Snowy Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Me and my girlfriend (now ex) were basically in a rut from the beginning of the year. The problem wasn't that big at the beginning (huge decrease in physical intimacy). But through a range of different situations, the rut deepened and deepened. It got to a point where we don't even touch each other and can't even keep a normal conversation going anymore. So about 2 days ago, she brought up the problem and asked me, "How can we fix this awkwardness?" I didn't know a viable solution so I haven't been able to give her an answer. But apparently, she only asked that to give ME the chance to initiate the break up. So today, we were going to tutoring together and she brought up the problem again and asked me, "It feels like we're only friends. How can we fix this?" and again...I just couldn't think of a viable solution. So then she gave me the, "Let's just be friends. That'll work." To be honest, I saw that coming from months away. I said, "Okay." Then, she asked me if I know the reason why she broke up with me, and I asked if she could just tell me. So she wrote on a piece of scrap paper "Don't you think you're too narrow-minded?" I asked her how so, and she gave me two examples: 1. She has this male friend who likes her a lot and pursues her. He calls her and makes Facebook statuses about her every day. She answers all his calls and presses "like" on his statuses. But according to her, he was just a friend and she has no interest in him. Well since she was MY girlfriend, it bothered me. So on NUMEROUS occasions, I've brought this problem up with my gf, but she always told me I was being too suspicious of everything and I shouldn't worry because nothing will happen between them. One day, this male friend decides to add me on Facebook. So I took the chance and told him to leave my girlfriend alone. Nothing changed. He didn't stop the calls. He didn't stop with the status updates. So after a while, I got his number (not from my gf) and texted him. Well after that, my gf knew about the texting. So today she said I was very narrow minded to text him. 2. Well another example of my "narrow-minded-ness" she gave me was that I arrived late (2 - 3 minutes late) about 3 times in the past 2 weeks when we meet up. (We see each other nearly every single day, routinely) Now heres the kick: She is late about 50% of the time, but I just let it slip. So today she tells me that just because she is late, doesn't mean I should be late as well. Honestly, I was just late because I slept in and didn't want to be late ON PURPOSE. But she thinks that I started being late because I'm very narrow-minded about her lateless. She says that instead of being late, I should tolerate her lateless. She also said that: It is perfectly okay for a girl to be late, but it is NOT okay for a guy to be late. Reason? Because girls have to wear their make-up, do their hair etc, and guys should always be on time and wait for the girl. _____________________ So yeah. I know she didn't break up just because of these issues. She probably lost physcial attraction and other stuff too. All I want to know is... Is her explaination of my "narrow-minded-ness" reasonable? Was I really being narrow minded in 1 and 2? Link to comment
Perrin83 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Well, it looks like you lucked out on this one! She sounds really immature. Link to comment
Glowguy Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Sorry to hear about the breakup. That was a pretty cold way for her to end it. It sounds like the relationship was on it's last legs though. Once you get shut out of the bedroom, it's really not worth continuing. I think you should have just broken it off a long time ago if she doesn't even want to touch you. I had to laugh at her examples of narrow-mindedness though. Those made no sense at all. Typical double standard BS that people say when they are breaking up. I think she probably had her eye on that guy and didn't like being called out on it. Now you can move on and find someone that actually wants to be with you. NC and forget about this one. Link to comment
Snowy Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 Well, it looks like you lucked out on this one! She sounds really immature. Immature agreed. Sorry to hear about the breakup. That was a pretty cold way for her to end it. It sounds like the relationship was on it's last legs though. Once you get shut out of the bedroom, it's really not worth continuing. I think you should have just broken it off a long time ago if she doesn't even want to touch you. I had to laugh at her examples of narrow-mindedness though. Those made no sense at all. Typical double standard BS that people say when they are breaking up. I think she probably had her eye on that guy and didn't like being called out on it. Now you can move on and find someone that actually wants to be with you. NC and forget about this one. You're right. In a way, I'm glad about the break up since I need physical initmacy in my relationships. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 This all sounds pretty middle school. I hate to say it, but cut your losses and move on, this chick is nowhere near ready to be in anything close to a relationship. Link to comment
Snowy Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 She is middle school LOL. Yeah I know. Unless she grows up, she's not going to last in any relationships. My only loss is that she is the hottest girl I've met lol. OH, and I just want to be a jerk for once and say that - her virginity felt great. Enjoyed it. Link to comment
bella1975 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Move on , she is not worth it for you! Link to comment
Snowy Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 Move on , she is not worth it for you! Sure will. thanks! Link to comment
