My Views On Sex Make Me Feel Very Un-American...Am I Alone?

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah, no one should really be bashing anyone.

 

It's not that I can't wait. I very much can. I just don't see the point in waiting and don't think it's a good idea for me to wait.

 

I agree. No one is in the wrong for doing what they want. I like you CC just don't think waiting is for me, it's not. Doesn't make me wrong anymore than it does someone who waits.

[RougeKali823]

Yeah, no one should really be bashing anyone.

 

It's not that I can't wait. I very much can. I just don't see the point in waiting and don't think it's a good idea for me to wait.

 

I really do think it's giving in and if it works then I say go for it. I just don't always see the point of then marrying afterward because you aren't really wedding anything but your names on a legal document.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I really do think it's giving in and if it works then I say go for it. I just don't always see the point of then marrying afterward because you aren't really wedding anything but your names on a legal document.

 

I think that marriage is a lot more than being able to have sex and legal documents.

[ClarenceRutherford]

OG, I'm not siding with you in your disagreement with Rouge, but I think it's special you two are doing this.

Our premarital counseler in the Catholic church my wife attended that we got married in recommended we cool sex a year before the wedding... which we did. We still spent evenings together in bed on weekends (we were in an LDR) but no more sex for a while... That period of waiting I think helped us.

 

I said I was a born-again virgin in my 20s. In my 30s, as I got more lonely and felt I had missed out on some things in life, I regretably didn't follow that path as closely... It was monogomous sex and only with my GF/fiance...

[RougeKali823]

That's great! I do think that if my parents had talked to me about sex, like your mom had, I wouldn't have had to learn about most of it on my own and would've gone about things differently. That said, I don't regret any of the times I've had sex.

 

I understand that, I have a lot of friends who feel like you do. Their parents just assumed that they'd figure it out. That's really unfair and it's been pretty hard for some of my friends to navigate intimacy as a result because they are really in search of answers.

[Sparkly Eyes]

If I love someone and am attracted to them, I can't wait for marriage and I see no shame in that. Sex is way too good to waste time not having it with someone you love!

[Cognitive_Canine]

OG, I'm not siding with you in your disagreement with Rouge, but I think it's special you two are doing this.

Our premarital counseler in the Catholic church my wife attended that we got married in recommended we cool sex a year before the wedding... which we did. We still spent evenings together in bed on weekends (we were in an LDR) but no more sex for a while... That period of waiting I think helped us.

 

I said I was a born-again virgin in my 20s. In my 30s, as I got more lonely and felt I had missed out on some things in life, I regretably didn't follow that path as closely... It was monogomous sex and only with my GF/fiance...

 

I don't understand why you have such an apologetic and shameful view of your past. You don't need to explain yourself to us. =)

[RougeKali823]

I think that marriage is a lot more than being able to have sex and legal documents.

 

I mean if sex is esssential to compatibility then isn't it. I mean to me it's really about wedding two people emotionally, spiritually and physically and IMO I don't see that happening or being special when two people have been living together and sleeping together prior to. I know just from our close calls that I'll exhale after our first time because I'll know that I gave all of me to someone and now I'm starting a new life living with him and growing. It'd feel like the countdown till midnight but on January 2nd to me if I did it any other way.

[RougeKali823]

I don't understand why you have such an apologetic and shameful view of your past. You don't need to explain yourself to us. =)

 

Again Floridaman, I respect you and I think you're inspiring for really carrying about that intimate connection. I think when we know better then we do better and you're a married man and actively working on making your union a more perfect one. Not a lot of guys are doing that. Have you see Fireproof?

[OptomisticGirl]

I really do think it's giving in and if it works then I say go for it. I just don't always see the point of then marrying afterward because you aren't really wedding anything but your names on a legal document.

 

That statement somewhat implies Rouge that you only view marriage as a means to 'legally' and 'morally' have sex. Marriage is more than just having sex and putting your names to a piece of a paper.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I guess I just view marriage differently.

 

Some marriages mean absolutely nothing and sometimes it's a perfect ray of human beauty and excellence. It's about how the two individuals involved define it.

[ClarenceRutherford]

That's great! I do think that if my parents had talked to me about sex, like your mom had, I wouldn't have had to learn about most of it on my own and would've gone about things differently. That said, I don't regret any of the times I've had sex.

+1.

