Do ALL dumpers come back during NC?

[Capthxc]

Lose the hope. If you heal towards reconciliation, you're not really healing.

 

I don't think I want my ex back anymore... it's tempting because I'm lonely and she's familiar and I suffer from anxiety about meeting someone new and stuff but.... I don't want someone who could replace me like that, someone who didn't try to work it out, someone who just pushed me away. I realize a lot about her issues and stuff now too, that she has a lot of baggage and personal problems that aren't very common.

 

If my ex ever tried to contact me (I deleted my email address), I would burn the unopened letter, delete the unheard voicemail, etc... I tried to get back together with her but she didn't want to. She just replaced me and thats that. It's time for me to replace her.

Yes yes yes. Exactly how i'm starting to feel. 2 months ago i would have said something entirely different, i would have tried everything in my power to reconcile. But now that i havent contacted her for a while i'm starting to see the light. I'm starting to understand that this was 50/50 and its not all my fault. She had her own faults as much as i did. And while im pretty anxious when it comes to social situations, and on the fence about whether or not i want to be with her again, i've come to accept that i need to replace her just like shes trying to replace me. If i sit here and hope for reconciliation im going to just torture myself day in day out.

[Jd1983]

No, unfortunately they don't always come back.

 

I know how it feels on both sides, and I have to say I never gotten back with anyone that I've broken up with. The same goes for my ex who left me for another girl. Sometimes things happen for a reason.

[brokenhurt]

i was so desperate to get her back for 3 months but today um hating her.i wish to kill her the way she did break-up and the way she changed herself so much she was not the girl i use to talk she was ...... i hope my feeling of hate towards her will be here in my heart forever ,i still miss her but missing someone and wanting someone badly are hell different things.she was just a mean girl who just wanted someone by her side when she was alone now she got her family back she changed.........fcuk off

 

when i remind myself of the last months we had b4 break-up it feels like uhhhhhhhhhhhh what the hell i was doing ? why shouldnot i left her ......but the funny part is as a dumpee you never know you feelings vary day to day lol ...i hope um not going to miss her anytime soon

 

good things about them have a direct relationship with the feelings dumpee have,if you still have feelings for them after the break-up you tend to think all the positive things the had (even if they were very few) but once you are over them,you have no more feelings for them you tend to think all the bull * * * * stuff they had and you ask yourself oh what the hell i was doing with this person?how i overlooked her bad things? and thats what always happens.

 

i strongly believe in "what goes around comes around" so those who are over their exes just have popcorn and wait for the time when they will tatse their own medicine .cheers

[vivia12]

Why hope for the best and not prepare for the worst? Sounds like false hope to me.

 

I never said my ex was 'forgettable', I do cherish the time we spent together, but for her sake and mine, I stopped contacting her completely. Obviously does not mean thoughts of her never cross my mind, because they do.

 

Everyone has their own coping mechanisms, there is no one right way. There is the quick way though.

 

 

Of course you must think of her,isnt that why you see how she's doing on FB? I must say,reading your and other similar comments can put in perspective to Not keep hoping a dumper will contact especially if or when they feel nothing for you. But no situation or person is the same. Theres no one right way to cope. However being positive have always helped me cope and heal more than being negative. If hoping the dumper will contact her will make her feel better,most importantly she should think positive while getting on with her life,thats the key,whats wrong with that?

Reality is most people who post about NC and whether it will work after all the response will have to mull it over for themselves,they will never be satisfied,i wasnt.

IYes theres the the cold reality,no he/she doesnt love you,,you'll never hear from him/her again,though it may or may not be true,keeps the one left behind feeling negative about her or himself. Just as it kept making me miserable. What helped me more is thinking positive,not false hope,that helped me alot more,plus reading stuff such as Abraham Hicks,Deepak Chopra or other inspiring book. The Good Book did say that Faith can move mountains,is that lying. Just my opinion.

[vivia12]

Yes every last one of them will come back. The one on the playground that you threw rocks at. That other one that you passed by when you were six years old and stole your hat and your heart. The whole litany of ex's some of whom we'd rather forget. Sadly they will be back only after you've written them out of your life and then you will wonder what you ever saw in them. And they will only come back when they want something from you - whether it is companionship, idle curiosity, assuaging the conscience, or just raunchy sex. Life is cruel in some ways.

