Boyfriend wants to go travelling, should I break up now?

[babybear]

My boyfriend is 25 we have been together 5-6 months. He wants to go travelling for 3-6months, leaving in about six months time, while he is young before he starts a degree for three years next September. I think he wants to leave around spring/summer time. I cannot go with him because I am right in the middle of a degree right now which doesn't finish until next September.

 

I am dead certain that I am not going to stay with him/wait for him while he is off travelling. I am just not able to do it no matter how much I love him now, or when he finally leaves. My ex left me to go travelling and it was heart breaking. I am just not the sort of person who can do long distance relationships and whatnot.

 

With all this in mind I have several issues and I do not know what to do.

 

1. Should I split up with him now, or in 6months time before he leaves? If I split up now I will have to see him all the time at work, which will be awful because we work together, but if I split up when he actually leaves we will have been together a year and it will surely be much more painful.

 

2. I don't know if he will actually be able to raise the cash to do this or if it's just a pipe dream. He is a bit of an impulsive spender and gambles so I really don't know how he would raise his planned 3grand.

 

3. If he does start saving like mad I'm worried our relationship will go down hill because he will always refuse to spend money to do anything fun so we'll wind up constantly bored.

 

I have told him my feelings - that I will not wait for him if he goes and he replied "this is something I have to do". Which i respect but makes me think does he care about me at all?

 

Help!

[Generation]

If you can break up with him, no hard feelings, yeah you should. 5-6 months, that's still pretty early in a relationship. It'll be good for him too so he can fully enjoy himself out there too. If anything at all, you two might get back together in the future or remain good friends.

 

Don't do it right away, give it some more thought until you've made up your mind.

[LN1987]

Well its not about him not caring for you, in fact it seems the reverse. If he has not mentioned wanting to break up due to travel, then it is you and you only who has the issue here. Personally if I 'loved' someone, there is no way I would end it with them for a 6months, even a year! This really is about you deciding how much you care. If you are 100% going to end it, then do it now, it is unfair on him otherwise IMO.

[He2Him]

Well its not about him not caring for you, in fact it seems the reverse. If he has not mentioned wanting to break up due to travel, then it is you and you only who has the issue here. Personally if I 'loved' someone, there is no way I would end it with them for a 6months, even a year! This really is about you deciding how much you care. If you are 100% going to end it, then do it now, it is unfair on him otherwise IMO.

 

Well said and OP don't use word ''love'' if you don't know its real meaning. It's just silly.

[RitaTrue]

Well its not about him not caring for you, in fact it seems the reverse. If he has not mentioned wanting to break up due to travel, then it is you and you only who has the issue here. Personally if I 'loved' someone, there is no way I would end it with them for a 6months, even a year! This really is about you deciding how much you care. If you are 100% going to end it, then do it now, it is unfair on him otherwise IMO.

 

Well said and OP don't use word ''love'' if you don't know its real meaning. It's just silly.

 

Quoted For Truth

[Bunney]

I'm in the same shoes just the other way around, I'm the one going to travel.

 

I know it's hard, but if you don't think you can last 3-6 months apart, then I doubt it was "love" after all. If you're really serious about eachother then instead of focusing on the negative (being away from him), you'd focus on the big picture and realize that you can make it work, and that there's a big chance that the time you'll be spending with him afterwards will be more amazing than ever.

 

It just takes some faith, some effort and a LOT of mutual trust.

 

Let me tell you a little about my situation so you know from someone who's going through the same. We've been together 6 months, and I am going to be away for 5 and a half months. The tickets were already booked when I met him back in March of this year, and I'm going to be really, really far away, on the opposite of the world.

 

He knew I was gonna be away right from the start, but during all those six months I've been with him, never ever not even once he told me to stay, to change my plans/shorten my trip, or that he would like to be on a break during my trip/break up completely. I know its not easy on him, and many guys would be afraid I'd find someone else/cheat on him while I'm traveling (hey I have the same fear with him although I'm pretty sure it's not gonna happen), but the thing is that he understands this has been a dream of mine all my life, and he's happy for me it's finally coming true. Plus, we are focusing on what will be afterwards - not only will I come back more confident and have grown a lot as a person (traveling kinda does that to you, you know), but we'll know that we've beat the odds and made it so we'll be an a lot stronger couple. Also, we are thinking about getting engaged and maybe move in together sometime next year, and some months of me traveling is definitly not worth throwing that away over.

