If my life doesn't get better I will kill myself

[annie24]

yes, there are many single men out there. lots to choose from, guys who fit your bill. there is no point living in the past. don't waste another day. i can almost guarantee you, in the future, you'll be dating some great guy and you'll be like, "what the heck did i ever see in my ex?!?" seriously.

[newwave]

yes, there are many single men out there. lots to choose from, guys who fit your bill. there is no point living in the past. don't waste another day. i can almost guarantee you, in the future, you'll be dating some great guy and you'll be like, "what the heck did i ever see in my ex?!?" seriously.

 

I hope so. I know I've done that with ex's in the past, asking what was I thinking?

[ClarenceRutherford]

Newwave,

I sent you that link to the Buscaglia book to help you.

He was a Univ. Southern Calif. lecturer (I don't know if he was a psychologist) who taught a popular "love" course.

A student's suicide triggered something in him.

 

I didn't realize it until I did a quick web search, but he died in 1998. He has a lot of books and if you search, you'll see there's a memorial site. He helped a lot of people.

 

I have two copies of that book but never really read it until recently on a flight. I don't know how we got them. The book is a good read.

 

Newwave, we on this board are always here as friends...

[lostnscared]

I hope so. I know I've done that with ex's in the past, asking what was I thinking?

 

I agree with Annie. I'm sorry he didn't come back, but from what you described about him, it may have been a good thing.

[preciousgirl82]

Im sorry that you are feeling a bit down still but im happy to see that you are still doing better than you were last year. You mentioned that you are Catholic. So am I. In case you EVER contemplate suicide again (and i seriously hope you never do) remember that divorce is a sin to Catholics but so is suicide. God should be the only one allowed to determine when our last day on Earth will be.

With that said, you are focusing a lot on getting a man. Please realize that a man doesnt make or break you. its okay to seek companionship. You are only human. But maybe you should focus less on finding someone else and more on finding YOURSELF.

Afterall, you are your own best friend. As for the job situation...this recession is driving everyone crazy. you are not alone. Trust me, i was ina similar boat. Just wait...God will always make a way out of no way!

[newwave]

I was find being alone until he came into my life, and I realized I missed him. I was already feeling pressure finding a job then he added to it. I know I could deal being alone, but I don't want to be. I just keep thinking that either he will come back when the timing is right, or I will find someone better, but it's hard not to worry.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I was find being alone until he came into my life, and I realized I missed him. I was already feeling pressure finding a job then he added to it. I know I could deal being alone, but I don't want to be. I just keep thinking that either he will come back when the timing is right, or I will find someone better, but it's hard not to worry.

I know it's hard not to worry, esp. with your job situation.

 

NW, I'd recommend taking the advice many of us have given you: Move On.

 

Instead of worrying about things, get on with your life, see other men, and get that job you want and need.

 

Once you find yourself dating again, you'll gain some new confidence by seeing you're an attractive and sexy young lady to other guys.

A new job will also give you some needed boost.

 

Who knows, you may meet more men at your new job, in terms of client meetings, through networking at business assocation (the Chicago marketing club, etc.) meetings, etc.

 

Look at this objectively: what would you think if you read someone else posting what you've posted?

 

Pretend this is someone else's situation: what would you advise?

[newwave]

I'm going to try to move on but it's hard. I would probably tell someone to move on, but being online we don't know the complete story. Will he come back? Maybe in time, but if he doesn't I don't want to keep crying about him. I am finding though there are still many single men my age. I've even seen several men who have never been married and they are close to 50! So yes they are out there.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I'm going to try to move on but it's hard. I would probably tell someone to move on, but being online we don't know the complete story. Will he come back? Maybe in time, but if he doesn't I don't want to keep crying about him.

 

Good. An objective view always helps.

Just want you to look at it from another perspective.

 

Though we can't know everything that's posted here online, NW, you've given us a good look into your personality and how much you love and miss this guy.

 

I believe you do love him.

 

But it may not be a real love.

 

Not to hurt you NW, but your feelings for this guy could be a fantasy or only in your mind.

What I mean is, you haven't seen him in aeons and he's not contacting you, so you may be in love with a memory or something you think of him, which may not be reality.

 

Please consider this.

[newwave]

Good. An objective view always helps.

Just want you to look at it from another perspective.

 

Though we can't know everything that's posted here online, NW, you've given us a good look into your personality and how much you love and miss this guy.

 

I believe you do love him.

 

But it may not be a real love.

 

Not to hurt you NW, but your feelings for this guy could be a fantasy or only in your mind.

What I mean is, you haven't seen him in aeons and he's not contacting you, so you may be in love with a memory or something you think of him, which may not be reality.

 

Please consider this.

 

I do love him, but it could be the old him I love. The old him called me often, was ready to be a husband and father, treated me like a queen, etc. The guy he has been is a bitter guy who got stung so he avoids me because he's afraid of getting hurt. Will he revert to being the old one? Only time will tell.

[annie24]

There is no point anymore in questioning him, his motivations, if he will change in the future, etc...... the deadline has passed, now it is time to move onto the future. you've spent hundreds of hours worrying about him. time to get your life back. time to spend those hours doing something more productive. you are dwelling on him. i know, my brain sometimes dwells on things that aren't worth it either. you have to force yourself to redirect your energies to something more worthwhile. ie, instead of spending 1 hour a day worrying about that guy (or however much you think of him), spend that time learning a new language, applying for more jobs, or going out to the gym or on a dating site where you can meet someone right for you.

[newwave]

The funny thing is I thought he was the right one. He might still be eventually, but I need to move on.

