Husband wants me to change my style of dressing

[Uma]

I'm not sure if this is the correct place for this.

 

We've been together for 11 years and today he said that I should go see someone (stylist) about getting a style.

 

I told him I have a style - I wear jeans and tees, and I'm really comfortable with that.

 

I don't know what to make of his statement. I've never suggested that he should look different.

 

I'm not interested in fashions. I like to look nice, but I'm really comfortable with jeans and tees - it's who I am.

 

If I ask him about it, he'll just say something like "it was just a suggestion" and shrug it off, but I want to know what's underlying his words.

 

I'm plain and wondering if he's trying to get me to look more feminine? I have no idea really.

[annie24]

I think so. It kind of sounds like he would like you to look more feminine. How did you dress when you were dating? It doesn't sound like he's asking you to put on a ballgown. and there are many skirts that are plenty comfortable too! if you're in jeans and T-shirts all day, i think it would be nice for him to see you in a dress and heels once in a while. men love that!

 

Or... Jeans with a sexy top and heels or boots looks good too.

[annie24]

link removed

 

I like Garnet Hill. Go flip through some of their stuff. I like how it can be both casual and dressy at the same time, and look comfortable.

[Uma]

I was a jeans and tee girl when we first met. I run around after a toddler every day so it's more practical to wear jeans. Thanks for the advice annie.

[annie24]

Toddler! that must be a lot of fun, but lots of work!

 

link removed

 

I realize you may not have these brands in Oz, but these are some styles to think about. Title Nine makes athletic and yoga clothing for women. In addition, they have a lot of nice casual dresses and skirts that are really comfortable. You can still run after a toddler and look good!

 

The fact is - you're a 40 year old woman, you should be proud of who you are and your maturity and your experience. You don't need to dress like a teenage boy.

[Miss Firecracker]

I'm not sure if this is the correct place for this.

 

We've been together for 11 years and today he said that I should go see someone (stylist) about getting a style.

 

I told him I have a style - I wear jeans and tees, and I'm really comfortable with that.

 

I don't know what to make of his statement. I've never suggested that he should look different.

 

I'm not interested in fashions. I like to look nice, but I'm really comfortable with jeans and tees - it's who I am.

 

If I ask him about it, he'll just say something like "it was just a suggestion" and shrug it off, but I want to know what's underlying his words.

 

I'm plain and wondering if he's trying to get me to look more feminine? I have no idea really.

 

Yes, I expect he think he just wants you to look a little more girlie. My husband told me that years ago also. I made the effort to please him. Jeans and t-shirts are ok sometimes, but awfully tomboyish. I wouldn't take it as an insult if I were you. Maybe he notices other people your age have changed a little and he just wants to fit in more.

 

P.S. Just noticed your age when I looked back. Yes, he probably wants you to upgrade a bit to fit in with the 40's crowd.

[doesitmatter30]

Maybe he's a little bored with blue jeans and t-shirts. It's not a terrible horrible thing. at least he will tell you what he feels. Sounds like he wants you to be more feminine.

 

I'm perfectly totally a blue jeans tshirt guy. Suit? don't own one... khakis? nope. button shirt? not for me. most of my girlfriends have been also.

 

When something like this comes up though, I have been willing to dress myself up a bit if she does too. If theres something you want him to try, nows the time. go shopping together- let you pick something for him and let him pick something for you (as long as both of you dont totally hate what the other picks out... have some fun with it, and then go somewhere nice to show off your new styles as a couple. it breaks the monotony.

[FarthestEdge]

Maybe he's concerned you don't feel good about yourself? Or maybe he thinks if you dressed a little more sexy, you'd FEEL a little more sexy....

 

Either way, I think it's positive he's giving you some feedback. I mean it's ultimately up to you how you dress & present yourself, but if you could just tweak it a little, and be more attractive to your husband in the process, why wouldn't you want to?

 

I'd love to go to a stylist. You know, looking good doesn't have to mean being high maintenance. Sometimes it's just a question of finding the right jeans for your body type and pairing them with the right shirt, with the right bra underneath, and a few accessories that suit your personality..a little lipstick & mascara and bingo! Hot Mama....

 

If he's willing to part with the $$ for you to go to a stylist, then why not? I mean a good one isn't going to try to make you into someone you're not. They are just going to try to polish you up a bit.

[hers]

Comfortable can be attractive too. Don't take his suggestion as an insult or as a thought he doesn't find you attractive. Take it for what it is...a suggestion.

 

I'm a jeans and flip flop girl too but to feel more feminine, I wear Jean skirts often. But bc I'm a tomboy at heart, I wear shorts under my skirts haha!

 

My fiance loves me for who I am, just as I'm sure your husband does you, and he wont hesitate to tell me my butt looks great in some jeans or he likes a color on me. But for me the bottom line will amways be comfort, as it is for you, and I don't even have a toddler!

