Need help to calm down

[diamond78]

You don't have to go inside the store and I wouldn't if it were me because it does look stalkerish (even though you are stalking...hehe). But if he drives to work, you can pass by and see if his car is there. As far as his home, I would definitely swoop by on a weekday and weekend night to see what is up with his living situation.

 

And let's pretend the 'aunt' story is true....You're telling me he can't go into his room, close the door, and then call you?? C'mon now...I know you can see right through that one.

 

How old is this guy??

[Anusha]

Why??? It's a store. You can go and buy stuff. Nothing wrong with that!! I was at work yesterday and an old friend was in the neighborhood and he came into my office to say hi. happens everyday.

 

I know but you dont know people there,they like to gossip a lot.They can start to coment maybe and end up bringing him problems.

[Anusha]

You don't have to go inside the store and I wouldn't if it were me because it does look stalkerish (even though you are stalking...hehe). But if he drives to work, you can pass by and see if his car is there. As far as his home, I would definitely swoop by on a weekday and weekend night to see what is up with his living situation.

 

And let's pretend the 'aunt' story is true....You're telling me he can't go into his room, close the door, and then call you?? C'mon now...I know you can see right through that one.

 

How old is this guy??

 

No cause then she could hear maybe and would want to know who he was talking to.He is 29.

[Anusha]

Im really caution with those things cause like I said they can back fire on you.If Im right and he is lieing than great but if Im not he can get really mad at me for doubting him.

[annie24]

No cause then she could hear maybe and would want to know who he was talking to.He is 29.

 

And then he can say, 'Auntie, I'm 29, I'm talking to whoever I want to talk to!!'

 

or he can say he is talking to a friend.

 

How much money do you have? How much longer can you afford to keep him on the payroll as your boyfriend before your money runs out?

[annie24]

I know but you dont know people there,they like to gossip a lot.They can start to coment maybe and end up bringing him problems.

 

why do you even have to say you are there to see him. i don't know what kind of store he works at, but can't you just go in and shop??

[Anusha]

And then he can say, 'Auntie, I'm 29, I'm talking to whoever I want to talk to!!'

 

or he can say he is talking to a friend.

 

How much money do you have? How much longer can you afford to keep him on the payroll as your boyfriend before your money runs out?

 

Praticaly nothing.I received some money on monday due to being fired and is pretty much just that,after it is finished I have no where to take more from.That is why I need to find a job asap.

[PhilliesFan001]

ANUSHA!!

 

The man is almost 30 years old, so any excuses he has given you relating to his auntie are just utter BS.

 

This is NOT a relationship. This is an exchange of services - he provides you with some semblance of company (although he sounds like a bad guy to be honest), and you provide him with cash. Which would be fine, if both people involved were okay with the situation.

 

However, your constant anxiety, stressing, and questioning over every single minute detail of your interactions with this guy say that you're not content with the nature of your relationship.

 

If you keep this charade up, I guarantee you will be one of those people who has a heart attack before they're 30. You are just obsessing way, way, way too much and this is NOT healthy.

 

Please, I'm begging you, get this idiot out of your life, and focus on getting yourself some much needed professional help before it's too late.

[diamond78]

No cause then she could hear maybe and would want to know who he was talking to.He is 29.

 

 

Anusha....girlfriend...c'mon now. Do you really believe that this 29 year old man goes home and never talks to anyone on the phone while he is there??? Do you really believe that??

[PhilliesFan001]

Anusha here's the bottom line really - you've posted on this forum an awful lot about this relationship, and everyone gives you the same basic answers. This obviously doesn't help you, as you keep coming back with similar questions and obsessions.

 

The fact is, your level of anxiety has reached a point where no stranger on an internet forum can truly help. Our words will not calm you down and provide you with any long term release. There comes a point when you need to recognize that you need true professional help. You need to speak to a doctor, and pronto. You need to either get yourself on some anti-anxiety medication or into talk therapy on a regular basis or your head will explode.

 

I really wish you all the best, you seem very sweet and I hope you get yourself out of this situation. But posting every day on this website is not going to give you the help you need.

[penelope13]

It was 5 minutes(I just checked on my mobile).And we had talked on the phone other two times today already so I think a long conversation wasnt necessary,plus like I said we also didnt have much to talk about.And all that stress is just killing me(my back is hard like a stone right now) so I guess I just want to believe everything is fine and leave it like that for today.

