My Views On Sex Make Me Feel Very Un-American...Am I Alone?

[OptomisticGirl]

Agree on the sacred bonding.

Not everyone will be virgins when they marry, of course, and no one should expect everyone to live their lives that way, but it should be considered a postiive thing, no?

 

A lot of things date back to when women were property, like taxes, the need to work for a living, preparing meals, washing clothes, etc., so no need to link virginity to some outdated concept.

 

I didn't mean it was an outdated concept, it's not. It's a choice and one that should be respected. However, being a virgin on your WEDDING NIGHT is an outdated concept. You don't need to be but still, it's a choice.

[Lonewing]

Yes but they aren't the NORM for the whole of the world! Of course there are those who go way out there in sex and have like 40 parnters by the time they are 22 but your average person doesn't! You are talking about an extreme.

 

hehe, in the western world...it is. And as optimistic as you'd like to be, which I cannot blame you one bit, I hate to have to be more realistic, but it's not getting prettier. I'd estimate my work group average at the mid teens or high 20s. The number one reason is the prevelence of the one night stand, a strong practice in bar/club/party social behavior.

[RougeKali823]

To know what the high feels like, yes.

 

False and dangerous. Again my mom is a doctor and even in theory (my field) this doesn't make sense. This is a digression getting back to the topic.

[Cognitive_Canine]

hehe, in the western world...it is. And as optimistic as you'd like to be, which I cannot blame you one bit, I hate to have to be more realistic, but it's not getting prettier. I'd estimate my work group average at the mid teens or high 20s. The number one reason is the prevelence of the one night stand, a strong practice in bar/club/party social behavior.

 

Actually, the numbers have gone down a lot since the 60's.

[Cognitive_Canine]

False and dangerous. Again my mom is a doctor and even in theory (my field) this doesn't make sense. This is a digression getting back to the topic.

 

In order to know how you will respond to sex, you need to have sex.

 

Sorry, but there is no getting around that.

 

Quit telling people how they are and what their relationships mean. It's just not your place.

[OptomisticGirl]

hehe, in the western world...it is. And as optimistic as you'd like to be, which I cannot blame you one bit, I hate to have to be more realistic, but it's not getting prettier. I'd estimate my work group average at the mid teens or high 20s. The number one reason is the prevelence of the one night stand, a strong practice in bar/club/party social behavior.

 

I'm from the western world. I live in the South. Believe me, the norm for people is not a high amount of parrners. In certain circles it is, like those who like clubbing or what not I suppose. It all depends on the person. I may be optimistic but I'm realistic as well. You are talking about an extreme that doesn't define the average day to day person.

[RougeKali823]

No but you need first hand knowledge of crack before juding a crack addict for their addiction.

 

I don't judge crack addicts. It's a debilitating addiction and I know that a depression or some other malady often precipitates their addictions. Nothing that crippling just happens. I am very sympathetic to them without having ever used crack.

[OptomisticGirl]

False and dangerous. Again my mom is a doctor and even in theory (my field) this doesn't make sense. This is a digression getting back to the topic.

 

How can you know what a high feels like without experiencing it????

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't judge crack addicts. It's a debilitating addiction and I know that a depression or some other malady often precipitates their addictions. Nothing that crippling just happens. I am very sympathetic to them without having ever used crack.

 

I was using it as an analogy. You can't judge a crack addict without knowing their addiction the same way you can't judge someone for having sex without experiencing it yourself first.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm from the western world. I live in the South. Believe me, the norm for people is not a high amount of parrners. In certain circles it is, like those who like clubbing or what not I suppose. It all depends on the person. I may be optimistic but I'm realistic as well. You are talking about an extreme that doesn't define the average day to day person.

 

The average is 6-8 lifetime partners for men and 4 for women.

[RougeKali823]

In order to know how you will respond to sex, you need to have sex.

 

Sorry, but there is no getting around that.

 

Quit telling people how they are and what their relationships mean. It's just not your place.

 

Again, please read my responses to OG. I don't really have any feelings about your relationship and don't care to. I said what I did to make a point about being presumptuous and not because I could ever know. Getting back to the topic. Jumping off on tangents doesn't help the discussion.

[OptomisticGirl]

The average is 6-8 lifetime partners for men and 4 for women.

