gallop30 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Kid,Kid what happened bro? i didn't expect such a chit chat honestly,but we all make mistakes she has feelings for you. my concern is that her coming over was out of guilt,but then again,what do i know keep it up bro,you're young and girls are plenty Link to comment
thekid55 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 Kid,Kid what happened bro? i didn't expect such a chit chat honestly,but we all make mistakes she has feelings for you. my concern is that her coming over was out of guilt,but then again,what do i know keep it up bro,you're young and girls are plenty Honestly, who knows what the hell that was all about? I don't know if she wanted to come over and pull my strings or what. This has set me back a little because it caught me off guard. As trivial as it is, the Facebook thing makes no sense. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 what i would've text her,instead of putting her on the spot(You just don't want to admit that you miss me,etc ),is tell her next time she comes over to better help you clean up or bring you some dinner, if she wants forgiveness. she has to bribe her way into forgiveness,if that's what she really cares about actions not words,right? i bet she'll like something like that,and you wont force her to reveal whatever her intentions were. Link to comment
rosarioT Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 thekid55 ...u know... the thing I like about you is how open u are to talk about your feelings, at the end that will give u peace. IMO women are most of the time open to talk, to vent away, to express anger, pain, or whatever emotion we may be feeling... Men, on the other hand, gosh it's so hard to make a guy talk about how he truly feels, so good for u for not being afraid to be YOU... just don't let her confuse you... keep it real... she went cus she needed to get some things out of her chest and so did she... if there were other things she would have wanted to say, she would have done it... so don't try to read between the lines, and if she did contradict herself then is because she doesn't even know what she wants. honestly, I hate this type of games. so many people here would love to have the ex calling them or showing up at their door, but when someone doesn't want u in his/her life no more, it's better that they leave u alone. Link to comment
thekid55 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 I don't think most people want their exes showing up. It just creates more confusion. Link to comment
snippot II Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Hey Kid...been catching up on your story. Wow! As far as the ex, IMO its all about her and her guilt. Ive had a couple of ex's pop at the 3-4 month mark.. what I have to remind myself is that when I was going through it all and gutting it out alone, they were nowhere to be found....then all of the sudden they need a little help getting past feelings they had not properly dealt with and it was supposed to be my problem???!? dont think so. Remind yourself of those days early on when you were gutting it out alone and becoming theKid we all know now. Hang in there bro, and try not to let this set you back, you are doing great....keep it up. Link to comment
thekid55 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 I guess I'm starting to wonder if this was her way of saying goodbye to me. She came over, repeated the same thing to me over and over about wanting to 'apologize' to me and clear the air. I was blocked on Facebook today, even though she haven't been friends on there for months. I'm just confused by this whole thing and wish she never would have come over. Basically, I let her drag me through the mud. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I guess I'm starting to wonder if this was her way of saying goodbye to me. She came over, repeated the same thing to me over and over about wanting to 'apologize' to me and clear the air. I was blocked on Facebook today, even though she haven't been friends on there for months. I'm just confused by this whole thing and wish she never would have come over. Basically, I let her drag me through the mud. yep,she was seeking forgiveness Link to comment
thekid55 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 So what the heck should I do now? Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 what should you do? nothing nothing nothing Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 that's the reason i'm strict NC with my ex,that exact reason. she called,text,and all that. not one response from me. she called even my lawyer asking her if she thinks i was doing drugs or something ,she's worried and doesn't know why i don't respond to her contacts. i'm like whhhatt ? ask my lawyer if she thinks i'm doing drugs? it's hard,but doable,takes a lot of strength Link to comment
thekid55 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'm just frustrated because I had been so strong for so long. When I started this journal nine weeks ago, I was feeling so much better about myself. I was moving on, literally forgetting about her, and enjoying my life again. I used my entire winter break to do things that I like to do. I did new things and had new experiences. Everyone has read the last ten pages or so when my confidence was literally oozing out of the journal. I had this girl, that girl, a new girl, a cougar, etc. It didn't really matter because I had someone new all the time. I've literally changed so much about my life and was on the path to getting 100% over her. I can say that I was about 90% over her until she came by last night. I really, really like this new girl a lot. She's really good for me (no baggage, pressure, drama, etc), but it's not fair to anyone until I get the ex out of my system. Damn her for coming by last night. Damn me for not shutting the door on her face or ignoring her call. Damn me for opening my damn mouth and setting myself back. Three out of the last five days have been full of drama. I've had two 'blasts from the past'; one ex seduced me, the other well, screwed with my mind. Link to comment
calisurfer Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Gallop30 said it best. Do nothing. Do not contact her, avoid her calls, no txts, NC all the way. I would block her from my cell. You can use googlevoice for that. It sounds like you are almost over her and you really don't need this right now in your life. SnippotII also has great advice. Where was she when you needed help and were dealing with the shock and pain of the breakup. Let her deal with her own demons, guilt or other emotions she's feeling right now. Talking or seeing her will only set you back. The only reason she showed up was for her own selfish reason. She feels lonely, she feels guilty, she needs emotional support. Sorry to be so foul, but f that. You gotta be strong and just walk away. It looks like your having fun with these new girls. Good for you man, you really don't need to be dealing with your ex's demons right now. Walk away and be strong. