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Uni goings on else there will be a LOT of threads...


ButterflyWrists

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Ooops screwed up on my essay, luckily I have time to fix it..

Feeling pretty stuck in the past today, listening to a rather emo band xD.. Remembering when me and my friend would sneak out at midnight and sit under a bridge in our village, those times were the best, but full of such terrible times too, we escaped for a few hours from our lives.

It sort of makes me want to go back to that, so I could not experience all the happiness and success I have because then I could take the easy way out of life, but that isn't an option any longer.

 

Anywho, anyone who wants to know what I look like theres a pic of me on my profile only gonna be up for a short time but its there lol, it isn't like I've been trying to keep my info that private xD I mean my avator is solstice, I have about sam and solstice in my signature so anyone who wanted to find me, pretty much can lol.

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Ugh I am screwing up so badly atm. Nightmares everynight - back to the no sleep and energy drinks and junk food to keep me from being totally depressed.... Blah why did I put myself through this, why did I think it a good idea? It really wasn't not when I wasnt ready for it, I'm still not, not health wise at least nor in my personal life. f...sake!argh! whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy.

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Hey star yeah, ramblings of pretty much everything to do with uni, which is all my life seems to be xD..

I don't update very often xD which may be how. Of course you can say hello in here

I'm not doing great atm but I'll get through it somehow, I always do, I have no choice.

Hope your well xx

 

random note - I've been a member for 6 years one week and one day, pretty sure thats right. dayum thats a long time....

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Its alright I understand I hope things pick up for you.

 

No news as yet, I've got ads up on gumtree and studentlets, so just gotta hope I hear something also ads all over the freshers pages, but I doubt anything will happen till clearing, which is about results time.

Its due in on 13th august, but my exams start that same friday and I am so behind with my revision I don't know how I am going to get through all this, I keep messing up on my essays, my mums been getting angry at me, which isn't helping me keep motivated, it just makes me want to give up because I'm not good enough.

 

Ear isn't too bad right now, I hope, I'm trying to ignore it. I'm getting a motorbike tomorrow, and a friend is visitng for the weekend, so I am trying to focus on those two positives over things which are falling apart, but it is so so difficult. Home life is falling apart, my mums bf is getting stressy and yelling again, my brother is being a self brat (well in my eyes anyway) my mums just taking all her stress and frustration out on me, cause if she says anything to my brother he might cause a scene, and her bf would yell and shout and throw things, then theres me the only person who has actually done what is best for me out of everyone and I'm the one who gets all the . Just cause I'm studying psychology doesn't mean I have the coping mechanisms in place for all your hell added onto what is going on in my life right now!

 

sorry for the rant..

 

Hugs back... have you been doing anything olympic orientated? xxx

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oh god darling it sounds a nightmare and really not going to help yuo been in the middle of

all that ...if you actually had a calm tranquil life I don't think you would know what to do ..

you would be sat there waitinf for someting to happen.

 

my bezzy ( sure i mentioned her on your other thread that I lost ..ooops) well she is in her second year social work course,

passed all her adult law exams and childrens law exams but failed one assignment ..oh bless her she was gutted.. but

it time and stress , not unlike you darling ..just different content ..she is working a very mentally draining job , looks after

her two grandkids and has kids at home ..she just can't sit down and get to grip with this assignment , so she is

getting an extra tutorial ..I admire you both for still going for it no matter what ...strong women even if you don't feel it , you are darling .

 

wow your getting a motorbike ..got any pics ? your brave ..the damn things scare me haha

 

nah not done anything olympic wise , me and emily watched the opening and really really enjoyed it , but now we havent put it on since ...I am trying to find stuff for us to do for the summer hols ..a holiday is not on the agenda haha ,,well not unitll I win the lottery anyway haha

 

keep plodding on darling ... you make me smile so much

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It is difficult, I'm just wanting to run away, again, but I cant, I need to focus, not that I can do that very well here but I guess its better than putting myself into a situation where I could get hurt or something dunno. Yeah, lol I don't think I've ever had any significant length of time with no problems, as my brother used to be addicted to drugs through my teens, my mums been in abusive relationships all my life so yeah I would be waiting for something, anything to go wrong.

 

Yeah you did tell me about her, I hope she does well! It is so hard, its nice to know (dispite I wouldn't wish this on anyone) that there is someone else struggling along.

 

Yeah its only a 125 as unable to do my full lisence this summer but it is such a sexy bike! I love it

 

I've been avoiding the olympic stuff haha, my mums been watching it, so I see bits and pieces but tbh, I really don't care about it. And it hasnt helped our economy any, infact from what I've read its made things worse lol.