[annie24]

He is NOT the right one. His actions have proven that. Him completely ignoring your contacts. The right man would have responded back to you. He has completely been ignoring you for... nearly a year now? imagine what a hard time you've had in the last year - with the job search and all that. The right man would be at your side, holding your hand, providing emotional support. This guy is none of that.

[ClarenceRutherford]

The funny thing is I thought he was the right one. He might still be eventually, but I need to move on.

Yes... this.

There's nothing to be lost by going forward and only gains possible.

 

You're an attractive woman who has a lot to offer a guy in a life partner.

 

The more you delay by letting something hold you back, the longer it's going to take to get what you want in life. Trust me, I know this from experience when I was close to turning 30...

 

Newwave, your life will get better and you won't need to do something drastic... to play upon the title of this thread...

[lostnscared]

He is NOT the right one. His actions have proven that. Him completely ignoring your contacts. The right man would have responded back to you. He has completely been ignoring you for... nearly a year now? imagine what a hard time you've had in the last year - with the job search and all that. The right man would be at your side, holding your hand, providing emotional support. This guy is none of that.

 

Exactly... NW, the fact that he didn't come back, maybe is a sign that he may not be the one. Whether that means the one "right now" or "forever"--time will tell, but for all intent and purposes for now he just isn't the one for you. I think that by moving on, and shutting that "door" behind you, a new one will open up. One where a man that actually loves you, is supportive of you, and wants what you want--will come walking right through.

[newwave]

Just because he's not right now doesn't mean he won't be. However, I am still keeping my options open. I am checking into a singles group at a church near me. The only problem I am running into is many of these guys list themselves as "conservative". I know this might not mean anything but by conservative they could be looking for a housewife and that's not me at all.

[annie24]

Just because he's not right now doesn't mean he won't be. However, I am still keeping my options open. I am checking into a singles group at a church near me. The only problem I am running into is many of these guys list themselves as "conservative". I know this might not mean anything but by conservative they could be looking for a housewife and that's not me at all.

 

Just because I haven't been abducted by aliens doesn't mean I won't be.

 

I think that this is an issue you have to confront - fantasy vs. reality. In reality, the kind of man you want to marry and have as a husband is one that will have your back and you will have his. That means the kind of man who responds to you, asks about you, cares about you, doesn't let months or years go by without saying a peep. I know you have this fantasy of who this man is - but you have to look at him as he is now - not there for you. Not only does he not send you an xmas card, he does NOTHING. Isn't part of you angry at him? You see he is alive and well, posting on facebook, and he's completely ignoring you. Doesn't part of you want to say, "Piss off!!!"

[ClarenceRutherford]

Just because he's not right now doesn't mean he won't be. However, I am still keeping my options open. I am checking into a singles group at a church near me. The only problem I am running into is many of these guys list themselves as "conservative". I know this might not mean anything but by conservative they could be looking for a housewife and that's not me at all.

NW, that's false hope, a fantasy of your mind.

You need to give it up or set it aside and focus on other things.

You're starting to move forward with that but I keep seeing this clinging to the past.

 

The past belongs to the past. It's done and over with. Nothing you can do about it. No reason or evidence to suggest what worked then will work now.

 

On "conservative," it may refer to being traditional in terms of lifestyle (one man/one woman, not sleeping around or promiscuity or not being "a player").

It could mean their political outlook, but wouldn't think that would be listed on a dating site.

 

I'm sure by conservative it doesn't mean they're demanding they marry a woman who becomes a SAHM>

I doubt few men these days would insist on that.

[annie24]

on link removed, you can list your political views (category for liberal, conservative, moderate, etc.....)

 

i think in this day and age, most people can't afford to have a 1-income household.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Didn't know that about the political label.

I don't date so don't look at those sites.

 

Though I may call myself a conservative, I never limited myself to a particular political persuasion and didn't dated only women who shared my cup of politics.

 

I valued relationships as more important. The woman I married voted for Clinton ( in '92 only).

 

Unless its something repellent, the politics can be negotiable sometimes... unless the woman openly attacks you for your beliefs... then you know it's time to leave...

[annie24]

and like you point out - "conservative" can mean many things - from politics, to a way of dressing - maybe he doesn't let his pants sag!!

[ClarenceRutherford]

Unless its something repellent, the politics can be negotiable sometimes... unless the woman openly attacks you for your beliefs... then you know it's time to leave...

That 30 y.o. virgin I dated when I was 26 - she started criticizing me and my then-forming conservative beliefs. I muted them mostly as I saw a future with her and wasn't so concerned about left vs. right, demorat vs. republicrat, etc., but there came a time when I couldn't take the unprovoked criticism.

[newwave]

I think part of it is I had several guy friends who were conservative but they wanted a housewife. I am neither a conservative nor liberal (I'm probably more Libertarian then either Dem nor Rep) but fear this is what I mean.

 

I still don't get why he never responded back, even if just to say hi. He's not really active on Facebook, just adding people, which of course tells me he was on it. I do imagine meeting someone else, him coming back and me telling him off.

[annie24]

well, don't generalize or make assumptions until you get to know someone. that's great if they want a SAHM. I hope they have the income to support that as well. but just because you see 'conservative' doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a chance.

 

he didn't respond because he's not interested in a relationship with you, romantic or even friendship. that is your answer.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Was gonna PM you this, but it may be better in public:

 

I want to, but I still want him. I am looking at other options.

Newwave, he's not showing any interest or concern for you. That should be obvious.

You're too good a woman to waste your life on him.

 

I don't know him, but I know you and would say the same about a man who posted what you posted about a woman he thought would come back.

 

It's good you two didn't make love or get involved in heavy petting as your feelings for him would be even stronger today as the sex sometimes cements people together and gives the one partner that feels more in love with the other (usually the woman) feelings of love.

 

Wow. 100th post in this thread.