 

I suppose it's good CS and I are both under those numbers, lol

[OptomisticGirl]

Again, please read my responses to OG. I don't really have any feelings about your relationship and don't care to. I said what I did to make a point about being presumptuous and not because I could ever know. Getting back to the topic. Jumping off on tangents doesn't help the discussion.

 

You need to be clear then that you were making a point because it really came accross as you judging people Rouge.

 

As I have stated, nothing wrong with being a virgin and I have respect for them as long as they respect and don't judge me then the same will be done to them.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Again, please read my responses to OG. I don't really have any feelings about your relationship and don't care to. I said what I did to make a point and not because I could ever know. Getting back to the topic. Jumping off on tangents doesn't help the discussion.

 

You have told me and OG that our future marriages will mean close to nothing. That we aren't "making love" with our long term boyfriends. And have told me in the past that I will break up with my boyfriend because our relationship means nothing.

 

You weren't making a point. You are being judgmental and trying to be mean to invoke a response.

[newwave]

The average is 6-8 lifetime partners for men and 4 for women.

 

I've read those numbers but they seem low according to most I know. My number is higher than the highest number for men.

[OptomisticGirl]

I've read those numbers but they seem low according to most I know. My number is higher than the highest number for men.

 

Not to point it out there NW but you are older. I mean, the older you get the more partners you will have naturally.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I've read those numbers but they seem low according to most I know. My number is higher than the highest number for men.

 

This was a study and has been consistent with studies like it. There will always be those lower or higher. It's not a 'goal' or a 'cutoff'. People can have as little or as many as they want and others should not judge them for it.

 

This is just the average. Whether that average is good or bad is subjective.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Not to point it out there NW but you are older. I mean, the older you get the more partners you will have naturally.

 

It was lifetime partners. LoL. So, age won't factor into it.

[OptomisticGirl]

It was lifetime partners. LoL. So, age won't factor into it.

 

Oh I completely misread that, lol. But like you said, there will be high and lows of that number.

[RougeKali823]

I was using it as an analogy. You can't judge a crack addict without knowing their addiction the same way you can't judge someone for having sex without experiencing it yourself first.

 

If having sex prior to marriage is what you want to do then please do. I know where I stand and I won't be changing that belief. I do take issue with being called judgmental because no one here knows me. You only know what I've posted on this online forum. My views on sex are not indicative of anything else about me. My best female friend has had 20 sexual partners and can't seem to help herself. I think it's unwise but I love her just the same. So please don't make assumptions. Furthermore ladies I have experienced an orgasm and while it was great I think people tend to overrate intimacy in order to justify things. Lol people having been doing it since the beginning of time so nothing you do is exclusive, new or different. Anyone can have sex and all of us have access to information regarding its benefits and whatnot thanks to its history and literature so we don't need to have done it. If the issue were criticizing heart surgery I would have a different opinion.

[newwave]

Not to point it out there NW but you are older. I mean, the older you get the more partners you will have naturally.

 

You are right. I think that has a lot to do with the higher numbers.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You are right. I think that has a lot to do with the higher numbers.

 

Was the sex good? Do you regret any of it?

 

If yes and no, respectively, you shouldn't worry about averages. I was just trying to make a point that our culture isn't running wild anymore than it always has been.

[OptomisticGirl]

Rouge, you said marriage is not a marriage if you have had sex before it. That's very judgemental. I'm not saying you are judgmental in your views but the way you EXPRESS them yes, you are. No we don't know you which is why you have to be careful how you word things other wise people get the wrong impression.

[OptomisticGirl]

You are right. I think that has a lot to do with the higher numbers.

 

zUnless your a 20 year old sex crazed clubber.

[RougeKali823]

You have told me and OG that our future marriages will mean close to nothing. That we aren't "making love" with our long term boyfriends. And have told me in the past that I will break up with my boyfriend because our relationship means nothing.

 

You weren't making a point. You are being judgmental and trying to be mean to invoke a response.

 

Not discussing the making love thing again. I'm cool with OG and respect her challenge to my assertions lol. She brings it and that's a good thing. Now with regard to your marriage meaning nothing, please go back and read where you asked me for my opinion and how I gave it to you. My intention was to answer a question that was asked and I have no control over what you believe my intentions to have been.