I never had sex ed. in school and TBH, it may have been worse had I gone through that as I generally take that such "education" is just how to put a condomn on this and that... nothing about consequences, the morality of it all, what could happen re: you wanting to go to college if you get your GF pregnant, or the idea of holding off until you're ready, or even just caring for your partner and her feelings, from what I hear and read.

[RougeKali823]

If I love someone and am attracted to them, I can't wait for marriage and I see no shame in that. Sex is way too good to waste time not having it with someone you love!

 

We have the potential to love many, many people. I think that this thinking is why herpes and other STD's are so rampant.

[Cognitive_Canine]

+1.

I never had sex ed. in school and TBH, it may have been worse had I gone through that as I generally take that such "education" is just how to put a condomn on this and that... nothing about consequences, the morality of it all, or the idea of holding off until you're ready, from what I hear and read.

 

My sex ed was abstinence only. We didn't learn about any means of contraceptive. It was a gigantic scare tactic.

[OptomisticGirl]

+1.

I never had sex ed. in school and TBH, it may have been worse had I gone through that as I generally take that such "education" is just how to put a condomn on this and that... nothing about consequences, the morality of it all, or the idea of holding off until you're ready, from what I hear and read.

 

No, I was never told to hold off with it during sex ed but I was taught you know how things work, why thigns work, how to protect yourself. It mainly should be about protecting yourself.

[RougeKali823]

That statement somewhat implies Rouge that you only view marriage as a means to 'legally' and 'morally' have sex. Marriage is more than just having sex and putting your names to a piece of a paper.

 

I do IF the couple has already had sex or been living together. If you've waited I view it as a physical, emotional and spiritual union.

[Cognitive_Canine]

We have the potential to love many, many people. I think that this thinking is why herpes and other STD's are so rampant.

 

The reasons herpes and other STD's are rampant is because a lack of awareness about testing and protection.

[OptomisticGirl]

We have the potential to love many, many people. I think that this thinking is why herpes and other STD's are so rampant.

 

No, STDs are rampant because people are ill informed of them and don't take the precaution to protect themselves. Has nothing to do with having sex in general.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I do IF the couple has already had sex. If you've waited I view it as a physical, emotional and spiritual union.

 

Wow, so marriage means basically nothing without waiting?

[RougeKali823]

No, STDs are rampant because people are ill informed of them and don't take the precaution to protect themselves. Has nothing to do with having sex in general.

 

But everyone's just testing out their compatibility though aren't they?

[OptomisticGirl]

I do IF the couple has already had sex. If you've waited I view it as a physical, emotional and spiritual union.

 

It's still a bonding of two human souls into a sacred commitment though. The whole 'being a virgin on your wedding night' dates back to when women were property and their virginity was what finally sealed the deal. If you truly love someone and want to spend the rest of your lives with them it doesn't matter WHEN you have sex. Sex is just an extension of your feeligns for that person, a way physically to show them how you feel.

[Sparkly Eyes]

We have the potential to love many, many people. I think that this thinking is why herpes and other STD's are so rampant.

 

Honestly, I'd rather have herpes than not have sex for years until I'm married or to rush into marriage just because of sex. I don't advocate promiscuity, but sex between two people who love and enjoy each other is a beautiful thing IMO, not to mention loads of fun. If they are careful, not rush into bed and get tested before sleeping together, things will be fine in terms of STDs.

[ClarenceRutherford]

My fiance isn't a virgin but he's been abstaining for our entire relationship (four years). He waited for his ex as well so this isn't new to him really. His father waited for his mother and he thinks it's the right way to do things. It has NOT been easy and I have been tempted but we've decided to take certain precautions to ensure that we do it right so that his son doesn't think you move women in and start having sex with them before you marry them.

That must take a lot of restraint, patience and maturity. As you go about this, you're understanding what life is like as well. It's often more than what we think or say it should be. Quite a bit different to put it into practice sometimes.

[Cognitive_Canine]

But everyone's just testing out their compatibility though aren't they?

 

Nope, some people are just having sex to have sex.

 

And, that's just fine by me.

[OptomisticGirl]

But everyone's just testing out their compatibility though aren't they?

 

Yes but there is a difference in testing that compability responsibily and doing it like an idiot. You can test your compatability with 100 men if you want but as long as you are on BC and use a condom and are properly informed you are doing it responsible. Have sex with 100 men without a condom, you are doing more than comparing compatability. You are risking your health.