nekoxchaos Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 I dont buy into the man are from mars and women are from venus thing with the "rubberband" theory , read this blog called baggage reclaim its alot more honest and blunt about these situations. It doesn't matter how old he is , a friend told me guys usually butter you up to get what they want and after that they just ease off .. if that's the case then its best to cut him out and move on to the next one. Not all guys are like that though don't worry girl its a lesson I kinda went through the same situation and its best to just walk away in that instance you're better then waiting around for some guy to contact you especially if its only for some intimacy Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 OMG! You should be a little more than upset. That's really sleazy!!!! You sound like you need a relationship to have sex. Next time, why not wait till it has been established and you're seeing one another more than once or twice a week. Great advice. I think you dodged a bullet here. Also, it's not really about "waiting it out" as a test but rather waiting until you are comfortable being intimate, whatever happens. For me, personally that meant dating at least 3 months, being exclusive, expressed that we love each other and strong potential for marriage. Others have different "criteria" but the trick is to be consistent in sticking to those criteria so that the other person knows you are waiting because of your personal values and so you can screen out those people who don't share your values. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 so I got played huh?? wow, this really sucks I feel so stupid now. Don't! But, be responsive to any red flags, next time These people are very good at doing what they are doing. They are incapable of anything normal and healthy so they are well versed at this act. Their only goal is to stoke their ego and get sex, there is no concern as to how damaging and hurtful it is to the person on the receiving end. They don't care! They go through life using others, and I'm certain it doesn't just apply to people they date. It's a character issue. Find a man who has honor, integrity and respect. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 So you couldn't tell the difference between his finger and penis and had to look to realize what it was? Well, better that he is gone then. Link to comment
greenstar Posted August 7, 2011 Author Share Posted August 7, 2011 we are still friends on facebook. Should i remove him? Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 What he did was really, really creepy. More than that- you had specifically told him that you did not want to do something, he did it without your consent. That's the definition of rape. You're better off without him. Link to comment
danielle1973 Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 we are still friends on facebook. Should i remove him? I would have done so already. Link to comment
SometimesShy Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Any man that forces himself upon a woman is a giant douche, and you should be happy to have him out of your life. ...Though I also know that I would never date any woman that was not interested in having a normal healthy physical relationship within the first 2 months of dating. Lack of physical intimacy after 2 months would be a big red-flag that something was very wrong. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Any man that forces himself upon a woman is a giant douche, and you should be happy to have him out of your life. ...Though I also know that I would never date any woman that was not interested in having a normal healthy physical relationship within the first 2 months of dating. Lack of physical intimacy after 2 months would be a big red-flag that something was very wrong. I don't agree! Different people go at a different pace. I know several couples who waited three months before intimacy, and they are still going strong. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 I don't agree! Different people go at a different pace. I know several couples who waited three months before intimacy, and they are still going strong. Men will wait if it's for the right woman. If he feeds you that line, then ask him about love, marriage, and kids. If you don't want an emotional commitment before getting to know someone, it's not necessarily fair to expect that physical one. ... In my opinion. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 so you couldn't tell the difference between his finger and penis and had to look to realize what it was? Well, better that he is gone then. hehheheheheh! Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 OP, I just had something like this happen to me recently. Met on an online dating site, went out on the first date and was having a good time but too much alcohol. We started to get intimate but I stopped it because I wasn't ready. He was upset (more hurt, maybe?) and said some things that made me feel guilty but I still did not continue. After a few minutes he changed his tune and was more understanding... We went on maybe 3 or 4 more dates and I did sleep with him on the last date but I had decided by then that I was ready and that I knew that this "relationship" probably wasn't going to be much more than physical. The sex wasn't that great (he just layed there) and when I left I knew it was likely that I wouldn't hear from him again. BUT A TWIST! A friend of mine at work tells me that he messaged her TWO DAYS LATER! I wasn't hurt, I think I chuckled. I removed him from facebook and he retaliated by BLOCKING ME from facebook AND the dating site. I guess it's been about 3 weeks since and I saw him out at a bar last night with some friends and a blonde (I'm guessing another girl from the site and not that cute). I looked awesome because I was out for my graduation party and my friends kept telling me that this guy was looking at me HARDCORE. Saw who it was and I did get some pleasure out of it. Keep your head up. There are better out there! Link to comment
SometimesShy Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Men will wait if it's for the right woman. If he feeds you that line, then ask him about love, marriage, and kids. If you don't want an emotional commitment before getting to know someone, it's not necessarily fair to expect that physical one. ... In my opinion. I agree that you should never sleep with anyone until you both feel safe, comfortable, and are ready. But keep in mind that some people are ready much sooner than others, so you need to find someone who feels the same way about this as you do. Men will wait if the relationship feels like it's going somewhere, that the woman you are involved with is a good match for you, and the potential for a happy long term relationship seems possible. Link to comment