 

What's your body type? Do You wear oversized tees and non flattering jeans? If so, try wearing more form fitting jeans and a tee shirt That shows your shape. Wear a cute necklace and some earrings. I find I always feel prettier with earrings and my fiance notices That confidence too.

 

Just bc you're a mom doesn't mean you have to be frumpy or too comfortable. Remember you're not just a mom...you're a wife too. But most of all, you're a woman, so embrace your femininity and dress the part!

[Weirdmartian]

First of all, don't project your own thinking on to your husband.

 

Next, you could also be grateful he's offering constructive criticism. So, while he might lack communication skills or the ability to phrase things such that he nevers hurts your feelings (you could get him a book on that), take his advice as him asking you to be beautiful for him.

 

That's great, because it means he wants you, and not any one else.

 

If it were me, I'd google, find a fashion magazine, or go to the mall and ask for some advice. It's very possible to look stylish and still be comfy without too much effort. Americans are just about the worst people on Earth at this, but it'd be good for you. It doesn't have to cost much either!!

 

Seriously, do that, and also take some time off for yourself to go to the gym three times a week. If you did that, I'm sure your husband would be more than willing to make sure the toddle was watched/taken care of in that time. A happy and beautiful wife is a rare thing indeed, and I'm sure most men realize this, and will work hard to keep her.

[sidehop]

First of all, don't project your own thinking on to your husband.

 

Next, you could also be grateful he's offering constructive criticism. So, while he might lack communication skills or the ability to phrase things such that he nevers hurts your feelings (you could get him a book on that), take his advice as him asking you to be beautiful for him.

 

That's great, because it means he wants you, and not any one else.

 

I agree...and I'm sure you're busy with your child and may not have time to change your style everyday but your husband will appreciate a new look from time to time as well

[petite]

He probably just wants you to look a little more feminine. I realize this is tough since you do have a toddler and if you're not into girly clothing, it makes it all the more difficult. I know that many mothers who have young children often concentrate on the child and they are busy with the family, but it's time to take care of yourself also. While jeans and a tee can be comfortable, it can also become too comfortable in the partners eyes and they need something to spice it up. Get your hair done, paint your nails and put on some lipstick. That in itself is a change if one doesn't wear it. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but just sending some thoughts your way.

 

A dress might not be comfortable at first, but it can be if you really give it a go. I see many mothers in different styles and if a woman wants to she can rock a nice skirt and shirt with heels to the park and still be comfortable. Sure, other mommy's might think "who does she think she is, some sort of fashionista", but who cares? Let them try to pull of a nice look while playing with the kids. Not exactly easy, but doable and the hubby will love it. It's all about whether one actually enjoys clothes or if they are just items to put on and be covered. There are also some great maxi dresses which are super cute and since summer is approaching Australia, you're in luck since you can sport some skirts, summer dresses, 3/4 leggings and shorts.

 

If you like, you can PM me your size/hight/shape/budget and I can find some great outfits for you; never know you might actually like them and feel great wearing them.

[Uma]

Weirdmartian - I go to the gym 4 times a week - toddler goes into the creche there. Trying to go more but I have to juggle hubby's weekend schedule.

 

I have got some really great jeans that look good on me and I wear slim fitting girl tees, so I'm not a complete slob with my jeans and a tee. I'm a hourglass figure, broad shoulders and a D cup which makes finding blouses that fit rather difficult. I'm a 5' 5" so long dresses make me look even shorter.

 

I will look online, thanks for the links and feedback. I was just having one of those "question everything someone's just said" moments and needed to get some perspective.

[IFeelU]

Hi there:

I have been married for 24 years so I feel as if I can speak very candidly about your concern. The number one thing you need to know is that men are visual. Men love to look at ass, boobs and a well put together lady. The thing that we as wives sometimes miss is that when our husbands are making a little request whether it's about intimacy, appearance or what ever, this is your man's way of is simply letting you know I see other beautiful women all the time, however I'm married to you and I believe you have the same qualities I see in the other women, So can you please stroke my ego just a little and appease me by dressing up a little or cooking me breakfast once in a while or make passionate love to me tonight, etc. These request in my mind are simple. But we as wives miss it because we are sometimes stuck on "I'm comfortable, I don't want to change,etc.......... The beauty of your husbands simple request is: HE asked you to make a minor change. Give him some credit for asking! Now it's up to you to honor the request or NOT! The sad thing is most men won't ask, they'll go out and find a lady who has no problem with the request and that's when the affair starts. Be willing to Compromise!!! If you give him just a Little PARTICIPATION, IT'S GUARANTEED THAT YOU WILL REAP MUCH MUCH MORE!

[annie24]

Weirdmartian - I go to the gym 4 times a week - toddler goes into the creche there. Trying to go more but I have to juggle hubby's weekend schedule.

 

I have got some really great jeans that look good on me and I wear slim fitting girl tees, so I'm not a complete slob with my jeans and a tee. I'm a hourglass figure, broad shoulders and a D cup which makes finding blouses that fit rather difficult. I'm a 5' 5" so long dresses make me look even shorter.

