My Views On Sex Make Me Feel Very Un-American...Am I Alone?

[Capricorn3]

I have experienced an orgasm

have access to information regarding its benefits and whatnot thanks to its history and literature .

Again, having an orgasm and reading literature about sex, is still NOT having sex, or actually experiencing the physical act of sex.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Not discussing the making love thing again. I'm cool with OG and respect her challenge to my assertions lol. She brings it and that's a good thing. Now with regard to your marriage meaning nothing, please go back and read where you asked me for my opinion and how I gave it to you. My intention was to answer a question that was asked and I have no control over what you believe my intentions to have been.

 

And that answer was very judgmental.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by Cognitive_Canine The average is 6-8 lifetime partners for men and 4 for women.

I've read those numbers but they seem low according to most I know. My number is higher than the highest number for men.

Guess I'm on the low end there...

[newwave]

Was the sex good? Do you regret any of it?

 

If yes and no, respectively, you shouldn't worry about averages. I was just trying to make a point that our culture isn't running wild anymore than it always has been.

 

Some yes, some no. My biggest regrets are the situations where I loved the guy but to him I was just a plaything. Oddly the fwb have no bad feelings at all.

[OptomisticGirl]

Not discussing the making love thing again. I'm cool with OG and respect her challenge to my assertions lol. She brings it and that's a good thing. Now with regard to your marriage meaning nothing, please go back and read where you asked me for my opinion and how I gave it to you. My intention was to answer a question that was asked and I have no control over what you believe my intentions to have been.

 

Is bring it a good thing?

 

Playing the devil's advocate here, but if you answered the question, is that not your view on it? Just curious.

[Dragunov-21]

2-3??? No, this is definitely not the case.

 

Maybe all your friends are just easy...

 

And for the record, your drug argument falls flat when you realise that people who've never touched a drug besides alcohol in their life lecture those who are a little more educated and/or experienced, bringing out all the mottos they've heard over the years. You know what happens? The more educated people generally get PO'd because the "virgins" are talking out their asses and making fools of themselves.

 

Unless you've experienced something enough to make an educated judgment, don't act holier-than-thou when you're talking to people who have. It makes you look silly.

[RougeKali823]

Rouge, you said marriage is not a marriage if you have had sex before it. That's very judgemental. I'm not saying you are judgmental in your views but the way you EXPRESS them yes, you are. No we don't know you which is why you have to be careful how you word things other wise people get the wrong impression.

 

Usually people PM me for clarification if they misunderstand a response. Something is always lost in text so I don't worry about it. If you believe my views to be judgmental then I really don't know what to tell you. I will reiterate that I stand by them though and that you should and continue doing what you think is right. I don't live your life.

[OptomisticGirl]

Usually people PM me for clarification if they misunderstand a response. Something is always lost in text so I don't worry about it. If you believe my views to be judgmental then I really don't know what to tell you. I will reiterate that I stand by them though and that you should and continue doing what you think is right. I don't live your life.

 

*sigh*

 

For the LAST time, I did not say your views are judgmental. You tell us to reeread posts please do the same. I said your views are not judgemental but the way you express them are. Not the same thing.

[RougeKali823]

Is bring it a good thing?

 

Playing the devil's advocate here, but if you answered the question, is that not your view on it? Just curious.

 

Yes, it is lol! I like active debates. I answered the question but I can't control how someone feels about my answer. This is a sensitive topic so I expected that someone would dislike me afterward.

[RougeKali823]

*sigh*

 

For the LAST time, I did not say your views are judgmental. You tell us to reeread posts please do the same. I said your views are not judgemental but the way you express them are. Not the same thing.

 

Point taken. I tend to go hard (my field involves this kind of debate) so sometimes I come accross as a lot more harsh than I am.

[OptomisticGirl]

Yes, it is lol! I like active debates. I answered the question but I can't control how someone feels about my answer. This is a sensitive topic so I expected that someone would dislike me afterward.