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 remember some time ago how i was telling you and others not to fool themselves thinking that they are over the ex? truly to accept the break as final, and only then to date again. like i told SA too,we find distractions to get over the ex by dating,drinking,doing drugs etc,all the wrong methods,just to realize after a while it doesn't work that way,and go back to square 1. it's simple,when you feel bad about something,you go have a few drinks to forget about it,but it'll be only temporary,same with the break up,girls,drinks,drugs,only help for a short period. if you do it right the first time,you'll save a lot of time and pain. face the pain,don't hide from it. i know it's hard,it's very hard. if you were 90% over her ,you wouldn't care what she said ,she turned your world upside down man,by a simple visit. i would honestly say you were maybe 40% over her,if not less. don't have to agree bro,it's just my opinion,and you know i'm trying to help not put you down. you'll be ok,don't worry to much Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 This is seriously messed up. I posted in the other thread too, but honestly, how the hell do girls know when you're moving the hell on? So uncanny, and I've read it SO many times on this forum. God damn. Stay strong man, forget this chick - you know she still has a lot of growing up to do. Wouldn't hurt for you to be with someone new, see what they have to offer, etc. You know what you gotta do. Take some time, reflect, and decide. Link to comment
hermano Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 This is seriously messed up. I posted in the other thread too, but honestly, how the hell do girls know when you're moving the hell on? So uncanny, and I've read it SO many times on this forum. "Somehow they know not to call until you really forget" "There's the rub." Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 "Somehow they know not to call until you really forget" "There's the rub." so epic. And unbelievable how true that movie rings in every way. Link to comment
thekid55 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 I feel like a dog chasing a car here. If I ever caught the car (her), I'd have no clue what to do with it. The chase keeps me interested though, but my legs are getting tired... Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 It's funny but I'm almost willing to bet if she came back and the chase ended, you wouldn't want her. Link to comment
thekid55 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 It's funny but I'm almost willing to bet if she came back and the chase ended, you wouldn't want her. 'You never want what you got, but always want what you can't have' I wondering too if this was her way of saying goodbye. She allieviated her own guilt at my expense and blocked me out online. No clue if she blocked my number out or whatever. I doubt it since I don't think she's that smart, but still. Link to comment
SA2000 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Haha. I feel the same way Kidd. I think about how much I miss her and what we had and blah blah blah but then I think about what life would be like if she came back 100%. Would I even want her back? It'd be more stress than it's worth! I know that I am addicted more to the pain and the struggle because every time she gets close I push her away again. She has said some borderline crazy stuff in the past that could have probably allowed recon but I always end up going back to NC. Think of it this way. If she came back like she did at your apt earlier and said she wanted to be with you would you be able to let all of this go? What of the other lady kept texting you and the ex started to act a little flakey? I know what I'd do. You can't realistically be with someone with that mindset. It's all about the chase. But once they start to show signs that they want to come back it's you questioning things. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 'You never want what you got, but always want what you can't have' I wondering too if this was her way of saying goodbye. She allieviated her own guilt at my expense and blocked me out online. No clue if she blocked my number out or whatever. I doubt it since I don't think she's that smart, but still. I remember a post where you found out she was back with her ex and you flipped and said you don't want anything to do with her. Look at what she keeps doing to herself, back and forth and back and forth to guys who want nothing to do with her. This chick still has no idea * * * is going on. Don't worry about the phone, don't worry about facebook. It's best you don't see what's going on anyways, you know that. Don't worry about her. Worry about you. Link to comment
thekid55 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 Great points bolded. I'd have to give up A LOT if she came back. I'd give up on all of the girls that I'm currently dating (I'd be expecting a few slaps accross the face, but it comes with the territory). All of my friends would be unhappy and my family already hates her. Would I be able to let all of this go? I feel like I've posted that to another ENAer at some point. And to be honest, I have no idea. By nature, I'm very forgiving, but this is an extremely complicated animal. I feel like I'm missing some part of our conversation in my posting. I forgot about the part that she said that she needed to figure out who she was alone, that she's not the same person anymore(Neither am I, obviously), and we just weren't a good match-up at this point in our lives. Looking back on it, I told her that I agreed with that. I actually brought most of that up. I made the point that the type of relationship we had would have been great down the line. When I was working last semester, I'd come home around 6 pm, she would have dinner ready to go for me, asking me about my day, etc. I'd normally rub her back and we'd watch television for awhile before I left to go do home work. Sounds great, right? Just not at 22. Give me that life in a few years and I'll show you a happy man. I don't even know where I'll be working yet, either. Link to comment
SA2000 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 You'd also have to deal with the resentment. It's something I didn't anticipate when we tried again the first time. We would be sitting on the couch watching tv and I'd look at her and think how could you walk away and see someone else after all of these years? Why did I come back when I could have just kept walking? I would start little fights and get in bad moods over nothing. Every time her phone rang or she was texting I had to question who it was. I cant live like that. All I wanted was her back. Once I had her back I just wanted out again because the trust was destroyed. Knowing what you know (what she claims is not true) could you honestly be sitting there watching tv with her phone blowing up? Something so simple you wouldn't think twice of with someone else. You have to consider that as well. I sure as hell wasn't ready. And I'm a pretty laid back type dude. Link to comment
Calblee Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 kid, this is really a remarkable turn of events. i just hope you get the best outcome one way or the other. you shouldnt be this messed up if you have tons of hot ladies at your call. it shows that you are desirable so why not drop this ex and move on with your life. plus you are young so time is on your side. dont settle for someone not worthy of you Link to comment
Recommended Posts