 

I will look online, thanks for the links and feedback. I was just having one of those "question everything someone's just said" moments and needed to get some perspective.

 

I'm like you. D cups. I'm 5'7" though. You are right, finding blouses is nearly impossible unless i get the XL size. But, form fitting sweaters and shirts work. I find jeans uncomfortable in the summer (don't know how hot it is where you live). definitely give some of those sites a try, and I think petite could come up with some cute ideas to update your look. guys like showing off their woman, especially if you go to the gym 4 times a week, i am sure he doesn't want you hiding your good looks.

[Uma]

Annie - it gets into the 40's where I live (about 100F I think- roughly).

 

Yeah I know he's asking and I appreicate it, but on the flipside it would be nice to have the time to paint my nails and go shopping - which means he has to take care of the toddler and its a saga to get hubby do that.

 

On the flipside of the equations, I have the age old problem of him not pulling his weight around the house. Talked, asked, begged, pleaded, nagged,explained and it doesn't work. No I wouldn't play the whole "well if you don't do this for me, I won't do it for you" card, because that never works.

 

I just feel like I'm giving and he does a lot of taking in the relationship. Oh and I have absolutely no luck in making any inroads into his wardrobe at all. I can make suggestions and he just ignores them.

 

Sorry 3 am. Tired and I guess grumpy.

[JazzTheme]

I just feel like I'm giving and he does a lot of taking in the relationship. Oh and I have absolutely no luck in making any inroads into his wardrobe at all. I can make suggestions and he just ignores them.

 

What suggestions have you made?

[DN]

Do you both work?

[BellaDonna]

I wouldn't worry too much about the comment. My husband jokes with me on a daily basis that I "dress nice for work but then put on rags" when I get home. I chase after a toddler too so heels are not always the "mom" apparel of choice- unless I want a broken neck. It is true-they are my "mom rags" and usually consist of yoga pants and a tee.

 

Last night I made fun of him for wearing a pair of sweat pants that have a hole in the butt and having a pinchy face. He is guilty too.

 

The best way to encourage one another to look your best is to schedule a date night together where you got out on the town. If you both have something to "dress up" for it sure helps. I actually like dressing fashionably, I just have little motivation to do so at home .

 

If you can't be comfortable at home then where can you be comfortable? lol

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Changing a woman's wardrobe doesn't necessarily have to mean skirts and dresses. You can buy jeans that are not your run of the mill blue jeans. Jeans come in black, brown, green navy blue, purple etc. Jazz it up with a nice shirt (not necessarily a blouse) with some kind of classy design or classy cut to it and you will look a bit different. Sometimes it is not about dressing sexier, but just about changing the clothes routine so it is not always the same old same old.

[BellaDonna]

I'm a hourglass figure, broad shoulders and a D cup which makes finding blouses that fit rather difficult. I'm a 5' 5" so long dresses make me look even shorter.

 

 

 

I have the same shape as you do (in bold)- for tops- look for fabrics that stretch and that come in at the waist- which is your smallest place as someone with an hourglass figure. They are very slimming. See link removed for more concrete tips.

[Circe]

Changing a woman's wardrobe doesn't necessarily have to mean skirts and dresses. You can buy jeans that are not your run of the mill blue jeans. Jeans come in black, brown, green navy blue, purple etc. Jazz it up with a nice shirt (not necessarily a blouse) with some kind of classy design or classy cut to it and you will look a bit different. Sometimes it is not about dressing sexier, but just about changing the clothes routine so it is not always the same old same old.

 

I think this is exactly what it is. Just get a couple of new things and wear them occasionally and it will make a big difference to him I think .. I am personally most comfortable in dresses .. I wear pretty dresses even when at home (and this is the style my H really likes) - BUT every so often I'll wear jeans and a t-shirt - and he goes nuts for it (simply because it's different..)

[Uma]

What suggestions have you made?

 

How about wearing tees? But he won't because he has a lot of scarring on his arms from medical procedures years ago that he's very self conscious about.

 

DN - I'm a stay at home mum, but I used to work and hubby used to like me wearing suits.

 

I do buy new tops - bought a couple of quite nice (and girly) tees. Recently went shopping wiht him for a dress to go to a wedding - I let him lead the way, and pulled a floral long dress, wiht frills off the shelf (so very girly) and i tried it on and showed him it.

 

It was completely the wrong style for me, but I know he wants me to dress more frilly and pink (if that makes sense) but it doesn't really suit me.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I agree with the others that you can find more flattering clothing. It doesn't have to be out of your style range either. CAD talked about how jeans can be extremely dressy and fashionable (and womanly). It's all about finding the correct cut and wash (dark is a pretty great place to start).

 

I would also recommend getting fitted for a sexier kind of bra. A correctly fitting bra can change your entire look.

 

Changing a wardrobe doesn't happen over night. It slowly changes one item purchase at a time. So, while it feels overwhelming, just take it one blouse at a time.