a few days. I haven't had any info for my resit essays as yet, and a tutor for one of my resit modules said he would update blackboard with info for the exam resits today, hasn't. Many people would think I should not have failed them then I wouldn't have this stress too. But I have no choice in the matter, I was incredibly ill for most of my assesment periods so I have no control over how well I did or if I could even sit the work.

All of this is stopping me sleeping well, I'm sleeping too much some nights, other nights hardly at all, but either way I'm having nightmares and up anywhere between 4-7am. I'm gonna go to the doctors next week and get some sleeping tablets and hopefully some nasal spray to help with my sinuses.

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So... Things just seem to be going from bad to worse for me currently. The person who was supposed to be taking over at my old place has pulled out, leaving me having to pay rent on the property until I find someone to take it over - which I cant afford to do, and I have signed another contract at a different place so I have to pay rent there too. I only moved out of the old place because my ex boyfriend threatend (and did!) make living there hell until I finally gave in and said I'll move out, at that point the new contract had already been signed for the following year.

My health feels like it is getting worse, and my depression is setting back in. Things are getting too difficult for me to want to keep pushing forward. I don't really have anyone to talk to about things, one of my friends hardly ever talks to me, unless its about his relationship problems, and my others have their own issues so I don't really want to bother them or worry them. Two of these friends helped me through tough times when I'd ran away from home and when I was suicidal and I don't want them stressing about me possibly feeling this way again.

Life at home has got better though, me and my brother had an amazing holiday and things for him are really looking up, while my life is falling apart. It isn't fair, but then lifes not fair. Really don't know what to do, or how to cope.

Stressed out about having to have another operation on my ear, I hope it will work, but that will mean I have to miss some of university, which I cannot afford to do. Stressed out about my 6 resits - I haven't recieved ANY information for any of these re-sits and the resit coursework is due in, in a month. I'm hardly sleeping, I'm having nightmares, I'm constantly anxious/crying/depressed. I have no idea where things are going or if there is much point in fighting when there is a lot going on most of which is outside of my control.

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LOL well I've recently had some good news. some random funny stories to tell.

So, good news, my dads friend and atorny of his will (dont think thats the right word but still) recently contacted my mum, and has sent me and my brother a cheque each of £400, majorly helpful as I am currently in the red due to screw ups on housing. My dad died and left nothing 9 years ago, money was collected for his funeral arrangements, and money left over was put into an account until me and my brother are 25 (well he's 25 I'm 22) so we have the money now. It was very kind of him to do this for us. But that was the good news.

Funny story - my mum is still a hippy and said I should get [clip in] dreads xD... My friends then said why not real ones xD.. My mum was sober at the time xD haha..

And now - I've been taking ativan (as most people know it) for 4.5 years on and off, and my doctor (dispite knowing this) has given me a leaflet on the drug.. I know more about this drug than the leaflet says (I have looked in depth into any and every drug I have taken.. so I know if I'm on a placebo xD)..

 

well theres my update.

So stressed out about my essays, being ill sucks! my ear infection hasnt cleared up yet, still 2 days of anti biotics to go, dont know what to do about that. still got a situation with housing. And still got 2 essays to do and 3 exams to revise for (completed revision for one of them so I'm safe for that...)

 

Ugh - I still find the idea of giving up so much easier than sticking this out.. But it really isn't... Life will be worse and harder if I give up on this, it will send me right back into depression which I am battling at the moment. Great.....

 

Wish me luck lol.

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to expand on my last post - the uni no longer uses athens or e-library so it is now next to impossible to access the journals i need for my essays. i was told we still use the same sites we used with athens, but half the journals i wanted i couldnt get even though we still sign up with that site.

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One of my ex housemates is either a mind reader, or reads my posts on here, cause everytime something else screws up, she is there to make things 10x worse. I feel like murdering someone right about now, preferably her the silly little acts like she is oh so perfect when she is nothing but a worthless pile of.. wait is this post breaking the rules?

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