 

 

 

Very True about once you forget about them it peeks their curiosity,i iike the Raunchy $ex comment thing is to turn the tables and just say no,be strong.

[abnyc]

it depends on what you mean. do they all "come back" as in wanting to reconcile? NO.

My ex finance from 3 years ago after 8 months NC "came back" as in he wanted to be friends. He would IM with me and chat me up about movies, etc, the things we used to talk about at length when we were together. At the time I thought we were going towards reconciliation but when we met up he made it clear he was seeing someone else and just wanted to be friends - I was CRUSHED all over again.

 

Now the jerk ex I'm dealing with now is the second time around. He dumped me a year ago and came back after 9 months and wanted a full reconciliation. he made that clear from step one. We gave it another shot but he lost interest and I had to end it this time, which hurt horribly. I'm 21 days NC with no word from him, and at this point i won't sign up for a 3rd time around. End of story.

 

So i agree with the previous posters that said that they all come back for a different reason. Some want to feel like they aren't the bad guy, some are lonely or are missing a component that was good of your relationship with them (basically using you) and some really think they want to try again. And of course, some never return. KEEP MOVING. I am in the same boat, today is an especially bad day for me, I am really down in the dumps. I have a roommate that is one of my good friends that meets guys SO easily. She is always dating and always has men at her feet. I am really lonely and dont know how to shake this all off. So good luck.

[Islandia]

Hehe....Its a nice thought, but my ex is here to prove you wrong

K2* 8)

 

You just haven't given her enough time Kalgan - she might be back several years down the road, or even after you are both dust mixed in the wind. I was being somewhat facetious about the dumper coming back - most of the time when the dumper returns, the dumpee wants nothing to do with them anyway.

[delicous]

I wish he would contact me, its killing me.

[delicous]

The last time we saw eachother it was only to get the rest of my belongings. He had me come inside the house only to

see all the boxes of the other girl he is seeing. He actually is moving her in and it honestly is making me sick. But life does

go on and I know I will be stronger in time. I am so excited to see my therapist tomorrow, too bad his office is so close to

his house..grr...I hate what he did to me. Last time we saw eachother I told him to have a nice life and he said the same.

I don't think he is EVER going to contact me again and the many emails I sent him, I wish I never sent..

[No1]

Im saying this to help you out. NC is for you to heal, it gives you time to heal yourself and gives you room to move forward. NC or limited contact is worthless if all you are going to do is stand still and hope they come back. Maybe someone else can help me with this, but if I broke up with someone and 6months later they are still in the exact same place, I wouldnt go back to them because nothing would have changed. But if I see they are moving on, and going forward and even dating again, then I would probably want to be curious to see why they are so happy. When you smile and you are happy, you are going to attract those kind of people. And curious people will talk to you to see why you are so happy. It explains why when you are taken, everyone hits on you, but when you are single and miserable, no one wants anything to do with you.

I know you are using NC for your X to miss you. NC does make someone miss you, if they want to come back to you, but NC is perfect if you never want to be with them again. You have to find your happiness again, and if you do, you do all you can so you smile again, then youll see, your X will find out and if they still care about you, will probably seek you out again to see why you are happy again. But if you are standing still gathering mold then chances are he wont look twice at you.

Be happy, move forward. Be positive, smile, flirt, regain your esteem. Dont worry about your X coming back or not coming back to you. If he wants to be with you, he will find a way to you again. But dont set yourself up for more hurt. Hope can be a great thing, but it can also be a tremendous and heavy anchor when you are trying to move forward

[delicous]

No1

When you smile and you are happy, you are going to attract those kind of people. And curious people will talk to you to see why you are so happy. It explains why when you are taken, everyone hits on you, but when you are single and miserable, no one wants anything to do with you

 

This is what happens when I drink lots of caffiene, Im always smiling an dhappy and people strike up

conversations with me and I do the same lol...Im single and trying to just deal. Its easier said than done

to smile with your entire inside is shutting down and full of all sourts of thoughts and emotions.

