agony

[cnyc456]

Hi to all,

 

just wanting some advice, me and my girl have been on a *break* for 3 weeks, in witch time I have used nc and she calls me often, we see each other and she still tells me that she wants to marry me and be with me but needs time to get her life together, we still have the greatest sex life and are very affectionate towards each other when we see each other, grant it its only like once a week but I will take what I can, now my question is that I feel like im downgrading my feelings for her by not talking and calling everyday, I just don't want to be on stand by, and have false hope, when it could be that she might never come back, she tells me she wants to be exclusive and would die if I was with someone else, she still talks of having kids and the future, so if that's what she wants why does she need a break? cant she get her stuff together with me around, in life I am done searching, she is all I ever wanted and I feel like it would be such a waste if things dont work out, its been 5 long years and I feel like I love the same as when I fell in love with her, I also feel like she loves me a bit less and doesn't always say what's on her mind, also the problem that she is 21 and I am 28, I feel like eventually she is going to want something different, even though I now her so well that I say to myself she would never throw this away, but this break thing just changed all that, sorry if I make no sense, its just so complicated to downgrade your feelings for some one you are madly in love with, any advise would be great,

[kdreger]

Maybe the problem is that you smother her. I mean, jesus, buddy you're still having great sex, she talks about marriage, shares affection and spends time with you but you're stuck on the fact that she says "you're on a break".

 

It's possible she wants some space to feel like her own person for awhile, I mean she is 21. Maybe she just wants some time to be an independent person before really getting serious. That's actually very smart of her. So many times you hear about people getting married young and then making a break later on.

 

Stop wallowing in self-pity and worrying about "downgrading feelings". If you love her, you love her. If she loves you then she does. Worse thing you can do is over-think this and shoot yourself in the foot. I don't want to see a message in two weeks from you wailing that you gave her an ultimatum because you're too insecure to trust her and you chased her off. Don't screw up a good thing.

[lunatic]

Hey kdreger is right bro. She is twenty one and she needs to be wild for a while. God I remember (whats left is blurry now) was drinking and having a blast with my friends. That is what she is probably after and I think you would be making a BIG mistake taking that away from her. Let her feel her oats as it were. If she comes back then she is yours forever.

 

Relax man and wait,

 

Hubman 8)

[wickerbasket]

Hmm, I'd say beware though. Going on a break is never a good sign. I told my boyfriend I wanted a "break" and we still got together and I let him hold me and we laughed and talked as usual. We even continued having sex. But in my head, I knew it was ending and that I was just postponing it.

The thing is my boyfriend asked me again and again why I needed to be on a break and the truth is, I couldn't tell him that my feelings were waning for someone else and some other life. Eventually, his questions nagged me to the point that I NEEDED to break it off.

So what you CAN do is cool it. Call every once and a while, wait for her to make the move. Except.. if you really can't stand it, that's understandable of course.

[cnyc456]

hay thanks for the words, I know deep in my heart that she truly loves me and wants to be with me but you guys are right I think I do smother her and I should back of, its just the change that scares me, being one way for 5 years and the suddenly changing ways is a hard thing to come to grasp with even though it might be for the better, any way thank you,