Thekid55's Healing Journal

[porcelain]

Hi thekid55,

 

I just spent a couple hours out of my day reading your entire journal after seeing it in another thread about reconciling with an ex. It was extremely invaluable, you're the type of man I hope to grow into one day.

For context, I'm a 20 year old junior in university, trying to break into the SWE industry. My ex broke up with me after a 2.5 year relationship, it sucks because I thought they were the love of my life. I've been trying to be more introspective, and an overall more conscientious person. I used to blame a majority of the breakup on COVID-19 however I realized that there were many issues with me that contributed to my part of the downfall of the relationship. 

I had essentially abandoned her, I was no longer making her feel special, or pretty, or wanted, or listened to. I spent all my time day-trading, playing video games, and watching anime. It sucks, I truly felt like she was someone I'd want to experience a lot of my life with! We've been broken up since end of Feb, we've been strict NC for the past 3 weeks, and I've been doing fine, however it sucks that I have to live my life without my best friend. I've been doing a lot of growing up, and have come to some incredible conclusions about myself, and realizing there is a huge discrepancy between who I am and who I want to be.

I just wanted to thank you for what you've written here, it has been amazing to witness your development in the past decade, and hope that I can follow a similar journey. Hoping you're well and hoping that life is treating you kindly.

Sorry for de-railing your journal thread, take care!

 

[thekid55]

On 4/20/2021 at 7:10 PM, porcelain said:

Hi thekid55,

 

I just spent a couple hours out of my day reading your entire journal after seeing it in another thread about reconciling with an ex. It was extremely invaluable, you're the type of man I hope to grow into one day.

For context, I'm a 20 year old junior in university, trying to break into the SWE industry. My ex broke up with me after a 2.5 year relationship, it sucks because I thought they were the love of my life. I've been trying to be more introspective, and an overall more conscientious person. I used to blame a majority of the breakup on COVID-19 however I realized that there were many issues with me that contributed to my part of the downfall of the relationship. 

I had essentially abandoned her, I was no longer making her feel special, or pretty, or wanted, or listened to. I spent all my time day-trading, playing video games, and watching anime. It sucks, I truly felt like she was someone I'd want to experience a lot of my life with! We've been broken up since end of Feb, we've been strict NC for the past 3 weeks, and I've been doing fine, however it sucks that I have to live my life without my best friend. I've been doing a lot of growing up, and have come to some incredible conclusions about myself, and realizing there is a huge discrepancy between who I am and who I want to be.

I just wanted to thank you for what you've written here, it has been amazing to witness your development in the past decade, and hope that I can follow a similar journey. Hoping you're well and hoping that life is treating you kindly.

Sorry for de-railing your journal thread, take care!

 

Hey Porcelain, thanks for reading.

Your response is impressive. You sound very introspective, which is rare in today's world. Whenever any relationship ends (e.g., romantic, family, friendship), it's good to reflect on it. As you've read, I like to write down what happened, what my thoughts were, and how I can change things going forward. We can only control our thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Your missions seems very clear to me. Do whatever you can to break into the SWE industry. Network, find mentors, offer to work for free, etc. That should be your number one priority. Everything else is secondary. Whenever men get derailed your their mission in life, everything else falls apart. Use this breakup as fuel to move yourself forward in a positive way. Exercise is very important, too. Lifting weights and running always makes me feel better.

Hang in there and good luck!

[thekid55]

Hi everyone. I'm dropping by for an update. It's been about 10 months since my last post. Here are some life updates.

1.  I'm still dating my girlfriend that I've referenced in earlier posts. Things are going well. We are living together and having fun. Things feel much "easier" with her than they did with my ex. I enjoy being around her family, her friends, etc. We can do the most meaningless stuff together--and still have fun. Our relationship continues to grow by the day. I'm in no rush to get engaged/married again, though. 
2. We've traveled to some cool places over the last year, namely southern Florida and Utah. I've never been to these places, so it's been fun to see.
3. Most of my friends are having kids now, so I've traveled to meet them. At first, I felt like I was "falling behind" since I didn't have any kids yet, but that's just not part of my path for now. I do still want kids eventually.
4. We got a puppy together. It was her Christmas gift and she's in love with her. The original puppy we picked got sick, so we had to take a different puppy from the breeder. The breeder made things right by giving us their best puppy as a replacement. This puppy was supposed to be a future breeder dog for them and was their best puppy. It was tough to lose our original puppy, but our new puppy is really special.
5. My relationship with both of my parents continues to improve. My Mom is a short flight away while my Dad lives about 30 minutes away. I talk to both parents a few times per week. 
6. I've gained some weight, but I'm staying active. I need to make better food choices.
7. I haven't heard from or contacted my ex, which is good. We've both moved on with our lives, which is healthy.
8. I'm still working the same job as before. My motivation level isn't super high due to some boring tasks that I have to undertake, but they are paying me well and I received a nice bonus. 
9. We still live in the same apartment. The views are amazing, but we don't have a yard. That could be an issue as the puppy gets bigger, but we'll take it month by month!
10. I still suffer from some anxiety when facing new experiences. I'm naturally an introvert. I try to combat this by deep breathing and saying reassuring things to myself.

 

Overall, I hope my journal has shown you my process/journey from a 21-year-old college student to a 33-year-old established adult. I'll continue updating this as it makes me feel better.

[maritalbliss86]

So glad things are still going so great!  I know it's just from a random stranger, but I'm happy to read the good report.