But if this is the case, seek professional help right? Well thats what Im doing ,going to therapy tomorrow

for the 2nd time. Hopefully he doesn't make me talk about my ex because there really isn't anything left

to say...

 

We need to focus on ourself and love ourself before we can make anyone else happy with us!

[No1]

If you are seeking help, you are doing good. And I know what you mean about the X. Sometimes talking about it does more harm than good (if you have talked about it enough) but again, you posted on here and hinted that you kind of want your X to come back and thats why you went to NC. Not for the purpose of healing, but to have your X miss you.

You must decide what you want, then follow thru. If you want to get beyond your X, then you do the things to make you happy. Drink coffee and spark up chats with strangers. Hey you might meet your One by doing it and youll forget your X. But if you want to wait around to see if your X calls and you check your phone every 32 seconds, then you are probably not progressing as fast as you could.

So what is it you want?

[Starrgrl]

They do. It's normally like this, you delete their number, you get on with your life, 1-2-3 months later they text you and you're like 'who the hell?...' then you read the text and it's like =.=" oh you.

 

But it's alittle different this time around bc around the 3rd month (been broken up 3 and half months) I'm still not completely over it. So =( it sucks everytime he contacts me cos I ask myself whether I should talk to him and I can't bring myself to do it even though I would like to.

[Starrgrl]

Wait I just realised sth lol. This is talking about dumpers. I guess it doesn't apply to me then since I was the one that dumped them.

[Lonewing]

NC really is about getting your life back - in the face of a person who has essentially torn down everything you thought you knew. It helps you move on, by removing any fresh material the other person might add to your mental fire. As time increases, your memories and feelings for them hopefully fades, as you put new things in your life. Honestly speaking, if they have dumped you once, andit was as catastrophic as this, you really don' want to see them again. A mutual breakup, where both people agree to move on - no dumper/dumpee, well, that might get back together, but something like this - let's put it this way, they're gonna have to do something huge to express that they made a mistake and they're seriosu about not doing that to you again.

 

Which...well, there's no guarantees here, they're probably going to do it again. So for that reason, NC is great - it shuts a potentially toxic person out of your life.

[lia86]

NC or limited contact is worthless if all you are going to do is stand still and hope they come back.

 

I don't know if it's possible to NOT hope they come back. It's the standing still part that we must avoid at all costs.

[tackles]

Even if they come back it's temporary at best. There is a reason they left you the first time and if they come back it's not as important as a reason as they left you for even if they don't realize it right away. Once they stay with you a bit they then remember why they left the first time and they're gone again leaving you worse off then you were before they came back again.

[Carnatic]

It is common for the dumper to break NC... This is because they've had longer to get over the relationship. The dumper won't have dropped the bomb until they've been thinking it over and decided that ending the relationship is what they want, by this time they've already had a good few weeks, months even to start coming to terms with the break-up, while the dumpee was often taken by surprise. So maybe only a few weeks into NC the dumper is thinking they're maybe at the stage where you can start just being friends.

 

This is what happened to me anyway, and when I posted about it on ENA this was the explanation given by most peeople.

[delicous]

I deleted all of his saved voicemails lastnight. the nights I officially slept at my own apartment

in complete somberness...I cried when I took a nap the first time because it is afterall the bed

we use to sleep on together, then I moved over the pillow to the middle of the bed and zzzz..

didn't dream about him and tried my best not to think of him...itll happen over time, i already know it.

anyone who is reading this.. There is hope, I promise, it will take for some a little time and for others

lots and lots of time. We are going into our 2nd month of being split up and its hurts but not nearly asbad as it

did in the very very begininng..CHEERS TO HOPE!

[Rally]

I believe that they come back when you least expect it. By then you probably moved on and have no desire to talk to them. Weird how things work in this world.

[Chandra]

I believe that they come back when you least expect it. By then you probably moved on and have no desire to talk to them. Weird how things work in this world.

 

I feel like that I have the same concept with new relationships as well. They always come when I'm not really looking, or when I wasn't interested in them at first or just from out of nowhere.

 

Life is full of surprises.