MasterPo Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Well .. I was at 17 months of NC. I was not healed but not moving on kind of place. Emo purgatory I suppose. WHEN.. my EX found me. I had zeroed her out; changed phone number, moved away, everything but Witness Protection. She found me and sent an email which I stupidly opened. It was rather sad, she was trying to find me for a long time apparently and the whole stinking thing put me back a bit. Not to square one but it did hurt me alot, she was basically remorseful and gave me her phone number. So it does happen. Not to give you false hope but I was certain she would never try to come back into my life. I suppose I will answer her when I feel I'm okay with being her friend. Until the day happens I won't. Deleted her number and message. I miss her alot and yeah, that "love" just blew out of my chest and it felt good. Maybe something will happen but I decided I needed to let someone else come into my life and I work towards that. Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 Sometimes I wonder if I would even have anything to say to him if he did try to speak to me, he seems like a stranger to me now and I wonder if I ever really knew who he was. The circumstances of our break-up will most likely not make for friendship one day which does sometimes make me a bit melancholy because I have been able to have such treasured friendships with two boyfriends from my past who I cared about so deeply. This is exacty how I feel about my ex... it's sad, how much can get destroyed by the way our ex's handle things when they break up with us! I never expected my ex to be capable of behaving like that towards me one day...guess, I never really knew his true character either.... Link to comment
Aether Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I guess it's the worry of him possibly thinking "ewww no I don't want anything to do with her anymore", like I'm some kind of disease or bad smell. Perhaps this is down to my negative thinking, this guy isn't a child, he is 32 years old and I always thought, intelligent and respectful. I hate thinking "who is this guy?" to myself...the way he has disappeared has been incredibly hurtful, even his sister in law who I thought was my friend seems to be staying away...I just don't get it. Link to comment
adamt Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I guess it's the worry of him possibly thinking "ewww no I don't want anything to do with her anymore", like I'm some kind of disease or bad smell. Perhaps this is down to my negative thinking, this guy isn't a child, he is 32 years old and I always thought, intelligent and respectful. I hate thinking "who is this guy?" to myself...the way he has disappeared has been incredibly hurtful, even his sister in law who I thought was my friend seems to be staying away...I just don't get it. like i said they will already have been thinking about dumping you before dumping you. they would have been wanting to do it for a while but dreading having to get around to doing it and tryign to find the right time. once done they feel a huge weight lifted off their shoulders. they will have been moving on before you go dumped. the chapter in their life has ended, they have cut all ties. only if something happens suddenly to make them dump you will they keep talkign to you Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 I guess it's the worry of him possibly thinking "ewww no I don't want anything to do with her anymore", like I'm some kind of disease or bad smell. Perhaps this is down to my negative thinking, this guy isn't a child, he is 32 years old and I always thought, intelligent and respectful. I hate thinking "who is this guy?" to myself...the way he has disappeared has been incredibly hurtful, even his sister in law who I thought was my friend seems to be staying away...I just don't get it. I feel the same about my ex sometimes...feeling as if he is happy to finally have got rid of me ... but we don't know what truly goes on in their minds and what their intentions are and I guess, we'll never find that out. Well, my ex is busy with persuing his new relationship and building up a new life with her, of course, there is no time left thinking about an ex... being replaced so easily is tough and sometimes still brings me down and makes me sad, but probably it's for the best like this. I hope that in time, he will only be a distant memory for me and that one day the memories and thoughts of him don't hurt at all anymore... I'm looking forward to that day! I wished, everything would be as easy for me, as it seems to be for my ex... I wished, I hadn't loved him soooo much.... Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 like i said they will already have been thinking about dumping you before dumping you. they would have been wanting to do it for a while but dreading having to get around to doing it and tryign to find the right time. once done they feel a huge weight lifted off their shoulders. they will have been moving on before you go dumped. the chapter in their life has ended, they have cut all ties. only if something happens suddenly to make them dump you will they keep talkign to you What do you mean by this, for example? But I agree, I guess in most cases, dumpers have made up their minds long before they break up with us...that is why it seems so easy for them and they appear cold and distand as if they don't care anymore... they just feel relieved that it's finally out... that's why they don't have the same difficulties in moving on and leaving the past behind as the dumpees have... and what makes everything even easier for them is, when they already have someone new waiting in line... this is what my ex told me, when he broke up with me. I told him, I wished everything would be as easy for me, as it is for you and his answer was...having someone new makes it easier... great! Link to comment
