SmilingKatty Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 As the title says, I am unwilling to move, because I fear losing my friends. I must say, that I am a very pesimistic person and the idea of living in a foreign country without any friends beside my partner, and losing my friends at home by my absence is downright scary. Because - what if we break up in the end and I will be alone...? Is this kind of thinking a bad sign for the future with him? Do you have similar feelings? Or how do you deal with friends, if you have already moved? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 Your concerns could be very valid. What's the background on your relationship. Is this someone you know well, have a foundation of shared experiences and have spent a lot of time with? Where did you meet him, how long have you loved him, and what were the circumstances that separated you? Link to comment
gymratski Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 Moving to a foreign country with my love is like my dream come true! You get to start a whole new life in a whole new place with someone you care about! Friends will be there when you move back if it doesn't work out and who cares if it doesn't? It's worth a try! I'm jealous, lol. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 what country would you be moving to? While normally i would say- just go and meet new friends, talk to the old ones on facebook, etc.... i can see if you are moving to a totally different culture that this can be hard. especially if you don't speak the language they do. If you are moving somewhere, you can of course, take language lessons, sign up for classes, meet up groups, etc.... what is your partner doing to help ally your fears? Is he your bf or your husband? Link to comment
Aether Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 You know what, I wish I had those thoughts last year before I did just that, I moved to his country, different culture, different language and I couldn't make friends, it was very very hard, I am very shy though and I lack confidence but despite that I fell head over heels for him and just did it. We broke up 18 months later and I'm back in my own country, I got incredibly alienated and depressed, having said that...my ex was not very supportive, if you do go make sure he is the type to give you all the support you need, I feel if I'd had this from mine I would still be there now... Link to comment
sweetpea03 Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 As the title says, I am unwilling to move, because I fear losing my friends. I must say, that I am a very pesimistic person and the idea of living in a foreign country without any friends beside my partner, and losing my friends at home by my absence is downright scary. Because - what if we break up in the end and I will be alone...? Is this kind of thinking a bad sign for the future with him? Do you have similar feelings? Or how do you deal with friends, if you have already moved? I think your concerns are valid and you should be careful. How long have you been with your boyfriend? Have you spend a lot of time together in person/know each other well? What country are you moving to? Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Thank you all to your answers. Aether: I am sorry it didn´t work out for you - but if the guy was like that, maybe you are better without him... To answer the questions: we know each other for four months, but we know, that the relationship has a big potential and I can see myself having children with him... The moving to him wouldn´t happen for at least two-three years (and it would be to a country with similar culture but not with the language I can speak). But I was told, that it is important at the beginning of LDR (where we are right now) to decide, who is going to move to whom and when... we talked about the future recently - and we decided to move to an English speaking country, which would lose the language problems, but not my worries concerning losing the support of my friends and family... This is just such a big mess!!! And I care about him so much... Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Friends will be there when you move back if it doesn't work out and who cares if it doesn't? It's worth a try! I think, that if moving out of the country, I would lose most of my friends - when you aren´t in contact and doing things together it is very easy to lose connection, that held you together... (I can see it already now, after I had moved to a different city to study, that it is difficult to hold onto a friendship when being apart...) Link to comment
sweetpea03 Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 You have not been together long at all. Have you met in person? Knowing someone in person is different than knowing someone over the phone or internet. You may think he is great on paper, but how he is in person may be totally different. I would not move unless you know him in person. Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 SweetPea: thank you for your answer. I know him in person - we met during a stay abroad and we are going to live together for two weeks because of the problems with accommodation, while being stressed over exams - so that will be in my opinion a very revealing experience concerning our characters Link to comment
oscuro Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I can't comment on this LDR of yours but I will comment on the experience of moving far away from current friends. I've done this a few times in my life. From my home town and then to Boston. Then Boston to L.A. It can be difficult but it's also unique. You make MORE friends. You've got your home town friends. Friends in a new city. Friends all over and of course you'll always miss them when you leave but that's the point. That's why they're important. I would add though, you may have an easier time making friends if your partner can guide you. When you're alone in a new city, it's a terribly different experience. Remember, you're not losing any friends. You're going to make new ones. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 It's valid concerns, especially if you are moving to another country were they don't speak the same language. I pulled a lucky card I suppose, I'm moving from the States to the UK and while the culture IS vastly different in some ways, others it's really not and I can at least still understand them (unless they have a horrible thick English accent I am super close to my family and friends and that's why in the beginning we were discussing him moving here so I wouldn't have to leave them. But after awhile I realized I could be living in a country I always wanted to live in. Am I going to miss my family and friends? Sure! But there are many ways to stay in contact nowadays: web cam, skype, facebook, email... it's not the same as person to person but you won't lsot that connecting either. And there is a simple motto I follow with friendship: If the friendship wouldn't survive a accross-the-world move, then was it really friendship to begin with? My best friend and I may not get to hang out or even talk every day but at the end of the day, we both know the other will be there, even with a five hour time difference. Not to say these aren't valid concerns and if you def. feel you can't handle being away from friends then you shouldn't move. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Keep in mind that your friends also may move away so nothing is constant. I moved as a newlywed and a new mom hundreds of miles away after living in my hometown four decades (my whole life). I moved because of my husband's job but we had been long distance for much of our 3 year relationship (although known each other many years and dated many years ago). I was a social butterfly in my hometown. What I did-before I moved I got in touch with as many friends of friends as possible, my husband also got to know people(also a new city for him!) and after I moved I made sure to get involved to the extent possible -I met people through reigious services, mommy groups, through work and personal friends(I was a full time mom though). I keep in touch with my hometown friends via phone and email. I would not have moved unless we were at least engaged with a wedding date -not because of leaving friends/family but because moving is a big deal -emotionally, logistically, practically, financially. That's just my personal experience and opinion. Good luck! Link to comment
thejigsup Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 When I was only 22, I move to Canada to be with the bf I had at the time (he was Canadian). I had a blast and stayed longer than I had originally planned to. I had thought I would stay maybe 5-6 months but I ended up staying a year. He moved back to L.A. a few months after I went home, but the relatinship eventually ended. Still, I wouldn't change that time in my life for anything! Link to comment
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