 

Well maybe you could have worded it differently than simply saying 'people who have sex before marriage, there marriage means nothing.' That would be like me telling you your relationship is not a 'full' relationship because you haven't had sex. You DO have a full relationship even without sex.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Again Floridaman, I respect you and I think you're inspiring for really carrying about that intimate connection. I think when we know better then we do better and you're a married man and actively working on making your union a more perfect one. Not a lot of guys are doing that. Have you see Fireproof?

No, I haven't seen the movie. I think my wife may have that book but it's been packed in a box. We may have the DVD (packed too).

If not, I plan to secure it as I've heard it's really good and could be very helpful to couples.

 

Thanks for the support here.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Well maybe you could have worded it differently than simply saying 'people who have sex before marriage, there marriage means nothing.' That would be like me telling you your relationship is not a 'full' relationship because you haven't had sex. You DO have a full relationship even without sex.

I don't recall that specific phrasing.

Maybe you implied it from her statements. I dunno.

[RougeKali823]

Well maybe you could have worded it differently than simply saying 'people who have sex before marriage, there marriage means nothing.' That would be like me telling you your relationship is not a 'full' relationship because you haven't had sex. You DO have a full relationship even without sex.

 

Go to page 12-I never phrased it that way.

[OptomisticGirl]

Originally Posted by Cognitive_Canine

Wow, so marriage means basically nothing without waiting?

To me, yeah. I mean sex and cohabiting before marriage and then getting married are like buying home owner's insurance in order to practice being a homeowner when you rent an apartment.

 

CC asked you if marriage means basically nothign without waiting, you said yes which implies if you have sex before marriage your marriage is nothing.

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't recall that specific phrasing.

Maybe you implied it from her statements. I dunno.

 

It wasn't the exact wording word for word but she was aked a valid question and responded by agreeing with the question.

[RougeKali823]

It wasn't the exact wording word for word but she was asked a valid question and responded by agreeing with the question.

 

Yeah, I used an analogy to answer a question. If someone is relying on that as evidence for me being judgmental then I can't help that.

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah, I used an analogy to answer a question. If someone is relying on that as evidence for me being judgmental then I can't help that.

 

Not taslking about the analogy Rouge. CC specificly asked you if you viewed the marriage of those who didn't wait as nothing? You replied 'to me, yeah'. Your analogy was not judgemental. You stating a marriage is nothing if you don't wait was.

[RougeKali823]

Actually, I have to agree with Kali here...Having sex doesn't suddenly give you a sexual wisdom you could not have before (specially if you have done anything but sex thing). I was a sexual being and watching porns way before I have sex in real. Having sex (any kind of sex) didn't really change me much, except it made me even hornier.

 

Kali, I understand that you feel alone for having your point of view (as I've felt the same a lot of times for other things) and I don't think you have to even respect other people's opinion or find them right. You just have to learn to accept what it is, find ways to deal with it, and perhaps learn how to advertise your point of view without being offensive.

 

This point was lost in the sauce-point well taken.

[ClarenceRutherford]

It wasn't the exact wording word for word but she was aked a valid question and responded by agreeing with the question.

Sounds like an assumption here.

Posters have gone on and on and taken personally the OP's statements and questioned every statement - even claiming she can't speak about sex bec. she's a virgin.

 

So the non-virgins here can't speak about virginity in any authoritative way?

They haven't waited like her much the same the virgin here hasn't had sex, correct?

 

So what's the point in this endless argument?

I see it's settling so maybe I shouldn't have said this.

 

Wow. Post #246? My email box has been filled with 100s of notifications of this argument. My apologetic posts about my past I'm not supposed to be ashamed of was just a side light I guess.

[OptomisticGirl]

Sounds like an assumption here.

Posters have gone on and on and taken personally the OP's statements and questioned every statement - even claiming she can't speak about sex bec. she's a virgin.

Well, the non-virgins here can't speak about virginity in any authoritative way either, right?

They haven't waited much the same the virgin here hasn't had sex, correct?

So what's the point in this endless argument?

I see it's settling so maybe I shouldn't have said this.

 

What is this, post #246? How come my email box has been filled with 100s of notifications of this argument?

