sweetione Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I have been broken up since April, continued to see my ex until end of May. After an upsetting phone call where my ex tells me that we can be friends that talk occasionally, i decided to do NC. And I have done that since June 20th. But I just found out that my ex has a new girlfriend and has for 2 months now. They just went away for 4 days on vacation last week. So my question is HOW in the world am i suppose to get him back now? Am I to wait out the "honeymoon" period and hope that he will call me eventually or should i make casual conversation and attack this as a friend. Listening to him chat about the current? What has worked for everyone here? Or anyone they know? Is it better to do NC and leave it up to fate Or is it better to stay in the picture and talk every 3 weeks or so, as friends? Link to comment
Vert Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 sweet, I think the unanimous response to this will be for you to do NC. It will help you heal and will help you get on with life. Sure we all want to hold out hope for getting back with our ex's, but doing so will only hold you back while they move on (as he has evidently done by dating someone else). Link to comment
Mun Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Sweetone, I think it is best to let him go. He has already moved on and you need to do the same. I know you are hurting and it's going to be hard. NC is the best thing you can do to get past this. You have to get yourself in a good place again--where he is not the center of your Universe. Be strong because this is not going to be easy. Do not be his friend right now--do you really want to hear about his new relationship? Do not confront him--there is nothing to discuss you are the Ex girlfriend remember? Do NC and get busy with your own friends and your own life. Hang in there. Link to comment
StrawTink Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 his loss he thinks she is gonna replace you let him try. Grass is never greener just looks like it. how long was the relationship? Link to comment
Celadon Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I agree with Vert. There is a danger with staying in the picture. If at some point in the future your ex feels especially lonely, he could hang out with you to make himself feel better -- without any intentions of getting back together. I'd hate for you to have false hopes. On the other hand, if you do NC and move on and are a strong person, he may decide to come back and at that point be forced to treat you well and take the relationship seriously -- not just as a way to bide his time until another girl shows up. Link to comment
sweetione Posted August 31, 2004 Author Share Posted August 31, 2004 i just thought that if i was in the picture, even as a friend, that when the new romance isn't as shiny and new that i could have a chance again. I remember some previous post where someone was talking about friends that had broken up but got back together later( some months and others years) but the writer said that they had remained in contact during the breakup. Link to comment
mtastic Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Sweetone, It sounds like we're on about the same timetable as far as breakup. My ex dumped me in mid april, and we've been on NC since mid-may. I also found out she has had a new boyfriend since aparently not long after we went on NC. The best thing you can do for now is try to keep yourself from thinking about him, keep busy doing things that make you happy. Don't try to pursue it any further for now. Thats the best advice I can give at the moment, as I'm going throug all of this for the first time in my life, so i'm still learning as I go along. Feel Free to PM or IM if you want to talk about it at all. Best of Luck to you, mtastic edit- In regards to "staying in the picture" I recommend that you don't contact him for a while, I had the same idea about staying friends with her, but i was not emotionally prepared for friendship with someone I had feelings for, and i only wound up digging my self in deeper, and getting hurt more. Link to comment
Mun Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I know it doesn't make sense but really you have a better chance of something in the future if you walk away now. You give yourself dignity and respect. Something that you wouldn't if you were to settle for just "crumbs" of his attention. You walk away now and you show with your actions that you know you deserve someone just for you, not to wait around and see if he changes his mind. Let him be and you don't lose your value in his eyes, but especially not in yours. There are not that many things that hurt a woman more than to realize she has let herself down by settling for less than she wants. It's a deep blow to her self-esteem and one that takes a long time to repair. Love yourself and hold your head up high. Be strong Link to comment
alybernice Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I am in the same situation, my question is what if u cant let go, and don't want to move on. I really love my ex and would do anything to be with him. Link to comment
Scout Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Muneca, great advice. I can't add anything else, that's 100% dead on. Link to comment
kate111 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Muneca you say it so well. You have to make a dignified exit. You will show that you have class, strength and grace. You show that you love him but that you love yourself more. It also shows that you are facing up to reality by accepting this as it is...over. It shows that you are able to live without him. This is very attractive to anyone. It is the best chance you have got. Link to comment
DEgirl23 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I am sorry to be so blunt. But you need to move on, he certainly has. Believe me I know it is very hard to do that. When my boyfriend and I broke up years ago and he started dating someone else. I was Devastated. The more I tried to get him back, the move he went to her. Now years later they are married with 2 kids. There is no hope, when someone wants someone else and not you. This is a good chance for you to learn more about yourself. Become that strong independ woman and the men will come. Good luck! Link to comment
trinitystorm Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Muneca, you are totally right.... but doing this is easier said than done...... I broke up with my bf in april too... and recently re-initiated contact with a simple "hi" email. He replied, but based on what people here have advised, I have decided not to reply to him as difficult as it is.....I try to think positively. That eventually the pain will subside and I will be able to move on with my life. In the meantime, I am trying to keep busy with work, activities, catching up with friends, and thinking about training for a marathon. Gotta get the strength within. We all have it in us. Sometimes it is just difficult to bring it out. Link to comment
Mun Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 I know it's not easy, but I think it's the right attitude to have in this situation. Link to comment
alybernice Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 what if u cant let go, and don't want to move on. I really love my ex and would do anything to be with him. Link to comment
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