Better to get it out there even if you think she likes you as a friend?

[finittz]

So this girl who I invited over once and almost twice (timing for me didn't work out, I was too busy that weekend). She came over last week for dinner, we made dinner together and had a good conversation. Went out for coffee and dessert after and continued a good conversation there too (I paid..) we were together for a good 6 hours. In the end I feel like she thought of it all as a friend thing, which to tell you the truth it kind of turned out to be. I could see myself doing that with a friend.

 

So anyways, I see her quite often during the week because she's in the same sports club as me (we're in University right now, she's a year younger than me). Valentines day is around the corner and I'm thinking of making a move by then...if anything's going to happen.

 

We always kind of tease each other, but the more I look into it it seems like that's the type of person she is and that flirting isn't necessarily only directed at me.

 

So now I'm thinking should I straight out ask her if she wants to go on a "date" with me? Because I feel if I say do you want to go "somewhere" with me it'll come off as a friend thing again.

 

FINALLY, we have a mutual friend who she talks to a lot. I could talk to him to see if she's mentioned anything. I could also ask him to look into it further, but it all feels so highschool. My only concern is that I see her almost everyday, so if things get awkward its going to be a long next few months seeing her almost everyday.

 

Any advice.. comments? Thanks!

[nutbrownhare]

Get it out there ... if you leave it for a long time and then bring it up, it will make things a lot more awkward. Well done for spotting that she's a flirtatious person and not reading too much into the teasing and banter, but if you ask the question very soon and get it over and done with - for better or worse, you know where you stand. Also, there's nothing wrong with being friends with the person you're dating

 

Don't ask your friend if she's mentioned anything. In fact, don't try to establish anything or communicate via a third party - much better to be direct and upfront. There's a lot of scope for miscommunication and misunderstanding otherwise!

 

And good luck!

[LAYAAN]

absolutely... I would not suffer in silence. I would at least let her know how I feel about her and then leave it to her to decide.

[Slagar]

Get it out there ... if you leave it for a long time and then bring it up, it will make things a lot more awkward.

 

Damn good advice. The longer you leave it, the harder it gets.

At this point, if you know she's not interested, you have invested very little energy in pursuing her or thinking about her, thus it'll be less of a big deal if she's not interested.

 

I'd ask her out again, and look for those subtle cues that say "she wants to take this further", and if you get them, make a move. It also helps that you send the right signals too - put yourself in a calm, confident mood, and be clear with yourself - "I want her". It could be that the thoughts of 'messing it up and having to see her all the time' are making you slightly nervous and send mixed signals.

 

Good luck

[In the Dark]

That's always the tough part.

Telling them.

Fear of the possible negative or unwanted response is the general issue.

[catfeeder]

I'd keep your private matters in your own hands--don't involve the friend. Even well-intentioned people have a way of messing things up, so it's never wise to allow others control over your most important outcomes. Putting someone in the middle positions them badly, and they end up two-faced no matter what they do. Nobody else can protect your privacy and promote your case in exactly the way you'd like, so deal with people directly and save your confidences for people who don't have a split interest.

[abitbroken]

I agree - don't involve other people. I would not ask her out for V-day because its a lot of pressure. I might ask her out on a "real date" though - not cooking dinner but going to a movie, etc. That way its a little more clear. I would also not just let her hang. If you asked her out last week, then ask her out again. And keep asking her out. I would try that a few times before a big confession.