 

Just to give you something to think about. I hope you'll make the right decision!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It actually sounds to me like you simply want a boyfriend and anyone will do..and if a boyfriend wants to travel for a bit then you want the freedom to find a new boyfriend because it is the physical presence of someone you want not who the person really is. So if you need the presence of a guy then I would break up with him now because clearly it is not him that you really love but the notion of having a male companion.

[endy]

I agree with the above poster. You either accept him for who he his, let him have his own life and own experiences, or learn how to do that. There's an issue here, and the issue is you. You can't just means you don't want to. You have a choice, and you are making the choice to leave someone, because they want to experience the world? That's ludacris to me. He is a free soul and wants to experience something and you can't do it because you can't handle being alone is what it sounds like.

 

We are HERE on this earth to experience and learn from our experiences. Maybe that's exactly what you need to do, and look at it that way. If someone broke up with me for the reasons above, I would simply say goodbye and not have another conversation with them ever.

 

Love is not selfish, and if you loved this person enough it wouldn't matter if they wanted to travel. You think he is causing you pain and suffering by this, and if it is then bring it to his attention. The issue here is you WANT to cause him pain and suffering for living his life the way he wants to. You accept someone and everything they are when true love is involved.

[FathomFear]

It actually sounds to me like you simply want a boyfriend and anyone will do..and if a boyfriend wants to travel for a bit then you want the freedom to find a new boyfriend because it is the physical presence of someone you want not who the person really is. So if you need the presence of a guy then I would break up with him now because clearly it is not him that you really love but the notion of having a male companion.

 

I agree. And babybear, I say this not to offend you--but I've read other posts by you over the last year or so. I would honestly say that I think you have a lot of maturing to do. You often come accross as whimsical and self-absorbed when it comes to relationships. As Crazyaboutdogs said, you just give off this vibe that a boyfriend is just a human placeholder for you. You just want "some guy" to make you the centre of his universe, and if he wants to go away for an extended period of time you just want to fill that gap. If you actually regarded it as a real relationship, you'd actually want and desire your boyfriend to grow and evolve as a person, to experience the world, etc. This will likely be his only opportunity to do what he's looking to do, especially if he lands a job soon after finishing his degree.

[Princess123]

Point is you want to break up with him, so do it now.

 

I could see why you want to break up with him though on the lines that traveling changes people. That is when people find themselves at times and grow as a person. So he may be a different person during the experience and when he gets back. It's more fair to him to be single and "free" when he is traveling. It's not a constant baggage on the mind.

[annie24]

Just curious - if you knew he had to be sent on an extended work trip or he had a semester abroad planned, would you break up with him too? Guess you can't date a guy in the military. I suppose what I'm saying is that you just never know what will happen in life. You might be dating someone or are married and then he gets transferred to another branch. As you point out, he might not get the money. I'm a bit concerned that you say he will be dull while he is saving. If you love him, there are always things to do that are fun and cheap. Or, if you are looking for a guy who will have money to spend on you, and be in town with you, maybe you should just let this guy go.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Point is you want to break up with him, so do it now.

 

I could see why you want to break up with him though on the lines that traveling changes people. That is when people find themselves at times and grow as a person. So he may be a different person during the experience and when he gets back. It's more fair to him to be single and "free" when he is traveling. It's not a constant baggage on the mind.

 

People don't need to be single and free to travel...not unless they feel the need to have hookups with others while they are travelling. Plenty of people in relationships travel for an extended period and don't feel the need to have other hookups to scratch the itch for sexual fun and frolic and attention. Travel doesn't necessarily change people...sure you learn a lot..but that doesn't mean you aren't the same person you were before you travelled. There is not necessarily some sudden magical transformation of someone who has travelled vs someone who hasn't.

[Fudgie]

I agree. I've traveled a LOT. I learned about the world and myself. But I wasn't "wildly single" during that time and it certainly didn't make me drop my relationships. There was one time that I came back from a trip and left a boyfriend, but I had been planning that BU for a long time and didn't have time for it before I left.

 

Other relationships remained after I came back. Traveling may change people but if they are stable in anyway, they aren't going to do 180, they will change for the better! I know I did. "Change" within itself is a part of life and doesn't mean the end of a relationship. We all change...you can't stop it. If you broke up with your partner everytime they were about to enter a situation where they "may change", you'll be single forever.

[Princess123]

Okay my way of saying "free" as in quotes is free of mind. You don't have things back home to worry about, or worry about contacting a partner etc. You are essentially a bit more free in your mind. Having to worry about if your contacting enough, the time difference, the costs of having a phone turned on overseas etc. Hard to explain. But yes you can travel while still being in a relationship, I didn't say one way was better than another.