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porcelain

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  1. Not really interested in online dating, we have been following each other for a while and I just thought she was cute so I thought I'd reach out. Oh I definitely understand I'd be lying to myself if I said I was over it. I mean the only reason I had even considered reaching out was due to the fact that my ex stated that she'd be extremely upset if I hadn't greeted her on her birthday. My intentions were originally not to, in order not to bring back any negative feelings about me/our previous relationship on HER day, but it came from a place of genuine respect and wishing her well, no intention to make small talk or check up on her. Yeah I definitely agree, I mean I don't think I was looking for anything serious, it just so happened that I had developed an attraction deeper than I initially intended to her. I mean if I'm being frank I'm really just looking for sex, I'm not looking to find that emotional outlet right now, I'm learning to be alright on my own before I can start sharing my problems and vulnerabilities with others again. Not a fan of dating apps, just don't feel like the type of people I'm interested in are on there. But yeah groups and clubs and whatnot I'm looking to get into once COVID is over for sure. Thanks for the tips all!
  2. Hi eNotAlone, To preface this I should give some context about myself, I'm a 21 year old male who was broken up with by my ex-girlfriend of 2.5 years at the end of Feb 2021. The break up hit me pretty hard but I'm definitely in a better place now, I don't really have that urge to get back together, I've really accepted the fact that this woman does not want me in her life anymore, that we don't have space for each other in each other's lives anymore, have forgiven myself for not being who she needed, forgiven her for not being who I needed, I'm not wallowing in self-pity and guilt, and have just come to terms with the situation, using it as an opportunity to really grow up and change aspects of who I was throughout that relationship that I disagree with as my current self, I think it's pretty safe to say I'm past rock bottom and on the up and up. I'm doing pretty good, I've been No Contact since end of March, except for greeting her a Happy Birthday (last week) to which I came to the conclusion that she had blocked my phone number, it upset me at the moment as our break-up was pretty amicable and she was adamant on becoming friends in the future which I did not entertain because at the time I felt that if I was her friend, saw her face, heard her voice, and spent time with her, that I would just fall in love with her all over again. This however confuses me, because I was under the impression that we were being civil about it, albeit I had removed her from all my social media's just because I didn't think we should see what our day-to-day lives consisted of without each other, but other than that I don't really think about the situation anymore. On to the main topic of the post: I have been trying to put myself back out there, in an attempt to regain my confidence, have just been trying my best to meet new people in the midst of a pandemic and I had messaged one of my mutual followers on a social media site. We hit it off immediately and were enjoying the conversations we had with each other and started transitioning to video calls where we had clicked from the get-go, no awkwardness, no anxiety or shyness towards each other, we were extremely comfortable and talked like we had known each other forever. Very intense conversations, we weren't just talking to talk, we were really getting to know each other. We had only been talking a week at this point and I asked her to hang out and she said yes and that she was really interested in meeting me. Today was the day we were supposed to hang out but she had flaked due to having direct exposure to someone with COVID-19 over the weekend and got tested today, she stated that she didn't want to be selfish and not put other people at risk and I understood and respected her decision not to see me. She then proceeded to tell me that she was surprised that she wanted to see me so bad, and that she is glad that her exposure to COVID-19 was able to give her an excuse not to see me. I could tell that she was feeling apprehensive to talk to me the same way so I asked if everything was all right, she replied and asked if I would like her to be blunt, to which I respond "of course". She tells me that she's currently emotionally unavailable and not interested in getting to know new people because she had gone through a break up a couple months ago and it was long term so she wasn't done fully healing yet, I tell her that I understand and that I'm going through the same thing too. We do our best not to talk about the break up, she then drops bombs about how she doesn't think that we should continue talking for now, that she really enjoyed speaking to me and that she thought I was really fun. She ends with her telling me how she'll never forget me and how she thanks me for being extremely cool and easy-going about the entire situation, we share goodbyes and haven't talked since outside of her replying to a meme I sent her hours after I sent it (the meme was sent prior to this relatively huge conversation). I guess I don't really know where to go from here, I mean at this point letting go of people isn't new to me so I'm alright and am doing well, the week we spoke really taught me a lot in terms of finding out I am able to be attracted and connect with girls that aren't my ex girlfriend, it showed me that I'm able to feel wanted by other women and that not having expectations goes a long way in terms of finding happiness in the little things. I'm not really upset, I definitely do wish I got to know her a little more because I really enjoyed the short time that we had shared together, but at the same time I respect her straight-forwardness and understand her perspective as someone who hasn't fully healed from a break up to just jump back into being vulnerable to another human being that she would probably end up romantically involved with. That is how I see it anyways, obviously I don't really know how she feels and I don't think I'd be interested in finding out because of the circumstances. It's just insane to me how intense our connection was in the short span of time and how comfortable we got with each other. I don't know if I have any questions I just wanted to hear people's perspectives on my situation I guess. I don't really plan on reaching out to her anytime soon, but I think that I would like to get to know her eventually, but it's obvious we don't want to be just each other's friend if we were to be in each other's lives, so I guess the best thing is to just continue living my life and improving myself for my own sake right? Thanks for reading. <3
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