quirky Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 I also agree that her examples of you being narrow minded are not very valid. She asked you a couple of times if you had any suggestions of how to fix/approach your problems and you had no suggestion. Am I right to assume you had lost interest and wanted to break up? Link to comment
Snowy Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 I actually wanted to fix up our relationship and get it out of the rut more than just to break up. But yes, I have lost some interest but not to the point of calling a break up, because I thought there was still hope. The reason why I said I didn't have a solution was because I think the only way to get the relationship back on track was that SHE needs to work on getting out physical intimacy back. But a few months ago, she said that her views on sex changed and she couldn't have sex with me anymore - at least until she's 17 - 18. So I have to compromise the sex. But the sex at the same time is actually a huge problem... So yeah. And as I said. Today she told me that the reason she didn't initiate the break up and asked me for a solution was to apparently save me the embarrassment of getting dumped. But I didn't take the hint to dump her, so she had to dump me today... Link to comment
bella1975 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Dear Snowy, How old are you? don't worry a lots of girls out there for you..just the matter of time.. I believed this forum, a lots of heartbroken ..you might know someone from here which there probably single like you too.. Don't look back, move forward and I wish the best for you..in future life & love life Link to comment
Snowy Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 I'm 16. Senior high school. Thanks. (: Wish you luck in your life also. Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I'm a woman and I am able to arrive places on time, and if I am running late, I text someone to let them now. It's just politeness. It sounds like she has issues with others controlling her. If my BF had an issue with another guy commenting on my facebook, or it was obvious this guy had a crush on me, if my BF had a problem with it, or even BEFORE he had a problem with it (if I had picked up on it) then I would totally limit my time with that person and ignore all of the comments. I would understand how he felt about some random guy commenting on my facebook, just as I would feel threatened if some girl was doing the same. She didn't want you to "control" her, so give her all the space in the world. She already sees you as controlling, and she's chosen to paint you with that brush, so only time and space will make her think differently. Her not wanting to have sex with you was a sign that she was losing interest in you, not the issue itself. Sounds like she's the one who lost out. Let her live with the consequence of breaking up with you, but really, free YOURSELF so that you can heal and be with someone that appreciates you. Link to comment
Snowy Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 Thanks dramallama. Love your posts. I have to spread some rep around before giving you rep lol. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I think she was just reaching for examples and excuses, and none of it holds any weight. IMO - she was out of line in her flirtation with this other guy. YOU were out of line in confronting him, however, as your real issue was with her - not him. BUT, she refused to acknowledge the inappropriateness of that "friendship", ignored your feelings on it, and was generally disrespectful. Most women will have a lap dog guy hanging around, but you don't encourage it when you're dating someone. Consider yourself lucky. She has a LOT of growing up to do. Link to comment
Snowy Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 I think she was just reaching for examples and excuses, and none of it holds any weight. IMO - she was out of line in her flirtation with this other guy. YOU were out of line in confronting him, however, as your real issue was with her - not him. BUT, she refused to acknowledge the inappropriateness of that "friendship", ignored your feelings on it, and was generally disrespectful. Most women will have a lap dog guy hanging around, but you don't encourage it when you're dating someone. Consider yourself lucky. She has a LOT of growing up to do. At the moment, I don't think she holds any interests in that guy. But she definitely likes the attention and the flirting. She has told me before that she NEVER liked this guy and NEVER will take an interest in him. To me, I think she just keeps him around for some ego boosting. But even if I know this, it still bothered me ya know? And if she wasn't going to do something to stop that, then I felt I had to take some initiative. Thanks Ariel Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 That's actually worse then, you know? Like she knew you were bothered by their friendship, even though she had no romantic feelings for him, yet she continued to play it up in front of you. Bad form on her part. I hate this kind of chick BS. Seriously. I still disagree it comes off badly to approach the other guy. He's really not your problem - she is. If anything, you doing this loses you a lot of power, as it makes you come off as insecure, and like your relationship is fragile enough that you're threatened. Which may be true, but why give someone else that knowledge? Your relationship needs to stay between you and the girl, and even if she's doing stupid crap like this, work it out with her. That's just my tip for the future. She's still a douche, btw. Link to comment
Snowy Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 lool yeah, sick of her BS. Yeah I know, she lead him on. (Even after numerous attempts asking her to stop it) I reckon she was more mature when she was 14. Literally. Link to comment
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