 

Anusha, this is quite promising: you are clearly stating here that you are able to decide not to worry about something. Since you are capable of influencing how you react to an incidence, why are you not choosing more regularly not to get upset about something?

 

It makes me quite sad to see that someone has the ability as well as the support to change something about their life and is simply refusing to do so.

 

I am not sure if you are either ignorant how your account of this relationship either infuriates, amuses, or shocks people or if you really don't care.

 

But it is certainly tiresome to be reiterating the same thing again and again - yet I hope one day something clicks in your brain.

 

DO YOU NOT WANT TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF AND LIFE?

[browneyedgirl36]

Well if he was with his gf/wife he wouldnt have called me,specialy not that late at night.And I wouldnt hear background sounds.One thing is for sure,he was outside(so he wasnt home like we thought before).And he called on the time that we usualy left the store after it was closed(another thing that make me believe that he was there).And the call was quick cause we didnt have much to say,he explained about his mobile and I asked him for the documents number to fill the form so after that we were pretty much finished.

 

Anusha - The fact that he called you doesn't mean he wasn't "with" someone else. I once dated a guy who, unbeknownst to me, had a live-in girlfriend. He and I weren't serious -- we had just been out a few times, and nothing physical had happened between us -- but I began to suspect something when he called me and I heard all sorts of sounds in the background, what sounded like car noises. He claimed he was out in his garage (didn't say what he was doing out there), but I got the feeling he was outside, in his car, with the engine running. This was back when cell phones weren't widely used, and he had a landline phone, so I couldn't figure out why, if he was home, he wasn't calling me from inside his house. Another time, he called me from his home phone, in the middle of the day, and the number that came up on caller ID, while it was his home number, had someone else's name -- a woman's. When he had called me before, it had come up with his name on the caller ID, so it was clear to me that he was living with someone and that the phone was in her name. Later, a mutual friend confirmed that he had a live-in girlfriend, and once I found out, I cut him off. This guy took me out to dinner, drinks -- even on Saturday nights -- talked to me online, called me (one time, we had a 3 hour phone conversation), and all that time, he had a girlfriend! It took awhile before I got suspicious, but the alarm bells started to go off, and I knew.

 

You need to stop trying to rationalize all of this -- saying things like "He MUST have been at work because he just called me and it sounded like he was outside, so he must have been on the bus." All you're doing when you do this is avoiding the truth of the situation, being in denial, and you're just prolonging your misery here and making things worse for yourself. You have got to somehow get to a point where you care enough about yourself to NOT be so desperate to hang on to someone who is not good for you and who is probably using you. You need to do some soul-searching and figure out what terrifies you so much about being single that you are willing to put yourself in a position like this because you can't possibly be happy with this guy; all this situation does is bring you anxiety and misery. Nothing anyone here can say will help you if you aren't willing to help yourself. Until you do, you can expect things to continue this way for you, and you can expect a lot more anxiety and misery. It doesn't have to be that way, but you have to make a choice to change it.

[Hollyj]

Were you giving him money too?

 

 

This guy is married.

[annie24]

browneyedgirl - that sucks. yes, men lie. well, women too. people lie. all the time! I dated a man that I later found out was married. I went to his apartment, there was no sign of a wife. he had the total 'bachelor pad' - ie, just a bit of furniture, a pile of clothes in the corner and some margarita mix and tequila in the kitchen. No photo of a woman, no hint that there was a woman in his life. Well, I found out later after we broke up that he was married and his wife was back in Mexico while he was in the US working for 2 years.

 

I found out that something was wrong when I listened to my gut. He very suddenly changed his phone number and told me he had to close his bank account. I thought that this was very strange, and the reasons for doing so didn't seem to make a lot of sense to me - especially when you do that all in the same week. When I asked for more details, he disappeared. I later saw his best friend at a night club, who told me he was married all along.

 

When stories are strange, and not making much sense, and "aunties" who don't like their 29 year old nephews dating - you know that there is something shady going on.

[princess5]

Why were you fired? Please tell me that this whole story has been made up... because it really is hard to believe.

