SpottiOtti Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Hi everyone, please advise / talk sense into me / tell me I'm crazy / tell me I'm onto something here! Here is my "evidence". 1. For the past few weeks, he hasn't been texting me during the day to say hi, he's thinking of me, etc. At all. Prior to this, he consistently did so. I asked him about it, and he says he has just gotten busy at work. But he never was before, in the past 10 months we've been dating. 2. For the past few weeks, he has spent more nights at home than at my place. Which is also unusual. We've gone from spending 4-5 nights a week together to 2-3. Is this normal at this stage in our relationship, or . . . ? 3. Last night he told me flat out that he was staying at his place. Which is unusual; I work nights and usually he'll tell me to call or text when I'm off and if he's awake we talk or he comes over. Usually he's "asleep" these days, so he doesn't answer. 4. Today when we talked the first thing, I mean the very first thing he said to me is "What did you do last night?" Unusual. He never asks me what I do when we're not together. This was at like 5:45. I was supposed to call him after work around seven, but he called me at 6:52 to see if I was off yet. Also unusual. I feel like he's got a guilty conscience and is transferring it onto me. Does that make sense? 5. I feel that something is off. You know? But I don't have any direct evidence, just stuff like what I described above. This is driving me crazy. It's been a few weeks now that I've felt this way. Please help me, ENA'ers! Am I reading waaaay too much into small things, or what? Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I didn't see one thing there that suggests he is cheating. Maybe you are just slowing down out of the "honeymoon" stage. Maybe he really is getting busier at work. I know I'm busier at my job right now than I've ever been (and I've been there 4 years). I would relax. Unless something definitive comes up, nothing in your list shows he's cheating. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I do agree with Sanesoul. The actions you described are very typical of when the "honeymoon" phase wears off. How long have you guys been dating? Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 I'm relieved to hear both of you say that nothing I wrote is suggestive of cheating!!! We've been dating since last March. Link to comment
MyNinja Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I can understand your stress because I used to take the 'too many excuses', especially the "I'm busy at work" ones as something else might be going on. I stopped that because that makes me look as if I have trust and insecurity issues. The thing is, is that they truly might be busy, stressed, and/or tired. I wouldn't read too much into it though as you have no definitive proof of infidelity. Don't question and don't investigate. Continue your relationship and try not to stress. I think you two have just reached a phase were things are starting to settle down and become routine. Just as the others put it the "honeymoon" stage is long gone and things have calmed down. Good luck to you. I can totally relate to you as I've been in such a situation not too long ago. I thought my bf was cheating because he all of a sudden became busy and I rarely saw him for about a month. Turns out his mom was sick and she needed him and he was trying to work and go to school. He's an over-achiever and I didn't know that until he told me everything that he was trying to do in order to make a future with me. I know I won't get to see him as much as I want now, but I now I know why and I know he isn't cheating. I felt bad for accusing him. We just lacked in communication for a bit. If his communication with you is short, choppy or it seems he doesn't want to talk with you I would talk with him to see if everything is alright. Until we meet again... Link to comment
sunnyv Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Ah I have to disagree with most here. It sounds to me like he could be texting somebody else. Please be careful I could be wrong and I'm the first to say I could be wrong however the fact that he has slowed down on texting and is not staying over as much scares me a little. My ex did that and I ignored te sogns for a month and found out she cheated on me. I would say don't say anything to him dnt brin it up just keep watching his actions that will tellyou. Link to comment
floaterg Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 if he starts checking your cell phone i would definitely be suspicious...i've been there... Link to comment
sidehop Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Could be anything really, he is acting suspicious though it can be for number of reasons. But I do agree about #4, when someone is guilty or have done something out of the ordinary that usually transpires to questioning the partner who may be 100% innocent. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 It does take effort to see each other 4-5 times a week... socializing of any kind takes effort.... So if he genuinely has a job where work cycles and things get crazy sometimes, it might be that... so not necessarily cheating. And the relationship could be settling into a bit less intensity since the newness is wearning off... Also, does he suffer from depression at all? Some people cycle, especially during winter months and have less energy then, and hence less likely to socialize as much. I'd look for other signs like he stops seeing you on 'date' nights (Friday/Saturday) or goes incognito where he isn't where he says he will be, or disappears and refuses to answer texts or phone calls at 'normall' times when one should be able to pick up the phone and respond. Link to comment