Daisy1889 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Ive been both the dumper and dumpee, and in all cases apart from one, I dont keep in touch as such... but if I do bump into them we have a catch up. Its a very different story with my most recent ex. But I'll get to that in a minute. I, like many of you, dont understand how you can just erase someone out of your life when you've shared so much. Even when its me who's done the dumping. I understand you need time to heal, and most of the time this involves cutting contact completely or to a minimum for a certain amount of time. But after that time has passed I cant understand why you would just not care about how they are or anything like that. If its an old friend you've drifted apart from, you still care about them to some degree. But, like I said, the only one I have no contact with is my most recent ex. It ended 2 years ago after he dumped me. We had an amazing relationship for 2 years and out of the blue he ended it, over the phone. Claimed he wanted to be single but then 6 weeks later he got a new girlfriend who he's been with ever since. He refused to meet up with me face to face after the break up so in some respects I feel I never got closure. He's never spoken to me since, and I sure as hell dont believe his reason for breaking up, so Ive always found it a little hard to say to myself 'he's and ex for a reason', or 'it was for the best', when as far as I was aware we had a good relationship. He occasionally comes into the bar I work at, sometimes with his girlfriend. Its an awful feeling. I feel so angry towards him, but confused at the same time because I deserved answers that I never got, and its just too late now to bring it up... and its just so sad that he's sometimes stood 2ft away from me and we're acting like strangers, even though for 2 years we did absolutely everything together and were best friends. I also wonder sometimes if he even feels awkward that we're physically so close to eachother, yet not speaking. Probably not. I remember at the time of the break up I said that if he came up to me in 10 years and said hi I would ignore him. And 2 years on I would probably say the same. Id love to get closure on the relationship but I dont think I could actually bring myself to talk to him now. Link to comment
Love1336 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Well this guy who was my friend for almost two years completely never talk to me again. We dated only for a month, and things got rocky because he was going away to college and he simply NEVER talk to me again. No break up text, no phone call. Zipo, NOTHING at all. Ive try to make contact with him. Asking him what happened? But no word from him. He went on his NC and remain there. Link to comment
Love1336 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Sometimes you have to make your own closure. Maybe he was cheating on you. Maybe everything wasn't so 'great'. You may never know. Link to comment
Love1336 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 What do you mean by this, for example? But I agree, I guess in most cases, dumpers have made up their minds long before they break up with us...that is why it seems so easy for them and they appear cold and distand as if they don't care anymore... they just feel relieved that it's finally out... that's why they don't have the same difficulties in moving on and leaving the past behind as the dumpees have... and what makes everything even easier for them is, when they already have someone new waiting in line... this is what my ex told me, when he broke up with me. I told him, I wished everything would be as easy for me, as it is for you and his answer was...having someone new makes it easier... great! OHHHHHHHHHHH. that's such a low BLOW. Thank gosh you are not with that loser anymore! Seriously! How he's going to to tell you that? Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 OHHHHHHHHHHH. that's such a low BLOW. Thank gosh you are not with that loser anymore! Seriously! How he's going to to tell you that? Yes, these words hurt me badly! On that very last phone call, he also said that I shall never call or write him again I found out later, while he was telling me this, his new gf was standing right beside him... at least that explains, why his voice was extremely cold and distant. I have never ever heard him talking to me with this cold voice, actually, I have never heard him talking like that to anybody else before... what shocked me most wasn't actually what he said, but how he said things... that was the last time I heard his voice, my last memory of his voice... luckily that memory is slowly fading... Link to comment
bec83 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 I'm the dumper and my ex sent me a message last week asking if we could be friends. I said it was up to him, but to be honest i feel awkward and guilty everytime i speak to him. It was a 'nice' split if you can call it that, we'd had a few breaks and it wasn't really working so he kinda accepted it. He did ring me that next day and beg me to change my mind though. I would say i don't really want to stay in contact until i can forgive myself for hurting him, but i will be there if he needs to talk to me.. which he knows. Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 I'm the dumper and my ex sent me a message last week asking if we could be friends. I said it was up to him, but to be honest i feel awkward and guilty everytime i speak to him. It was a 'nice' split if you can call it that, we'd had a few breaks and it wasn't really working so he kinda accepted it. He did ring me that next day and beg me to change my mind though. I would say i don't really want to stay in contact until i can forgive myself for hurting him, but i will be there if he needs to talk to me.. which he knows. Thanks for your post! How long was your break up ago? Link to comment
bec83 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 We were together 2 years and broke up a week and a half ago.. so early days still i guess! I haven't heard from hms since Wednesday, but i found out he had a date today so i think he's doing ok! Link to comment
pillowtalk Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Strangely enough, I'm actually friends with all my ex's. With most of them it has actually been a few years down the line when a friendship was formed. I have not wanted to reconcile with most of them, two wanted to reconcile with me, the rest felt the same way I did. I don't have tons of ex's but the ones I do have (apart from this most recent one who won't speak to me anymore.) half got back in touch with me and the others I contacted a few years later. With one in particular, many years ago now I was quite excited when he contacted me after two years. But boy had both of us changed! I met up with him and didn't f I think this is the most realistic scenario. It takes at least a year of no contact to let bygones be bygones, so you're able to reconnect without any awkwardness. I definitely would love to know how my ex is doing, and though I'm over him for the most part, not quite ready to pick up that phone and call him. He broke up with me about 6-7 months ago. Last time he texted me was about 6 weeks ago, prior to that, New Year's Eve. Most stories I've heard of ex's getting back in contact on good terms have been after MORE than a year of NC. Link to comment