tresqua Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 We went on maybe 3 or 4 more dates and I did sleep with him on the last date..I knew it was likely that I wouldn't hear from him again. BUT A TWIST! A friend of mine at work tells me that he messaged her TWO DAYS LATER! I wasn't hurt, I think I chuckled. I removed him from facebook and he retaliated by BLOCKING ME from facebook AND the dating site. I don't understand your thoughts here.. He pressures you for sex from the very start, you give it up on date number 4 even though you don't see any relationship potential with this guy, and after he gets what he was obviously looking for, he completely cuts you off and goes so far as to block you on the dating site and Facebook and then move on to his next target. You say that you have a nice chuckle about it which seems to indicate that you want people to think that you couldn't care less that a guy you went out with on 4 dates and had sex with went ahead and dumped you and blocked you.. and then you show that you DO care about what he thinks because you post this: I guess it's been about 3 weeks since and I saw him out at a bar last night with some friends and a blonde (I'm guessing another girl from the site and not that cute). I looked awesome because I was out for my graduation party and my friends kept telling me that this guy was looking at me HARDCORE. Saw who it was and I did get some pleasure out of it. Your situation is the same as the Ops. You both picked guys that were only after sex although you seemed to do it intentionally for reasons that are not clear, and the Op found out about it 'the hard way'. Pun intended of course. Link to comment
greenstar Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 I should have known from the beginning. This guy was a smooth talker, suave, and he knew exactly what to do to make me melt. I did not think he was going to bounce after 3 MONTHS of dating. I went on a lot of dates with different guys after my ex, but he was the only guy where I felt a strong connection and had great chemistry with. He basically lied to me and told me everything I needed to hear to convince me to have sex or try to have sex with me. I still feel really crappy over this Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Maybe I wasn't clear... He didn't PRESSURE me for sex in the beginning. I think it was partly my fault because I was sending mixed signals in the beginning only to freak out in the middle of it and realize I wasn't ready. HOWEVER, that does not excuse his behaviour in trying to use guilt to persuade me to continue. When I actually DID sleep with him, I was ready. Physically AND emotionally. I knew it wasn't going to be a long term, committed relationship and I was OK with that. I knew that if I slept with him, it wouldn't bother me if I never heard from him again. I don't know, maybe I just wanted sex, too. And I didn't hear from him and wasn't surprised. When I realized it was a done deal, I decided to remove him from facebook, mostly because I was tired of his stupid status updates. After I unfriended him is when he blocked me from everything. So maybe I hurt his feelings, maybe there was just bad communication here or maybe we both got what we wanted out of it and decided to move, whatever. But I also hadn't invested much time or feelings into it either. This all happened in the course of a month. Maybe not even a month. If the OP invested more time then I can see how she'd be feeling differently. I don't really understand what you're expecting me to feel, tresqua. My point was that maybe the OP needs to look at it from a different point of view. I don't feel used... she shouldn't either. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I don't think that waiting means much when predicting how a man will behave after sex. It's also possible, when you aren't in a relationship and aren't exclusive, that the guy is dating and sleeping with other women, so the wait feels like a long time to you, but isn't that big of a deal to him. Link to comment
DreamingLife Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I was in a similar situation. I was seeing the guy for a month or so when I was 21 and he was 29 (he lied to me that he was younger). The first time we had sex he kind of took advantage of the situation in a similar way where I wasn't ready, but still felt pressured to have sex with him. I wouldn't suggest continuing seeing this guy. There are so many better guys than that. I made a choice to see him again and it just was a 6 month long confused, messy, unattractive, passionless and dirty relationship. Granted, it eventually helped me realize who I was and grow but I wouldn't recommend anybody go through that. He might try sweettalking you. I'd suggest cutting out contact. Link to comment
VanSprinkles Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I've been dating this guy for three months now. Last week, things got physical and we finally became intimate. After that night, he has gotten distant and initiated texts way less now. I've only been with one other person and that was my ex of 5 years. I feel used. I thought that by waiting it out, I was going to see whether or not he was only after sex. However, after we had sex, the calls and texts are way less now. Btw, I'm only 22 and he's 30. He assured me that things were going somewhere and that he really liked me. But now I really feel like crap. I don't want to say that I got played because I do not like playing the victim but his actions speak way louder now that we had sex. Don't feel beat yourself up. I had a dude string me along for a year just to find out what a player he was. Some men/women can be jerks coated with an extra layer of jerkiness. Link to comment
nekoxchaos Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Don't feel beat yourself up. I had a dude string me along for a year just to find out what a player he was. Some men/women can be jerks coated with an extra layer of jerkiness. wow that sucks, i don't understand why people should put up a act to get what they want let alone a whole year i personally would be too lazy Link to comment
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