 

An assumption implies someone inferred. I did not. CC asked a question pertaining to something and Rouge answered with a 'yes, to her it was viewed that way' To me, that is saying that is her view point. You don't agree with a question unless it's what you believe in.

 

I take statments personally when people are being judgemental yes. Did she mean to be? Maybe not.

 

No, I lost mine when I was 14. I may not be a virgin but I do know the importance of it BECAUSE I lost it so young. And I'm sorry, but until you experience sex you really can't know of it. Orgasm and sex are two separate things. I can advocate drugs are bad for you but I have never done them, I can't tell someone who has they are wrong for doing it because I have never experienced it.

[RougeKali823]

Sounds like an assumption here.

Posters have gone on and on and taken personally the OP's statements and questioned every statement - even claiming she can't speak about sex bec. she's a virgin.

Well, the non-virgins here can't speak about virginity in any authoritative way either, right?

They haven't waited much the same the virgin here hasn't had sex, correct?

So what's the point in this endless argument?

I see it's settling so maybe I shouldn't have said this.

 

What is this, post #246? How come my email box has been filled with 100s of notifications of this argument?

 

Exactly. It wasn't a hard battle to wage since I made my beliefs clear from the start. No one is an authority. I have my beliefs and stand by them as everyone else does to theirs. I think people taking my arguments personally is why things got confusing. You have to let your argument stand and not let emotional responses labor for you, in order to be understood. It's cool though lol. This has been very lively. I won't be discussing this tomorrow/today. So to whoever picks this up "be gentle with her." Nite.

[ClarenceRutherford]

An assumption implies someone inferred. I did not. CC asked a question pertaining to something and Rouge answered with a 'yes, to her it was viewed that way' To me, that is saying that is her view point. You don't agree with a question unless it's what you believe in.

 

I take statments personally when people are being judgemental yes. Did she mean to be? Maybe not.

 

No, I lost mine when I was 14. I may not be a virgin but I do know the importance of it BECAUSE I lost it so young. And I'm sorry, but until you experience sex you really can't know of it. Orgasm and sex are two separate things. I can advocate drugs are bad for you but I have never done them, I can't tell someone who has they are wrong for doing it because I have never experienced it.

I was right. There is a lot of defensiveness in this threat. And maybe the OP shouldn't have phrased some things in the best way- as some other posters (myself included) have done in other threads on other topics... but to drag this on and on?

 

Okay, she hasn't the experiences you have. And maybe she shouldn't have gone along with the fight.

I'm surprised this thread wasn't shut down earlier as it was mostly endless argument.

 

My point and newwave's appear to have gotten lost in the muck.

[newwave]

I was right. There is a lot of defensiveness in this threat. And maybe the OP shouldn't have phrased some things in the best way- as some other posters (myself included) have done in other threads on other topics... but to drag this on and on?

 

Okay, she hasn't the experiences you have. And maybe she shouldn't have gone along with the fight.

I'm surprised this thread wasn't shut down earlier as it was mostly endless argument.

 

My point and newwave's appear to have gotten lost in the muck.

 

That it did and both of our points are very valid. I'm often asked if I would like to be a virgin and am mixed. I guess I wished I chose better partners in a few of my cases. In my early day's of dating I thought sex early was a good idea to see if we were compatible sexually. Instead sex made it worse. In many cases it didn't allow me to see the real relationship, other times the sex became the only point of it. I can't help but wonder if a few of those people in this thread will feel like I do in the future. If I had chosen better things would be different. I'd probably be with the one I want instead of the losers (and yes they were losers) I dated.

[OptomisticGirl]

That it did and both of our points are very valid. I'm often asked if I would like to be a virgin and am mixed. I guess I wished I chose better partners in a few of my cases. In my early day's of dating I thought sex early was a good idea to see if we were compatible sexually. Instead sex made it worse. In many cases it didn't allow me to see the real relationship, other times the sex became the only point of it. I can't help but wonder if a few of those people in this thread will feel like I do in the future. If I had chosen better things would be different. I'd probably be with the one I want instead of the losers (and yes they were losers) I dated.

 

Do you feel this for all your past sexual relationships NW are just the losers?