msotaku Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 I've heard back from every single one of mine, the last one is an odd situatiion but we'll see. Most of them wanted to apologize for what happened and some wanted to get back together. For some it was a few months or a year or two for another it was almost ten years later. Unfortunately, by the time they did I was already over things and just mad they had to remind me of what happened because of their own guilt or stupidity. I find it's best not to wait for it or expect it though because even if it does happen it doesn't change anything. Link to comment
C_Unknown2005 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 I have to see my ex everyday due to class... I don't acknowledge her nor give her the time of day. I was the one that got dumped. Dosen't do me any good trying to be her friend since I gave her my heart and she messed it up. I was to good for her and deserve someone better. Sometimes it's just best to keep walking into the sun set and not worry about your ex. Time is to damn short and all you can do is push forward. I'm not waiting for her. I still look her dead in the eyes and show her the strength that I have discovered when she left, not say a single word to her and continue on with my day and you know what im alright with that Stop thinking about when your ex will contact you, you are the only one that can make you happy and in control of your life. C Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Be thankful you do not hear from them. they dumped you and will only cause you more pain if they do. Let go and accept it is over and that you can do better than worry if someone that doesn't want to be with you will contact you or not to friends, or out of guilt. It took me a long time to get to this point but I am really glad I am finally did. Link to comment
twitchyfingers Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Even though a little part of me still sometimes wishes I'd hear from him, mostly I'm relieved that I haven't had to deal with that situation. I think it would just stir up feelings that I've worked hard to sort out. I do know it is still too soon to even think about opening the door to a possible friendship, so I'm glad he is keeping out of my hair so I don't have to wrestle with my ambivalence. Sometimes I catch myself trying to second-guess what his reaction has been to No Contact, and why he's chosen to stay quiet (Is he feeling guilty? Does he just not care? Is he waiting for me to contact him?) but then I remind myself: it doesn't matter. What goes through his noggin is no longer my concern, and has NO impact on my pursuit of happiness. At 70+ days NC: Silence is golden! Link to comment
mad rabbits Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I haven't read this entire thread so apologies if someone else has already mentioned this... I seem to notice a pattern. The exes that people never heard from again were the ones that behaved badly in the relationship or the break up. I would say often guilt plays a part in never hearing from the again. Link to comment
Wakobu Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 It's been about a month for me after a year long relationship. Not sure if I'll ever hear from her again Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 hey guys believe me, especially if it didn't end that great you dont wanna hear from these people, i think ive said this before, i have a kid with my ex and am gonna see her for the rest of my life, at the moment its every week, and it kills me because she is an IDIOT and makes my blood boil now. If you never hear from then again be thankful that the pain fizzled away.....ive got a constant reminder of my ex and what she did to me every time i think of my son. God speed to all of you P.S one thing i have learnt is that we will leave the person we love, or they will leave us at some point in our lives...we will feel this pain or they will feel it at some point, no relationship will last forever because it is RARE that we will die the exact same time as the people we love causing no pain to eachother. get my drift. so it is inevitable, though not making it any easier, that someone at some point will actually leave. Jonesy Link to comment
Carus Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 This: I find it's best not to wait for it or expect it though because even if it does happen it doesn't change anything. And this: Be thankful you do not hear from them. they dumped you and will only cause you more pain if they do. If an ex wants to reconcile with you, it will become quite obvious fairly quickly... K2* 8) Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I've been the dumper in all of my relationships. Exes from back in the day I no longer care for and would never really talk to them again. I saw one that I dated 4 years back 2 months ago, we had an awkward hug and he said to me "This is so weird. How long has it been?", to which I answered "4 years". I said I had to go as he looked as his phone, not sure if he wanted to get my number or was about to say he had a call. It is extremely uncomfortable to see them after such a long time. The other ex I've never seen again but he's tried to reach me so many times but I've just ignored completely. The recent ex is the one that I'm trying to get over but if it were up to me, I wouldn't talk to them again. Some of the dumpees don't get it through their head that they got dumped and decide to contact you which makes you doubt your NC, and sometimes break it when the forms of contact are too dramatic. I hope I get over this last one soon. I'm starting to hate it. Link to comment
Oliviaa Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 It's been 7 months and nothing. Last month he got himself a new girlfriend (the "i love you"s were exchanged after a few mere days on facebook. that says it all ) but I've also starting dating a lovely man. Gotten to the point now that I know the chances are he WILL contact me one day, although he may not. In 6 months? A year? Never? Who knows. I haven't seem him since last August (2010). I've forgotten what he sounds like and even what he looks like - weird. As time goes on though I believe the liklihood of him contacting me will increase, and the liklihood of me wanting to contact him will decrease! Dumpees are forced to move on, and make their own happiness, and will end up not caring whether their exes get back in touch. Dumpers may be satisfied at first but as time goes on, I reckon they start to think of how we are doing without them, did they make the right choice etc. I've never been the dumper so IDK for sure and every situation is different I guess but these are my few thoughts Link to comment
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