FarthestEdge Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Dude ... I mentioned before that you seemed to be good at this ... but, jeez ... you're the snoopmeister! No I am not. I'm a recovered paranoid overreactor...I went through a dark period years ago, and I remember what drove me, what I considered, and what I actually did. It really is frightening how looking for something that isn't there can become a very self-destructive obsession. I don't ever want to go there again. Which is why I join these discussions. I was the architect of my own misery and almost ruined a really good thing. The way I behaved is not something I am proud of, in any way. It's embarassing. But I share it because I think people don't realize how easy it is for intelligent, rational people to lose their perspective. I totally did. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I personally would dump the insecure partner who snooped on me. Without trust there is no relationship so I wouldn't even try to venture in to a relationship if I were you because you aren't giving your all to your partner. From the get go you are mistrusting them, no matter how you try to spin in that it's okay, it's not. And I doubt any partner you may have would disagree with me - unless, of course, they are insecure as well.[/quote But what if you have a feeling that causes you to snoop, and u find out that the person is cheating and doing you wrong... the person isnt being insecure, they have a natural human instinct. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I personally would dump the insecure partner who snooped on me. Without trust there is no relationship so I wouldn't even try to venture in to a relationship if I were you because you aren't giving your all to your partner. From the get go you are mistrusting them, no matter how you try to spin in that it's okay, it's not. And I doubt any partner you may have would disagree with me - unless, of course, they are insecure as well.[/quote But what if you have a feeling that causes you to snoop, and u find out that the person is cheating and doing you wrong... the person isnt being insecure, they have a natural human instinct. If you are stooping to snooping then your relationship clearly doesn't have trust - even if for a valid reason - the trust is clearly not there. And without trust, there is no relationship. So if you can't trust your partner (which if you are snooping pretty much states you DON'T) then you need to look to find ways to end the relationship. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 so its better to have a gut feeling and do nothing about it, and get blind sided your whole relationship than finding out the truth. i know we have gut feelings for a reason...its instinctive... Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I trusted my bf our whole relationship till he started saying stuff that didnt make sense... then he is the one that puts the weird guy feeling in u. then he starts doing stuff... i had all the trust in the world his actions were suspcious... and it gives u a gut feeling. u cant help that feelig coming in u. no matter how much trust u had in ur relationship Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 so its better to have a gut feeling and do nothing about it, and get blind sided your whole relationship than finding out the truth. i know we have gut feelings for a reason...its instinctive... I agree. Gut feelings are instinctive - I had them with my cheating ex - but that didn't give me a right to go snooping through his stuff. If you have a gut feeling (and not one bred out of insecurity) then you don't have to stay and be blind sided. Leave. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I trusted my bf our whole relationship till he started saying stuff that didnt make sense... then he is the one that puts the weird guy feeling in u. then he starts doing stuff... i had all the trust in the world his actions were suspcious... and it gives u a gut feeling. u cant help that feelig coming in u. no matter how much trust u had in ur relationship Again, I agree. But having a gut feeling is no excuese to snoop. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 so is snooping grounds for a break up? and tell me if u consider this snooping.. cuz this is how i found out my guy was cheating on me. STORY: my boyfriend never has money to pay his cell phone bill so when his phone gets cut off he is always using my phone to make calls and even send texts to his friends. So i have no problem with him using my phone. So the other night he went to the gym, and I was at the house. I couldnt find my cell phone for the life of me. I went to his room mate to use his phone to call my phone but room mate was gone. so I turned off all tvs and anything of sound so i could hear if a text or email came thru i could find my phone. Waited a while and no sound, but then i heard summin ring. I go to the room and he left his second phone in his drawer. So i was lke great ill just use his phone to call my cell. I open his phone to make the call, the first screen that it opens up to is text messages to his babys mom, about sexual stuff. I didnt go in his phone to go snooping, but i did open it up to a sketchy message, and after seeing that i continued to scroll up to see the rest. Was i snooping or not? Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Depends on the person. I personally would if I found my SO snooping on me, especially if I had never given them reason to. You didn't start snooping no, but continuing to scroll through the phone was, yes. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 ok but if u didnt start snooping on purpose but u see summin incrminating, ur really not gonna look into whats goin on. if a lady was calling ur man, papa.. and all type of mess.. u wouldnt be like hmmm... u se summin is wrong. so u would just put the phone down after accidentally seein that one message? Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Yes. If I saw something I'd ask my fiance. As I said, a gut feeling (and not something bred out of insecuirty like the OP's talking about) you can always tell when someone is bsing you. How you react to that varies from person to person. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I undestand i just know my guy is the type to give me the run around. i can ask him a direct question and he answers it with a question, or he gest defense and tries to flip it and turn it on me to make me the bad guy. So its hard when ur with a person that u cant get straight answers from. I mean i already had my suspcion, when i leave for the night and come home the next morning my tooth brush is in a new place.. EVRYTIME... so i know he is puttin it away cuz sumone is coming over.. when i ask him about the toothbrush.. i get Why are you trippin goff a toothbrush, go back to sleep. Im not gonna talk about a tooth brush. Who notices summin like that. If ur gonna sit here and argue about a toothbrush u can go home. thats the answer i get. So for me to continue reading is the only way to get an answer. One day I found a tampon wrapper in his trash in his room and i asked was your babys mom in your room he said no why would u ask me summin crazy like that. I said cuz i found a tampon wrapper in ur trash in your ROOM.. oh well she was prob changin her self while we were gettin the baby ready for the doctor. SO he denies until u can show him evidence... Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 My ex was the same way. Again, if you have proof without snooping, that's pretty much your answer right there. If you aren't on your period and you find a tampon wrapper... 10 out 10 chances are it ain't your guys wrapper. Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I'm a recovered paranoid overreactor...I went through a dark period years ago, and I remember what drove me, what I considered, and what I actually did. It really is frightening how looking for something that isn't there can become a very self-destructive obsession. For better or worse, you definitely understand the topic. If you ever drop by my house, I'm gonna have the Secret Service sweep the place for bugs after you leave. You'll always be the SnoopDawg to me. Link to comment
bichin Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 You were snooping, but you were searching for your own phone which is not the kind of snooping that's internally (and externally) damaging. Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I undestand i just know my guy is the type to give me the run around. i can ask him a direct question and he answers it with a question, or he gest defense and tries to flip it and turn it on me to make me the bad guy. So its hard when ur with a person that u cant get straight answers from. .... SO he denies until u can show him evidence... So, ah, why do you want to be in a relationship with someone you inherently can't trust, and who apparently can't respect you enough to be honest? If this is how you really feel about him, why are you even WITH him? What's the point? Because whether or not he's guilty of something, you are going to spend the rest of your life second-guessing him, or looking for *proof* that he's lying to you, again... WHY? Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 For better or worse, you definitely understand the topic. If you ever drop by my house, I'm gonna have the Secret Service sweep the place for bugs after you leave. You'll always be the SnoopDawg to me. You wound me sir. It was a lifetime ago, and I learned from the experience. I think it's important to be self-aware, and explore why we do the self-destructive things that we do. Link to comment
rocio Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 So, ah, why do you want to be in a relationship with someone you inherently can't trust, and who apparently can't respect you enough to be honest? If this is how you really feel about him, why are you even WITH him? What's the point? Because whether or not he's guilty of something, you are going to spend the rest of your life second-guessing him, or looking for *proof* that he's lying to you, again... WHY? Exactly.... Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 So, ah, why do you want to be in a relationship with someone you inherently can't trust, and who apparently can't respect you enough to be honest? If this is how you really feel about him, why are you even WITH him? What's the point? Because whether or not he's guilty of something, you are going to spend the rest of your life second-guessing him, or looking for *proof* that he's lying to you, again... WHY? That sounds awful. I'd rather leave someone than to constantly feel insecure with them and unsure if they are cheating on me! I'm also someone who worries about getting ill so I could never be with someone who I thought may cheat - STD risk!! I'd be checking my vag everyday. What sort of relationship is that? It's not worth it. Ever. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 So, ah, why do you want to be in a relationship with someone you inherently can't trust, and who apparently can't respect you enough to be honest? If this is how you really feel about him, why are you even WITH him? What's the point? Because whether or not he's guilty of something, you are going to spend the rest of your life second-guessing him, or looking for *proof* that he's lying to you, again... WHY? I couldn't ask the question better myself.... Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 u guys just cuz u have a problem trusting sumone doesnt mean u dont truly love them and want to be with them. i love this man more than life it self... me not trusting him doenst affect my love for him... and it might sound stupid.. my heart is far to deep into this to break up over not trusting. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 I disagree. If gut feelings were always right everyone would be a millionaire. assuming everyone wants to be a millionaire... Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 u guys just cuz u have a problem trusting sumone doesnt mean u dont truly love them and want to be with them. i love this man more than life it self... me not trusting him doenst affect my love for him... and it might sound stupid.. my heart is far to deep into this to break up over not trusting. Of course it doesn't mean you truly love them - but what it does mean is, the relationship is doomed. No trust equals a unhealthy realtionship. I know, I have walked in your shoes before. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Of course it doesn't mean you truly love them - but what it does mean is, the relationship is doomed. No trust equals a unhealthy realtionship. I know, I have walked in your shoes before. So question... I think i can over time learn to trust.. but do u think on his part he wont trust me? even tho i didnt do anything like cheating , etc.. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 So question... I think i can over time learn to trust.. but do u think on his part he wont trust me? even tho i didnt do anything like cheating , etc.. From my experience (and being in a similar situation to you) you can't trust once that trust has been broken. You just can't. The ONLY time you can is if the person who broke your trust is truly remoresful and works at not breaking your trust again - which this guy does not seem like he is. I don't know about him though. I wouldn't be able to trust my fiance if I found him going threw my things, no. Link to comment
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