 

hmm summer holiday ideas - beach xD dunno where you live so cant think of much to be of help lol. Damn the school holidays xD

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I slept for about half hour last night, well I say slept, I had a nightmare - me and two of my friends were watching horror movies as we do, and then the room we were in, the floor calopsed and there was loads of people and they were falling into water and coming out in ice dead. and I was trying to keep hold of my two kittens, one was one of my new ones I'm not sure what the other kitten was solsty I think.

 

and then this afternoon I tried to get some sleep because I really need to do some work, but I had another nightmare, this time being stuck in limbo between life and death, and all the bad things I've been through just going round and round, reminding me of things that I had safely locked away from my conscious memory. So now I feel even worse. Screw sleep screw this I hate it! I hate me.

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w00t I have everything for my essays now just to finish writing them, after today lol.. I'm riding my motorbike today, to a place I've only been once, this could be interesting haha!

gotta pack and organise stuff for moving back to uni this week and prepare myself for my resits and operation ah well! it'll be fine... xD...

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oh thats fantastic ..

 

oh wow I can see you ....oh your lovely omg ...this site is blessed with the best of the crop me thinks xx

 

what a pic ..I owul dhave that blown up on my wall ..

 

I just dont know how you dare ..I know I keep saying that haha ..but the size of it omg ...

 

fab fab fab

 

thankyou my healer friend for sharing xxx

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Lol, if I look good there then I must be ridiculously hot xD theres a picture of me on my profile a decent pic anyway haha..

I am tempted to get a big pic of me on my motorbike, so damn sexy! I love it it isn't that big a bike, 125cc I've only got 50mph out of it so far but should be able to do about 60-70 but yeah its quite a heavy bike really..

 

awesome! Sketchers are super comfy love them haha.

 

xxx

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I'm moving back to my university city tomorrow! Resits start monday, well essays anyway then exams start next week. So scared and such.. Gotta go drs and hopefully apply for extenuating cause of my constant ear infections, I think the one I have atm is a continuation from june which sucks majorly! CT scan next week then pre op after my resits, hopefully I wont worry too much about that. D: get to see a very special person next weekend for the day, will need something to calm me down after next week cause its gonna be a stressful week for me...

 

No longer taking my motorbike up to uni with me, as I'm not nearly confident enough, I can easily ride from where I live to the nearest town, but I don't have to stop and start its litterally 4th gear and riding 3rd when at corners or in a 30 zone, most of the area is a 40zone (MPH). May be riding it to the town I used to live in later, thats gonna be fun.. I really hate one of the roads haha but need to get used to it. I love that bike it is sooo sexy!

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Oh man.. 3rd move from home, its crazy, scary, missing solstice...

Its such a strange feeling leaving home again for the final year of my degree... My rooms not empty though xD... oh im nervous and excited etc.. last year i was all just excited this year am nervous. not ready to grow up and become an adult yet....

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I love these 10mins pilatis work outs.. Make me sweaty and such a great work out! I'm enjoying them, did one which was really easy so did another and I was exhausted half way through, but thats mostly because I am really inflexible, I cannot touch my toes without bending my knees, but thats related to an illness I had as a baby.. Its kinda relaxing too

 

Handed my essays in, so freaking scared I'ma fail them though

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well today is A-level results day (I've never had to go through this and its making me think of what sort of a place I was in 2 years ago, preparing to move away from home properly, not just running away. And this is my new form of procrastination, two exams tomorrow and what I am doing, remenicing. GahDangIt.... But I've really grown so much over the past 6 years since being a member here, and especially over the last 4 or so, from running away from home, nearly ending my life, to moving out and going to uni. Its crazy how quickly life can change if you put in the work.. I just wish I was still putting in the work I NEED to revice! but I'm panicing, in pain, sad and all that jazz, I really dont want to be going into my final year, I'm not ready for this chapter of my life to be nearly over, I love uni, its been the best thing to ever happen to me, and it is ALWAYS going to be my biggest achievement. Not getting over depression, but this! This shows what someone can really do if they have the will power. You could have had the worst up bringing, be completelly poor no savings, hell not even the grades at school level to get onto a level 3 course and still make it! I had an abusive environment to grow up in, abusive brother, mum etc, I failed school, I nearly dropped out of the same college course twice, nearly killed myself, and yet here I am fighting every day to get what I want! I dont care if i come out with a rubbish degree, university for me, isnt about getting an amazing job, its about learning about me, giving myself the skills I need to break through the barriers of my past, of my own mind and through into what this world truly can offer to me. I just need to stop breaking down and getting upset, but stand up dust myself off and say 'well prove you can do this! stop moping and get on with it'....

 

Anyone any help or kind words?

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