mikem Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 If it continues to feel 'off' you might eventually hire a PI just to 'get the record straight'. Our intuitions can be surprising accurate. I'm not saying he is cheating, but sometimes when there is some immmediate 'dropp off', I know it can be unsettling. Especially if there is no apparent reason for it. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Thanks everyone for the replies. I appreciate your insight. I almost wanted to drive by his house last night because his phone was dead and I left him a message but he didn't call me back; I called a friend instead because I didn't want to act like a crazy person. We agreed to meet at our usual spot, and then I tried the BF one more time because I was worried, and he answered and was already at our spot. He apologized for being out of touch, and said he hadn't gotten my message and had been planning to call me at eleven (the time I usually get off). I met him and my other friend at our spot, and we hung out. Everything seemed normal, and he seemed normal. As far as date nights go, we do usually see each other on Fridays and Saturdays, unless he has to work on Saturday (sometimes happens). I also know from past experience that a cheater's phone will go off at all times of the day and night, and they will be sure to not check it in front of you, or if you ask who it is they will dissemble. And that doesn't happen. His phone goes off at normal times and not very often, and he always tells me who it is. Both of those facts are evidence in favor of him being faithful. I have also been tempted to check his phone but I know that's a slippery slope and I always think about how I would feel if he did that to me . . . IDK. More confused than ever. I feel okay on weekends when we're together, but during the week when he's at work and incommunicado, then it's 8 pm and I still haven't heard from him, I worry. I don't want him to feel like he has to check in on me, but I am having a hard time adjusting to the end of the honeymoon. Anyone know how to embrace the end of the honeymoon? Surely there are some good points to it? How can I stop being so insecure? I usually trust my gut, but I have trust issues and my intuition-meter is broken . . . Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 Can I assume the reason no one is posting on my thread is because you all think I am being ridiculous or don't have a real issue here? Or is this thread inappropriate for the Infidelity forum? Should I move it? Link to comment
karvala Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Can I assume the reason no one is posting on my thread is because you all think I am being ridiculous or don't have a real issue here? Or is this thread inappropriate for the Infidelity forum? Should I move it? It's fine for Infidelity, but I would say the reason there are no more posts is because it's asked-and-answered, i.e. you provided no real evidence of cheating, so there is nothing for anyone to say other than to express their default level of suspicion which varies somewhat from person to person. I will add one example Thanks everyone for the replies. I appreciate your insight. I almost wanted to drive by his house last night because his phone was dead and I left him a message but he didn't call me back; I called a friend instead because I didn't want to act like a crazy person. We agreed to meet at our usual spot, and then I tried the BF one more time because I was worried, and he answered and was already at our spot. He apologized for being out of touch, and said he hadn't gotten my message and had been planning to call me at eleven (the time I usually get off). I met him and my other friend at our spot, and we hung out. Everything seemed normal, and he seemed normal. You were very suspicious when he didn't call you back, but you resisted your suspicions (well done!) and sure enough it was totally innocent. Now suppose instead that you happened not to have agreed to meet at your usual spot, and so you would have had no way of knowing whether or not he was actually behaving perfectly normally. I imagine you would have been on here offering this as more evidence of his cheating, even though subsequently you have seen that in fact this wasn't so. Nothing in your original post was more suspicious than this, so I would say you have little reason to be suspicious at the moment. You should always keep your eyes open in a relationship, and be sensitive to changing patterns, but don't let that cross over into undue suspicion and paranoia. At the moment you have no real reason to suspect him, so don't. Such suspicions can be poisonous to a relationship. Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Can I assume the reason no one is posting on my thread is because you all think I am being ridiculous or don't have a real issue here? I read your post when it was almost brand new. My first reaction was that your suspicions were so unfounded as to not be worthy of a reply. Then I saw other people saying essentuially the same thing, so I let it go. Sometimes no news is good news, and this is probably one of those times. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I haven't read all the post. All I know is if you are into someone you want to spend more time with them or remind them no matter how busy you are. Get busy living your life and do things you want to do without him. Don't wait on someone who don't know what they want. Link to comment
PhilliesFan001 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I really don't see anything indicative of cheating; I don't think you have anything to worry about! Link to comment
mikem Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 You might want to check his cell phone records. You hate to 'snoop', but there sounds like something isn't quiet right here. If they aren't trustworthy, it's better to find out sooner then later. I had a girlfriend who was a cheater and she was very adept at covering her tracks. We had a LDR and there were a few times I could have checked her cell, but didn't. It would have saved me a lot of time. I eventually found out she was cheating, as one of her friends confirmed it for me, but I could have saved some time by being more pro-active finding out what was going on. When you take the 'mystery' out of it, it's like "Oh...that's what was going on..." The answer is usually not that complicated. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 Okay, cool. Thanks again you guys! I will try to keep my suspicions in check. It is very comforting to know that most of you think there is no basis for them. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.