chitown9 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 . Many of you have told me I can make it work If i can let it all go, but I just feel like I cant. I feel like I cant even look at him the same way knowing some of the things he did. He is a great person and bf, and I would be devastated to lose him, but right now I feel devastated either way. I just don't think things can be the same between us, I feel like our relationship was built on lies. I think I might have to take some time to myself in order to get over this and build back up my self-esteem and my understanding of the whole situation. I just don't know Pinky, I think that everyone on this thread as contributed a great deal of food for thought for you to consider. If we all waited for the perfect person we would be waiting...and... waiting...and waiting. On the other hand, are the things that you find to be imperfect something that you can live with? Someone else suggested that you give the relationship more time to see if the relationship survives the test of time. Something like several years? I think that might be too long and ecessive. I agree with giving it more time, but I think you will instictively know yourself when you have given it suffient time to know what you want to do. I believe everyone who has posted on your thread has a valid point. I would like to add my 2 cents. I would suggest couple counseling for both of you to work through the issues that you have a problem with. I think that would be SO be benefical to helping you work through your dilemma of feeling devastated no matter what your choice is and I wish you the best... Link to comment
pinky1 Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 I do wish people would not leave out important details only to use them later on to 'bolster their case'. It's a waste of time and effort responding to people who do that. Are you referring to me here? Because I did mention the part about his friends girlfriend in the first post. I have appreciated all your input Link to comment
DN Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Are you referring to me here? Because I did mention the part about his friends girlfriend in the first post. I have appreciated all your input you did. My error, I missed that. Link to comment
lady00 Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 People can and do change. Sometimes people make mistakes, errors in judgment etc. It happens. What matters is how we learn, grow, and change. He cannot go back and fix or change anything in the past. Of course sleeping with his best friend's gf was a horrible thing but it does not necessarily define who is now. In terms of sleeping with others, that seems borderline although it does seem that he acknowledges deceiving you on some level (it's unclear to me how much he really believes this though because he does also say it doesn't matter since you were not official). All he can do is treat you well in the present and it sounds like that is what he has been doing. Unfortunately your finding out about his past has caused you to lose some of your attraction toward him and the relationship. I think that can certainly be fixed/rekindled but only if you give him a chance. I don't know what the right answer is. I just know that I have done some things in the past in relationships that I am not proud of and I have not repeated those same things. So I know first hand that we can make bad decisions in relationships and learn something from them such that we never do them again. Link to comment
Alezia Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 To me it's slightly concerning to work "towards" a relationship for a year, all while being non-committed. Maybe I just have a bit more of a traditional mindset. Is there a specific reason why you waited a year to become exclusive? Did it seem bizarre when he finally said 'let's now be bf/gf, if you thought you guys were dating seriously?' I mean, there must have been a pretty good reason as to why he didn't or you didn't want to commit right away. That may give you a clearer picture of this guys intentions. Link to comment
Bigk Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Similar situation with my gf. She had just come out of the only relationship she ever knew when we started dating. I knew she would need some kind of rebound experiement but she said no so I stayed with her but never talking bout being "official". Six months in she slept with 2 guys and denied it. A few months after becoming "official" i got the truth out of her and it hurts way more than I expected. Its really that deception everyone is talking about that is so devistating. Tricked into a wonderful relationship. Ive known for months now. Sometimes it feels like im over it and can accept it from her perspective. Other days im like "screw this" she doesnt deserve my loyalty. Constant battle. Dont know how much longer i can hold on. Link to comment
stuka80 Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 100% guaranteed this guy will cheat on you down the line. it's as clear as day imo. Link to comment
deff808 Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Same boat, almost 2 years... She was dating two guys, before we were official... Later down the road... I just found out a week ago, i snoop threw her email... She cheated on me, back in august! Trash trash.... Link to comment
bfly9378 Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I am in your similiar situation to you and wanted to know the outcome in the present day...what did you decide??? THANKS IF YOU GET THIS and reply. I am very confused. Link to comment
aaaaarianne Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 Thanks so much everyone for your input and advice. I am a very honest person, pretty spiritual, and I strive to be a good person and promote harmony in the world. My boyfriend has told me so many times how I have influenced him to want to be a good person, and I am confident that he is a changed man. He says not telling the truth and the misleading words he gave me were because he did see potential for us and "didnt want to lose me". This is where my dilemma is, because if I had known about some of these affairs (including his best friends gf), that took place during a time where I thought we were very serious, I had taken him on trips, and put a lot into the relationship, If I knew what he was doing, he certainly WOULD HAVE lost me. Though as some of you mentioned, it is partly my fault for not having that talk with him. So my problem is not that i think he will cheat again, and I know he has become a good person through many of the experiences we have shared in our relationship. But like CAD said, my self-esteem and peace of mind have been badly damaged. I just feel like I never would have been in the relationship If I knew everything, and the fact that he was hooking up with his best friends gf absolutely disgusts me and makes mes feel like i didnt know him at all. Many of you have told me I can make it work If i can let it all go, but I just feel like I cant. I feel like I cant even look at him the same way knowing some of the things he did. He is a great person and bf, and I would be devastated to lose him, but right now I feel devastated either way. I just don't think things can be the same between us, I feel like our relationship was built on lies. I think I might have to take some time to myself in order to get over this and build back up my self-esteem and my understanding of the whole situation. I just don't know I'm in this position now, he's been a good boyfriend but took him a year to ask me to be official too. Now I'm discovering things because I'm creeping on his social accounts. I know it's not right but I'm surprised with the things I find out. I'm currently torn between talking to him or letting it to go but it's hard. Are you guys going well now? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Thread is 6 years old and the OP has never returned. Thread closed. Link to comment
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