[volvic1]

Why were you fired? Please tell me that this whole story has been made up... because it really is hard to believe.

 

Im literally reading this too and thinking its some person making up a ridiculous story to see how people react its impossible to believe that this person is actually serious???

[confusedg]

I'd recently posted saying that RESPONDING to this time and again is clearly perhaps doing more harm than good. But I received a warning for inappropriate advice. Perhaps an alternative way to help Anusha is to consider not feeding this daily pattern, it IS a time tested thing we do with ourselves to get rid of obsessions and addictions, but alas, that seems inappropriate advice.

[princess5]

I RECEIVED AN INFRAction too ( I really don't want to be banned, I love this site)! The more I read though the more unbelievable it all seems. I dnon't think Anusha replied to ONE direct question put to her. I think that the whole thing is to get people annoyed and frustrated. Seriously.

[Anusha]

I RECEIVED AN INFRAction too ( I really don't want to be banned, I love this site)! The more I read though the more unbelievable it all seems. I dnon't think Anusha replied to ONE direct question put to her. I think that the whole thing is to get people annoyed and frustrated. Seriously.

 

It is all true.And last night I spent hours here answering all(or at least most of them) the questions that annie24 and Ariel85 were asking.

[princess5]

u didn;t answer anything that mattered.. such as have you met his aunt??

[Anusha]

[/u]

 

Anusha, this is quite promising: you are clearly stating here that you are able to decide not to worry about something. Since you are capable of influencing how you react to an incidence, why are you not choosing more regularly not to get upset about something?

 

It makes me quite sad to see that someone has the ability as well as the support to change something about their life and is simply refusing to do so.

 

I am not sure if you are either ignorant how your account of this relationship either infuriates, amuses, or shocks people or if you really don't care.

 

But it is certainly tiresome to be reiterating the same thing again and again - yet I hope one day something clicks in your brain.

 

DO YOU NOT WANT TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF AND LIFE?

 

Yes penelope I can do that but only after I have been freaking out about it for hours and have had heard from him.I really wish I not even started to worry about it on the first place.For example if I thought to myself "His phone is of? Ok,his batery probably finished" and went on with my day.But for some reason I just cant do that.

[Anusha]

u didn;t answer anything that mattered.. such as have you met his aunt??

 

I saw her(on pictures and when she went to the store once) but no I havent talked to her.

[jingletruck]

Just to explain it better.He called me,I was in the kitchen having dinner and my mobile was on my room.About 10 minutes later I saw his missed call and called him back,we talked for a few minutes.I went to the computer to send the resumes and 15 minutes later when I got to my room I saw there was a missed call from him(he called about 2 minutes after we hang up,I guess he probably had forgot to say something).I call him back and his phone is of.

 

Wow.

 

1. You ask for advice on an Internet board.

2. About thirty people give you essentially the exact same advice.

3. You keep arguing and refusing to accept it.

 

Maybe you should start another thread on "should I murder an 8 year old", and then double-guess all the responses there...

[lavenderdove]

Anusha, I'm sure you've heard this before, but you are showing serious signs of possibly havng an obsessive/compulsive or anxiety disorder. I think you need to quit posting about these kinds of things because it is just avoiding what you really need to do, which is to consult a professional and get help for this.

 

Soliciting constant feedback about your obsessive/compulsive behavior and worries does nothing but feed the obsession. You need to really solve this problem, which requires a trip to the doctor to start treatment... OCD has a very clear biochemical basis and can be very successfully treated with medication and therapy. You need to take control of your life rather than allowing yourself to be constantly driven by these urges, and you need to really solve the problem rather than aggravating it by constantly soliciting feedback and obsessely posting about every little thing on this board.

 

The solution to your problem is not someone telling you for the millionth time not to worry about it, it is you getting actual treatment to solve the root of the problem.

[penelope13]

Yes penelope I can do that but only after I have been freaking out about it for hours and have had heard from him.I really wish I not even started to worry about it on the first place.For example if I thought to myself "His phone is of? Ok,his batery probably finished" and went on with my day.But for some reason I just cant do that.

 

You might not be able to do that by tomorrow, but you can learn.

 

How about this: every time that you freak out about something you allow yourself a specific set amount of time to fret. Every day you reduce the amount of time that you allow yourself to worry and freak out.